My kid just told me he 'settled' for his choice

[Anonymous]

As someone who experienced this years ago myself, I am a stronger and more resilient person than my husband is because he never experienced rejection and severe disappointment and the hard truth that this happens to everyone at some point until he was 40!
Seriously, I am so much stronger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement mindset today is mind blowing.

Yes, but it was also unreasonable and unfair of the parents to be pushing this school from what sounds like childhood. This is why you don't start talking about specific colleges with your middle schoolers and early high schoolers, folks.

OP here. We actually were not pushing this school (were actually hopoing he would make a different choice) but since DH went there, and still has good frineds he made there we still spend time with, my son has had a positive association with it. Layer on the fact several of his older friends from sports teams are current students and he just felt it was his place.

OP again, and I should have mentioned that they also have a great program for what he wants to study. He was able to attend a class and visit with current students when we went for a tour last year which he loved.

OP; it sounds like you also wish your son were going to this school. You need to back down from your clear preference of this school . Your son didn’t get in. Done. Don’t focus on transferring there after a year like some have suggested- pekple will have their friend groups already and it will be a hard adjustment. Plus, he will be feeling like one foot is out the door his whole freshman year at the college who WANTS him. He needs to focus on the college that WANTS him. The other college doesn’t want him. He needs to treat it like a breakup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid didn’t “settle” since he didn’t have a better option. If he carries this sorry attitude into the fall semester he won’t succeed.

He actually did have other options, just not the one that he wanted. It's okay to feel that way. All the people on here saying kid is not allowed to feel his feels. We all get disappointed sometimes and that's okay.

OP’s son has to decide if he wants to have a healthy and constructive relationship with the things in his life that he can’t control. It sounds like he is heading down a path where he will not only be at a college he thinks is “beneath him”, but he will also have a 2.9 GPA in January.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignor all the a$$hole posts OP. I feel for you. This sucks and it’s really difficult to be in that position as a parent. Two things - 1. can you work the WL hard? Have your DH call every alum with any pull he knows to email in your kids behalf and have his school counselor call and email too. 2. Remind him he can transfer (to most other colleges). One year in a college he isn’t excited about will either change his mind or inspire him to work his butt of to get out.

I’m naive. Please tell me the bolded isn’t actually something people do.

What? Are you really that clueless?. Yes, it is how it’s done. 100%. If your kid gets waitlisted at a school they really want and not happy with choices, and you or your friends have the connections, that’s what you do. If you go to a top private, that’s what the schools does too, sometimes asking other connected parents or alums to help. Getting your kid into the best college is a deadly serious endeavor for some people and they use every tool at their disposal. This is common at a certain level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid didn’t “settle” since he didn’t have a better option. If he carries this sorry attitude into the fall semester he won’t succeed.

He actually did have other options, just not the one that he wanted. It's okay to feel that way. All the people on here saying kid is not allowed to feel his feels. We all get disappointed sometimes and that's okay.

OP’s son has to decide if he wants to have a healthy and constructive relationship with the things in his life that he can’t control. It sounds like he is heading down a path where he will not only be at a college he thinks is “beneath him”, but he will also have a 2.9 GPA in January.

Oh shut it you troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignor all the a$$hole posts OP. I feel for you. This sucks and it’s really difficult to be in that position as a parent. Two things - 1. can you work the WL hard? Have your DH call every alum with any pull he knows to email in your kids behalf and have his school counselor call and email too. 2. Remind him he can transfer (to most other colleges). One year in a college he isn’t excited about will either change his mind or inspire him to work his butt of to get out.

I’m naive. Please tell me the bolded isn’t actually something people do.

What? Are you really that clueless?. Yes, it is how it’s done. 100%. If your kid gets waitlisted at a school they really want and not happy with choices, and you or your friends have the connections, that’s what you do. If you go to a top private, that’s what the schools does too, sometimes asking other connected parents or alums to help. Getting your kid into the best college is a deadly serious endeavor for some people and they use every tool at their disposal. This is common at a certain level.

Common or not, it still makes the kid look kind of pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid didn’t “settle” since he didn’t have a better option. If he carries this sorry attitude into the fall semester he won’t succeed.

He actually did have other options, just not the one that he wanted. It's okay to feel that way. All the people on here saying kid is not allowed to feel his feels. We all get disappointed sometimes and that's okay.

OP’s son has to decide if he wants to have a healthy and constructive relationship with the things in his life that he can’t control. It sounds like he is heading down a path where he will not only be at a college he thinks is “beneath him”, but he will also have a 2.9 GPA in January.

Oh shut it you troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement mindset today is mind blowing.

Yes, but it was also unreasonable and unfair of the parents to be pushing this school from what sounds like childhood. This is why you don't start talking about specific colleges with your middle schoolers and early high schoolers, folks.

OP here. We actually were not pushing this school (were actually hopoing he would make a different choice) but since DH went there, and still has good frineds he made there we still spend time with, my son has had a positive association with it. Layer on the fact several of his older friends from sports teams are current students and he just felt it was his place.

OP again, and I should have mentioned that they also have a great program for what he wants to study. He was able to attend a class and visit with current students when we went for a tour last year which he loved.

OP; it sounds like you also wish your son were going to this school. You need to back down from your clear preference of this school . Your son didn’t get in. Done. Don’t focus on transferring there after a year like some have suggested- pekple will have their friend groups already and it will be a hard adjustment. Plus, he will be feeling like one foot is out the door his whole freshman year at the college who WANTS him. He needs to focus on the college that WANTS him. The other college doesn’t want him. He needs to treat it like a breakup.

