Does the lack of an age gap create more problems in marriages than we acknowledge?

[Anonymous]

Unless you hope to divorce early, find someone who can be your friend, companion, caretaker, supporter and lover as most humans face health crisis, mental health issues, financial crisis, old age and deathbed over the period of an average life time. You want someone kind, smart, funny and thoughtful on your side for this long journey. Money, looks and young body have their limited value.

[Anonymous]

No time to read all these posts but every study on relationships shows that couples within a few years of each other’s age last much longer than those with an age gap. So no, definitively, you are wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are so many elements to an age gap in a marriage. Firstly the biological factors. We know women mature faster than men and have a shorter fertility window. Marrying a man your age or younger create many more opportunities for a lack of synchrony regarding life logistics. The younger man may want to wait longer to have children, he may not make enough money to support a family yet, etc. Then, there is the fact that he may be much more emotionally immature to be a proper confidant and partner to his wife.

Finally, women generally age faster so if you are the same age or older than your husband, you are on an accelerated aging timeline. He may be more likely to have a wandering eye as your looks fade.

I am surprised we do not consider age differences more carefully when dating. It seems preferable to have the woman be at least a few years younger than her husband.

Earn your own money, freeze your eggs, take good care of yourself, once you find a man in your own age group who loves you and whom you love, marry him. You can have children earlier or later, marriage is for companionship and love not for procreating and profiting.

[Anonymous]

Nah, older men aren’t a solution.

I dated a lot of older men when I was 19-24 because I thought they’d be more mature. Eventually I realized that a 35 year old man who wants to date a 20 year old is bad news. They’re too pervy, immature, and obnoxious for women their own age so they have to prey on more naive women. Generally men late 20s-30s who are mature and responsible also want mature and responsible partners, and aren’t really into the drama and immaturity that comes with dating a college student.

I know the dudes of DCUM like to brag about banging younger, hotter women (whether they actually do….I doubt it). But every man I’ve known who was marriage material was far more interested in someone who would be a good long term partner and who they had things in common with, rather than someone who was young and had little to offer besides sex.

Just anecdote, but my best friend married a man 14 years older who started grooming her when she was a teenager. Their marriage is an absolute disaster and the guy is a wreck, always drinking and cheating and can barely keep a job down. We’d see a lot more marriages like that if we encouraged younger women to marry older men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nah, older men aren’t a solution.

I dated a lot of older men when I was 19-24 because I thought they’d be more mature. Eventually I realized that a 35 year old man who wants to date a 20 year old is bad news. They’re too pervy, immature, and obnoxious for women their own age so they have to prey on more naive women. Generally men late 20s-30s who are mature and responsible also want mature and responsible partners, and aren’t really into the drama and immaturity that comes with dating a college student.

I know the dudes of DCUM like to brag about banging younger, hotter women (whether they actually do….I doubt it). But every man I’ve known who was marriage material was far more interested in someone who would be a good long term partner and who they had things in common with, rather than someone who was young and had little to offer besides sex.

Just anecdote, but my best friend married a man 14 years older who started grooming her when she was a teenager. Their marriage is an absolute disaster and the guy is a wreck, always drinking and cheating and can barely keep a job down. We’d see a lot more marriages like that if we encouraged younger women to marry older men.

Also want to add - the solution to men being too immature for marriage isn’t for women to adjust their behavior. It’s for men to grow the F up. There’s absolutely no excuse for a man to take 40 years to get his s**t together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recommend having both a 10 years older husband and a 10 years younger boyfriend

Haha!! 😆 😂

[Anonymous]

I think the classic libido disparity between married men and women can partially be resolved by women marrying older men who aren't pawing at them like younger men are

[Anonymous]

Husband 75, wife 56, just celebrated 30 wonderful years together!

Older men/younger women would be much more common absent alimony laws.

[Anonymous]

In all of the same aged couples I know (within 1-2 years of each other either way), 99% of the women look a million times better than their husbands. We are late 40s/early 50s age group. And, this is a UMC group without a single divorce in the group of about 20.

+1.

Hair loss alone explains a lot of the attractiveness gender gap. Balding is just so harsh on your looks. Also, greying facial hair.

Women almost always look a million times better than their husbands or boyfriends. Humans have placed a premium on female attractiveness for thousands of years. These posts miss the relevant point.

If any of the women in the group of 20 get divorced, are they going to date other women in the group? No, most likely they will date men. Therefore, the women are not competing against the men to see who is the best looking. They would compete against each other, as would the men.

There was another stupid post like this one on another thread where women bragged about how much better looking they were than the men their age.

Yes, many men in their late 40s/early 50s are fat/bald/etc. So what? If these men get divorced, they will have no trouble finding dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

In all of the same aged couples I know (within 1-2 years of each other either way), 99% of the women look a million times better than their husbands. We are late 40s/early 50s age group. And, this is a UMC group without a single divorce in the group of about 20.

+1.

Hair loss alone explains a lot of the attractiveness gender gap. Balding is just so harsh on your looks. Also, greying facial hair.

Women almost always look a million times better than their husbands or boyfriends. Humans have placed a premium on female attractiveness for thousands of years. These posts miss the relevant point.

If any of the women in the group of 20 get divorced, are they going to date other women in the group? No, most likely they will date men. Therefore, the women are not competing against the men to see who is the best looking. They would compete against each other, as would the men.

There was another stupid post like this one on another thread where women bragged about how much better looking they were than the men their age.

Yes, many men in their late 40s/early 50s are fat/bald/etc. So what? If these men get divorced, they will have no trouble finding dates.

It’s your post that’s stupid—you didn’t read the OP. OP said women age faster and worse. As you admit, that’s wrong. Context will help you understand what is going on in the future.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the posters who say women age better. I have a 10 year age gap with DH and, especially after the pandemic, I think it visually looks like a lot more now. I love my DH and we have been together 12 years, but I sometimes joke I'm getting a lot of the negatives without the supposed positives. We make the same amount of money, there's no "mentorship" (LOLOLOL) and he is definitely not more mature in most ways, nor was he when we first met. Oddly, before we met all of his other girlfriends and longterm relationships were with women 5-10 years older than him. It works for us fine, but I do worry a lot about aging. It's just becoming a lot more apparent in our late 30s and late 40s.