Would you not reciprocate a play date if friend’s house was too big?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would not bother me at all. If I like you, and we connect as friends, then I want to hang out with you regardless of what kind of house you have.

Same. Though I can’t imagine how I would meet someone with your kind of wealth. When I was in college I was friends with a very wealthy girl (her parents owned several restaurants in a big city) and the only time our friendship was awkward was when she wanted to go to the big sale at Neiman Marcus and I just couldn’t spend that kind of money, sale or not. Other than that, we had a great time together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This makes me think of something in my own life that answers your question.

Long time friend of my husband comes to my home with her family. I think nothing of it. We host. I have met this woman many times but had never been to her home. She is great. We then are invited to her home (she has two kids and a DH). OMG!!!!!!! She is rich and her house was amazing and perfectly decorated and she had hired help to cater and serve for a very casual party. I was sincerely mortified that I had her to my house and never invited her over again. It was eye opening. We are in different leagues and no I'm not serving you my baked French toast from my semi-old dishware ever again.

So no, I wouldn't reciprocate.

And I think your nuts. If she was a long time friend of your husbands, wouldn’t that make her current wealth irrelevant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me think of something in my own life that answers your question.

Long time friend of my husband comes to my home with her family. I think nothing of it. We host. I have met this woman many times but had never been to her home. She is great. We then are invited to her home (she has two kids and a DH). OMG!!!!!!! She is rich and her house was amazing and perfectly decorated and she had hired help to cater and serve for a very casual party. I was sincerely mortified that I had her to my house and never invited her over again. It was eye opening. We are in different leagues and no I'm not serving you my baked French toast from my semi-old dishware ever again.

So no, I wouldn't reciprocate.

And I think your nuts. If she was a long time friend of your husbands, wouldn’t that make her current wealth irrelevant?

+1

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not bother me at all. If I like you, and we connect as friends, then I want to hang out with you regardless of what kind of house you have.

Same. Though I can’t imagine how I would meet someone with your kind of wealth. When I was in college I was friends with a very wealthy girl (her parents owned several restaurants in a big city) and the only time our friendship was awkward was when she wanted to go to the big sale at Neiman Marcus and I just couldn’t spend that kind of money, sale or not. Other than that, we had a great time together.

For me, and apparently many others on here, it's not about OPs wealth, specifically. Depending on where you are in the country, a 15,000 sq ft house may be achievable for many PPs here. We just wouldn't choose to spend our money that way. How people choose to spend their money says a lot more to me about them than the fact that they have that money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m one of the PP’s talking about schools. I have attended public and private schools and have taught and volunteered in both. I value public schools and will likely send my kids to them, but if I can afford private I would do it in a heartbeat They provide a lot that public schools cannot, and I say that as a huge supporter of public schools with 5 educators in my immediate and extended family. No public school can provide the high level of individualized instruction and small class size that a good private school can. They just can’t. And yes, having access to their college counselors and graduating from a private school can help your kids into a better college.

So as someone who prioritizes education and also the environment and judicious use of resources, I would not have anything in common with the OP, who prioritizes a gaudy McMansion over her children’s educations and doesn’t even see or acknowledge the good fortune of her life or seem to own her choices. I don’t understand the disconnect from her—she justifies her house size like it’s totally normal for a 5 member family to live in that size of a house and is acting surprised that it’s off putting. OP seems out of touch with reality so it’s no wonder most average moms aren’t connecting with you and your lavish, privileged lifestyle.

For all your self-proclaimed devotion to education, this is an astonishingly dumb statement. Nothing in OP's post suggested that she prioritizes a large (OK, humongous) house over education. Do you really think that someone who can afford a 15,000 sq ft. house can't afford private school in addition to that house? That if she stayed in her previous 8000 sq. ft. house, she'd be sending her kids to private school, but that she sacrificed that ability for the extra 7000 sq. ft.?

That's ridiculous.

OP has decided to send her kid to public schools because that's what she thinks is best, not because she has to scrimp and save to pay for the $40,000 tax bill on her house, and the $1000 monthly electric bill. Do I know this for a fact? Of course not. But to assume the opposite is stunningly stupid. Use your damn head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why such a big house, OP? Really?

Are you embarrassed of it? Or do you love it?

I love our home, every detail of it. Our old house was fine but pretty cookie cutter without much character. I am not at all embarrassed of my house. We spent much effort making it our own.
I have many friends already, just not new baby mom friends. I felt I missed out the first round because I was a full time working mom back then. I want to go on stroller walks, meet up at the playground, go grab coffee, etc.

Sorry OP, any person who loves every detail of 15K ft2 would not be a friend of mine. :-/ Like PP said, even Kris Jenner has a smaller house.

OP you seem unwilling to engage with any person questioning your ostentatious taste (despite the fact that most on here think your house size is extreme) priorities (a massive multimillion dollar house using large amounts of energy and resources for a measly 5 people and a hired housekeeper but your kids are in public school), or how you handle yourself with less privileged women. Have you not considered these as valid reasons women may not want to be your friend? Frankly, you just sound very unrelatable.

Why on earth would OP engage with people looking to pile it on?

“Faux humble?” Really? Get back to me when you realize first hand what humility is. Y’all sound like a bunch of whiny, immature hens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m one of the PP’s talking about schools. I have attended public and private schools and have taught and volunteered in both. I value public schools and will likely send my kids to them, but if I can afford private I would do it in a heartbeat They provide a lot that public schools cannot, and I say that as a huge supporter of public schools with 5 educators in my immediate and extended family. No public school can provide the high level of individualized instruction and small class size that a good private school can. They just can’t. And yes, having access to their college counselors and graduating from a private school can help your kids into a better college.

