I am heartbroken

[Anonymous]

I don't really have any advice, OP. This is tough. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to witness your child making their life monumentally more difficult for themselves. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

OP, this happened to my sister, who I love dearly, with all of my heart.

Both families (ours and her DH) have some pretty screwed up dynamics - but suffice to say that there was at least some level of financial, physical and emotional support available to them. And it was still freaking hard on them.

She and her husband did the best they could by their kids (they ended up married, with two) - but neither has a college education, and they have worked their butts off to do so. Their financial picture as they age is pretty bleak - they just never caught a good stride financially, because they were always dealing with the expenses of raising a family and, honestly, they never really had a plan, other than deal with the s**t life was throwing at them as it came.

My sister cleaned toilets to help support them, for god's sake... She loves her kids - but I have to tell you, it hurts me to see her struggling and I would have wished better for her, even though that would have meant an abortion and that my nephews maybe wouldn't exist.

As pp have noted, people want to make it all rosy and like a child is always a blessing. But the reality of unplanned pregnancies, without the means to support the child is that it very often results in a lifetime of struggle for all involved (parents, child, and grandparents).

Just some more food for thought on the termination side.

OP - I totally agree and this is what I told her. She thinks she/ they can handle it. I am so mad at her, and I'm pretty sure she is mad at me too. I told her I was done with her and her boyfriend, and if she thinks she is so mature to handle the situation, she can go live with her farther and figure it out.

PP here.

I'm so sorry, OP.

One thing that I forgot to mention: my sister and her DH started their lives in the hole financially - I think it was something like $10k - because of the cost of just the pregnancy...

This is from webMD: https://www.webmd.com/baby/features/cost-of-having-a-baby#1. Obviously there are many more resources that can help you and everyone involved understand the financial implications of her choice to keep this baby. Not doing so is 1000% irresponsible.

"The cost of having a baby can really add up at the hospital. You should make sure you are well-prepared financially for this part of pregnancy, especially if you don't have health insurance. The costs of childbirth can be steep. The charge for an uncomplicated cesarean section was about $15,800 in 2008. An uncomplicated vaginal birth cost about $9,600, government data show. Women who have individual health insurance policies often find that maternity care coverage is completely excluded, says Carol Sakala, PhD, director of programs at the nonprofit Childbirth Connection."

And those figures are from 08. Do they have health insurance?

I know you have kicked her out, and said you are done - but maybe the role you can play (along with setting really firm boundaries about the physical/financial support you are willing/able to offer) is to be the voice of reason and reality. Root out the costs that people don't think about/pay attention to and share this information with DD, BF, exH and BF's parents.

Just a thought...

That’s a really good point. Theoretically OP’s daughter and the baby's father could still be on their respective parents’ health insurance until they are 26, but would that cover the pregnancy? And then what would cover the baby?

The baby is covered under the mothers healthcare until released by the hospital then carried under medicaid.

And the "mother's healthcare" is coming from...where?

Is OP providing it, atm? Who is going to pay the out of pocket expenses for prenatal, delivery, and post-delivery care? What happens if there are complications and OP gets a honking bill?

OP TOLD this girl not to get pregnant - and she ignored it. It's time for this young adult to face up to the fact that choices have consequences. Maybe I'm heartless - and that's fine if that's the perception - but there is no way I would deal with having a screaming infant and all of the attendant time/energy/financial responsibilities on me because my DC were just choosing to be ill-advisedly willful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

OP, this happened to my sister, who I love dearly, with all of my heart.

Both families (ours and her DH) have some pretty screwed up dynamics - but suffice to say that there was at least some level of financial, physical and emotional support available to them. And it was still freaking hard on them.

She and her husband did the best they could by their kids (they ended up married, with two) - but neither has a college education, and they have worked their butts off to do so. Their financial picture as they age is pretty bleak - they just never caught a good stride financially, because they were always dealing with the expenses of raising a family and, honestly, they never really had a plan, other than deal with the s**t life was throwing at them as it came.

My sister cleaned toilets to help support them, for god's sake... She loves her kids - but I have to tell you, it hurts me to see her struggling and I would have wished better for her, even though that would have meant an abortion and that my nephews maybe wouldn't exist.

As pp have noted, people want to make it all rosy and like a child is always a blessing. But the reality of unplanned pregnancies, without the means to support the child is that it very often results in a lifetime of struggle for all involved (parents, child, and grandparents).

Just some more food for thought on the termination side.

