Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be okay with my white daughter dating an Asian American guy. I would be okay with her dating a Latino guy.

I would not be okay with her dating a Muslim guy, a Jewish guy, or a fundie/evangelical Christian guy, regardless of race. I would not be okay with her dating a guy who is from the Middle East or Central Asia. I would not be okay with her dating an Indian guy. I would not be okay with her dating an African American guy.

This sounds like an honest response. My honest follow up question is why do you draw these distinctions? Why okay an Asian American and Latino, but not all those others?

Not the pp, but I think the commonality here is how those cultures treat women.

This is a gross over-generalization, of course. And the secular Jewish guy doesn't really fit the category. But, the rest of them in general represent cultures where women are regarded by men as second-class and, in some cases, treated even worse. (Muslims = Burkhas, don't educate girls; fundie Jewish/Christian -- women are subservant; Middle East and Central Asia -- horrible women's rights records; Indians -- gender-based infanticide, horrible treatment of women; African-American: Women as bitches and hos, etc).

Again, the danger of stereotyping is real, but these are real concerns that I'd have as the parent of daughters. It might depend on how Americanized the family is.

Thanks for your honesty. Interesting that this "gross over generalization" has not created the same outrage as the Becky comments that PP made. Go figure. I would ask you to define "Americanized" for me though. I suspect that your definition will skew towards a White American focus.

You mention that AA culture treats women as bitches and hoes but the AA women on here prefer that their AA sons marry AA women. So clearly, that stereotype is not something that they feel is relevant. Perhaps people are buying into the media and entertainment portrayal of AA's (and minorities) and embracing the worst examples as truth for all - which is one of the points the AA women were making. (There are reasons that most educated AA's hate today's rappers and this is one of the primary reasons - they are modern day minstrels) But the PP was somewhat clever in that in her Becky post, she turned that negative stereotype/generalization around. She used a specific type of White person as a generalization for all White people. And a couple White people bit on it. I cannot speak for her, but what I think she was trying to do was show by example why the whole Shanequa (sp) line of discussion was so insulting.

I define "Americanized" more by how many generations they are removed from the homeland. For instance, I know a man of Iranian descent. Born and raised here, as were his parents. He certainly doesn't have any of the sterotypical attitudes about women that we associate with men from the Middle East. I wouldn't have any problems with my daughter dating him if he were roughly her age (right now there'd be a 25-year age gap, and that would be problematic for other reasons). As for the African-American bitches and hos comment I made, that actually falls most extreme under the generalizaing caveat I put in there -- I don't really think that's a fair concern. Nonetheless, I do think the gender role expectations are somewhat different in the Black Community than it is in mine, and I'd want to be sure that my dd wasn't going out with a guy who had different values about how we treat women than I do. Frankly, I do think I'm more likely to encounter that with a young black boy today than I am from an Indian boy whose parents are fresh off the boat.

[Anonymous]

PP, you indeed referenced where Shaquanda was from, not where she is headed. Yes, I would rather have my AA son date Shaquanda from the hood but who is getting good grades, sings at church and runs track in hopes of getting a scholarship for college than precious Snowflake who has no idea of what it is like to be AA in this country and doesn't understand why a white person doesn't have a pass to use the n word...and doesn't care. "From the hood" means nothing since most AAs in the US somehow worked their way up from slavery. Since my grandparents were share-croppers who put my dad through law school. Since my in-laws are a mix of have and have less but who share the common goal of trying to do better for the next generation.

[Anonymous]

"Nonetheless, I do think the gender role expectations are somewhat different in the Black Community than it is in mine, and I'd want to be sure that my dd wasn't going out with a guy who had different values about how we treat women than I do. Frankly, I do think I'm more likely to encounter that with a young black boy today than I am from an Indian boy whose parents are fresh off the boat."

AA, mixed, for professional reasons knows many, many people from India. Wrong, PP, sorry.

