Etiquettes- guests coming empty handed to dinner is this okay?

[Anonymous]

I think its bizarre you expect something. I'll usually bring flowers or something but if I have to pay a price of admission, I'd rather go to a restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s very rude to not take something, like a bottle of wine or a plant, or chocolate…some people on here seem to have been raised by wolves!

Agreed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very rude to not take something, like a bottle of wine or a plant, or chocolate…some people on here seem to have been raised by wolves!

Agreed![/quote


After reading the responses it seems there are quite a few folks who think it's okay to go empty-handed!!! Boggles my mind!

I am with you, I would always show my thanks by bringing something as a thank you.

[Anonymous]

I think it's polite to ask whether you can bring anything. If the host says no, then I generally heed their wishes. That said I felt awkward when I hosted guests a few weeks ago and I told them not to bring anything (when they asked) but everyone showed up with wine, chocolates, etc. It made me wonder if people who said 'don't bring anything' actually expect me to bring something and thought it was rude that I did not...

[Anonymous]

I would prefer you not bring random stuff to my house as a hostess gift. If you ask if you can bring something you will be assigned a dessert or a side or whatever, but otherwise nothing is expected.

Asking for leftovers is weird. If they are offered, not weird.

[Anonymous]

I wonder what's worse-- them not bringing something, or you judging them so harshly for it that you won't invite them over again? 🤔

If you don't invite people over out of the goodness of your heart, and can't forgive / assume the best (for whatever reason, they weren't able to do it) of someone who didn't manage a hostess gift, you should not be hosting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's polite to ask whether you can bring anything. If the host says no, then I generally heed their wishes. That said I felt awkward when I hosted guests a few weeks ago and I told them not to bring anything (when they asked) but everyone showed up with wine, chocolates, etc. It made me wonder if people who said 'don't bring anything' actually expect me to bring something and thought it was rude that I did not...

Yeah, I honestly really don’t want to end up with a bunch of random bottles of wine and boxes of chocolates at the end of the night. Just come and be my guest for a night. Then, if you want, send a nice thank you note afterwards, or better yet, invite me to your place.

[Anonymous]

I don't bring something to serve with the meal (unless it's a potluck) but I always bring a hostess gift - nice chocolates or fancy olive oil, teas, etc. (something consumable). I don't think it's good manners to show up empty-handed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder what's worse-- them not bringing something, or you judging them so harshly for it that you won't invite them over again? 🤔

If you don't invite people over out of the goodness of your heart, and can't forgive / assume the best (for whatever reason, they weren't able to do it) of someone who didn't manage a hostess gift, you should not be hosting.

+1 A truly gracious host expects nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you offer the leftovers or did they ask for it.

They asked for it

Hahaha, I don’t care at all about hostess gifts or not but *this* I find rude.

Exactly. The hostess gift is not even a blip but asking for leftovers is beyond rude.

Beyond.

[Anonymous]

The way I was raised, it is standard to bring a gift that is not expected to be part of the meal, even if you ask what you can bring to be part of the meal, and are told “nothing”. What that means is the hosts doesn’t need an extra dish on the table, not that you shouldn’t thank them for inviting you.

That said:

it’s also perfectly ok to do the thank you gift AFTER the event (say drop off flowers the next day), and

the etiquette rules are more casual with people we are closer with, and see more often. If I happen to be in my best friends neighborhood and they say to stop by for lunch or a drink I’ll do so, even if I don’t have anything with me, but I might bring two bottles of wine, or wine and flowers, another night when I’m invited for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did they ask? I always ask and if the host says they don’t want me to bring anything I don’t. As a host, I hate when people bring a dessert or wine that clashes with the meal I’veplanned but I feel honorbound to serve nonetheless. (I don’t get annoyed at people who do this, to be clear, I’m just frustrated by the situation/silly social conventions that messed up my plans.)

If someone brings wine that doesn't fit with my menu, I don't feel obligated to serve it. Nothing wrong with saving it for another occasion. Dessert, who cares? The more, the merrier.

Wine is the best thing to bring. Does not go bad. Can be enjoyed whenever. I get flustered by flowers that are not in a vase. I feel obligated to get them into a vase right when I should be getting people beverages, etc.

[Anonymous]

I don't expect anything. If someone asks if they can bring something I normally assign them something like dessert or a side dish. I really don't like it when people bring wine or other stuff I don't want. It's just clutter and I chances are I end up giving it away on my neighborhood buy nothing group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The way I was raised, it is standard to bring a gift that is not expected to be part of the meal, even if you ask what you can bring to be part of the meal, and are told “nothing”. What that means is the hosts doesn’t need an extra dish on the table, not that you shouldn’t thank them for inviting you.

That said:

it’s also perfectly ok to do the thank you gift AFTER the event (say drop off flowers the next day), and

the etiquette rules are more casual with people we are closer with, and see more often. If I happen to be in my best friends neighborhood and they say to stop by for lunch or a drink I’ll do so, even if I don’t have anything with me, but I might bring two bottles of wine, or wine and flowers, another night when I’m invited for dinner.

Please thank me verbally, with a note, or by inviting me to your house in return. I do not want physical gifts.

[Anonymous]

We entertain often and most people bring something but I certainly don't keep track and it's not expected. I find it happens more often when we have big events (like a holiday party). I was always taught that people reciprocate rather than bring gifts. But that doesn't always happen so the hostess gift was born to reduce the need to reciprocate.

I am honestly not a big fan of hostess gifts. It's often food we don't eat, or wine that isn't very good, or some trinket we don't need. I think there are some hostess gifts that just go into rotation - probably show up at 4 houses before someone finally stops the chain.