Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.
If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.
Your expectations are 100% off, OP.
If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.
Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.
That's literally what I said.
No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.
It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.
And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.
Some of you people are unbelievable.
So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?
The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.
Dp
Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.
The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .
This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.
And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.
Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.
Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?
If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.
Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.
From the OP:
Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.
I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.
He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.
Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.
He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.
Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.
Dude, I literally posted in your defense? By the way, I'm not on your team, but I do think your husband acted like a jerk, which is why I pointed that out.
Is he like this all the time? Why did he want Easter dinner? Or did he just want dinner?
Ignore the Easter dinner part. If that were true she would have said it in the OP or pages ago. Standard troll protocol- she’s embellishing to make her case more sympathetic. Don’t fall for it.
It sounds in line with everything else she said. And the OP was written before Easter, so she wouldn’t have known about the dinner expectations yet.
Her husband does all the grocery shopping except for Easter dinner? Doesn’t make much sense.
I’m guessing that you aren’t married to a man.
What now? Is there no food in the house and everyone will starve on Easter? He goes shopping every day. Sounds like some bizarre tit for tat. She wants candy and he wants dinner and now everyone is pissed. Good times.
Yeah. You aren’t married to a man.
You're saying if you marry a man, expect him to do grocery shopping 364 days a year. That's what to expect.
Expect? We were told THIS man does ALL the shopping. Who does the shopping 364 days of the year in your house?
We were told this, and you identified with a 364 day shopper:
"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."
It's quite a coincidence that both OP and your husband choose not to shop on the same day every year.
WTF are you even talking about? I think you're having trouble telling posters apart.
Possible. I'm responding to the person who identifies with OP, her husband that won't shop on Easter except to buy Easter candy:
"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."
The person who posted that understands what it's like to be the wife of an Easter-exempt husband grocery shopper.
lol…no. I’m the wife of a man who has some magical thinking. This specific thing hasn’t happened, but I can imagine it!
If I asked my husband how he thought I would be making a ham when he knew that I didn’t buy a ham, he would get embarrassed. OP’s husband got angry, which seems to be his MO.
I don’t know. This all tracks to me
But he does the shopping. He knows what food is ij the house.
No he doesn’t.
All we know is that he hangs out at the grocery store every day. My husband takes three visits to do something right - groceries, Home Depot, Amazon returns. So I’d never brag about how he’s at the store, since it has zero to do with meal planning or helping anything.
Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.
If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.
Your expectations are 100% off, OP.
If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.
Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.
That's literally what I said.
No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.
It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.
And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.
Some of you people are unbelievable.
So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?
The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.
Dp
Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.
The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .
This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.
And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.
Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.
Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?
If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.
Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.
From the OP:
Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.
I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.
He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.
Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.
He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.
Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.
Dude, I literally posted in your defense? By the way, I'm not on your team, but I do think your husband acted like a jerk, which is why I pointed that out.
Is he like this all the time? Why did he want Easter dinner? Or did he just want dinner?
Ignore the Easter dinner part. If that were true she would have said it in the OP or pages ago. Standard troll protocol- she’s embellishing to make her case more sympathetic. Don’t fall for it.
It sounds in line with everything else she said. And the OP was written before Easter, so she wouldn’t have known about the dinner expectations yet.
Her husband does all the grocery shopping except for Easter dinner? Doesn’t make much sense.
I’m guessing that you aren’t married to a man.
What now? Is there no food in the house and everyone will starve on Easter? He goes shopping every day. Sounds like some bizarre tit for tat. She wants candy and he wants dinner and now everyone is pissed. Good times.
Yeah. You aren’t married to a man.
You're saying if you marry a man, expect him to do grocery shopping 364 days a year. That's what to expect.
Expect? We were told THIS man does ALL the shopping. Who does the shopping 364 days of the year in your house?
We were told this, and you identified with a 364 day shopper:
"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."
It's quite a coincidence that both OP and your husband choose not to shop on the same day every year.
WTF are you even talking about? I think you're having trouble telling posters apart.
Possible. I'm responding to the person who identifies with OP, her husband that won't shop on Easter except to buy Easter candy:
"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."
The person who posted that understands what it's like to be the wife of an Easter-exempt husband grocery shopper.
lol…no. I’m the wife of a man who has some magical thinking. This specific thing hasn’t happened, but I can imagine it!
