Can’t get husband to help with Easter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And this is why AI is worthless. Stupid people will use it to justify stupid decisions.

I think the takeaway is the response was largely sourced form Hershey sources.

That said, I can accept that Hershey can decide its products are Easter products. The holiday - like most others - is marketing driven, so this source is as authoritative as any. Given that the holiday celebrates the death and resurrection of a Jewish carpenter by - checks notes... - a giant bunny, and hunting for eggs containing candy.

But it's Hershey bars where we draw the line. That's not appropriate resurrected-Jewish-carpenter candy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is the answer here. Marry someone who cares about the stuff you care about.

The men will be lining up to marry a middle aged single mother with 3 kids.

She wouldn't be a single mother. She's be a divorced mother.

By definition, divorced women are not single mothers. The only single mothers are widows and those who used a sperm donor.

You forgot adoptive moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And this is why AI is worthless. Stupid people will use it to justify stupid decisions.

I think the takeaway is the response was largely sourced form Hershey sources.

That said, I can accept that Hershey can decide its products are Easter products. The holiday - like most others - is marketing driven, so this source is as authoritative as any. Given that the holiday celebrates the death and resurrection of a Jewish carpenter by - checks notes... - a giant bunny, and hunting for eggs containing candy.

But it's Hershey bars where we draw the line. That's not appropriate resurrected-Jewish-carpenter candy.

And gift cards for teens are? Seems like everyone just makes up the rules as they go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And this is why AI is worthless. Stupid people will use it to justify stupid decisions.

I think the takeaway is the response was largely sourced form Hershey sources.

That said, I can accept that Hershey can decide its products are Easter products. The holiday - like most others - is marketing driven, so this source is as authoritative as any. Given that the holiday celebrates the death and resurrection of a Jewish carpenter by - checks notes... - a giant bunny, and hunting for eggs containing candy.

But it's Hershey bars where we draw the line. That's not appropriate resurrected-Jewish-carpenter candy.

And gift cards for teens are? Seems like everyone just makes up the rules as they go.

I'm confident the teens would prefer gift cards or cash money.

If the husband ran to the ATM and gave them what they want, OP should be fine with that. It's everyone's guess if OP would have accepted this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And this is why AI is worthless. Stupid people will use it to justify stupid decisions.

I think the takeaway is the response was largely sourced form Hershey sources.

That said, I can accept that Hershey can decide its products are Easter products. The holiday - like most others - is marketing driven, so this source is as authoritative as any. Given that the holiday celebrates the death and resurrection of a Jewish carpenter by - checks notes... - a giant bunny, and hunting for eggs containing candy.

But it's Hershey bars where we draw the line. That's not appropriate resurrected-Jewish-carpenter candy.

And gift cards for teens are? Seems like everyone just makes up the rules as they go.

I'm confident the teens would prefer gift cards or cash money.

If the husband ran to the ATM and gave them what they want, OP should be fine with that. It's everyone's guess if OP would have accepted this.

But it goes back to the point that the husband feels a certain way about celebrating and handing money to his kids for a holiday he doesn't celebrate or believe in. OP doesn't care about any of that but her kids must have chocolate that only he is allowed to purchase. Real team work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is the answer here. Marry someone who cares about the stuff you care about.

The men will be lining up to marry a middle aged single mother with 3 kids.

She wouldn't be a single mother. She's be a divorced mother.

By definition, divorced women are not single mothers. The only single mothers are widows and those who used a sperm donor.

This is true as long as there is child support and joint custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Like that. He technically did what was asked, but didn’t put any actual effort in or pretend to care. He just went into the regular candy aisle instead of the “seasonal” aisle a few steps further into the store.

I checked with Hershey. They affirm their payday and hershy almonds candy is Easter-approprate candy.

And how do you know what aisle OPs husband bought the candy? Are you stalking him?

Anonymous wrote:If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into. I mean, do what you want, but you are taking a woman who wants to be with you and turning her into someone who is fine with you both doing your own thing alone.

How do you keep accurate and fair scores in the transactional sex relationship you describe?

I keep score by knowing that my husband and I both love each other and want the other person to be happy. It’s really easy.

"If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into"

Explain this. Your husband brings home seasonally inappropriate candy, according to your definition of seasonally appropriate.

How are you keeping score based on the comment you made (and probably now regret making)?

I’m the person you are responding to. I don’t regret my comment.

