Do you consider flirting cheating?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating a guy who is outgoing and gregarious and flirty. Two interactions lately:

He is from another country. We pull into a parking garage we reserved online and the attendant asks him for his number. He laughs and replies, "Oh! You want my number?" a couple times and I laughed. The woman said, "As long as she is laughing...." Then I said, jokingly "Let her do her job and quit harassing her.." He said, "She's one of my people! Are you from xxxxxx?" I wasn't offended by this.

In another case, we were going into a club and a gorgeous woman was let in w/out an ID check and he said, "Oh! I am with her!*" This one didn't sit right with me.

*That is how I actually met another guy I dated; he pretended he was in line with me to get in faster So maybe that is why it bothered me.

He sounds like a pain in the butt.

The kind with a wandering eye who is going to think about cheating when the going gets rough. Just spare yourself the hassle and find someone a little less attention seeking.

+1

There are many reasons to dump somebody besides cheating. He sounds really disrespectful. Perhaps it’s cultural but there are a LOT of cultures where this wouldn’t be okay, and people use culture as an excuse to be an ass all the time. Don’t wast your time with a guy who pretends not to know why what he’s doing is offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheating---no.

Disrespectful---yes.

Yup

+2

Though I will say everyone thinks my normal mode of interaction is flirtatious and I’m glad DH never gives me grief about it because I don’t know how to act any other way.

Lol seriously you don’t know how to talk to another man in a respectful polite way that is not flirtatious?

Well people are bringing up different definitions of flirting, which matters. I think it’s ridiculous that anybody would consider what I’m doing “flirting.” I smile, ask questions, laugh at jokes, just normal stuff. Its not like I’m entering somebody’s personal space and holding eye contact and making innuendos while I have my hand on their arms.

But yeah I don’t know how to act otherwise. When I’m interacting I’m focusing on listening to somebody and responding to them. I can act really differently during a public speech or something but that’s because I’ve done enough prep that I can focus on my mannerisms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think flirting is nice and fun, but with the knowledge it’s just flirting. If someone is flirting with the idea it will lead somewhere….then that is a different story.

Good point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I consider it disrespectful and downright angering to experience when you are the spouse that has to deal with it. I think those who engage are being disrespectful. However, I’ve noticed DCUM doesn’t care in general with flirtation. Me, It’s not cheating but it’s inappropriate. Yes, you are married and not dead but you are married to 1 woman and need to focus your attention on her and making her feel comfortable. But this is just my humble opinion.

I don’t think we’re talking about flirting with someone else in front of your spouse, are we?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s cheating. Just from my experience with the men I’ve dated, flirting in person leads to flirting via text. Which then escalates quickly because it’s available 24/7 and people tend to push boundaries more when texting.

I saw this happen with a couple of my boyfriends when I was younger. So I don’t flirt, and I’d be very angry with H if he did. He’s pretty introverted, and we flirt a ton with each other, so I’d be surprised if he did.

How does someone flirt with you by text if you don’t give them your number? Seems like that would mean you crossed a boundary, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I consider it disrespectful and downright angering to experience when you are the spouse that has to deal with it. I think those who engage are being disrespectful. However, I’ve noticed DCUM doesn’t care in general with flirtation. Me, It’s not cheating but it’s inappropriate. Yes, you are married and not dead but you are married to 1 woman and need to focus your attention on her and making her feel comfortable. But this is just my humble opinion.

I don’t think we’re talking about flirting with someone else in front of your spouse, are we?

That is actually what the OP was talking about, so I'd say we are talking about both situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I consider it disrespectful and downright angering to experience when you are the spouse that has to deal with it. I think those who engage are being disrespectful. However, I’ve noticed DCUM doesn’t care in general with flirtation. Me, It’s not cheating but it’s inappropriate. Yes, you are married and not dead but you are married to 1 woman and need to focus your attention on her and making her feel comfortable. But this is just my humble opinion.

I don’t think we’re talking about flirting with someone else in front of your spouse, are we?

That is actually what the OP was talking about, so I'd say we are talking about both situations.

This is OP- the woman with the boyfriend wasn't me. My question was just about flirting with strangers in bars/clubs, away from your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the concept of flirting is too subjective to call it cheating or disrespectful. I smile a lot. I’ve literally been told I was flirting with someone because I smiled. We didn’t even speak, and I smiled at everyone. If it’s smiling and banter, who cares? It’s not the 19th century. But then again I’ve been known to show my ankles, so I guess I’m a fast woman. Touching, dirty jokes with too much innuendo… that’s probably where the line is for us. Making out definitely crosses a line and is way too flirty.

.making out isn't flirting. What the hell?

I do agree that some people turn any friendly interaction into an accusation of cheating and flirting.

I do think most people can tell though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating a guy who is outgoing and gregarious and flirty. Two interactions lately:

He is from another country. We pull into a parking garage we reserved online and the attendant asks him for his number. He laughs and replies, "Oh! You want my number?" a couple times and I laughed. The woman said, "As long as she is laughing...." Then I said, jokingly "Let her do her job and quit harassing her.." He said, "She's one of my people! Are you from xxxxxx?" I wasn't offended by this.

In another case, we were going into a club and a gorgeous woman was let in w/out an ID check and he said, "Oh! I am with her!*" This one didn't sit right with me.

*That is how I actually met another guy I dated; he pretended he was in line with me to get in faster So maybe that is why it bothered me.

Are you the OP? In your second example, I don't understand -- was he gonna leave you outside in line??

Not OP. He wouldn’t have left me in line. I don’t think. But it seemed disrespectful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cheating---no.

Disrespectful---yes.

Yup

+2

Though I will say everyone thinks my normal mode of interaction is flirtatious and I’m glad DH never gives me grief about it because I don’t know how to act any other way.

