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Parenting -- Special Concerns
Reply to "Tell me about adoption "
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[quote=Anonymous]International adoptions are more often closed while domestic adoptions are more often open. https://www.americanadoptions.com/adopt/closed-adoption Potential Pros of a Closed Adoption • Emotional closure: For some prospective birth parents, an open adoption might be too painful to pursue; they may feel that a closed adoption will provide a better sense of closure for them as they process their feelings of grief and move forward in their lives. (On the other hand, it should be noted that most birth parents actually find the opposite to be true — seeing their child growing up happy, healthy and loved in an open adoption can provide this sense of closure, reaffirming that they made the right decision for their child. It all depends on the birth parent’s personal perspective!) • Safety: If the prospective birth parent is considering a closed adoption because of a toxic or abusive environment, it might be in everyone’s best interest to have less contact. • Privacy: For any number of reasons, a prospective birth parent may choose to keep their pregnancy and adoption plan secret from certain people in their lives. A closed adoption may make it easier for them to keep this secret long-term (though prospective birth parents are advised to confide in their loved ones about their adoption whenever possible). • Less effort from the adoptive family: Like any relationship, maintaining a bond with your child’s birth parent(s) requires effort, patience, clear communication, healthy boundaries and more. When you don’t have a relationship with your child’s birth family, you obviously won’t need to remember to stick to a contact schedule or put in the effort to work through any complications that arise. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean closed adoption is easier — in fact, there are a number of challenges that can arise from a lack of a relationship, which we’ll outline below. As you can see, the advantages of closed adoption are few — and most of them apply only in specific situations. However, if a prospective birth parent truly feels that a closed adoption will be best in their situation, it is their right to make that decision, and the adoptive family should respect those wishes. Cons of a Closed Adoption While a closed adoption might seem like a good idea at first, there are generally more drawbacks than benefits of this type of adoption: • Identity challenges: This type of adoption may make children more likely to struggle with their self-esteem and identity as they grow up. Adoptees will have questions about their biological parents and personal history throughout their lives, but they won’t have anyone to answer them. These unanswered questions can lead to many emotional challenges, such as feelings of rejection or abandonment, a sense that they were “unwanted” or unloved by their birth parents, and more. • Emotional challenges for birth parents: Similarly, a lack of information about their children can leave birth parents with lifelong questions and can lead to feelings of guilt, shame and depression. Birth parents in closed adoptions often struggle to fully grieve their loss and move forward in healthy ways. In an open adoption, on the other hand, some of these feelings can be relieved when birth parents receive updates showing them that their children are growing up happy, healthy and loved. Birth parents in closed adoptions often do not receive the reassurance they need to feel good about their adoption decision. • Lack of medical history: Even in closed adoptions, adoptive parents will be provided medical background information about their child and his or her birth family — but this information is often limited to what is available at the time of the adoption. Without ongoing contact, adoptive parents have no way of knowing if and when new medical concerns arise in the birth family. If a serious hereditary condition is discovered in a biological family member, adoptive parents could be missing out on potentially life-saving information for their child. • Challenges answering questions: When adopted children have lingering questions about their personal history, it doesn’t just affect them — it can affect their parents, too. Adoptive parents often have a hard time watching their children struggle with the identity issues that are common in closed adoptions. Not being able to provide their child with the information and reassurance they need can be heartbreaking and may even strain the parent-child relationship. • Difficulties establishing contact: Over time, it is not uncommon for birth and/or adoptive parents to wish to open up their relationship. However, when the initial arrangement was a closed adoption, it can be difficult to make this happen. Similarly, many adult adoptees in closed adoptions eventually choose to conduct a search for their birth parents on their own, which can be an extremely logistically and emotionally challenging process. • Missed opportunities: If you do not have a relationship with your child’s birth family, you won’t have the opportunity to get to know the people who made the selfless decision to give you the greatest gift of your life — your child! Many birth and adoptive families end up creating a unique, lifelong bond stronger than they would have ever imagined; the opportunity to form this relationship is lost in a closed adoption. • Challenges of keeping adoption closed: Finally, closed adoptions are simply becoming increasingly difficult to maintain. In today’s world, social media and at-home DNA tests are making it relatively easy to quickly discover the identities of biological relatives and reconnect with them — whether or not they wish to be found.[/quote]
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