OP - I totally agree and this is what I told her. She thinks she/ they can handle it. I am so mad at her, and I'm pretty sure she is mad at me too. I told her I was done with her and her boyfriend, and if she thinks she is so mature to handle the situation, she can go live with her farther and figure it out.

PP here.

I'm so sorry, OP.

One thing that I forgot to mention: my sister and her DH started their lives in the hole financially - I think it was something like $10k - because of the cost of just the pregnancy...

This is from webMD: https://www.webmd.com/baby/features/cost-of-having-a-baby#1. Obviously there are many more resources that can help you and everyone involved understand the financial implications of her choice to keep this baby. Not doing so is 1000% irresponsible.

"The cost of having a baby can really add up at the hospital. You should make sure you are well-prepared financially for this part of pregnancy, especially if you don't have health insurance. The costs of childbirth can be steep. The charge for an uncomplicated cesarean section was about $15,800 in 2008. An uncomplicated vaginal birth cost about $9,600, government data show. Women who have individual health insurance policies often find that maternity care coverage is completely excluded, says Carol Sakala, PhD, director of programs at the nonprofit Childbirth Connection."

And those figures are from 08. Do they have health insurance?

I know you have kicked her out, and said you are done - but maybe the role you can play (along with setting really firm boundaries about the physical/financial support you are willing/able to offer) is to be the voice of reason and reality. Root out the costs that people don't think about/pay attention to and share this information with DD, BF, exH and BF's parents.

Just a thought...

That’s a really good point. Theoretically OP’s daughter and the baby's father could still be on their respective parents’ health insurance until they are 26, but would that cover the pregnancy? And then what would cover the baby?

The baby is covered under the mothers healthcare until released by the hospital then carried under medicaid.

And the "mother's healthcare" is coming from...where?

Is OP providing it, atm? Who is going to pay the out of pocket expenses for prenatal, delivery, and post-delivery care? What happens if there are complications and OP gets a honking bill?

OP TOLD this girl not to get pregnant - and she ignored it. It's time for this young adult to face up to the fact that choices have consequences. Maybe I'm heartless - and that's fine if that's the perception - but there is no way I would deal with having a screaming infant and all of the attendant time/energy/financial responsibilities on me because my DC were just choosing to be ill-advisedly willful.

Well said! +1

You are not heartless at all.

100% this is not for OP to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Another option. Put it up for adoption. There are plenty of loving families that would love to raise that baby. They will generally cover healthcare costs during pregnancy/delivery too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the most pulled together guy that I know, Colonel W.,
got his girlfriend pregnant when they were both 18. He joined the army to pay the bills. He said he knew there was no other way. They got married at 18. Neither family thought it would work. Family financial support was not an option as they were both from large families in Detroit. Colonel W and wife are still together several decades later.

OP here - I wish my story will have a happy ending like this.

Colonel Ws notwithstanding, how many of you are still with your high school boyfriends? I was “in love” with mine for a year but we broke up after graduation and never looked back. Chances are that OP’s daughter and her bf will not stay together. Most college guys would not have considered an unmarried single mother to be marriage material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

OP, this happened to my sister, who I love dearly, with all of my heart.

Both families (ours and her DH) have some pretty screwed up dynamics - but suffice to say that there was at least some level of financial, physical and emotional support available to them. And it was still freaking hard on them.

She and her husband did the best they could by their kids (they ended up married, with two) - but neither has a college education, and they have worked their butts off to do so. Their financial picture as they age is pretty bleak - they just never caught a good stride financially, because they were always dealing with the expenses of raising a family and, honestly, they never really had a plan, other than deal with the s**t life was throwing at them as it came.

My sister cleaned toilets to help support them, for god's sake... She loves her kids - but I have to tell you, it hurts me to see her struggling and I would have wished better for her, even though that would have meant an abortion and that my nephews maybe wouldn't exist.

As pp have noted, people want to make it all rosy and like a child is always a blessing. But the reality of unplanned pregnancies, without the means to support the child is that it very often results in a lifetime of struggle for all involved (parents, child, and grandparents).

Just some more food for thought on the termination side.

OP - I totally agree and this is what I told her. She thinks she/ they can handle it. I am so mad at her, and I'm pretty sure she is mad at me too. I told her I was done with her and her boyfriend, and if she thinks she is so mature to handle the situation, she can go live with her farther and figure it out.

PP here.

I'm so sorry, OP.

One thing that I forgot to mention: my sister and her DH started their lives in the hole financially - I think it was something like $10k - because of the cost of just the pregnancy...

