My kid just told me he 'settled' for his choice

[Anonymous]

He got waitlisted at his top choice, (which was not a reach for him, but also not a safety) but he's been picturing himself there since he was little (DH went there) and I think not getting in has really tilted him. He has committed at another school that I do think will be a good fit for him, but he is not excited to go - and I didn't realize how much until a talk I had with him this morning. He does not want any gear, does not want us to officially announce his decision, is dragging himself throught he enrollment steps. I think he is still holding out hope of getting off the waitlist. I'm hopeful once the waitlist date passes he'll be more engaged, and I do fully recognize disappointment is part of life so this is not a bad lesson to learn, it's just a little hard to watch, especially since this is such an emotional time anyway. I'm not looking for advice, really, just needed to share my thoughts with folks at a similar time of life.

[Anonymous]

Were finances an issue? Was he going to be expected to take out loans in his name to go to the better school? If so, that may explain why he chose the safety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were finances an issue? Was he going to be expected to take out loans in his name to go to the better school? If so, that may explain why he chose the safety.

1. She didn’t say his choice was a safety.
2. He didn’t get in to his top choice. That is why he didn’t choose it.

-NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were finances an issue? Was he going to be expected to take out loans in his name to go to the better school? If so, that may explain why he chose the safety.

NP but he chose the safety because he was WL at his top choice.

OP, my DC went through this too. He was on several WLs. Once he went to the summer orientation for the school he picked he changed his tune and got more excited. Even went to the school store and got all sorts of gear at the end of orientation. Once he got there he had no regrets, and has even said he was glad he didn't go to the first choice. Your job is just to be optimistic about the choice he's made. Hopefully he will get more excited over time.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. I understand.

Also discontent in our home over choice. Even I'm not pleased (because I think another choice DC turned down was better fit). But with realization that loads of students have gone off to good enough colleges rather than their dream ones, and survived, even flourished.

Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Where else is he supposed to go (assuming he’s not applying elsewhere at this point) besides where he got in? WL are a soft rejection.

[Anonymous]

The entitlement mindset today is mind blowing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were finances an issue? Was he going to be expected to take out loans in his name to go to the better school? If so, that may explain why he chose the safety.

Reading is fundamental. Try reading the OP before responding.

OP, I'm sorry. Your kid is disappointed. It's tough, especially with the tie in from his dad having gone there. I think you have just a few things you can do -

1 - maybe it's time for him to write a last minute desperation email to admissions saying how much he really wants to go there, please please please if a waitlist spot opens.
2. You tell him sometimes in life you face disappointments and this sucks, you understand, but it's just the way it is. And let him grieve and not celebrate and over the summer he'll likely get more excited.
3. He explores options of transferring after freshman year. Tell him you'll support it, ask him to research the possibility and work toward transferring. Have him contact admissions and ask what it would take. Most kids seem to settle into their second choice, but if it does' work out, offering him a realistic out might just help him get over the hump of disappointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement mindset today is mind blowing.

Yes, but it was also unreasonable and unfair of the parents to be pushing this school from what sounds like childhood. This is why you don't start talking about specific colleges with your middle schoolers and early high schoolers, folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement mindset today is mind blowing.

It is entitlement to be disappointed that you didn't get something you worked and hoped for? While I agreed entitlement today is mind blowing, I don't think this is an example of entitlement, just a disappointed kid.
-NP

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. Has he done everything he can to recommend himself to WL school? It's kind of like he is on a delayed decision calendar. I think it's ok that he holds out for a bit. Once the waitlist decisions are done, he can celebrate or reconcile and work his way up to celebrating.

Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement mindset today is mind blowing.

It’s the parents perpetuating it. The ranking system is basically designed to make children and young adults who are average either intellectually or in other traits feel inferior about themselves.

[Anonymous]

I would just listen and resist the urge to try and fix it or give him pep talks.

[Anonymous]

School name matters for the careers DCUM types are gunning for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement mindset today is mind blowing.

Yes, but it was also unreasonable and unfair of the parents to be pushing this school from what sounds like childhood. This is why you don't start talking about specific colleges with your middle schoolers and early high schoolers, folks.

What about OP's post suggested they "pushed " this school? Good grief. Have a little compassion for a disappointed kid.