My kid just told me he 'settled' for his choice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement mindset today is mind blowing.

Yes, but it was also unreasonable and unfair of the parents to be pushing this school from what sounds like childhood. This is why you don't start talking about specific colleges with your middle schoolers and early high schoolers, folks.

OP here. We actually were not pushing this school (were actually hopoing he would make a different choice) but since DH went there, and still has good frineds he made there we still spend time with, my son has had a positive association with it. Layer on the fact several of his older friends from sports teams are current students and he just felt it was his place.

[Anonymous]

Was the acceptance rate for your DS target school less than 40%?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were finances an issue? Was he going to be expected to take out loans in his name to go to the better school? If so, that may explain why he chose the safety.

NP but he chose the safety because he was WL at his top choice.

OP, my DC went through this too. He was on several WLs. Once he went to the summer orientation for the school he picked he changed his tune and got more excited. Even went to the school store and got all sorts of gear at the end of orientation. Once he got there he had no regrets, and has even said he was glad he didn't go to the first choice. Your job is just to be optimistic about the choice he's made. Hopefully he will get more excited over time.

+1

My kid was disappointed not to get into his top choices. He reluctantly chose our state flagship. He's now there and loving it. He had season tickets for football last year and had an absolute blast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He got waitlisted at his top choice, (which was not a reach for him, but also not a safety) but he's been picturing himself there since he was little (DH went there) and I think not getting in has really tilted him. He has committed at another school that I do think will be a good fit for him, but he is not excited to go - and I didn't realize how much until a talk I had with him this morning. He does not want any gear, does not want us to officially announce his decision, is dragging himself throught he enrollment steps. I think he is still holding out hope of getting off the waitlist. I'm hopeful once the waitlist date passes he'll be more engaged, and I do fully recognize disappointment is part of life so this is not a bad lesson to learn, it's just a little hard to watch, especially since this is such an emotional time anyway. I'm not looking for advice, really, just needed to share my thoughts with folks at a similar time of life.

welcome to real life

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement mindset today is mind blowing.

It is entitlement to be disappointed that you didn't get something you worked and hoped for? While I agreed entitlement today is mind blowing, I don't think this is an example of entitlement, just a disappointed kid.
-NP

PP thinks everything is entitlement. He’s all over this board with it. I think it’s the biggest word he knows and he squeezes it in anywhere he can.

I’m sorry OP. I understand. I hope it turns out to be a wonderful school for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement mindset today is mind blowing.

Yes, but it was also unreasonable and unfair of the parents to be pushing this school from what sounds like childhood. This is why you don't start talking about specific colleges with your middle schoolers and early high schoolers, folks.

I don't see anywhere that the parents did these things?

[Anonymous]

Life is long, OP. Our son wasn't thrilled with his choice -- also a safety, and wasn't thrilled that summer, and wasn't thrilled for the first half of his freshman year. Then he got involved in some fun on campus activities, found some professors he really liked and went on to have a great experience. He graduated a couple of years ago and now talks about sending his children to this school. He has awesome friends and has done really well professionally. We're Christian and he will tell you that it was clearly God's plan that he attend this school. For someone of a more secular bent, you might even think that the universe has a plan or some such thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement mindset today is mind blowing.

Yes, but it was also unreasonable and unfair of the parents to be pushing this school from what sounds like childhood. This is why you don't start talking about specific colleges with your middle schoolers and early high schoolers, folks.

OP here. We actually were not pushing this school (were actually hopoing he would make a different choice) but since DH went there, and still has good frineds he made there we still spend time with, my son has had a positive association with it. Layer on the fact several of his older friends from sports teams are current students and he just felt it was his place.

OP again, and I should have mentioned that they also have a great program for what he wants to study. He was able to attend a class and visit with current students when we went for a tour last year which he loved.

[Anonymous]

My sister and I both got waitlisted and ended up going to ur not top choices. She was unenthusiastic and stupidly did stuff like not turn in her housing and class questionaarres on time. She got stuck with terrible housing and only one class when she got to school. I learned from this and made sure I got all the forms in on time even though I was hoping to get off the waitlist. Make sure he still turns things in on time so he does t wind up in a bad dorm with no classes.

[Anonymous]

He can always transfer, OP.

Two of my son's friends went to schools that were not their first choice after not getting off the waitlist at them. They have done well this first year of college and both were accepted for Fall 2022 at their #1 schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement mindset today is mind blowing.

Yes, but it was also unreasonable and unfair of the parents to be pushing this school from what sounds like childhood. This is why you don't start talking about specific colleges with your middle schoolers and early high schoolers, folks.

+1

And don't talk up your alma mater. Your child is not you.

[Anonymous]

NP here, with a junior, and just want to say hang in there! I can imagine it would feel hard as a parent and appreciate you taking to an anonymous online forum too vent. With how hard college admissions seem, I imagine my kid won't get their first choice either. It feels inevitable. I also have to laugh that lids are both expected to not get their hearts set on an outcome but also pushed to ED with a very thoughtful reason as to why a school is a best choice... but I digress.

While some posts are unhelpful, lots of good advice on staying positive, hoping for good orientation, and even transferring if necessary. He is lucky at the end of the day bc he has a parent who clearly cares a lot about him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here, with a junior, and just want to say hang in there! I can imagine it would feel hard as a parent and appreciate you taking to an anonymous online forum too vent. With how hard college admissions seem, I imagine my kid won't get their first choice either. It feels inevitable. I also have to laugh that lids are both expected to not get their hearts set on an outcome but also pushed to ED with a very thoughtful reason as to why a school is a best choice... but I digress.

While some posts are unhelpful, lots of good advice on staying positive, hoping for good orientation, and even transferring if necessary. He is lucky at the end of the day bc he has a parent who clearly cares a lot about him.

OP here. Thank you, and I really appreciate the kind words. I feel like you got me. You win my favorite person today award

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement mindset today is mind blowing.

Yes, but it was also unreasonable and unfair of the parents to be pushing this school from what sounds like childhood. This is why you don't start talking about specific colleges with your middle schoolers and early high schoolers, folks.

+1

And don't talk up your alma mater. Your child is not you.

Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The entitlement mindset today is mind blowing.

Yes, but it was also unreasonable and unfair of the parents to be pushing this school from what sounds like childhood. This is why you don't start talking about specific colleges with your middle schoolers and early high schoolers, folks.

+1

And don't talk up your alma mater. Your child is not you.

For goodness sake, read the posts. Nowhere does it say they "pushed" alma mater. Leave it to some dcum, desperate to impart "knowledge " that is not needed.