This is from webMD: https://www.webmd.com/baby/features/cost-of-having-a-baby#1. Obviously there are many more resources that can help you and everyone involved understand the financial implications of her choice to keep this baby. Not doing so is 1000% irresponsible.

"The cost of having a baby can really add up at the hospital. You should make sure you are well-prepared financially for this part of pregnancy, especially if you don't have health insurance. The costs of childbirth can be steep. The charge for an uncomplicated cesarean section was about $15,800 in 2008. An uncomplicated vaginal birth cost about $9,600, government data show. Women who have individual health insurance policies often find that maternity care coverage is completely excluded, says Carol Sakala, PhD, director of programs at the nonprofit Childbirth Connection."

And those figures are from 08. Do they have health insurance?

I know you have kicked her out, and said you are done - but maybe the role you can play (along with setting really firm boundaries about the physical/financial support you are willing/able to offer) is to be the voice of reason and reality. Root out the costs that people don't think about/pay attention to and share this information with DD, BF, exH and BF's parents.

Just a thought...

That’s a really good point. Theoretically OP’s daughter and the baby's father could still be on their respective parents’ health insurance until they are 26, but would that cover the pregnancy? And then what would cover the baby?

Do you guys not know any poor people? Do you think everyone has insurance and/or thousands in the bank. You get medicaid, you get WIC, you get food stamps.

PP here.

And - sorry if this comes across as judgment - choosing to have children under those circumstances is pretty damn irresponsible, IMHO. Children are expensive - that is a known fact going in. Having them with medicaid, WIC and food stamps as the plan is just so ill-informed and entitled. If you want a child, you should make sure you have the wherewithal to pay for it.

So, poor people shouldn't have kids. Interesting look, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the most pulled together guy that I know, Colonel W.,
got his girlfriend pregnant when they were both 18. He joined the army to pay the bills. He said he knew there was no other way. They got married at 18. Neither family thought it would work. Family financial support was not an option as they were both from large families in Detroit. Colonel W and wife are still together several decades later.

OP here - I wish my story will have a happy ending like this.

Colonel Ws notwithstanding, how many of you are still with your high school boyfriends? I was “in love” with mine for a year but we broke up after graduation and never looked back. Chances are that OP’s daughter and her bf will not stay together. Most college guys would not have considered an unmarried single mother to be marriage material.

+1. I think a lot of posters are making a huge assumption that a teenage boy is going to (i) stay with OP's DD and (ii) want to raise a child.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks for all the insights and different options. I have no idea what were going to do, but for now, I'm staying away until I can talk to her without loosing my cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

OP, this happened to my sister, who I love dearly, with all of my heart.

Both families (ours and her DH) have some pretty screwed up dynamics - but suffice to say that there was at least some level of financial, physical and emotional support available to them. And it was still freaking hard on them.

She and her husband did the best they could by their kids (they ended up married, with two) - but neither has a college education, and they have worked their butts off to do so. Their financial picture as they age is pretty bleak - they just never caught a good stride financially, because they were always dealing with the expenses of raising a family and, honestly, they never really had a plan, other than deal with the s**t life was throwing at them as it came.

My sister cleaned toilets to help support them, for god's sake... She loves her kids - but I have to tell you, it hurts me to see her struggling and I would have wished better for her, even though that would have meant an abortion and that my nephews maybe wouldn't exist.

As pp have noted, people want to make it all rosy and like a child is always a blessing. But the reality of unplanned pregnancies, without the means to support the child is that it very often results in a lifetime of struggle for all involved (parents, child, and grandparents).

Just some more food for thought on the termination side.

OP - I totally agree and this is what I told her. She thinks she/ they can handle it. I am so mad at her, and I'm pretty sure she is mad at me too. I told her I was done with her and her boyfriend, and if she thinks she is so mature to handle the situation, she can go live with her farther and figure it out.

PP here.

I'm so sorry, OP.

One thing that I forgot to mention: my sister and her DH started their lives in the hole financially - I think it was something like $10k - because of the cost of just the pregnancy...

This is from webMD: https://www.webmd.com/baby/features/cost-of-having-a-baby#1. Obviously there are many more resources that can help you and everyone involved understand the financial implications of her choice to keep this baby. Not doing so is 1000% irresponsible.

