DH says he has no connection to our kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP your bar is sadly low. I was raised in a physically abusive home. My brother is in the military and very macho. Yet, when he comes to my home, he plays tea party and dresses up with my girls. He’s very connected to them.

I get it’s slightly different since they aren’t his children but my wider point stands. This is so awful for your children to experience, and the lack of physical abuse does not mean your DH isn’t damaging them.

You’re not a parent/in a healthy relationship are you? Like this “advice” is even sort of helpful. newsflash: this is the dad they have. There isn’t a life option to throw out a parent out you don’t like and find a new one, particularly at that age. OP could divorce and remarry and “dad” is still the same guy. He’s not abusing them, he’s not in jail, of course it’s healthy to have a dad who coaches t-ball and is home by 6 every night but plenty of kids with those dads end up screwed up, and plenty without that end up just fine. The important thing is to maintain some semblance of a relationship, allow the kids their own boundaries, and quit the pity party. Most of life isn’t “ideal” - you work with what you’ve got.

[Anonymous]

OP, I haven't read the whole thread, so if someone else has recommended Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect, by Jonice Webb, please disregard my post.

Your husband doesn't know how to parent his children probably because he was emotionally neglected.

The book's a very compelling read, and there's a website associated with it. I think you and your husband will relate to a lot of the anecdotes and discussion in this book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I haven't read the whole thread, so if someone else has recommended Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect, by Jonice Webb, please disregard my post.

Your husband doesn't know how to parent his children probably because he was emotionally neglected.

The book's a very compelling read, and there's a website associated with it. I think you and your husband will relate to a lot of the anecdotes and discussion in this book.

Seven pages in before OP is actually given helpful advice versus judgment.

True DCUM fashion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP your bar is sadly low. I was raised in a physically abusive home. My brother is in the military and very macho. Yet, when he comes to my home, he plays tea party and dresses up with my girls. He’s very connected to them.

I get it’s slightly different since they aren’t his children but my wider point stands. This is so awful for your children to experience, and the lack of physical abuse does not mean your DH isn’t damaging them.

You’re not a parent/in a healthy relationship are you? Like this “advice” is even sort of helpful. newsflash: this is the dad they have. There isn’t a life option to throw out a parent out you don’t like and find a new one, particularly at that age. OP could divorce and remarry and “dad” is still the same guy. He’s not abusing them, he’s not in jail, of course it’s healthy to have a dad who coaches t-ball and is home by 6 every night but plenty of kids with those dads end up screwed up, and plenty without that end up just fine. The important thing is to maintain some semblance of a relationship, allow the kids their own boundaries, and quit the pity party. Most of life isn’t “ideal” - you work with what you’ve got.

NP. Really? You don't think this is a form of emotional abuse? Especially towards this poor little boy, who has been deemed inadequate by his father at such a young age?
Emotional abuse leaves scars, too.

[Anonymous]

My ex says the same thing about our son but that's because he never actually spends any time at all with him. Connections and relationships take time. He needs to let go of the expectations he has for who he wants his kids to be. They are their own people. His job is to just join them where they are. The alternative is where he's at. If he wants to get to know them, he needs to get over himself.