Permanently canceling annual trip

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids? As they get older it is harder to go away due to school and sports. Maybe reduce to one time per year with them (and you can go when ever you want of course)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you invite just their kids? Then Hank and Flo can do their own thing?

Our car isn’t big enough.

Rent a minivan and take the kids. Or invite dh, Hank, and kids for mlk this year and decide from that what you want to do about labor day.

[Anonymous]

If it were me, I'd have my husband discuss the issues directly with Hank. They are childhood friends after all, I think it's appropriate for your husband to sit down with him and let him know the deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I'd have my husband discuss the issues directly with Hank. They are childhood friends after all, I think it's appropriate for your husband to sit down with him and let him know the deal.

Yes, and I'd even go so far as to say, Flo seems really unhappy the last couple of times at the lake house. Her screaming is scaring the kids. We don't feel comfortable having her there anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, I'd have my husband discuss the issues directly with Hank. They are childhood friends after all, I think it's appropriate for your husband to sit down with him and let him know the deal.

Yes, and I'd even go so far as to say, Flo seems really unhappy the last couple of times at the lake house. Her screaming is scaring the kids. We don't feel comfortable having her there anymore.

Yeah, everyone tiptoeing around this is silly. She's behaving horribly, and it's scaring and upsetting your kids, it's insulting to you, and it's beyond rude.

[Anonymous]

If Flo reads DCUM, you are all set. You will not hear from them again.

[Anonymous]

When does she go to Italy? Invite Hank and the kids for a weekend then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If Flo reads DCUM, you are all set. You will not hear from them again.

I know. I didn’t change many details and am now kicking myself.

[Anonymous]

Those poor kids. I can only imagine the egg shells they must walk on every day at home.

I do believe this task falls on your husband to tell his friend that Flo is ruining the vacations. Then the job falls on Hank to decide the logistics of future vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If Flo reads DCUM, you are all set. You will not hear from them again.

I know. I didn’t change many details and am now kicking myself.

Maybe that’s a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If Flo reads DCUM, you are all set. You will not hear from them again.

I know. I didn’t change many details and am now kicking myself.

Me again- I’m just pretty mad to have to think about this. I just want to have fun with friends and watch my kids have fun, but I was so mad after Labor Day and am STILL mad about it. I shouldn’t have to feel nervous about making breakfast in my own damn house.

I’m wondering if the advice above isn’t the best advice. Maybe confront her about it, let her fight me in my own house for not following her many many nonsense rules, and I’m sure Hank will not ask again about our joint vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those poor kids. I can only imagine the egg shells they must walk on every day at home.

I do believe this task falls on your husband to tell his friend that Flo is ruining the vacations. Then the job falls on Hank to decide the logistics of future vacations.

I’m telling you- one of the kids was flipping out over accidentally staining her top. She asked me for help!

[Anonymous]

I’m torn because OP and her family offer up a good example for Hank and Flo’s kids.

I’m reminded of that scene in Mad Men when Megan is taking care of Don’s kids in California and they spill a milkshake at the table. They’ve all spent so much time with Betty that they’re braced for a huge abusive outburst and Megan is just like “hey here are some napkins, I’ll clean this up.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If Flo reads DCUM, you are all set. You will not hear from them again.

I know. I didn’t change many details and am now kicking myself.

Me again- I’m just pretty mad to have to think about this. I just want to have fun with friends and watch my kids have fun, but I was so mad after Labor Day and am STILL mad about it. I shouldn’t have to feel nervous about making breakfast in my own damn house.

I’m wondering if the advice above isn’t the best advice. Maybe confront her about it, let her fight me in my own house for not following her many many nonsense rules, and I’m sure Hank will not ask again about our joint vacations.

Well, yeah, if you're still mad about it, then use that energy to confront her rather than feeling intimidated by her. But if you don't want to wait that long to confront her, just be frank with Hank.

Make it a mantra: be frank with Hank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks so much for the ideas. I guess I could manufacture a reason why wives couldn’t attend except I realllllllly like going out there.

I showed my husband the thread and he said I forgot to mention that Hank has said on many occasions that his wife’s solo trips to Italy were the reason they could stay married. Hank takes numerous boys trips throughout the year as well.

Husband also says Hank is drinking a lot more than he used to. Wonders if that might be the source of Flo’s rages- although she sure drinks a lot too.

Cut Flo off, not Hank.

If your husband has been friends with Hank since childhood then hopefully they have a sold enough friendship to have a open and honest discussion. I think your husband should come from a place of compassion and what can he do to help, BUT also with honesty that your family simply isn't comfortable with the dynamic that Flo brings to the trips.

And I think you need to find your voice and stand up, where appropriate, to Flo. She's mad that breakfast is being made at 9am? She gets pulled outside to be told to lower her voice and everyone else is hungry. Huge, elaborate meals you have to clean up? Nope. Either make a meal schedule or be direct that you don't want to spend your down time in the kitchen. That is, if you still continue to see her. Frankly, my goal would be to make her miserable enough that she stays at home but Hank and the kids still come.

TL : DR - I'd figure out how to support and still see Hank and his kids without Flo.

I don't agree that you should make a big announcement or tell Hank he and his family can't come NEXT summer