If my husband brought home seasonally inappropriate candy, according to my definition, then I would ask him to go and get seasonally appropriate candy, and he would. Or we would go together.

If I were married to a man who refused to get the kind of candy I wanted because he only does the things that he cares about or that he wants to do, then eventually I would start to follow his lead and just do the things that I care about or that I want to do. I think this is just human nature.

I mean, how long could you go on doing things to make someone else happy and engaging in things they care about when they tell you and show you repeatedly that they won’t do the same for you? At some point that would just get painful, right?

This isn’t scorekeeping. This is just how relationships work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.

So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?

The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Like that. He technically did what was asked, but didn’t put any actual effort in or pretend to care. He just went into the regular candy aisle instead of the “seasonal” aisle a few steps further into the store.

I checked with Hershey. They affirm their payday and hershy almonds candy is Easter-approprate candy.

And how do you know what aisle OPs husband bought the candy? Are you stalking him?

Anonymous wrote:If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into. I mean, do what you want, but you are taking a woman who wants to be with you and turning her into someone who is fine with you both doing your own thing alone.

How do you keep accurate and fair scores in the transactional sex relationship you describe?

I keep score by knowing that my husband and I both love each other and want the other person to be happy. It’s really easy.

"If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into"

Explain this. Your husband brings home seasonally inappropriate candy, according to your definition of seasonally appropriate.

How are you keeping score based on the comment you made (and probably now regret making)?

If I were married to a man who refused to get the kind of candy I wanted because he only does the things that he cares about or that he wants to do, then eventually I would start to follow his lead and just do the things that I care about or that I want to do. I think this is just human nature.

How did your DH take it when you told him that you neither care about nor want to do sex?

Let me guess, he already knew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Like that. He technically did what was asked, but didn’t put any actual effort in or pretend to care. He just went into the regular candy aisle instead of the “seasonal” aisle a few steps further into the store.

I checked with Hershey. They affirm their payday and hershy almonds candy is Easter-approprate candy.

And how do you know what aisle OPs husband bought the candy? Are you stalking him?

Anonymous wrote:If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into. I mean, do what you want, but you are taking a woman who wants to be with you and turning her into someone who is fine with you both doing your own thing alone.

How do you keep accurate and fair scores in the transactional sex relationship you describe?

I keep score by knowing that my husband and I both love each other and want the other person to be happy. It’s really easy.

"If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into"

Explain this. Your husband brings home seasonally inappropriate candy, according to your definition of seasonally appropriate.

How are you keeping score based on the comment you made (and probably now regret making)?

I’m the person you are responding to. I don’t regret my comment.

If my husband brought home seasonally inappropriate candy, according to my definition, then I would ask him to go and get seasonally appropriate candy, and he would. Or we would go together.

If I were married to a man who refused to get the kind of candy I wanted because he only does the things that he cares about or that he wants to do, then eventually I would start to follow his lead and just do the things that I care about or that I want to do. I think this is just human nature.

I mean, how long could you go on doing things to make someone else happy and engaging in things they care about when they tell you and show you repeatedly that they won’t do the same for you? At some point that would just get painful, right?

This isn’t scorekeeping. This is just how relationships work.

The candy wasn't "seasonally" inappropriate. It's the same candy. Seasonally inappropriate would have been Santa or ghost wrapped. Your just really struggling trying to make this argument because now you're griping about the wrapping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Like that. He technically did what was asked, but didn’t put any actual effort in or pretend to care. He just went into the regular candy aisle instead of the “seasonal” aisle a few steps further into the store.

I checked with Hershey. They affirm their payday and hershy almonds candy is Easter-approprate candy.

And how do you know what aisle OPs husband bought the candy? Are you stalking him?

Anonymous wrote:If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into. I mean, do what you want, but you are taking a woman who wants to be with you and turning her into someone who is fine with you both doing your own thing alone.

How do you keep accurate and fair scores in the transactional sex relationship you describe?

I keep score by knowing that my husband and I both love each other and want the other person to be happy. It’s really easy.

"If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into"

Explain this. Your husband brings home seasonally inappropriate candy, according to your definition of seasonally appropriate.

How are you keeping score based on the comment you made (and probably now regret making)?

I’m the person you are responding to. I don’t regret my comment.

If my husband brought home seasonally inappropriate candy, according to my definition, then I would ask him to go and get seasonally appropriate candy, and he would. Or we would go together.