And also, look at how many black women are in college vs black men. There are more women. So no, I would say that your perceptions are a bit off. You need to turn off Real Housewives of Atlanta, sweetie. Most educated AAs have very contemporary, normal, American lives and women are not at home, barefoot in the kitchen with 5 kids, responding to "ho get my beer."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be okay with my white daughter dating an Asian American guy. I would be okay with her dating a Latino guy.

I would not be okay with her dating a Muslim guy, a Jewish guy, or a fundie/evangelical Christian guy, regardless of race. I would not be okay with her dating a guy who is from the Middle East or Central Asia. I would not be okay with her dating an Indian guy. I would not be okay with her dating an African American guy.

This sounds like an honest response. My honest follow up question is why do you draw these distinctions? Why okay an Asian American and Latino, but not all those others?

Not the pp, but I think the commonality here is how those cultures treat women.

This is a gross over-generalization, of course. And the secular Jewish guy doesn't really fit the category. But, the rest of them in general represent cultures where women are regarded by men as second-class and, in some cases, treated even worse. (Muslims = Burkhas, don't educate girls; fundie Jewish/Christian -- women are subservant; Middle East and Central Asia -- horrible women's rights records; Indians -- gender-based infanticide, horrible treatment of women; African-American: Women as bitches and hos, etc).

Again, the danger of stereotyping is real, but these are real concerns that I'd have as the parent of daughters. It might depend on how Americanized the family is.

Thanks for your honesty. Interesting that this "gross over generalization" has not created the same outrage as the Becky comments that PP made. Go figure. I would ask you to define "Americanized" for me though. I suspect that your definition will skew towards a White American focus.

You mention that AA culture treats women as bitches and hoes but the AA women on here prefer that their AA sons marry AA women. So clearly, that stereotype is not something that they feel is relevant. Perhaps people are buying into the media and entertainment portrayal of AA's (and minorities) and embracing the worst examples as truth for all - which is one of the points the AA women were making. (There are reasons that most educated AA's hate today's rappers and this is one of the primary reasons - they are modern day minstrels) But the PP was somewhat clever in that in her Becky post, she turned that negative stereotype/generalization around. She used a specific type of White person as a generalization for all White people. And a couple White people bit on it. I cannot speak for her, but what I think she was trying to do was show by example why the whole Shanequa (sp) line of discussion was so insulting.

I define "Americanized" more by how many generations they are removed from the homeland. For instance, I know a man of Iranian descent. Born and raised here, as were his parents. He certainly doesn't have any of the sterotypical attitudes about women that we associate with men from the Middle East. I wouldn't have any problems with my daughter dating him if he were roughly her age (right now there'd be a 25-year age gap, and that would be problematic for other reasons). As for the African-American bitches and hos comment I made, that actually falls most extreme under the generalizaing caveat I put in there -- I don't really think that's a fair concern. Nonetheless, I do think the gender role expectations are somewhat different in the Black Community than it is in mine, and I'd want to be sure that my dd wasn't going out with a guy who had different values about how we treat women than I do. Frankly, I do think I'm more likely to encounter that with a young black boy today than I am from an Indian boy whose parents are fresh off the boat.

PP here. Not to pick on you, your point is actually interesting. My question would be "for any race, doesn't that depend on the circumstances under which the boy was raised?" My sons, who are being raised with both parents in the home have quite a different view of a women’s role than their friends who are being raised by single mothers. It does not matter if they are AA or White. In my view, it less a function of race and more of a function of what the women in their lives do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. AA parent here and I am fine with my son dating a non-AA. However, I do not want rejects from other races. Most of the white women I know who exclusively pursue AA men do so because they are not waif thin and AA culture has different norms as far as what is physically attractive. Please make note of the use of the word, "exclusively." I call it the Kim K theory - Kim K was too curvy for white men in her social bracket and too lazy to lose the weight/starve herself so she went for men who found her most attractive. As long as my son gets the best, brightest, blondest, skinniest educated Becky from a family who matches our SES, I am good. That goes for any other race as well.

