DH says he has no connection to our kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

+1

He really does. A sexist ex-military guy who enjoys hurting/killing things for fun. What a prize.

OP, your kids are going to be so messed up if you stay with this guy.

And after divorce the kids may spend 50% of their childhood alone with him. And away from their mom. How is that better for them?

That’s only when the dad requests 50% custody. This guy is not going to be doing that.

[Anonymous]

He basically sounds like my old school dad from the 1970s. Who acted like he lived in the 1950s.

He sounds basically like a "provider" and nothing else.

If you divorce, money maybe tight and he may find another woman with kids who sees him as a source of money or Tricare (I'm from a military area, it happens.)

I would seek some therapy, but with someone who has experience with the military or military families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

I think OP is a troll.

IVF for sex selection isn't covered under insurance and costs like 50k. OP do you have that kind of money? This is a troll.

I’m not sure what the cost was 8 years ago but it’s not necessarily 50k. Our insurance did cover IVF and genetic testing. Without insurance 1 cycle was 30k, including testing. A lot of people do genetic testing and gender select (although most do not do IVF to gender select). It’s not terrible unusual in the IVF community.

Not saying it’s not a troll but I notice there tend to be a lot of misinformation about IVF out there. If OP got lucky and had a healthy male embryo from one cycle I’m guessing 30k. And this is DCUM, 30k isn’t much to many of us.

Insurance covered it for you because you needed it. It doesn't cover it u less you have a medical need for IVF. "Wanting a son" isn't a medical need. Additionally, OP's husband is in the military. Unless he is an officer most military families with two kids don't have 50k lying around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

I think OP is a troll.

IVF for sex selection isn't covered under insurance and costs like 50k. OP do you have that kind of money? This is a troll.

I’m not sure what the cost was 8 years ago but it’s not necessarily 50k. Our insurance did cover IVF and genetic testing. Without insurance 1 cycle was 30k, including testing. A lot of people do genetic testing and gender select (although most do not do IVF to gender select). It’s not terrible unusual in the IVF community.

Not saying it’s not a troll but I notice there tend to be a lot of misinformation about IVF out there. If OP got lucky and had a healthy male embryo from one cycle I’m guessing 30k. And this is DCUM, 30k isn’t much to many of us.

Insurance covered it for you because you needed it. It doesn't cover it u less you have a medical need for IVF. "Wanting a son" isn't a medical need. Additionally, OP's husband is in the military. Unless he is an officer most military families with two kids don't have 50k lying around.

Are you from the 1950s too?

Why are we assuming OP doesn’t work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

I think OP is a troll.

IVF for sex selection isn't covered under insurance and costs like 50k. OP do you have that kind of money? This is a troll.

I’m not sure what the cost was 8 years ago but it’s not necessarily 50k. Our insurance did cover IVF and genetic testing. Without insurance 1 cycle was 30k, including testing. A lot of people do genetic testing and gender select (although most do not do IVF to gender select). It’s not terrible unusual in the IVF community.

Not saying it’s not a troll but I notice there tend to be a lot of misinformation about IVF out there. If OP got lucky and had a healthy male embryo from one cycle I’m guessing 30k. And this is DCUM, 30k isn’t much to many of us.

Insurance covered it for you because you needed it. It doesn't cover it u less you have a medical need for IVF. "Wanting a son" isn't a medical need. Additionally, OP's husband is in the military. Unless he is an officer most military families with two kids don't have 50k lying around.

Are you from the 1950s too?

Why are we assuming OP doesn’t work?

Where did I assume that? Do you think she earns hundreds of thousands of dollars a year while married to an enlisted service member? Maybe! But higk u likely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he have PTSD if he was deployed?

Yes. He has a slew of issues but won’t address them because he’s “old school” and doesn’t believe in therapy or mental health. He’s very much, “buck up, shut up, and deal with it.”

It’s upsetting to watch.

He needs to do EMDR, you must demand it or else.

Also I would choose activities for him to do with the kids and require he do them.

It won't hurt your kids to fish or hunt with your H.

Your kids should pick one thing they like to do and your H should do that.

Forcing a sensitive child to kill animals for fun in order to earn the love of his father who otherwise can't be bothered because he clearly doesn't love the child for who he is actually sounds very harmful to me.

I'm sure a sensitive child will survive fishing.

