I was an AP and now I'm a wife, AMA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny how folks with most "honor and integrity" get cheated on most often, or better yet, cheat themselves. Is this some kind of reverse karma to teach them not to judge?

You just made that up.

Anecdotal doesn't equal made-up

But it still equals a logical fallacy.

You can look up what that means.

You need to look up what boring means. Not everything is logical, my friend.

Yeah, you should definitely Google logical fallacy, "friend" - since you clearly don't even understand why I said that. (Hint: it's a logical fallacy because anecdotal evidence is meaningless).

If you think this is a logical statement, you're in a world of your own...

It's not only logical but true. Maybe you now need to look up the meaning of the word "hint," which should obviously imply to anyone capable of rational, linear thinking, that the onus is on the person claiming that anecdotes = statistically significant data to debunk themselves of that notion.

And I realize that now you will have to research the definition of these words: capable, rational, linear, onus, statistics, debunk, anecdotes, signicant. I should hope that you already know the meanings of imply, thinking, themselves, notion, etc. But given your inability to respond intelligently to any other post questioning why you cite random personal observations and claim them to be determinative, I might be too optimistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whey does your father think of you, OP? Guessing you don't have one or are a child of divorce. I ask this because I grew up without a Dad, but my mom worked really hard to make sure I didn't end up on the pole or become someone like you.

We're not on speaking terms. My dad is racist and had disrespected my husband in the worst way.

The language you have used throughout this thread has been racially loaded at best, and it's easy to see that you are rotten to the core and didn't fall far from the tree.

I feel sorry for your black step-kid. And your husband is a self loathing loser, being with a woman who freely refers to his ex wife and the mother of his child in such a hostile manner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I am a child of divorce (no cheating, just didn't work out) and the two homes thing was cool. I had two rooms that I got to decorate as I liked, friends at both places and so on. It was not earthshattering or whatever as people here state.

Also, I think it's effed up to gloat that you played a role in breaking up a marriage, but all the outrage and vitriol here is a bit much. It's not your marriage, your kid(s), your life, so dial it down people.

Finally my question to the OP: What has your husband learned from the experience that would make him a better husband to you?

OP wrote this!!

Nope. You people have a hard time believing that not everyone is outraged by other people's lives. All the vitriol here is silly to me. I don't know this woman, and don't care enough to call her a whore and all that as others have done here. It's crazy to me. The only people who should be this mad is the ex-wife.

Please. It's the most obvious example of displacement. They can't be mad at the person who actually wronged them, so they lash out (with extra vitriol because anonymity breeds contempt) at someone who embodies some of the same characteristics as the person who wronged them.

There are also just some people who do not see this as an issue with any nuance. If you cheat on someone or are involved with someone who is cheating on someone, you are a bad person and deserve horrible things for that, full stop.

Oh, God - you again. Nobody has cheated on me. But I still condemn cheating because I value honor and integrity. It's not a question of "nuance" when you are a cheater. It's a question of lacking character. You are not a good person by definition. Doesn't mean I wish "horrible things" on the OP. But frankly, she is in for a rude awakening when her DH decides she isn't meeting his "needs" any more.

Oh, God - you again. Do you value forgiveness? Do you believe that people can change? I don't disagree with your assessment of the OP. I also don't think that a person's character is made or broken by one behavior. My mom cheated on my dad. They divorced many years later for other reasons. My mom is a good person who did a bad thing a long time ago. I don't think that that bad thing negates the other things. She has been happily remarried for 20 years (not to the person she cheated with).

Also, while YOU didn't say you wished horrible things on the OP, you don't need to go very far to find people hoping that cheaters get cancer and any number of other horrible things. There are people who say that they won't let their kids have playdates at the houses of people who they know cheated. Those are extreme reactions that I do not think are appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Do you think your husband is your soul mate?
I'd he older than you? What's the age gap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a child of divorce (no cheating, just didn't work out) and the two homes thing was cool. I had two rooms that I got to decorate as I liked, friends at both places and so on. It was not earthshattering or whatever as people here state.

Also, I think it's effed up to gloat that you played a role in breaking up a marriage, but all the outrage and vitriol here is a bit much. It's not your marriage, your kid(s), your life, so dial it down people.

Finally my question to the OP: What has your husband learned from the experience that would make him a better husband to you?

OP wrote this!!

Nope. You people have a hard time believing that not everyone is outraged by other people's lives. All the vitriol here is silly to me. I don't know this woman, and don't care enough to call her a whore and all that as others have done here. It's crazy to me. The only people who should be this mad is the ex-wife.

Please. It's the most obvious example of displacement. They can't be mad at the person who actually wronged them, so they lash out (with extra vitriol because anonymity breeds contempt) at someone who embodies some of the same characteristics as the person who wronged them.

There are also just some people who do not see this as an issue with any nuance. If you cheat on someone or are involved with someone who is cheating on someone, you are a bad person and deserve horrible things for that, full stop.

Oh, God - you again. Nobody has cheated on me. But I still condemn cheating because I value honor and integrity. It's not a question of "nuance" when you are a cheater. It's a question of lacking character. You are not a good person by definition. Doesn't mean I wish "horrible things" on the OP. But frankly, she is in for a rude awakening when her DH decides she isn't meeting his "needs" any more.