No, SES of the family is not as important to me with an AA woman as long as she is smart and headed in the right direction academically and eventually professionally. Think Claire Huxtable. Dr. Cliff Huxtable (Bill Cosby) was from a long line of affluent, educated AAs and it always seemed that Claire was from a normal middle class upbringing. Fine, because she went to Hillman (think Howard, Hampton, Morehouse or Spelman) and then law school, after which she became a successful practicing attorney. AA culture is a little bit different from mainstream in that we do not entirely correlate SES of the family with class. There are other ways we measure that which allows for a bit more movement through the ranks, if you will. Race is very central to the identity of AAs and to our experiences as US citizens. If you are a minority you probably understand. So having to bring a person into your SES versus having to bring a person into your SES and get them to understand your race are two very different things.

At the end of the day, you can take Shaqueena our whatever made up name was referenced earlier out of "the hood" and she can assimilate, educate and move up within the AA community. On the other hand, you can take Becky out of the trailor but you aren't getting the trailor out of Becky. I welcome any upper class (not just high SES - two different things guys) parent to let me know if I am wrong and you truly are letting Becky marry into your family.

AA mom here (and a pp). Agree with many of the points you make, especially re: acceptance/SES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here who started the "Shaquanda" discussion.

AGAIN- the question was not answered. The reason I asked the question was to see if an AA mother would be so against her son dating a white woman that she would rather have an uneducated balck woman just because she was black.

The question was NOT answered which makes me assume that an AA woman would ratehr have her son date ANY AA woman over a white woman just because of skin color which is quite frankly disgusting.

Now if I am incorrect then please post your response to the contrary but I have asked the question multiple times and no answer was given. Its not an asinine or ignorant question...it actually it quite interesting that no AA woman will answer it. And again I believe its because they do not want to admit it.

You asked me the question and I didn't answer because the comparison was insulting. Couldn't understand why you used the very worst in comparison to the very best. If you must have an answer, I would go with "Shaquanda" because uneducated does not automatically mean someone is destined to a life of poverty and failure. Many black people come from backgrounds of poverty who have risen above their circumstances, so "Shaquanda's" story would not be an unfamiliar one to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here who started the "Shaquanda" discussion.

AGAIN- the question was not answered. The reason I asked the question was to see if an AA mother would be so against her son dating a white woman that she would rather have an uneducated balck woman just because she was black.

The question was NOT answered which makes me assume that an AA woman would ratehr have her son date ANY AA woman over a white woman just because of skin color which is quite frankly disgusting.

Now if I am incorrect then please post your response to the contrary but I have asked the question multiple times and no answer was given. Its not an asinine or ignorant question...it actually it quite interesting that no AA woman will answer it. And again I believe its because they do not want to admit it.

Actually, numerous people answered your question in different ways (i.e, AA's willingness to look at the potential of the person). But you are looking for a "certain" answer and because you did not get that "certain" answer, you claim outrage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, you indeed referenced where Shaquanda was from, not where she is headed. Yes, I would rather have my AA son date Shaquanda from the hood but who is getting good grades, sings at church and runs track in hopes of getting a scholarship for college than precious Snowflake who has no idea of what it is like to be AA in this country and doesn't understand why a white person doesn't have a pass to use the n word...and doesn't care. "From the hood" means nothing since most AAs in the US somehow worked their way up from slavery. Since my grandparents were share-croppers who put my dad through law school. Since my in-laws are a mix of have and have less but who share the common goal of trying to do better for the next generation.

Do you just refuse to read posts? The whole point is that Shaquanda would be dating your soon being uneducated with nothing "going on" and would rely on your son for her suppport, etc. SO of course she can change in the future but if her intent is to live off your son then its just GREAT to know that you would rather have someone leeching off your son (potentially) than someone who is already sufficient.

Thanks for proving that SKIN COLOR matter most to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here who started the "Shaquanda" discussion.

AGAIN- the question was not answered. The reason I asked the question was to see if an AA mother would be so against her son dating a white woman that she would rather have an uneducated balck woman just because she was black.

The question was NOT answered which makes me assume that an AA woman would ratehr have her son date ANY AA woman over a white woman just because of skin color which is quite frankly disgusting.