The fishing isn’t the problem. Forced time with an emotionally neglectful dad who doesn’t like him could be legit traumatizing.

They are together already. Are you suggesting removing the child or the H from the home.

They need to bond.

You say "they need to bond" but put the onus entirely on the young child to mold himself into what his father wants to "earn" his father's attention and love rather than putting the onus on the parent to love his child for who he is. Why is that?

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry. That would be heartbreaking.

I also have a very manly DH (fishing, works on engines, athletic, handy, etc) and we have only daughters. Our oldest daughter really enjoys fishing with him and helping with hands on projects- they built and painted a bird house, they've gone camping with DH's best friend and his two kids.

Our younger daughter is much more of a girly girl so DH has, much to my SHOCK, fine tuned his hobbies to bond with her. He made a wooden hand and they "paint it's nails". He put on his suit to attend her tea party on the kitchen floor. He bought her a tackle box that she loves using for beads and other craft supplies.

I'm just throwing these out there in case they spark any interest or sound like something you could get your DH in. It does sound like he needs therapy to tap into and work through his emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so sorry. That would be heartbreaking.

I also have a very manly DH (fishing, works on engines, athletic, handy, etc) and we have only daughters. Our oldest daughter really enjoys fishing with him and helping with hands on projects- they built and painted a bird house, they've gone camping with DH's best friend and his two kids.

Our younger daughter is much more of a girly girl so DH has, much to my SHOCK, fine tuned his hobbies to bond with her. He made a wooden hand and they "paint it's nails". He put on his suit to attend her tea party on the kitchen floor. He bought her a tackle box that she loves using for beads and other craft supplies.

I'm just throwing these out there in case they spark any interest or sound like something you could get your DH in. It does sound like he needs therapy to tap into and work through his emotions.

This was great to read. Your DH is a winner!

[Anonymous]

NP. The OP is a troll. This is not real.

[Anonymous]

BS. He is a lazy, uninterested parent. Kids are not hobbies to pick the one you like!
You need to call him out on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

I think OP is a troll.

IVF for sex selection isn't covered under insurance and costs like 50k. OP do you have that kind of money? This is a troll.

I’m not sure what the cost was 8 years ago but it’s not necessarily 50k. Our insurance did cover IVF and genetic testing. Without insurance 1 cycle was 30k, including testing. A lot of people do genetic testing and gender select (although most do not do IVF to gender select). It’s not terrible unusual in the IVF community.

Not saying it’s not a troll but I notice there tend to be a lot of misinformation about IVF out there. If OP got lucky and had a healthy male embryo from one cycle I’m guessing 30k. And this is DCUM, 30k isn’t much to many of us.

Insurance covered it for you because you needed it. It doesn't cover it u less you have a medical need for IVF. "Wanting a son" isn't a medical need. Additionally, OP's husband is in the military. Unless he is an officer most military families with two kids don't have 50k lying around.

Are you from the 1950s too?

Why are we assuming OP doesn’t work?

Where did I assume that? Do you think she earns hundreds of thousands of dollars a year while married to an enlisted service member? Maybe! But higk u likely.

I’m a ICU nurse and my insurance covered three rounds of IVF. It did not cover genetic testing though, we had to pay for that and the majority of the meds our of pocket.

I definitely do not make hundreds of thousands of dollars. I don’t think everyone who does IVF does.

I will say that I was also 39 and DH was 42 when we got pregnant with our son, so that was also a contributing factor to why we chose IVF. We had been trying for a third for a few years and it wasn’t happening.

[Anonymous]

I understand your struggles. Many of us had different expectations in how we thought our husbands would parent our children than what actually occurred but with the right tools and guidance our children can still turn out to be productive members of society and children we can be proud of. As wives we need to do our best not to nag our husbands into being the parent that we think they should be. Instead when you do see them spending time with your children compliment and encourage him. Because of his upbringing like you said, he was never given the tools to parent. So, he probably lacks the confidence in parenting. Even though God created him differently than his children he can still find ways to spend that time with them. I would start looking for activities he can participate in with your whole family ie: game nights, outdoor activities, picnics, etc. This would be a great start in connecting with your children. Then from there relationships can form which can lead to one on one time with each of them. In addition, finding other safe adult male role models for all of your children is a great idea. For your children that are older and exhibit sadness or verbalize to you how disconnected they feel with their father just ensure them that their Dad loves them very much but just has a different way of showing that to them than you do. You can use the example: some people like to hug and some people don't but that doesn't mean they don't love you. Just some thoughts I had, praying for connections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

I think OP is a troll.

