Mothers - How many sex partners would you want your daughter to have prior to marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
One. The man she intends to marry. This worked out amazingly well for me. Married 12 years, amazing sex life.


How do you know your sex life is 'amazing' if you have nothing to compare it to? You don't have a point of reference, so to speak..

PP here- I know it is amazing because it is wonderful and fufilling for me and DH. We have two toddlers, both work full time plus and can't wait to get to bed most nights. We have both perfected what works for the other person and so if you are telling me some fling with someone who doesn't mean anything to me will change my opinion of something that is so enjoyable- you probably don't even know what real intimacy is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had three partners and I was not too much into the first 2. I just slept with them because they were most straightforward with their intentions. My DH was the only one I actually wanted to have sex with and I met him at 23. There were others before DH who I would have loved to have sex with, but it never happened for different reasons. I do regret that. Anyhow, I wish my daughter has sex with all the men who'd turn her on.

you say ALL but how many do you really mean? 10? 50? 1000?

I think you have a limited understanding of females and attraction.

Hahah hardly.

What I'm curious about though is there seem to be some who proclaim daughter should sleep as many she wants! or all that she is attracted to! or a lot!

But what does that MEAN? I'm not in your head, please elaborate. Because some girl somewhere is going to hear, fuck all the men you think are hot - and she's going to end up banging 100 dudes, when the message really was - sleep with all the men you think are hot AND you think might want to be in relationship with AND who you think might make a good mate - which might be 7

So what? As long as she practices safe sex/birth control? It's no one's business.

No one has these conversations about men. It's just ridiculous.

Some women don't want to get married and certainly don't want to have one partner their entire lives. Some women do. It's no one's business. One choice isn't more "moral" than the other. The only issue of morality comes in if people manipulate their partners or aren't responsible with contraceptives.

If I ever have a daughter, that's what I'll teach her. Of course, I'll also tell her that just like not all women want the same thing, not all men want the same thing. Sex isn't a way to earn a person's love, and it certainly isn't a guarantee of it.

[Anonymous]

Hundreds, but only if she paid well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One. The man she intends to marry. This worked out amazingly well for me. Married 12 years, amazing sex life.

How do you know your sex life is 'amazing' if you have nothing to compare it to? You don't have a point of reference, so to speak..

I tend to agree. I would be very interested to hear from the husbands of women who've never slept with anyone else and think they have amazing sex lives. It's great if the women are happy, but I bet the husbands are bored to tears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hundreds, but only if she paid well!

At some point, it just doesn't make sense to do it for free when one could go pro.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
One. The man she intends to marry. This worked out amazingly well for me. Married 12 years, amazing sex life.


How do you know your sex life is 'amazing' if you have nothing to compare it to? You don't have a point of reference, so to speak..


I tend to agree. I would be very interested to hear from the husbands of women who've never slept with anyone else and think they have amazing sex lives. It's great if the women are happy, but I bet the husbands are bored to tears.

That is such a stupid statement. The fact that I haven't had multiple partners makes me bad in bed? I bet that I have had more sex than many women- let's say on average 3-4 times a week for the last 15 years? All of that time learnig how to please my husband and vice versa. I have plenty of friends who have had lots of different partners- and I would say that my sex life is better. You don't have to ask my husband- this morning he said "OMG- last night was amazing"- doesn't really sound like bored to tears to me.

[Anonymous]

at least 400,000,000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What about oxytocin release?

We now know that in females sexual activity releases oxytocin and creates pair bond feelings.

to those who say 100 partners is ok - what about the tendency for women to bond to their partners?

Bond / break / bond / break

Is that healthy?

This is made up bullshit from the Christian right.

Um. Try doing a little research on oxytocin and see what you come back with. Pubmed is a good place to start.

And just about every woman I've ever met has said that sex makes them feel closer to the partner.

You're cute. You're still an ignorant fool, though.

The anecdotal evidence you cite on the second line is the exact opposite of peer-reviewed evidence published in Pubmed. The singular of "data" is not "anecdote."

It's bullshit because it takes a small piece of information about oxytocin and strings it out into a made-up story about what happens to women's emotions during sex.

Sex does create good feelings towards the person that you have sex with. It however doesn't create some kind of "pair bond" that causes psychological damage if you break it. Women aren't baby ducks that imprint on the first cock that they put in their vaginas. There's no evidence for that.

Women also have good feelings towards people who buy them an ice cream. It also doesn't create a "pair bond."

Men also have good feelings towards people that they have pleasurable sex with. The Christian Right doesn't emphasize this theory for men, though, because they are less concerned about controlling men's sexuality and very concerned with controlling women's sexuality.

There is an equal amount of evidence that humans are designed to be moderately polyamorous. A good summary of that evidence is set out in a book called "Sex at Dawn."

Both of these, however, are evolutionary psych approaches, so I tend to call "bullshit" on both of them. Humans have so much cognitive structure laid over the top of any instincts we once had, that it is unclear that humans have any sort of instincts at all. We just have too much cognitive ability to be particularly functional.

Sex at Dawn is a good read. Don't know if I buy it altogether but it certainly makes the case for polyamory well.

Oxytocin's effects are not disputed. What is disputed by some is how it impacts men and women differently.

testosterone found in much higher levels in men is known to diminish its effects

estrogen found in much higher levels in women is known to enhance its effects



And again, every woman I've ever met says that they feel a closer bond to a man after the have sex with them.

It is interesting that some men have a really hard time grasping the idea that some women actually just enjoy sex from a physical satisfaction level.