Oh, God - you again. Do you value forgiveness? Do you believe that people can change? I don't disagree with your assessment of the OP. I also don't think that a person's character is made or broken by one behavior. My mom cheated on my dad. They divorced many years later for other reasons. My mom is a good person who did a bad thing a long time ago. I don't think that that bad thing negates the other things. She has been happily remarried for 20 years (not to the person she cheated with).

Also, while YOU didn't say you wished horrible things on the OP, you don't need to go very far to find people hoping that cheaters get cancer and any number of other horrible things. There are people who say that they won't let their kids have playdates at the houses of people who they know cheated. Those are extreme reactions that I do not think are appropriate.

Exactly, murders who only did it once doesn't mean it defines them. They did one bad thing, doesn't mean they are bad people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a child of divorce (no cheating, just didn't work out) and the two homes thing was cool. I had two rooms that I got to decorate as I liked, friends at both places and so on. It was not earthshattering or whatever as people here state.

Also, I think it's effed up to gloat that you played a role in breaking up a marriage, but all the outrage and vitriol here is a bit much. It's not your marriage, your kid(s), your life, so dial it down people.

Finally my question to the OP: What has your husband learned from the experience that would make him a better husband to you?

OP wrote this!!

Nope. You people have a hard time believing that not everyone is outraged by other people's lives. All the vitriol here is silly to me. I don't know this woman, and don't care enough to call her a whore and all that as others have done here. It's crazy to me. The only people who should be this mad is the ex-wife.

Please. It's the most obvious example of displacement. They can't be mad at the person who actually wronged them, so they lash out (with extra vitriol because anonymity breeds contempt) at someone who embodies some of the same characteristics as the person who wronged them.

There are also just some people who do not see this as an issue with any nuance. If you cheat on someone or are involved with someone who is cheating on someone, you are a bad person and deserve horrible things for that, full stop.

Oh, God - you again. Nobody has cheated on me. But I still condemn cheating because I value honor and integrity. It's not a question of "nuance" when you are a cheater. It's a question of lacking character. You are not a good person by definition. Doesn't mean I wish "horrible things" on the OP. But frankly, she is in for a rude awakening when her DH decides she isn't meeting his "needs" any more.

Oh, God - you again. Do you value forgiveness? Do you believe that people can change? I don't disagree with your assessment of the OP. I also don't think that a person's character is made or broken by one behavior. My mom cheated on my dad. They divorced many years later for other reasons. My mom is a good person who did a bad thing a long time ago. I don't think that that bad thing negates the other things. She has been happily remarried for 20 years (not to the person she cheated with).

Also, while YOU didn't say you wished horrible things on the OP, you don't need to go very far to find people hoping that cheaters get cancer and any number of other horrible things. There are people who say that they won't let their kids have playdates at the houses of people who they know cheated. Those are extreme reactions that I do not think are appropriate.

Exactly, murders who only did it once doesn't mean it defines them. They did one bad thing, doesn't mean they are bad people.

NP here but are you really equating pp's mom to a murderer?

[Anonymous]

So basically PP does not believe in absolution and believes that adultery is equivalent to murder.

For the record, I do. If someone truly regrets their action and changes their life, I think they should be given a chance to prove it. My belief in forgiveness isn't infinite though and some don't regret what they did. The OP's husband sounds like that kind. The OP just sounds dumb.

[Anonymous]

NP here. I don't think that poster was saying that being a murderer is the same thing as being an adulterer. Just that your actions may define who you are as a person, which is pretty reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I don't think that poster was saying that being a murderer is the same thing as being an adulterer. Just that your actions may define who you are as a person, which is pretty reasonable.

And the poster they were responding to was saying that sometimes people make bad decisions that doesn't make them a bad person, but if everyone who made a bad decision was cut from our lives, who would we have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes we have. We said if either one of us are unhappy in the marriage we'll talk to each other first and figure out how to work through it.

My husband told me when we first got married that you always stay married. Even if somehow you love another person more than your spouse, you value marriage and you stay in marriage and work on it no matter what. We were very much in love and communicated well. He moved out 2 months ago and is living with his affair partner now. What I think is so remarkable is the way that he lies to her. And she thinks that he always tells the truth. Because for a while he broke up with her and we talked about a lot of things. Trust me, she does not know all of the things we talked about. She wouldn't be with him. They're both living in denial, and so are you and your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. I don't think that poster was saying that being a murderer is the same thing as being an adulterer. Just that your actions may define who you are as a person, which is pretty reasonable.

And the poster they were responding to was saying that sometimes people make bad decisions that doesn't make them a bad person, but if everyone who made a bad decision was cut from our lives, who would we have?

Right, but the PP didn't equate murder with infidelity, that's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:So he left his first wife because she was ghetto?

Or someone has accused you of being ghetto so you just proactively say you aren't?

He didn't leave her for that reason, but he said that was a turn off. If you've ever watched one of those Vh1 reality shows (Love and Hip Hop or Basketball Wives), the women on them pretty much sum up her attitude and behavior.

You don't think stealing a husband is ghetto?

Please explain to me how it is.

Well uh, it's stealing.

Genuinely LOL-ing here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I bet you have long nails and smell like hair relaxer.

White ladies (the ex called her white trash) smell like hair relaxer?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:16:00, my plan is to continue working. There's no way we can afford child care on one salary.

So you're going to work, have a baby, and continue to do all the cooking and cleaning? Do I understand that correctly?

Don't forget the blow jobs.

[Anonymous]

You married a man with no character, and you have no character.

This will not end with domestic bliss.