So as someone who prioritizes education and also the environment and judicious use of resources, I would not have anything in common with the OP, who prioritizes a gaudy McMansion over her children’s educations and doesn’t even see or acknowledge the good fortune of her life or seem to own her choices. I don’t understand the disconnect from her—she justifies her house size like it’s totally normal for a 5 member family to live in that size of a house and is acting surprised that it’s off putting. OP seems out of touch with reality so it’s no wonder most average moms aren’t connecting with you and your lavish, privileged lifestyle.

For all your self-proclaimed devotion to education, this is an astonishingly dumb statement. Nothing in OP's post suggested that she prioritizes a large (OK, humongous) house over education. Do you really think that someone who can afford a 15,000 sq ft. house can't afford private school in addition to that house? That if she stayed in her previous 8000 sq. ft. house, she'd be sending her kids to private school, but that she sacrificed that ability for the extra 7000 sq. ft.?

That's ridiculous.

OP has decided to send her kid to public schools because that's what she thinks is best, not because she has to scrimp and save to pay for the $40,000 tax bill on her house, and the $1000 monthly electric bill. Do I know this for a fact? Of course not. But to assume the opposite is stunningly stupid. Use your damn head.

MD and VA have some of the best public schools in the country. The privates, especially in VA are not so great.

[Anonymous]

If like to see your place, OP. Can I come over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will be friends with you, OP. How old is your child again? What dates and times work with you? Both my (adopted) kids have SNs tbut that is fine, we are open and flexible. My girls are 11 and 3. We are all tied up during the week (work, school, daycare, ya know) but we are available on weekends. On those two days, between my DH and me, we usually are splitting time: one of us "on" with the kids while the other catches up with house cleaning, grocery shopping, you know, tthe regular weekend stuff , but at least one of us would love o come over to your house to chat with you, fill your need to feel like you still belong and can relate to hoi polloi, etc. What other activities are your kids involved in? Do you want to carpool to Girl Scouts, swimming, or CYO basketball? Do you have any tips to share about my financial aid application for my dyslexic child's application to a dyslexia friendly private school? If so, I am wide open, and do not care what house you live in! Please, be my friend!

Don’t invite this person over (I know you wouldn't ) because as much as I would have compassion for this person and her family, I'd worry she would ask me for referrals (which you may not be comfortable giving) or money in some capacity by filling you up with stories of constant woe. I'd worry about people coming over and liability potential. East coasters are big on suing right?

I think this person was being sarcastic. They probably aren't even real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would not bother me at all. If I like you, and we connect as friends, then I want to hang out with you regardless of what kind of house you have.

Same. Though I can’t imagine how I would meet someone with your kind of wealth. When I was in college I was friends with a very wealthy girl (her parents owned several restaurants in a big city) and the only time our friendship was awkward was when she wanted to go to the big sale at Neiman Marcus and I just couldn’t spend that kind of money, sale or not. Other than that, we had a great time together.

For me, and apparently many others on here, it's not about OPs wealth, specifically. Depending on where you are in the country, a 15,000 sq ft house may be achievable for many PPs here. We just wouldn't choose to spend our money that way. How people choose to spend their money says a lot more to me about them than the fact that they have that money.

As for me, I’m feel that way if you are a judgy byotch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If like to see your place, OP. Can I come over?

No judgy looky loot losers allowed. Too many inaccurate assumptions and obvious I’ll intent.

[Anonymous]

*ill

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very rude of these “friends” to poke fun at your lifestyle. It would be one thing if you were bragging but clearly you’re not.[b]

I would look into private schools where you will find wealth. There will be others with large homes and many without but I don’t think you’ll be called out on it.

It’s a frustrating problem to have- though I’m sure many of us would trade places in a second!

I think owning a 15,000 sf home is basically like bragging about your wealth, though. There's nothing subtle about it.

Agree. And that’s not the type of person I really hang around with.

[Anonymous]

I would really like to know where OP lives. Being from NYC and now living in DC, I feel like 15,000 square feet is basically an entire apartment building? I actually just can't imagine wanting or needing that much space, so for me it seems like you'd buy the house only to show off how rich you were. (And I went to school on the UES of Manhattan, so I've done plenty of socializing w/ uber-rich people though my family was just comfortably UMC.) Do you live somewhere where other people live in 8,000 square foot homes? So, from my perspective, this should be more like a 4,000 square foot home (big, but not necessarily indicative of insanity)?

The public v private school thing is silly. It completely depends where she lives. If she lives somewhere like Scarsdale, NY, why wouldn't she send her kid to public school? The public schools are practically like private schools resources-wise and the private schools are largely dominated by SN kids or difficult kids who don't do well in normal school environments. Totally different if she lived somewhere like DC w/ mediocre public schools and great private ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. You’re getting a lot of grief for living in such a large house...and here’s one more.

I’m spatially challenged and had NO idea how big 15K sq ft was until I looked it up. That’s just...insane.

We would not be friends because:
-I’d wonder how much $$$ you’re giving to charity instead of your mortgage and housekeeper
-why such a big house? What are you compensating for?
-I’d think it’s a huge waste of money and couldn’t get past that. I wouldn’t be jealous, I am more jealous of people who can travel or have multiple homes.

NP here, but it is so clear that you have this skewed issue with a large house, but trying to fit it into some moral compass. First of all, giving to charity isn't an either/or situation. Why couldn't she have her mortgage, housekeeper AND charities?
Why is there compensation issues for a large house, but not for "extra houses" that are more of a waste than a large house?