Would you not reciprocate a play date if friend’s house was too big?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t reciprocate only bc my house is much smaller than even your smaller house (1800) And we have 6 people.

I’d still be friends and would probably mention I didn’t have a lot of room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't do my own cleaning or laundry. My best friend does both. It has never once been a point of contention between the two of us. Instead, I sympathize with her if she gripes about spending time on those tasks and she never makes nasty comments about how I don't do it.

I do wonder if there's something about the way OP said something that was what bothered the friend. I can't empathize with several of my friends (i.e. my ones whose husbands are in the military and get deployed - I've never dealt with that, or the ones whose husbands never changed a dirty diaper - I never had that problem), but it doesn't mean I can't sympathize with them. Because, you know, that's what friends do. So if OP was weird in response to someone making a comment about having too much laundry or cleaning being such a bear, then yeah, I could see that person not wanting to be friends with OP anymore. You ought to be able to sympathize with your friends even if you don't understand exactly what they're going through. And maybe that was the problem. (OP, I'm not trying to be mean here, for the record, I'm not accusing you of having done or said something bad, just suggesting that perhaps that's the source of the problem).

I think I’m too old to try to fit in. I am not faux humble as someone suggested previously. I absolutely can sympathize with other people though.

Being a SAHM is new territory for me. Having a new baby after having self sufficient older children is also different.

When my older kids were younger, there were plenty of people we only met once for a play date. Some we met a handful of times. I was often the unavailable one. I think I am overthinking this. I shouldn’t have to hide my home.

I didn’t realize my thread would be so popular.

Late 30s and you’re too old to fit in with other 30-somethings? Yeah, the house isn’t the problem here.

[Anonymous]

This thread is so bonkers I honestly think it may be a troll. 15,000 square foot house, really? Why are you worrying about stuff on DCUM instead of just walking the halls of your airport-sized house? That being said, I’m less bothered by house size disparities than I am by OP’s weird explanations of her reasons for the house and her play date concerns.

[Anonymous]

Depends on how the space is used. There are space-eating rooms that can be a lot of square footage that feel "attached" to the house. An indoor pool, a full-sized indoor basketball court, and the like would add considerable square footage.

I've seen people with other types of specialized rooms. For instance, I know (not in this area) a concert pianist married to a wealthy surgeon, and the house they built contains a small concert hall, which she uses as a teaching studio as well as for rehearsals and giving private performances.

The size of a "home office" can be considerable, too. For instance, my tax preparer basically has a full office that is part of his house, which employs multiple people. It's basically a business that is part of the house. I know tech executives who have significant-size home offices that include space not just for them, but temporary workspace for a team to do an off-site retreat, with conference rooms. Some business executives have what is basically a full conference center that's part of their house.

I could see a family of five using 8,000 square feet of generously-proportioned rooms. That's especially true if there's a lot of storage space, large spaces for entertaining (which might include things like a catering kitchen), and the like. But 15,000 seems excessive unless you have a business space or other specialized rooms that eat very large amounts of space.

[Anonymous]

I would have replied that I can't imagine a 15000 sqft house...but some other posters have nicely found listings. We have 2700 sqft for 3 kids. I could imagine adding another 1-2k to eliminate any space constraints, and perhaps another 1k for a large inlaw suite. That gets me to 6k total. I simply can't even fathom living in anything larger than that. I am curious how one lives in that kind of space. Do you use cell phones to call your kids to dinner? Or walk all the way to go get them? Does each kid get 3 rooms - bedroom, office, playroom and 1.5 baths? Does the family ever spend time in the same room? I really am just curious...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have replied that I can't imagine a 15000 sqft house...but some other posters have nicely found listings. We have 2700 sqft for 3 kids. I could imagine adding another 1-2k to eliminate any space constraints, and perhaps another 1k for a large inlaw suite. That gets me to 6k total. I simply can't even fathom living in anything larger than that. I am curious how one lives in that kind of space. Do you use cell phones to call your kids to dinner? Or walk all the way to go get them? Does each kid get 3 rooms - bedroom, office, playroom and 1.5 baths? Does the family ever spend time in the same room? I really am just curious...

i once watched a show on aaron spelling's house the manor which is one of the most expensive properties in the world. his wife was showing it. it had a "gift wrapping room" - a room dedicated to wrapping gifts, you know with ribbons and stuff, like a small michael's store. they also had a storage that looked larger than a costco. it had similar shelves and everything (rows and rows of stuff) was labeled and classified.