I very clearly remember one casual partner I had and we would have sex every few weeks. He wanted more, he wanted a relationship. He was not relationship material, but he was great in bed. I simply told him that I enjoyed sex with him, but wanted nothing more. I would not say I felt closer to him after having sex with him, I just really got off an having sex with him. No strings attached. Within some frameworks, having sex is just about the same as getting great massage, we can part ways and enjoy the memory of the pleasure.

However, I consider myself a very confident and sexually healthy woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One. The man she intends to marry. This worked out amazingly well for me. Married 12 years, amazing sex life.

How do you know your sex life is 'amazing' if you have nothing to compare it to? You don't have a point of reference, so to speak..

This is where a insecure man's deep fears come from and why the insecure ones get so spun up.

If a woman has never been with another man then she can live her life thinking her husband is "amazing". She has no frame of reference.

I for one would NEVER want one of my children male or female to marry as a virgin. Sex is a huge part of a marriage and one has to be compatible. I also think virginity breeds massive hang ups.

[Anonymous]

I don't have daughters, nor do I have an opinion on this, other than to say more than one.

[Anonymous]

"It is interesting that some men have a really hard time grasping the idea that some women actually just enjoy sex from a physical satisfaction level."

Guy here. From experience, and for talking to men and women about this subject throughout the years, I tend to agree. However, I think the share of guys that need some sort of emotional connection is lower than the share of woman who do. (Note that I'm not saying that the share of woman greater or less than x percent, only that it's higher than men's).

Why is that? Societal norms? Biology? Both? I am agnostic about that.

[Anonymous]

^^ need *or develop* an emotional bond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had three partners and I was not too much into the first 2. I just slept with them because they were most straightforward with their intentions. My DH was the only one I actually wanted to have sex with and I met him at 23. There were others before DH who I would have loved to have sex with, but it never happened for different reasons. I do regret that. Anyhow, I wish my daughter has sex with all the men who'd turn her on.

you say ALL but how many do you really mean? 10? 50? 1000?

I think you have a limited understanding of females and attraction.

Hahah hardly.

What I'm curious about though is there seem to be some who proclaim daughter should sleep as many she wants! or all that she is attracted to! or a lot!

But what does that MEAN? I'm not in your head, please elaborate. Because some girl somewhere is going to hear, fuck all the men you think are hot - and she's going to end up banging 100 dudes, when the message really was - sleep with all the men you think are hot AND you think might want to be in relationship with AND who you think might make a good mate - which might be 7

So what? As long as she practices safe sex/birth control? It's no one's business.

No one has these conversations about men. It's just ridiculous.

Some women don't want to get married and certainly don't want to have one partner their entire lives. Some women do. It's no one's business. One choice isn't more "moral" than the other. The only issue of morality comes in if people manipulate their partners or aren't responsible with contraceptives.

If I ever have a daughter, that's what I'll teach her. Of course, I'll also tell her that just like not all women want the same thing, not all men want the same thing. Sex isn't a way to earn a person's love, and it certainly isn't a guarantee of it.

it is a mother's business to teach her daughter and share her morals/values with her.

this is just one data point.

to be clear, i think society, laws, whatever should be open to women sucking the dicks of any old man they want - i'm just trying to get at what mothers want for the daughters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had three partners and I was not too much into the first 2. I just slept with them because they were most straightforward with their intentions. My DH was the only one I actually wanted to have sex with and I met him at 23. There were others before DH who I would have loved to have sex with, but it never happened for different reasons. I do regret that. Anyhow, I wish my daughter has sex with all the men who'd turn her on.

you say ALL but how many do you really mean? 10? 50? 1000?

I think you have a limited understanding of females and attraction.

Hahah hardly.

What I'm curious about though is there seem to be some who proclaim daughter should sleep as many she wants! or all that she is attracted to! or a lot!

But what does that MEAN? I'm not in your head, please elaborate. Because some girl somewhere is going to hear, fuck all the men you think are hot - and she's going to end up banging 100 dudes, when the message really was - sleep with all the men you think are hot AND you think might want to be in relationship with AND who you think might make a good mate - which might be 7

So what? As long as she practices safe sex/birth control? It's no one's business.

No one has these conversations about men. It's just ridiculous.

Some women don't want to get married and certainly don't want to have one partner their entire lives. Some women do. It's no one's business. One choice isn't more "moral" than the other. The only issue of morality comes in if people manipulate their partners or aren't responsible with contraceptives.

If I ever have a daughter, that's what I'll teach her. Of course, I'll also tell her that just like not all women want the same thing, not all men want the same thing. Sex isn't a way to earn a person's love, and it certainly isn't a guarantee of it.

it is a mother's business to teach her daughter and share her morals/values with her.

this is just one data point.

to be clear, i think society, laws, whatever should be open to women sucking the dicks of any old man they want - i'm just trying to get at what mothers want for the daughters

Well, PP answered that question directly, so you should be good to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"It is interesting that some men have a really hard time grasping the idea that some women actually just enjoy sex from a physical satisfaction level."

Guy here. From experience, and for talking to men and women about this subject throughout the years, I tend to agree. However, I think the share of guys that need some sort of emotional connection is lower than the share of woman who do. (Note that I'm not saying that the share of woman greater or less than x percent, only that it's higher than men's).

Why is that? Societal norms? Biology? Both? I am agnostic about that.

I think is has a lot to do with norms, which are slowly getting chipped away at.

As the woman who wrote what you are quoting, I certainly can say that OF COURSE I've had emotional connections with sex (as has my DH, who is actually much more sensitive than me), but I've also had sexual relationships from a purely gratifying aspect, nothing more.

I'd also like to add that I think I have a healthy relationship with my sexuality and my body. I'm quite comfortable with the biology of sex and the human form. I think this has a lot to do with not having parents twisted up in religious dogma, plus having parents that never made sex or the body something "dirty" and "shameful".