IVF for sex selection isn't covered under insurance and costs like 50k. OP do you have that kind of money? This is a troll.

I’m not sure what the cost was 8 years ago but it’s not necessarily 50k. Our insurance did cover IVF and genetic testing. Without insurance 1 cycle was 30k, including testing. A lot of people do genetic testing and gender select (although most do not do IVF to gender select). It’s not terrible unusual in the IVF community.

Not saying it’s not a troll but I notice there tend to be a lot of misinformation about IVF out there. If OP got lucky and had a healthy male embryo from one cycle I’m guessing 30k. And this is DCUM, 30k isn’t much to many of us.

Insurance covered it for you because you needed it. It doesn't cover it u less you have a medical need for IVF. "Wanting a son" isn't a medical need. Additionally, OP's husband is in the military. Unless he is an officer most military families with two kids don't have 50k lying around.

Are you from the 1950s too?

Why are we assuming OP doesn’t work?

Where did I assume that? Do you think she earns hundreds of thousands of dollars a year while married to an enlisted service member? Maybe! But higk u likely.

I’m a ICU nurse and my insurance covered three rounds of IVF. It did not cover genetic testing though, we had to pay for that and the majority of the meds our of pocket.

I definitely do not make hundreds of thousands of dollars. I don’t think everyone who does IVF does.

I will say that I was also 39 and DH was 42 when we got pregnant with our son, so that was also a contributing factor to why we chose IVF. We had been trying for a third for a few years and it wasn’t happening.

JFC you people are thick. If you decide to do IVF solely for the purpose of sex selection insurance covers NONE OF IT. Not just the cost of genetic testing, they cover absolutely nothing. You are out of pocket for all of it.
Insurance will cover IVF if you have a medical need. Wanting a son isn't a medical need. Genetic testing has nothing to do with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did you marry and do gender selection with an asshole, OP? He sounds awful.

I think OP is a troll.

IVF for sex selection isn't covered under insurance and costs like 50k. OP do you have that kind of money? This is a troll.

I’m not sure what the cost was 8 years ago but it’s not necessarily 50k. Our insurance did cover IVF and genetic testing. Without insurance 1 cycle was 30k, including testing. A lot of people do genetic testing and gender select (although most do not do IVF to gender select). It’s not terrible unusual in the IVF community.

Not saying it’s not a troll but I notice there tend to be a lot of misinformation about IVF out there. If OP got lucky and had a healthy male embryo from one cycle I’m guessing 30k. And this is DCUM, 30k isn’t much to many of us.

Insurance covered it for you because you needed it. It doesn't cover it u less you have a medical need for IVF. "Wanting a son" isn't a medical need. Additionally, OP's husband is in the military. Unless he is an officer most military families with two kids don't have 50k lying around.

Are you from the 1950s too?

Why are we assuming OP doesn’t work?

Where did I assume that? Do you think she earns hundreds of thousands of dollars a year while married to an enlisted service member? Maybe! But higk u likely.

I’m a ICU nurse and my insurance covered three rounds of IVF. It did not cover genetic testing though, we had to pay for that and the majority of the meds our of pocket.

I definitely do not make hundreds of thousands of dollars. I don’t think everyone who does IVF does.

I will say that I was also 39 and DH was 42 when we got pregnant with our son, so that was also a contributing factor to why we chose IVF. We had been trying for a third for a few years and it wasn’t happening.

JFC you people are thick. If you decide to do IVF solely for the purpose of sex selection insurance covers NONE OF IT. Not just the cost of genetic testing, they cover absolutely nothing. You are out of pocket for all of it.
Insurance will cover IVF if you have a medical need. Wanting a son isn't a medical need. Genetic testing has nothing to do with it.

You seem dim.

PGT/PGS testing wasn’t covered under our insurance (UnitedHealthcare) but everything else was covered for us (including meds). We didn’t have to prove infertility or go through IUIs. Our policy cover 30k lifetime for IVF which covered everything but PGT/PGT testing.

[Anonymous]

I bet he’s a Trump supporter too.