My kid just told me he 'settled' for his choice

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. We all have hopes and dreams, and it takes real work to be content with what we end up with in life. I hope he'll have a wonderful time there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He got waitlisted at his top choice, (which was not a reach for him, but also not a safety) but he's been picturing himself there since he was little (DH went there) and I think not getting in has really tilted him. He has committed at another school that I do think will be a good fit for him, but he is not excited to go - and I didn't realize how much until a talk I had with him this morning. He does not want any gear, does not want us to officially announce his decision, is dragging himself throught he enrollment steps. I think he is still holding out hope of getting off the waitlist. I'm hopeful once the waitlist date passes he'll be more engaged, and I do fully recognize disappointment is part of life so this is not a bad lesson to learn, it's just a little hard to watch, especially since this is such an emotional time anyway. I'm not looking for advice, really, just needed to share my thoughts with folks at a similar time of life.

Tell him to kill the grades at the school and then transfer. I know someone who has a pretty mediocre HS kid. Kid as "fine" but not exceptional. Did not get into UVA. Went to another school and absolutely slayed classes and activities. That kid is transferring to UVA (confirmed).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement mindset today is mind blowing.

Disappointment is not the same thing as entitlement. It is healthy to express normal, human emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here, with a junior, and just want to say hang in there! I can imagine it would feel hard as a parent and appreciate you taking to an anonymous online forum too vent. With how hard college admissions seem, I imagine my kid won't get their first choice either. It feels inevitable. I also have to laugh that lids are both expected to not get their hearts set on an outcome but also pushed to ED with a very thoughtful reason as to why a school is a best choice... but I digress.

While some posts are unhelpful, lots of good advice on staying positive, hoping for good orientation, and even transferring if necessary. He is lucky at the end of the day bc he has a parent who clearly cares a lot about him.

OP here. Thank you, and I really appreciate the kind words. I feel like you got me. You win my favorite person today award

PP here, I read your original post, and felt the same way. Anyway, thanks for the kindness back -- the internet is a wild place and it feels good to know people like you still take time to be kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement mindset today is mind blowing.

Yes, but it was also unreasonable and unfair of the parents to be pushing this school from what sounds like childhood. This is why you don't start talking about specific colleges with your middle schoolers and early high schoolers, folks.

+1

And don't talk up your alma mater. Your child is not you.

x1000000

[Anonymous]

OP
my kid has the same disappointment. Worse because the safety is our state flagship which is just a few minutes from home. He recognizes that the academics are strong, but wants to go to another part of the country for school, to get away from home. I felt the same way at his age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement mindset today is mind blowing.

No one is saying entitlement. No one. Please take this argument back to College Confidential or politics here. There are upset parents here. But no one thinks they are entitled to these slots. My DS, too, was WL at Princeton and never got it. It hurts. And yes he had the stats to get in and had legacy status. Be kind. Take your harsh, unknowing judgment elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

I agree with advice to be a listening ear.

More practically though life’s choices keep unfolding. There is transferring and grad school in the future if this place is meant for him.

[Anonymous]

if he wants it that much he can go someplace else then transfer but you guys created this by not understanding the process and realizing most kids don't get into their top choice.

[Anonymous]

People on here always say to transfer. Yes, it is pretty easy to transfer into UVA, UNC, Northwestern or Vanderbilt, etc. However, transferring schools has a lot of issues too. Students can struggle to make friends and connect socially. Friend groups are established freshman year. I think transferring is a horrible idea unless your kid is absolutely miserable at the first school. Many kids do it for the prestige and ranking of the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People on here always say to transfer. Yes, it is pretty easy to transfer into UVA, UNC, Northwestern or Vanderbilt, etc. However, transferring schools has a lot of issues too. Students can struggle to make friends and connect socially. Friend groups are established freshman year. I think transferring is a horrible idea unless your kid is absolutely miserable at the first school. Many kids do it for the prestige and ranking of the school.

Um, no, it isn't (not to those schools at least). Do you REALLY think that any Virginia kid who goes to, say, JMU or VCU freshman year and gets a 3.8 or above just walks into UVA as a transfer? Hardly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People on here always say to transfer. Yes, it is pretty easy to transfer into UVA, UNC, Northwestern or Vanderbilt, etc. However, transferring schools has a lot of issues too. Students can struggle to make friends and connect socially. Friend groups are established freshman year. I think transferring is a horrible idea unless your kid is absolutely miserable at the first school. Many kids do it for the prestige and ranking of the school.

I don’t understand this advice. I transferred twice. I never felt out of place because I never wanted to rush and made friends at work. If you transfer, get involved in some way and you’ll make friends.

[Anonymous]

Op, I could have written your post - exact same situation, right down to DC still hoping to come off a waitlist that will likely never happen (financially speaking, the waitlist is a much more expensive school though we could make it work). DC is going to a "safety" public school, but will be in the honors college and so we've reminded DC that there was a reward to their hard work, i.e., priority course registration, priority housing, additional mentor advising, etc. We are hoping DC becomes more excited once they are on campus and so for now we are being positive and encouraging and above all listening and not gaslighting.

I also think social media does a number on these kids. DC knows exactly where every classmate is headed and so questions why so and so classmate got into a school that they weren't accepted to, or why didn't they think to apply to that school, or countless other thoughts. All pretty normal, IMO, and not much different than people our age wondering why we didn't get the job interview or that promotion and someone else did. Anyway, it can really take the joy out of things if DC loses perspective on what they've accomplished.

Ultimately, I wish DC could talk to their 10-year future self who would say it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme where you went, it's about what you did while you were there (and please, I don't need people saying it does matter if it was to an Ivy, Top 20 school, blah blah blah).

[Anonymous]

I didn't want any college gear either. I just wasn't that type of kid. I had one t-shirt that I wore to sleep. Maybe he can transfer after a year to his dream school. Tell him you recognize it stinks when you don't get in where you've wanted for so long. Let that be one full conversations. Then in another conversation another day, point out he should make the best of things - that this might not be his dream but it's the dream for other kids and while he's there to make it as good as he possibly can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People on here always say to transfer. Yes, it is pretty easy to transfer into UVA, UNC, Northwestern or Vanderbilt, etc. However, transferring schools has a lot of issues too. Students can struggle to make friends and connect socially. Friend groups are established freshman year. I think transferring is a horrible idea unless your kid is absolutely miserable at the first school. Many kids do it for the prestige and ranking of the school.

Um, no, it isn't (not to those schools at least). Do you REALLY think that any Virginia kid who goes to, say, JMU or VCU freshman year and gets a 3.8 or above just walks into UVA as a transfer? Hardly.

More than likely, yes.

From UVA's own website:

--Nearly half of the 600 transfer students who enroll in the fall started their higher education in the Virginia Community College System.
--We tend to admit 35-40% of the transfer applicants who apply to start at UVA in the fall.

The average college GPA for an admitted transfer student is 3.5. Students aren't admitted just based on a GPA, though. Having the proper courses on your transcript is important.

Transfer candidates must be in good standing, both academically and socially, at the institution or institutions they have attended. Successful applicants ordinarily will have earned a cumulative grade point average of B or better at their previous colleges; they also will have completed, or come close to completing, the specific transfer requirements for the school and program they wish to enter.