I'd add that you REALLY don't want to encourage a child to work hard to transfer to a specific school unless you do the research and confirm there's a decent chance she/he would be accepted as a transfer. Some highly rejective schools take very few transfers -- giving a child what could be false hope would just magnify the disappointment and sense of failure if the transfer application isn't accepted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid didn’t “settle” since he didn’t have a better option. If he carries this sorry attitude into the fall semester he won’t succeed.

He actually did have other options, just not the one that he wanted. It's okay to feel that way. All the people on here saying kid is not allowed to feel his feels. We all get disappointed sometimes and that's okay.

OP’s son has to decide if he wants to have a healthy and constructive relationship with the things in his life that he can’t control. It sounds like he is heading down a path where he will not only be at a college he thinks is “beneath him”, but he will also have a 2.9 GPA in January.

Oh shut it you troll.

Not a troll. College is a big deal and his attitude is a major determinant of performance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid didn’t “settle” since he didn’t have a better option. If he carries this sorry attitude into the fall semester he won’t succeed.

He actually did have other options, just not the one that he wanted. It's okay to feel that way. All the people on here saying kid is not allowed to feel his feels. We all get disappointed sometimes and that's okay.

OP’s son has to decide if he wants to have a healthy and constructive relationship with the things in his life that he can’t control. It sounds like he is heading down a path where he will not only be at a college he thinks is “beneath him”, but he will also have a 2.9 GPA in January.

Oh shut it you troll.

Not a troll. College is a big deal and his attitude is a major determinant of performance.

+1. "The school is beneath me" attitude will hurt him big time.

[Anonymous]

Wait until the end of the first year. It's very likely he will have a change of heart. If not, then entertain transferring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who experienced this years ago myself, I am a stronger and more resilient person than my husband is because he never experienced rejection and severe disappointment and the hard truth that this happens to everyone at some point until he was 40!
Seriously, I am so much stronger.

+1

Get t angry---not sad/depressed ..and then fully invested in the other school.

I had a fantastic time, got a great education and have a more successful career than all of my friends that went to more 'prestigious' schools.

Frankly, I think somebody did me a favor. Everyone I met from University "X" has been a major douche. I also thrived in the larger environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignor all the a$$hole posts OP. I feel for you. This sucks and it’s really difficult to be in that position as a parent. Two things - 1. can you work the WL hard? Have your DH call every alum with any pull he knows to email in your kids behalf and have his school counselor call and email too. 2. Remind him he can transfer (to most other colleges). One year in a college he isn’t excited about will either change his mind or inspire him to work his butt of to get out.

I’m naive. Please tell me the bolded isn’t actually something people do.

What? Are you really that clueless?. Yes, it is how it’s done. 100%. If your kid gets waitlisted at a school they really want and not happy with choices, and you or your friends have the connections, that’s what you do. If you go to a top private, that’s what the schools does too, sometimes asking other connected parents or alums to help. Getting your kid into the best college is a deadly serious endeavor for some people and they use every tool at their disposal. This is common at a certain level.

Common or not, it still makes the kid look kind of pathetic.

Ha ha ha. No. It doesn’t. When a school has a less that 15% acceptance rate it happens to even the absolute top students. Nothing pathetic about using connections. Not having connections to use is far more pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He got waitlisted at his top choice, (which was not a reach for him, but also not a safety) but he's been picturing himself there since he was little (DH went there) and I think not getting in has really tilted him. He has committed at another school that I do think will be a good fit for him, but he is not excited to go - and I didn't realize how much until a talk I had with him this morning. He does not want any gear, does not want us to officially announce his decision, is dragging himself throught he enrollment steps. I think he is still holding out hope of getting off the waitlist. I'm hopeful once the waitlist date passes he'll be more engaged, and I do fully recognize disappointment is part of life so this is not a bad lesson to learn, it's just a little hard to watch, especially since this is such an emotional time anyway. I'm not looking for advice, really, just needed to share my thoughts with folks at a similar time of life.

So you need to sit your kid down and be blunt - are you still the same person you were as a little kid? do you really think things never change? people never change? you won't change? do you understand that college isn't a "dream"? It's school. you go to class. you hang out with friends. rinse and repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignor all the a$$hole posts OP. I feel for you. This sucks and it’s really difficult to be in that position as a parent. Two things - 1. can you work the WL hard? Have your DH call every alum with any pull he knows to email in your kids behalf and have his school counselor call and email too. 2. Remind him he can transfer (to most other colleges). One year in a college he isn’t excited about will either change his mind or inspire him to work his butt of to get out.

I’m naive. Please tell me the bolded isn’t actually something people do.

What? Are you really that clueless?. Yes, it is how it’s done. 100%. If your kid gets waitlisted at a school they really want and not happy with choices, and you or your friends have the connections, that’s what you do. If you go to a top private, that’s what the schools does too, sometimes asking other connected parents or alums to help. Getting your kid into the best college is a deadly serious endeavor for some people and they use every tool at their disposal. This is common at a certain level.

Common or not, it still makes the kid look kind of pathetic.

Ha ha ha. No. It doesn’t. When a school has a less that 15% acceptance rate it happens to even the absolute top students. Nothing pathetic about using connections. Not having connections to use is far more pathetic.

Suit yourself - ain't too proud to beg, I guess. Others would say that a family/student with strong self-esteem and firm sense of identity wouldn't be so desperate and wouldn't care what other people think. ("We HAVE to get Johnny into X or what will our friends at the country club think?")