[Anonymous]

I will be friends with you, OP. How old is your child again? What dates and times work with you? Both my (adopted) kids have SNs tbut that is fine, we are open and flexible. My girls are 11 and 3. We are all tied up during the week (work, school, daycare, ya know) but we are available on weekends. On those two days, between my DH and me, we usually are splitting time: one of us "on" with the kids while the other catches up with house cleaning, grocery shopping, you know, tthe regular weekend stuff , but at least one of us would love o come over to your house to chat with you, fill your need to feel like you still belong and can relate to hoi polloi, etc. What other activities are your kids involved in? Do you want to carpool to Girl Scouts, swimming, or CYO basketball? Do you have any tips to share about my financial aid application for my dyslexic child's application to a dyslexia friendly private school? If so, I am wide open, and do not care what house you live in! Please, be my friend!

[Anonymous]

I can't even fathom a 15000 SQ ft house.

OP, I wouldn't really want to be friends with you either

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will be friends with you, OP. How old is your child again? What dates and times work with you? Both my (adopted) kids have SNs tbut that is fine, we are open and flexible. My girls are 11 and 3. We are all tied up during the week (work, school, daycare, ya know) but we are available on weekends. On those two days, between my DH and me, we usually are splitting time: one of us "on" with the kids while the other catches up with house cleaning, grocery shopping, you know, tthe regular weekend stuff , but at least one of us would love o come over to your house to chat with you, fill your need to feel like you still belong and can relate to hoi polloi, etc. What other activities are your kids involved in? Do you want to carpool to Girl Scouts, swimming, or CYO basketball? Do you have any tips to share about my financial aid application for my dyslexic child's application to a dyslexia friendly private school? If so, I am wide open, and do not care what house you live in! Please, be my friend!

Don’t invite this person over (I know you wouldn't ) because as much as I would have compassion for this person and her family, I'd worry she would ask me for referrals (which you may not be comfortable giving) or money in some capacity by filling you up with stories of constant woe. I'd worry about people coming over and liability potential. East coasters are big on suing right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't even fathom a 15000 SQ ft house.

OP, I wouldn't really want to be friends with you either

She probably doesn't have a 15,000 sq. ft house. Who says or writes that?

[Anonymous]

I don’t care how rich I am, there’s no way in this world I’d want 15k sq ft house. I agree with a pp, there’s not much I’d have in common with someone like that. Good luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Where can one find a full-time housekeeper? How much do you pay her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't do my own cleaning or laundry. My best friend does both. It has never once been a point of contention between the two of us. Instead, I sympathize with her if she gripes about spending time on those tasks and she never makes nasty comments about how I don't do it.

I do wonder if there's something about the way OP said something that was what bothered the friend. I can't empathize with several of my friends (i.e. my ones whose husbands are in the military and get deployed - I've never dealt with that, or the ones whose husbands never changed a dirty diaper - I never had that problem), but it doesn't mean I can't sympathize with them. Because, you know, that's what friends do. So if OP was weird in response to someone making a comment about having too much laundry or cleaning being such a bear, then yeah, I could see that person not wanting to be friends with OP anymore. You ought to be able to sympathize with your friends even if you don't understand exactly what they're going through. And maybe that was the problem. (OP, I'm not trying to be mean here, for the record, I'm not accusing you of having done or said something bad, just suggesting that perhaps that's the source of the problem).

I think I’m too old to try to fit in. I am not faux humble as someone suggested previously. I absolutely can sympathize with other people though.

Being a SAHM is new territory for me. Having a new baby after having self sufficient older children is also different.

When my older kids were younger, there were plenty of people we only met once for a play date. Some we met a handful of times. I was often the unavailable one. I think I am overthinking this. I shouldn’t have to hide my home.

I didn’t realize my thread would be so popular.

Late 30s and you’re too old to fit in with other 30-somethings? Yeah, the house isn’t the problem here.

She meant that she feels too old to go through the trouble of fitting in. Like when you go to a movie theater on a Friday night and it’s all loud teenagers and you’re like “I’m too old for this!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't even fathom a 15000 SQ ft house.

OP, I wouldn't really want to be friends with you either

She probably doesn't have a 15,000 sq. ft house. Who says or writes that?

Yes, i’m going with troll here. If you have a 15K sq ft house and a housekeeper, you are probably not going to be posting on DCUM; you’d have a private therapist on retainer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I would strongly question your values and judgment if I knew you lived in such a big house. Can you explain why you do?

We have a home office, different areas for the different kids and a spacious in law suite.

Our parents are old and in bad health - cancer. The reason for the extra large home is for our parents. They may not have long to live so we want them to be comfortable and we want our own space.

Our entertaining areas, especially the baby areas, are the same as our old house. We just have new separate larger areas for the extended family and older kids. Our older kids attend public school.

Do you have like 4 sets of parents living with you? Otherwise, weird and we won’t be friends.

No one lives with us. It is just our family of five.

??????? You JUST said the space is for your parents.

For when they visit.

NP and this is why they are dropping you, OP. You're oblivious to how ridiculous your lifestyle and choices are compared to 99.999% of the population.

+1. Jesus Christ, OP. The notion that your previous 8000 sq foot house isn't sufficient for your elderly parents to be comfortable when they visit is just ludicrous.