Now if I am incorrect then please post your response to the contrary but I have asked the question multiple times and no answer was given. Its not an asinine or ignorant question...it actually it quite interesting that no AA woman will answer it. And again I believe its because they do not want to admit it.

Actually, numerous people answered your question in different ways (i.e, AA's willingness to look at the potential of the person). But you are looking for a "certain" answer and because you did not get that "certain" answer, you claim outrage.

Spin it however you want. NO multiple people did not asnwer until 11:32 did. And she proved for her atleast that she would rather choose based on COLOR OF SKIN. My point rests I am done with you racist fools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Nonetheless, I do think the gender role expectations are somewhat different in the Black Community than it is in mine, and I'd want to be sure that my dd wasn't going out with a guy who had different values about how we treat women than I do. Frankly, I do think I'm more likely to encounter that with a young black boy today than I am from an Indian boy whose parents are fresh off the boat."

AA, mixed, for professional reasons knows many, many people from India. Wrong, PP, sorry.

And also, look at how many black women are in college vs black men. There are more women. So no, I would say that your perceptions are a bit off. You need to turn off Real Housewives of Atlanta, sweetie. Most educated AAs have very contemporary, normal, American lives and women are not at home, barefoot in the kitchen with 5 kids, responding to "ho get my beer."

That's probably true. But unless DD has some preferences she hasn't yet revealed to me, she's not going to be dating those black women in college, is she? I'm not really sure what it says about the fact that most of her black male peers aren't going to college, but that doesn't really sway me to change my mind. She wants to date a college-bound black boy? I'm totally cool with that; the issues about gender role expectations are totally different between the Black community and an Muslim community. It would totally depend on the circumstance.

Let's not forget I was trying to explain what I saw as a possible rationale for another poster's response. I think you'd be hard pressed to argue that the record for African Americans on women's rights lags that of white people. Read Maya Angelou or bell hooks sometime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here who started the "Shaquanda" discussion.

AGAIN- the question was not answered. The reason I asked the question was to see if an AA mother would be so against her son dating a white woman that she would rather have an uneducated balck woman just because she was black.

The question was NOT answered which makes me assume that an AA woman would ratehr have her son date ANY AA woman over a white woman just because of skin color which is quite frankly disgusting.

Now if I am incorrect then please post your response to the contrary but I have asked the question multiple times and no answer was given. Its not an asinine or ignorant question...it actually it quite interesting that no AA woman will answer it. And again I believe its because they do not want to admit it.

You asked me the question and I didn't answer because the comparison was insulting. Couldn't understand why you used the very worst in comparison to the very best. If you must have an answer, I would go with "Shaquanda" because uneducated does not automatically mean someone is destined to a life of poverty and failure. Many black people come from backgrounds of poverty who have risen above their circumstances, so "Shaquanda's" story would not be an unfamiliar one to me.

Well atleast you answered truthfully. Too bad you see skin color as being so important. Its really sad, really really sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here who started the "Shaquanda" discussion.

AGAIN- the question was not answered. The reason I asked the question was to see if an AA mother would be so against her son dating a white woman that she would rather have an uneducated balck woman just because she was black.

The question was NOT answered which makes me assume that an AA woman would ratehr have her son date ANY AA woman over a white woman just because of skin color which is quite frankly disgusting.

Now if I am incorrect then please post your response to the contrary but I have asked the question multiple times and no answer was given. Its not an asinine or ignorant question...it actually it quite interesting that no AA woman will answer it. And again I believe its because they do not want to admit it.

You asked me the question and I didn't answer because the comparison was insulting. Couldn't understand why you used the very worst in comparison to the very best. If you must have an answer, I would go with "Shaquanda" because uneducated does not automatically mean someone is destined to a life of poverty and failure. Many black people come from backgrounds of poverty who have risen above their circumstances, so "Shaquanda's" story would not be an unfamiliar one to me.

Well atleast you answered truthfully. Too bad you see skin color as being so important. Its really sad, really really sad.