Lol seriously you don’t know how to talk to another man in a respectful polite way that is not flirtatious?

Well people are bringing up different definitions of flirting, which matters. I think it’s ridiculous that anybody would consider what I’m doing “flirting.” I smile, ask questions, laugh at jokes, just normal stuff. Its not like I’m entering somebody’s personal space and holding eye contact and making innuendos while I have my hand on their arms.

But yeah I don’t know how to act otherwise. When I’m interacting I’m focusing on listening to somebody and responding to them. I can act really differently during a public speech or something but that’s because I’ve done enough prep that I can focus on my mannerisms.

NP here. I guess the tell for me is do you behave the way with the sex you aren't attracted to. In your case women. If your actions are the same then no
But some women really only know how to act around men by being flirtatious and vice versa

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I consider it disrespectful and downright angering to experience when you are the spouse that has to deal with it. I think those who engage are being disrespectful. However, I’ve noticed DCUM doesn’t care in general with flirtation. Me, It’s not cheating but it’s inappropriate. Yes, you are married and not dead but you are married to 1 woman and need to focus your attention on her and making her feel comfortable. But this is just my humble opinion.

I don’t think we’re talking about flirting with someone else in front of your spouse, are we?

That is actually what the OP was talking about, so I'd say we are talking about both situations.

This is OP- the woman with the boyfriend wasn't me. My question was just about flirting with strangers in bars/clubs, away from your spouse.

NP here. I guess my question is why?
Most people go to bars and flirt to pick up someone to sleep with or maybe even date

So why as a committed person are you giving the impression you're available to do these things?

In my view you're doing it because you're a jerk who is actually open to cheating.
Or your a selfish attention seeking person playing on someone else's feelings to get an ego boost

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dating a guy who is outgoing and gregarious and flirty. Two interactions lately:

He is from another country. We pull into a parking garage we reserved online and the attendant asks him for his number. He laughs and replies, "Oh! You want my number?" a couple times and I laughed. The woman said, "As long as she is laughing...." Then I said, jokingly "Let her do her job and quit harassing her.." He said, "She's one of my people! Are you from xxxxxx?" I wasn't offended by this.

In another case, we were going into a club and a gorgeous woman was let in w/out an ID check and he said, "Oh! I am with her!*" This one didn't sit right with me.

*That is how I actually met another guy I dated; he pretended he was in line with me to get in faster So maybe that is why it bothered me.

He sounds like a pain in the butt.

The kind with a wandering eye who is going to think about cheating when the going gets rough. Just spare yourself the hassle and find someone a little less attention seeking.

+1

There are many reasons to dump somebody besides cheating. He sounds really disrespectful. Perhaps it’s cultural but there are a LOT of cultures where this wouldn’t be okay, and people use culture as an excuse to be an ass all the time. Don’t wast your time with a guy who pretends not to know why what he’s doing is offensive.

Yeah. I brought it up later and he denied saying it, and said I misheard it. So he’s not going to be around much longer.

[Anonymous]

Not OP but I also want to note the perception of the behavior, if you are laughing, giggling and bantering with a guy...that is going to be perceived by others and myself as flirting.

Whether it is innocent, light flirting or not.

I think the perception adds to this consideration.

I know some of you guys and girls are doing it as "innocent" and in your heart it's not the type of communication to lead to more while you are in "the act" but the perception shows something different if that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I consider it disrespectful and downright angering to experience when you are the spouse that has to deal with it. I think those who engage are being disrespectful. However, I’ve noticed DCUM doesn’t care in general with flirtation. Me, It’s not cheating but it’s inappropriate. Yes, you are married and not dead but you are married to 1 woman and need to focus your attention on her and making her feel comfortable. But this is just my humble opinion.

I don’t think we’re talking about flirting with someone else in front of your spouse, are we?

That is actually what the OP was talking about, so I'd say we are talking about both situations.

This is OP- the woman with the boyfriend wasn't me. My question was just about flirting with strangers in bars/clubs, away from your spouse.

NP here. I guess my question is why?
Most people go to bars and flirt to pick up someone to sleep with or maybe even date

So why as a committed person are you giving the impression you're available to do these things?

In my view you're doing it because you're a jerk who is actually open to cheating.
Or your a selfish attention seeking person playing on someone else's feelings to get an ego boost

I don’t see anything in the OP saying he or she goes to bars to intentionally flirt?

I’ve been married a really long time. If I’m in a bar or restaurant without my spouse and someone flirts or banters with me I may banter back a little bit. Im usually with a friend or friends and I wear a wedding ring so it’s kind of obvious I’m not in the market for sex. This is not a threat to my spouse or marriage. If the shoe is on the other foot, that’s okay too. If one of us has a lighthearted or flirtatious interaction and it carries over into feeling confident about our looks or attractiveness, that in turn carries over into our sex life. This is a good thing.

I’ve noticed that some women in particular take light flirting very seriously, and they sometimes think it means more than it does. If you’re secure in your partnership, it doesn’t mean anything, IME.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP but I also want to note the perception of the behavior, if you are laughing, giggling and bantering with a guy...that is going to be perceived by others and myself as flirting.

Whether it is innocent, light flirting or not.

I think the perception adds to this consideration.

I know some of you guys and girls are doing it as "innocent" and in your heart it's not the type of communication to lead to more while you are in "the act" but the perception shows something different if that makes sense.

I'm one of the PPs whose standard mode of interacting is apparently flirtations and I don't care about this. If somebody thinks I'm flirting with them, what's it to me? I'm not going to try to modify by behavior with all men just in case somebody thinks I'm flirting. If I did get the sense that somebody was interested in more, I would just mention that I'm married (and back in the day when I dated, I just declined to go on dates with people I wasn't interested in).