"The cost of having a baby can really add up at the hospital. You should make sure you are well-prepared financially for this part of pregnancy, especially if you don't have health insurance. The costs of childbirth can be steep. The charge for an uncomplicated cesarean section was about $15,800 in 2008. An uncomplicated vaginal birth cost about $9,600, government data show. Women who have individual health insurance policies often find that maternity care coverage is completely excluded, says Carol Sakala, PhD, director of programs at the nonprofit Childbirth Connection."

And those figures are from 08. Do they have health insurance?

I know you have kicked her out, and said you are done - but maybe the role you can play (along with setting really firm boundaries about the physical/financial support you are willing/able to offer) is to be the voice of reason and reality. Root out the costs that people don't think about/pay attention to and share this information with DD, BF, exH and BF's parents.

Just a thought...

That’s a really good point. Theoretically OP’s daughter and the baby's father could still be on their respective parents’ health insurance until they are 26, but would that cover the pregnancy? And then what would cover the baby?

Do you guys not know any poor people? Do you think everyone has insurance and/or thousands in the bank. You get medicaid, you get WIC, you get food stamps.

PP here.

And - sorry if this comes across as judgment - choosing to have children under those circumstances is pretty damn irresponsible, IMHO. Children are expensive - that is a known fact going in. Having them with medicaid, WIC and food stamps as the plan is just so ill-informed and entitled. If you want a child, you should make sure you have the wherewithal to pay for it.

So, poor people shouldn't have kids. Interesting look, PP.

Teenagers with no education, no work experience, no skills, no job, no money should not have kids. Correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

OP, this happened to my sister, who I love dearly, with all of my heart.

Both families (ours and her DH) have some pretty screwed up dynamics - but suffice to say that there was at least some level of financial, physical and emotional support available to them. And it was still freaking hard on them.

She and her husband did the best they could by their kids (they ended up married, with two) - but neither has a college education, and they have worked their butts off to do so. Their financial picture as they age is pretty bleak - they just never caught a good stride financially, because they were always dealing with the expenses of raising a family and, honestly, they never really had a plan, other than deal with the s**t life was throwing at them as it came.

My sister cleaned toilets to help support them, for god's sake... She loves her kids - but I have to tell you, it hurts me to see her struggling and I would have wished better for her, even though that would have meant an abortion and that my nephews maybe wouldn't exist.

As pp have noted, people want to make it all rosy and like a child is always a blessing. But the reality of unplanned pregnancies, without the means to support the child is that it very often results in a lifetime of struggle for all involved (parents, child, and grandparents).

Just some more food for thought on the termination side.

OP - I totally agree and this is what I told her. She thinks she/ they can handle it. I am so mad at her, and I'm pretty sure she is mad at me too. I told her I was done with her and her boyfriend, and if she thinks she is so mature to handle the situation, she can go live with her farther and figure it out.

PP here.

I'm so sorry, OP.

One thing that I forgot to mention: my sister and her DH started their lives in the hole financially - I think it was something like $10k - because of the cost of just the pregnancy...

This is from webMD: https://www.webmd.com/baby/features/cost-of-having-a-baby#1. Obviously there are many more resources that can help you and everyone involved understand the financial implications of her choice to keep this baby. Not doing so is 1000% irresponsible.

"The cost of having a baby can really add up at the hospital. You should make sure you are well-prepared financially for this part of pregnancy, especially if you don't have health insurance. The costs of childbirth can be steep. The charge for an uncomplicated cesarean section was about $15,800 in 2008. An uncomplicated vaginal birth cost about $9,600, government data show. Women who have individual health insurance policies often find that maternity care coverage is completely excluded, says Carol Sakala, PhD, director of programs at the nonprofit Childbirth Connection."

And those figures are from 08. Do they have health insurance?

I know you have kicked her out, and said you are done - but maybe the role you can play (along with setting really firm boundaries about the physical/financial support you are willing/able to offer) is to be the voice of reason and reality. Root out the costs that people don't think about/pay attention to and share this information with DD, BF, exH and BF's parents.

Just a thought...

That’s a really good point. Theoretically OP’s daughter and the baby's father could still be on their respective parents’ health insurance until they are 26, but would that cover the pregnancy? And then what would cover the baby?

Do you guys not know any poor people? Do you think everyone has insurance and/or thousands in the bank. You get medicaid, you get WIC, you get food stamps.

PP here.

And - sorry if this comes across as judgment - choosing to have children under those circumstances is pretty damn irresponsible, IMHO. Children are expensive - that is a known fact going in. Having them with medicaid, WIC and food stamps as the plan is just so ill-informed and entitled. If you want a child, you should make sure you have the wherewithal to pay for it.