No it's not, it's reality. Only white people have the luxury of ignoring race.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you indeed referenced where Shaquanda was from, not where she is headed. Yes, I would rather have my AA son date Shaquanda from the hood but who is getting good grades, sings at church and runs track in hopes of getting a scholarship for college than precious Snowflake who has no idea of what it is like to be AA in this country and doesn't understand why a white person doesn't have a pass to use the n word...and doesn't care. "From the hood" means nothing since most AAs in the US somehow worked their way up from slavery. Since my grandparents were share-croppers who put my dad through law school. Since my in-laws are a mix of have and have less but who share the common goal of trying to do better for the next generation.

Do you just refuse to read posts? The whole point is that Shaquanda would be dating your soon being uneducated with nothing "going on" and would rely on your son for her suppport, etc. SO of course she can change in the future but if her intent is to live off your son then its just GREAT to know that you would rather have someone leeching off your son (potentially) than someone who is already sufficient.

Thanks for proving that SKIN COLOR matter most to you.

Don't feel like going back in the thread, but you only mentioned Shaquanda being uneducated and from (or living) in the projects. Not sure how that signals she's going nowhere. I was born and raised in the projects, so like I said Shaquanda's story is not unfamiliar to me and being poor and uneducated does not automatically rule you out for me.

You can always go to school and get an education. You can always move out of the projects. You can almost never get someone to totally understand what it means to be black in America (good and bad).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, you indeed referenced where Shaquanda was from, not where she is headed. Yes, I would rather have my AA son date Shaquanda from the hood but who is getting good grades, sings at church and runs track in hopes of getting a scholarship for college than precious Snowflake who has no idea of what it is like to be AA in this country and doesn't understand why a white person doesn't have a pass to use the n word...and doesn't care. "From the hood" means nothing since most AAs in the US somehow worked their way up from slavery. Since my grandparents were share-croppers who put my dad through law school. Since my in-laws are a mix of have and have less but who share the common goal of trying to do better for the next generation.

Do you just refuse to read posts? The whole point is that Shaquanda would be dating your soon being uneducated with nothing "going on" and would rely on your son for her suppport, etc. SO of course she can change in the future but if her intent is to live off your son then its just GREAT to know that you would rather have someone leeching off your son (potentially) than someone who is already sufficient.

Thanks for proving that SKIN COLOR matter most to you.

Don't feel like going back in the thread, but you only mentioned Shaquanda being uneducated and from (or living) in the projects. Not sure how that signals she's going nowhere. I was born and raised in the projects, so like I said Shaquanda's story is not unfamiliar to me and being poor and uneducated does not automatically rule you out for me.

You can always go to school and get an education. You can always move out of the projects. You can almost never get someone to totally understand what it means to be black in America (good and bad).

They say Ghana is quite attractive in terms of climate and cost of living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here who started the "Shaquanda" discussion.

AGAIN- the question was not answered. The reason I asked the question was to see if an AA mother would be so against her son dating a white woman that she would rather have an uneducated balck woman just because she was black.

The question was NOT answered which makes me assume that an AA woman would ratehr have her son date ANY AA woman over a white woman just because of skin color which is quite frankly disgusting.

Now if I am incorrect then please post your response to the contrary but I have asked the question multiple times and no answer was given. Its not an asinine or ignorant question...it actually it quite interesting that no AA woman will answer it. And again I believe its because they do not want to admit it.

Actually, numerous people answered your question in different ways (i.e, AA's willingness to look at the potential of the person). But you are looking for a "certain" answer and because you did not get that "certain" answer, you claim outrage.

Spin it however you want. NO multiple people did not asnwer until 11:32 did. And she proved for her atleast that she would rather choose based on COLOR OF SKIN. My point rests I am done with you racist fools.

PP here and I am White. YOU were the one spinning things by asking a stupid question with factors that had NOTHING to do with race. Perhaps if you had painted the two choices as equals, you would have gotten better answers. You want a Black and White answer for a gray question. Take care.