DH says he has no connection to our kids

[Anonymous]

Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have PTSD if he was deployed?

Yes. He has a slew of issues but won’t address them because he’s “old school” and doesn’t believe in therapy or mental health. He’s very much, “buck up, shut up, and deal with it.”

It’s upsetting to watch.

He needs to do EMDR, you must demand it or else.

Also I would choose activities for him to do with the kids and require he do them.

It won't hurt your kids to fish or hunt with your H.

Your kids should pick one thing they like to do and your H should do that.

He has a daughter who does want to fish and hunt, and he's not interested. Because she's a girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

I kind of agree. He had two girls, who he was unwilling to connect with, and you agreed to have a boy because he thought he'd love him more, only that boy, unsurprisingly, wasn't just how he imagined him? How unbelievably toxic for all your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have PTSD if he was deployed?

Yes. He has a slew of issues but won’t address them because he’s “old school” and doesn’t believe in therapy or mental health. He’s very much, “buck up, shut up, and deal with it.”

It’s upsetting to watch.

He needs to do EMDR, you must demand it or else.

Also I would choose activities for him to do with the kids and require he do them.

It won't hurt your kids to fish or hunt with your H.

Your kids should pick one thing they like to do and your H should do that.

DD has shown interested in hunting but DH won’t take her. He tried with DS but he’s a sensitive kid and the process upset him. Constantly suggesting activities they could both enjoy and they’ll both try but it’s honestly like watching a bad dad to see them interact.

Tell him to take the daughter hunting and take your son fishing.

You won’t find things they both enjoy. Relationships are give and take. I’ve learned to watch football because my boys like it and they have learned to cook with me. Give and take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have PTSD if he was deployed?

Yes. He has a slew of issues but won’t address them because he’s “old school” and doesn’t believe in therapy or mental health. He’s very much, “buck up, shut up, and deal with it.”

It’s upsetting to watch.

He needs to do EMDR, you must demand it or else.

Also I would choose activities for him to do with the kids and require he do them.

It won't hurt your kids to fish or hunt with your H.

Your kids should pick one thing they like to do and your H should do that.

He has a daughter who does want to fish and hunt, and he's not interested. Because she's a girl.

Tell him unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs to get therapy to get his head on straight. Period. Personally, if my husband was unwilling to make any effort to connect with his kids, I'd be thinking about divorce. It's not fair to the kids to have to live with a father who won't even try, and who's sexist as hell to boot.

Typical DCUM knee jerk response. Divorce is NOT. The answer to everything! How on earth would it make anything better in this case?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

I kind of agree. He had two girls, who he was unwilling to connect with, and you agreed to have a boy because he thought he'd love him more, only that boy, unsurprisingly, wasn't just how he imagined him? How unbelievably toxic for all your kids.

You don’t marry someone with PTSD. They get it after marriage.

[Anonymous]

This has to be a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He needs to get therapy to get his head on straight. Period. Personally, if my husband was unwilling to make any effort to connect with his kids, I'd be thinking about divorce. It's not fair to the kids to have to live with a father who won't even try, and who's sexist as hell to boot.

Typical DCUM knee jerk response. Divorce is NOT. The answer to everything! How on earth would it make anything better in this case?

His kids wouldn't have to spend all their time with a dad who can't be bothered to connect with them, who thinks that his girls aren't worth his time and his boy isn't manly enough. I'd guess he won't even want to spend that much time with them after divorce. Nothing knee-jerk about it -- he won't even *consider* therapy even though he's hurting his children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

I kind of agree. He had two girls, who he was unwilling to connect with, and you agreed to have a boy because he thought he'd love him more, only that boy, unsurprisingly, wasn't just how he imagined him? How unbelievably toxic for all your kids.

You don’t marry someone with PTSD. They get it after marriage.

The IVF gender selection happened after whatever it was that caused him to be this way, although OP says he had a bad upbringing, so I'd guess that at least some of the issues, if not all of them, predate his marriage.

[Anonymous]

If he won’t go to therapy, you need to get yourself and your kids into therapy. This is going to damage them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have PTSD if he was deployed?

Yes. He has a slew of issues but won’t address them because he’s “old school” and doesn’t believe in therapy or mental health. He’s very much, “buck up, shut up, and deal with it.”

It’s upsetting to watch.

He needs to do EMDR, you must demand it or else.

Also I would choose activities for him to do with the kids and require he do them.

It won't hurt your kids to fish or hunt with your H.

Your kids should pick one thing they like to do and your H should do that.

Forcing a sensitive child to kill animals for fun in order to earn the love of his father who otherwise can't be bothered because he clearly doesn't love the child for who he is actually sounds very harmful to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

I kind of agree. He had two girls, who he was unwilling to connect with, and you agreed to have a boy because he thought he'd love him more, only that boy, unsurprisingly, wasn't just how he imagined him? How unbelievably toxic for all your kids.

Yes, I’m sorry but you absolutely signed up for this, OP. By agreeing to do gender selection ivf after you already had two girls and knew who your husband was and how he acted, you doomed your whole family to this toxic, unhealthy dynamic forever. How awful for your daughters who know they weren’t enough for him, that he doesn’t care to be their dad. And even worse for your son who knows, or soon will, that he isn’t living up to your husbands idiotic ideals. I don’t usually jump to divorce, but in this case that might be the only this to save your kids from a lifetime of poor self esteem. They will always know they weren’t enough for their dad. If you stay with him you are signaling that that’s okay with you.

[Anonymous]

Yikes this sounds like a nightmare. Did you not know the kind of person he was prior to marrying? I would definitely be seriously considering divorce. This sounds beyond therapy esp since it sounds like he wouldnt agree to that anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

+1

He really does. A sexist ex-military guy who enjoys hurting/killing things for fun. What a prize.

OP, your kids are going to be so messed up if you stay with this guy.