So, poor people shouldn't have kids. Interesting look, PP.

Teenagers with no education, no work experience, no skills, no job, no money should not have kids. Correct.

You think that only "teenagers with no education, no work experience, no skills, no job, no money" use medicaid, WIC and food stamps?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another option. Put it up for adoption. There are plenty of loving families that would love to raise that baby. They will generally cover healthcare costs during pregnancy/delivery too.

Maybe stop referring to the baby as an IT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

OP, this happened to my sister, who I love dearly, with all of my heart.

Both families (ours and her DH) have some pretty screwed up dynamics - but suffice to say that there was at least some level of financial, physical and emotional support available to them. And it was still freaking hard on them.

She and her husband did the best they could by their kids (they ended up married, with two) - but neither has a college education, and they have worked their butts off to do so. Their financial picture as they age is pretty bleak - they just never caught a good stride financially, because they were always dealing with the expenses of raising a family and, honestly, they never really had a plan, other than deal with the s**t life was throwing at them as it came.

My sister cleaned toilets to help support them, for god's sake... She loves her kids - but I have to tell you, it hurts me to see her struggling and I would have wished better for her, even though that would have meant an abortion and that my nephews maybe wouldn't exist.

As pp have noted, people want to make it all rosy and like a child is always a blessing. But the reality of unplanned pregnancies, without the means to support the child is that it very often results in a lifetime of struggle for all involved (parents, child, and grandparents).

Just some more food for thought on the termination side.

OP - I totally agree and this is what I told her. She thinks she/ they can handle it. I am so mad at her, and I'm pretty sure she is mad at me too. I told her I was done with her and her boyfriend, and if she thinks she is so mature to handle the situation, she can go live with her farther and figure it out.

PP here.

I'm so sorry, OP.

One thing that I forgot to mention: my sister and her DH started their lives in the hole financially - I think it was something like $10k - because of the cost of just the pregnancy...

This is from webMD: https://www.webmd.com/baby/features/cost-of-having-a-baby#1. Obviously there are many more resources that can help you and everyone involved understand the financial implications of her choice to keep this baby. Not doing so is 1000% irresponsible.

"The cost of having a baby can really add up at the hospital. You should make sure you are well-prepared financially for this part of pregnancy, especially if you don't have health insurance. The costs of childbirth can be steep. The charge for an uncomplicated cesarean section was about $15,800 in 2008. An uncomplicated vaginal birth cost about $9,600, government data show. Women who have individual health insurance policies often find that maternity care coverage is completely excluded, says Carol Sakala, PhD, director of programs at the nonprofit Childbirth Connection."

And those figures are from 08. Do they have health insurance?

I know you have kicked her out, and said you are done - but maybe the role you can play (along with setting really firm boundaries about the physical/financial support you are willing/able to offer) is to be the voice of reason and reality. Root out the costs that people don't think about/pay attention to and share this information with DD, BF, exH and BF's parents.

Just a thought...

That’s a really good point. Theoretically OP’s daughter and the baby's father could still be on their respective parents’ health insurance until they are 26, but would that cover the pregnancy? And then what would cover the baby?

Do you guys not know any poor people? Do you think everyone has insurance and/or thousands in the bank. You get medicaid, you get WIC, you get food stamps.

PP here.

And - sorry if this comes across as judgment - choosing to have children under those circumstances is pretty damn irresponsible, IMHO. Children are expensive - that is a known fact going in. Having them with medicaid, WIC and food stamps as the plan is just so ill-informed and entitled. If you want a child, you should make sure you have the wherewithal to pay for it.

So, poor people shouldn't have kids. Interesting look, PP.

Teenagers with no education, no work experience, no skills, no job, no money should not have kids. Correct.

You think that only "teenagers with no education, no work experience, no skills, no job, no money" use medicaid, WIC and food stamps?

Why are you putting words in my mouth? No, I don't think that "only" teenagers use emergency assistance. But this thread is about THIS teenager, and I agree with the PP that it's irresponsible to intentionally get pregnant when she clearly cannot afford to take care of herself, much less a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another option. Put it up for adoption. There are plenty of loving families that would love to raise that baby. They will generally cover healthcare costs during pregnancy/delivery too.

Maybe stop referring to the baby as an IT.

Well, until that cluster of cells actually becomes identifiable as a HE or a SHE, technically, it IS an IT. As in: "a person or animal whose sex is unknown..."

