Does the lack of an age gap create more problems in marriages than we acknowledge?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. It comes down to the individuals involved. I don't think people who marry someone within 1-2 years of their age are more likely to have problems than people with a large age gap.

This^. You don’t marry a number, you marry the person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Men age faster and worse than men. Heart attacks, earlier death, etc.

2) Men are perfectly capable of maturing as fast as women if they are not babied and infantilized by their family and society.

DH and I were both 27 when we got married. We immediately started having kids. We already had professional jobs. It's wonderful to be married to someone the same age. We share cultural touchpoints and are in the same places professionally, so we can relate very well. Of course his hairline is receding and he has dadbod but my eye isn't wandering so all is well.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. It comes down to the individuals involved. I don't think people who marry someone within 1-2 years of their age are more likely to have problems than people with a large age gap.

This^. You don’t marry a number, you marry the person.

And if you marry someone who is predisposed to a "wandering eye" you're in trouble.

[Anonymous]

If they aren’t maturing then there is a real need to find someone mature.

[Anonymous]

Meh I dated older and they generally were damaged people. There is a reason someone is still single after a certain age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. It comes down to the individuals involved. I don't think people who marry someone within 1-2 years of their age are more likely to have problems than people with a large age gap.

This^. You don’t marry a number, you marry the person.

And if you marry someone who is predisposed to a "wandering eye" you're in trouble.

Their eyes will wander regardless of your age. Its not like younger and beautiful wives don’t face infidelity or divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh I dated older and they generally were damaged people. There is a reason someone is still single after a certain age.

There are plenty of damaged people who are hiding it inside of marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are so many elements to an age gap in a marriage. Firstly the biological factors. We know women mature faster than men and have a shorter fertility window. Marrying a man your age or younger create many more opportunities for a lack of synchrony regarding life logistics. The younger man may want to wait longer to have children, he may not make enough money to support a family yet, etc. Then, there is the fact that he may be much more emotionally immature to be a proper confidant and partner to his wife.

Finally, women generally age faster so if you are the same age or older than your husband, you are on an accelerated aging timeline. He may be more likely to have a wandering eye as your looks fade.

I am surprised we do not consider age differences more carefully when dating. It seems preferable to have the woman be at least a few years younger than her husband.

My son won’t even consider anyone younger, only dates his own age plus minus one year. He says he can’t deal with immaturity and not looking to adopt a daughter but find an equal partner.

I think this is more typical among younger generations. I'm a 30 something millennial with early 20s zoomer siblings. I know almost no one in relationships with big age gaps. One of my late 30s friends briefly dated a late 20s woman and he was so embarrassed about the age gap he ended up breaking things off. He didn't even tell most of our friends about it because he didn't want to get shit about it. (In our friend circle people get roasted over far less.)

[Anonymous]

In the majority of UMC+ couples I know, the partners are around the same age and the wife looks better. Where does this fantasy of middle aged men being attractive come from? Assortive mating often results in school and professional peers marrying. I personally don't know any May December couples. I think that idea is very outdated.

[Anonymous]

This generation is more into partners their own age, not interested in older or younger partners. Most of 20-25 year old want to date and commit instead of having to browse dating sites in their 30’s.

[Anonymous]

My DH is 10+ years older than me and it works well for many reasons. The main one is that we're in different stages of our careers and there isn't any resentment or competitiveness over trading off for childcare flexibility, etc. It also sets us up very well for retirement.

[Anonymous]

Dating after 30’s suck.

[Anonymous]

I think if you are looking for a man who will support you financially, it makes sense to look for an older man. He provides the money, you provide the younger body.

If you are looking for an equal partnership, then the same or similar age is good.

[Anonymous]

My exH was 11 years older and ugly like a monkey. He had a deep pocket though. He cheated and left me for a co-worker (she's same age as him). I am that younger attractive wife (people would ask him if he was my dad at times, which drove him mad - so much younger I looked!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh I dated older and they generally were damaged people. There is a reason someone is still single after a certain age.

Never married =/= divorced. My old-fashioned mother once told me it's more of a red flag if a man has never married in his late 30s than if he is divorced at that age. She was right, in my experience