If I were married to a man who refused to get the kind of candy I wanted because he only does the things that he cares about or that he wants to do, then eventually I would start to follow his lead and just do the things that I care about or that I want to do. I think this is just human nature.

I mean, how long could you go on doing things to make someone else happy and engaging in things they care about when they tell you and show you repeatedly that they won’t do the same for you? At some point that would just get painful, right?

This isn’t scorekeeping. This is just how relationships work.

Pp If you define what you mean by Easter candy prior to delegating, that’s another thing. Mind reading is presumed to be the case here.

Also husbands response was after a disagreement ensued. Perhaps he does care; perhaps not.

Also we don’t know how often this occurs. Your comments assume a lot about the details of this relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.

So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?

The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.

Dp

Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.

The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And this is why AI is worthless. Stupid people will use it to justify stupid decisions.

I think the takeaway is the response was largely sourced form Hershey sources.

That said, I can accept that Hershey can decide its products are Easter products. The holiday - like most others - is marketing driven, so this source is as authoritative as any. Given that the holiday celebrates the death and resurrection of a Jewish carpenter by - checks notes... - a giant bunny, and hunting for eggs containing candy.

But it's Hershey bars where we draw the line. That's not appropriate resurrected-Jewish-carpenter candy.

And gift cards for teens are? Seems like everyone just makes up the rules as they go.

Not really.

The only “rule” was to get things the kids like.

It’s the easiest and most effortless task if you actually like your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Like that. He technically did what was asked, but didn’t put any actual effort in or pretend to care. He just went into the regular candy aisle instead of the “seasonal” aisle a few steps further into the store.

I checked with Hershey. They affirm their payday and hershy almonds candy is Easter-approprate candy.

And how do you know what aisle OPs husband bought the candy? Are you stalking him?

Anonymous wrote:If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into. I mean, do what you want, but you are taking a woman who wants to be with you and turning her into someone who is fine with you both doing your own thing alone.

How do you keep accurate and fair scores in the transactional sex relationship you describe?

I keep score by knowing that my husband and I both love each other and want the other person to be happy. It’s really easy.

"If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into"

Explain this. Your husband brings home seasonally inappropriate candy, according to your definition of seasonally appropriate.

How are you keeping score based on the comment you made (and probably now regret making)?

I’m the person you are responding to. I don’t regret my comment.

If my husband brought home seasonally inappropriate candy, according to my definition, then I would ask him to go and get seasonally appropriate candy, and he would. Or we would go together.

If I were married to a man who refused to get the kind of candy I wanted because he only does the things that he cares about or that he wants to do, then eventually I would start to follow his lead and just do the things that I care about or that I want to do. I think this is just human nature.

I mean, how long could you go on doing things to make someone else happy and engaging in things they care about when they tell you and show you repeatedly that they won’t do the same for you? At some point that would just get painful, right?

This isn’t scorekeeping. This is just how relationships work.

The candy wasn't "seasonally" inappropriate. It's the same candy. Seasonally inappropriate would have been Santa or ghost wrapped. Your just really struggling trying to make this argument because now you're griping about the wrapping.

DP

And why not respond by “let’s make it more seasonal by adding a light blue bow” or something . “Next time let’s get something with a bunny on it”.

I would rather do this and have sex than get into an argument over candy wrapping and not have sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And this is why AI is worthless. Stupid people will use it to justify stupid decisions.

I think the takeaway is the response was largely sourced form Hershey sources.

That said, I can accept that Hershey can decide its products are Easter products. The holiday - like most others - is marketing driven, so this source is as authoritative as any. Given that the holiday celebrates the death and resurrection of a Jewish carpenter by - checks notes... - a giant bunny, and hunting for eggs containing candy.

But it's Hershey bars where we draw the line. That's not appropriate resurrected-Jewish-carpenter candy.

And gift cards for teens are? Seems like everyone just makes up the rules as they go.

Not really.

The only “rule” was to get things the kids like.

It’s the easiest and most effortless task if you actually like your family.

Agree. But we don't know what the kids wanted, or if they were even asked. This is not how one would respond if they asked kids and got a specific answer:

"As if kids want those." If you knew you would say: "We asked the kids. The kids wanted Pokémon. And my spouse returned with easter-themed candy they didn't want."

OP responds like someone who assumed, or didn't even know.