Maybe stop assigning attributes to something that isn't - at the current moment - anything more than a cluster of cells...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here.

OP, this happened to my sister, who I love dearly, with all of my heart.

Both families (ours and her DH) have some pretty screwed up dynamics - but suffice to say that there was at least some level of financial, physical and emotional support available to them. And it was still freaking hard on them.

She and her husband did the best they could by their kids (they ended up married, with two) - but neither has a college education, and they have worked their butts off to do so. Their financial picture as they age is pretty bleak - they just never caught a good stride financially, because they were always dealing with the expenses of raising a family and, honestly, they never really had a plan, other than deal with the s**t life was throwing at them as it came.

My sister cleaned toilets to help support them, for god's sake... She loves her kids - but I have to tell you, it hurts me to see her struggling and I would have wished better for her, even though that would have meant an abortion and that my nephews maybe wouldn't exist.

As pp have noted, people want to make it all rosy and like a child is always a blessing. But the reality of unplanned pregnancies, without the means to support the child is that it very often results in a lifetime of struggle for all involved (parents, child, and grandparents).

Just some more food for thought on the termination side.

OP - I totally agree and this is what I told her. She thinks she/ they can handle it. I am so mad at her, and I'm pretty sure she is mad at me too. I told her I was done with her and her boyfriend, and if she thinks she is so mature to handle the situation, she can go live with her farther and figure it out.

PP here.

I'm so sorry, OP.

One thing that I forgot to mention: my sister and her DH started their lives in the hole financially - I think it was something like $10k - because of the cost of just the pregnancy...

This is from webMD: https://www.webmd.com/baby/features/cost-of-having-a-baby#1. Obviously there are many more resources that can help you and everyone involved understand the financial implications of her choice to keep this baby. Not doing so is 1000% irresponsible.

"The cost of having a baby can really add up at the hospital. You should make sure you are well-prepared financially for this part of pregnancy, especially if you don't have health insurance. The costs of childbirth can be steep. The charge for an uncomplicated cesarean section was about $15,800 in 2008. An uncomplicated vaginal birth cost about $9,600, government data show. Women who have individual health insurance policies often find that maternity care coverage is completely excluded, says Carol Sakala, PhD, director of programs at the nonprofit Childbirth Connection."

And those figures are from 08. Do they have health insurance?

I know you have kicked her out, and said you are done - but maybe the role you can play (along with setting really firm boundaries about the physical/financial support you are willing/able to offer) is to be the voice of reason and reality. Root out the costs that people don't think about/pay attention to and share this information with DD, BF, exH and BF's parents.

Just a thought...

That’s a really good point. Theoretically OP’s daughter and the baby's father could still be on their respective parents’ health insurance until they are 26, but would that cover the pregnancy? And then what would cover the baby?

Do you guys not know any poor people? Do you think everyone has insurance and/or thousands in the bank. You get medicaid, you get WIC, you get food stamps.

PP here.

And - sorry if this comes across as judgment - choosing to have children under those circumstances is pretty damn irresponsible, IMHO. Children are expensive - that is a known fact going in. Having them with medicaid, WIC and food stamps as the plan is just so ill-informed and entitled. If you want a child, you should make sure you have the wherewithal to pay for it.

So, poor people shouldn't have kids. Interesting look, PP.

You said it, not me. Sorry if that offends.

I'm all for medicaid, WIC and food stamps being there for people who have a dire situation. Those entitlement programs should not be there as a way of life, and I am 100% against those routes for people who can barely take care of themselves to bring another life into this world, and put the financial burden on the general populace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the most pulled together guy that I know, Colonel W.,
got his girlfriend pregnant when they were both 18. He joined the army to pay the bills. He said he knew there was no other way. They got married at 18. Neither family thought it would work. Family financial support was not an option as they were both from large families in Detroit. Colonel W and wife are still together several decades later.

OP here - I wish my story will have a happy ending like this.

Colonel Ws notwithstanding, how many of you are still with your high school boyfriends? I was “in love” with mine for a year but we broke up after graduation and never looked back. Chances are that OP’s daughter and her bf will not stay together. Most college guys would not have considered an unmarried single mother to be marriage material.

OP's feelings aside, that she is 100% entitled to, I'm not with my son's dad, either. We split in our 30s. We can all point to plenty of first time parents with means who are older (DCUM's full of them) doing a positively craptastic job with their kids. Nobody here can predict OP's daughter's future without a wide margin for error.