DH says he has no connection to our kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have PTSD if he was deployed?

Yes. He has a slew of issues but won’t address them because he’s “old school” and doesn’t believe in therapy or mental health. He’s very much, “buck up, shut up, and deal with it.”

It’s upsetting to watch.

Depending on what career field he is and his clearance he may not be able to get mental health treatment without risking his career. Its not that simple and even if he sees a therapist, it doesn't mean much as most therapist aren't very good nor is military health care (we use it and its horrible right now).

Maybe have more empathy and support.

Find things he can do with the kids. How about archery? You don't have to shoot at animals and can do target shooting, for example. How about a dad/kid dinner out at Dad's favorite place? Board games? He missed a lot of their childhood so he will have less of a connection and a very different level of involvement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have PTSD if he was deployed?

Yes. He has a slew of issues but won’t address them because he’s “old school” and doesn’t believe in therapy or mental health. He’s very much, “buck up, shut up, and deal with it.”

It’s upsetting to watch.

He needs to do EMDR, you must demand it or else.

Also I would choose activities for him to do with the kids and require he do them.

It won't hurt your kids to fish or hunt with your H.

Your kids should pick one thing they like to do and your H should do that.

Forcing a sensitive child to kill animals for fun in order to earn the love of his father who otherwise can't be bothered because he clearly doesn't love the child for who he is actually sounds very harmful to me.

I'm sure a sensitive child will survive fishing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have PTSD if he was deployed?

Yes. He has a slew of issues but won’t address them because he’s “old school” and doesn’t believe in therapy or mental health. He’s very much, “buck up, shut up, and deal with it.”

It’s upsetting to watch.

He needs to do EMDR, you must demand it or else.

Also I would choose activities for him to do with the kids and require he do them.

It won't hurt your kids to fish or hunt with your H.

Your kids should pick one thing they like to do and your H should do that.

Forcing a sensitive child to kill animals for fun in order to earn the love of his father who otherwise can't be bothered because he clearly doesn't love the child for who he is actually sounds very harmful to me.

I'm sure a sensitive child will survive fishing.

The fishing isn’t the problem. Forced time with an emotionally neglectful dad who doesn’t like him could be legit traumatizing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have PTSD if he was deployed?

Yes. He has a slew of issues but won’t address them because he’s “old school” and doesn’t believe in therapy or mental health. He’s very much, “buck up, shut up, and deal with it.”

It’s upsetting to watch.

He needs to do EMDR, you must demand it or else.

Also I would choose activities for him to do with the kids and require he do them.

It won't hurt your kids to fish or hunt with your H.

Your kids should pick one thing they like to do and your H should do that.

Forcing a sensitive child to kill animals for fun in order to earn the love of his father who otherwise can't be bothered because he clearly doesn't love the child for who he is actually sounds very harmful to me.

I'm sure a sensitive child will survive fishing.

The fishing isn’t the problem. Forced time with an emotionally neglectful dad who doesn’t like him could be legit traumatizing.

They are together already. Are you suggesting removing the child or the H from the home.

They need to bond.

[Anonymous]

You had 3 kids with this man? Gender-selection IVF?
WTF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

I think OP is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

We married very young. We had a lot of the same ideas at the time about life. I’ve grown in ways he hasn’t.

Gender selection was a plea to make him happy. I don’t regret it because my son is a wonderful gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

I think OP is a troll.

IVF for sex selection isn't covered under insurance and costs like 50k. OP do you have that kind of money? This is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

I think OP is a troll.

IVF for sex selection isn't covered under insurance and costs like 50k. OP do you have that kind of money? This is a troll.

I’m not sure what the cost was 8 years ago but it’s not necessarily 50k. Our insurance did cover IVF and genetic testing. Without insurance 1 cycle was 30k, including testing. A lot of people do genetic testing and gender select (although most do not do IVF to gender select). It’s not terrible unusual in the IVF community.

Not saying it’s not a troll but I notice there tend to be a lot of misinformation about IVF out there. If OP got lucky and had a healthy male embryo from one cycle I’m guessing 30k. And this is DCUM, 30k isn’t much to many of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

We married very young. We had a lot of the same ideas at the time about life. I’ve grown in ways he hasn’t.

Gender selection was a plea to make him happy. I don’t regret it because my son is a wonderful gift.

Yeah but your poor son who was basically conceived specifically to be a stereotypical boy and has to deal with your husbands overt disapproval. I think you need to prioritize your kids here and make sure they’re in therapy. And your poor girls, how devastating it must be.

I had a grandfather who was very stereotypical and only wanted his grandsons on fishing trips. My dad convinced him to let me come and it was the best. I really developed a deep bond with him over fishing. And this was a WW2 vet for Petes sake who was able to see that girls can make good fishing buddies too. We fished all the time after that first trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

+1

He really does. A sexist ex-military guy who enjoys hurting/killing things for fun. What a prize.

OP, your kids are going to be so messed up if you stay with this guy.

And after divorce the kids may spend 50% of their childhood alone with him. And away from their mom. How is that better for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

I think OP is a troll.

IVF for sex selection isn't covered under insurance and costs like 50k. OP do you have that kind of money? This is a troll.

I’m not sure what the cost was 8 years ago but it’s not necessarily 50k. Our insurance did cover IVF and genetic testing. Without insurance 1 cycle was 30k, including testing. A lot of people do genetic testing and gender select (although most do not do IVF to gender select). It’s not terrible unusual in the IVF community.

Not saying it’s not a troll but I notice there tend to be a lot of misinformation about IVF out there. If OP got lucky and had a healthy male embryo from one cycle I’m guessing 30k. And this is DCUM, 30k isn’t much to many of us.

I’ve done many cycles of IVF. Insurance typically only covers genetic testing if there is a family history. And until recently most clinics in the US were not really in favor of gender selection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

I kind of agree. He had two girls, who he was unwilling to connect with, and you agreed to have a boy because he thought he'd love him more, only that boy, unsurprisingly, wasn't just how he imagined him? How unbelievably toxic for all your kids.

You don’t marry someone with PTSD. They get it after marriage.

The IVF gender selection happened after whatever it was that caused him to be this way, although OP says he had a bad upbringing, so I'd guess that at least some of the issues, if not all of them, predate his marriage.

My guess is that OP is a bit of a fixer/enabler in this situation.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a somewhat similar situation but with slightly older kids. In our case, he felt the divide between the kids and himself and realized that cheating would make him feel better. We're divorcing but he's gone from barely being involved to something even lower. He didn't even want to be here for his kid's birthday. I guess my advice is to consider if it's better for your kids to have a dad they see every day who doesn't interact much or one they rarely see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

I kind of agree. He had two girls, who he was unwilling to connect with, and you agreed to have a boy because he thought he'd love him more, only that boy, unsurprisingly, wasn't just how he imagined him? How unbelievably toxic for all your kids.

You don’t marry someone with PTSD. They get it after marriage.

Yeah but OP went along with her husband's disgusting request to make him a boy. Red flag.