If I asked my husband how he thought I would be making a ham when he knew that I didn’t buy a ham, he would get embarrassed. OP’s husband got angry, which seems to be his MO.
I don’t know. This all tracks to me
But he does the shopping. He knows what food is ij the house.
No he doesn’t.
All we know is that he hangs out at the grocery store every day. My husband takes three visits to do something right - groceries, Home Depot, Amazon returns. So I’d never brag about how he’s at the store, since it has zero to do with meal planning or helping anything.
This isn’t about your deadbeat husband and dysfunctional marriage. OP has said he goes to the store and never said she does. Your husband is an idiot yet you married him.
F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
You live in a sad small world if you are worried about losing your friends and husband over an Easter egg hunt. I am beginning to understand why some of you are so nuts if that’s your underlying fear.
Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
If Easter was important to me I would have married a Christian man who wanted to celebrate it. I don't get upset about not celebrating holidays that mean nothing to me and I don't raise my kids with expectations that they will receive gifts for holidays we don't celebrate.
Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.
If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.
Your expectations are 100% off, OP.
If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.
Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.
That's literally what I said.
No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.
It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.
And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.
Some of you people are unbelievable.
So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?
The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.
Dp
Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.
The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .
This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.
And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.
Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.
Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?
If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.
Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.
From the OP:
Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.
I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.
He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.
Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.
He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.
Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.
Dude, I literally posted in your defense? By the way, I'm not on your team, but I do think your husband acted like a jerk, which is why I pointed that out.
Is he like this all the time? Why did he want Easter dinner? Or did he just want dinner?
Ignore the Easter dinner part. If that were true she would have said it in the OP or pages ago. Standard troll protocol- she’s embellishing to make her case more sympathetic. Don’t fall for it.
It sounds in line with everything else she said. And the OP was written before Easter, so she wouldn’t have known about the dinner expectations yet.
Her husband does all the grocery shopping except for Easter dinner? Doesn’t make much sense.
I’m guessing that you aren’t married to a man.
What now? Is there no food in the house and everyone will starve on Easter? He goes shopping every day. Sounds like some bizarre tit for tat. She wants candy and he wants dinner and now everyone is pissed. Good times.
Yeah. You aren’t married to a man.
You're saying if you marry a man, expect him to do grocery shopping 364 days a year. That's what to expect.
Expect? We were told THIS man does ALL the shopping. Who does the shopping 364 days of the year in your house?
We were told this, and you identified with a 364 day shopper:
"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."
It's quite a coincidence that both OP and your husband choose not to shop on the same day every year.
WTF are you even talking about? I think you're having trouble telling posters apart.
Possible. I'm responding to the person who identifies with OP, her husband that won't shop on Easter except to buy Easter candy:
"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."
The person who posted that understands what it's like to be the wife of an Easter-exempt husband grocery shopper.
lol…no. I’m the wife of a man who has some magical thinking. This specific thing hasn’t happened, but I can imagine it!
If I asked my husband how he thought I would be making a ham when he knew that I didn’t buy a ham, he would get embarrassed. OP’s husband got angry, which seems to be his MO.
I don’t know. This all tracks to me
But he does the shopping. He knows what food is ij the house.
No he doesn’t.
All we know is that he hangs out at the grocery store every day. My husband takes three visits to do something right - groceries, Home Depot, Amazon returns. So I’d never brag about how he’s at the store, since it has zero to do with meal planning or helping anything.
This isn’t about your deadbeat husband and dysfunctional marriage. OP has said he goes to the store and never said she does. Your husband is an idiot yet you married him.
A deadbeat husband is hardly one who doesn’t plan and organize Easter.
I’ve lived in a few different cities/towns and every single place the women are close to 100% responsible for holidays, birthday parties, vacations, social plans etc.
When I sign up for a sports practice in the app, it’s all moms signing up. The room parents are all moms. Never received a birthday invite from a dad. Never heard of a dad voluntarily buying Easter baskets and filling them. These are all considered female responsibilities. Men are above these things and will simply shirk the responsibility. You can assign them tasks like go buy Easter candy but never heard of a many who in advance of Easter voluntarily goes out to buy candy for his kids and make Easter baskets.
Solution is - no kids unless you have no issue doing all of these things with a FT job - OR have no issue doing these things and earning $0 due to no job.
Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
If Easter was important to me I would have married a Christian man who wanted to celebrate it. I don't get upset about not celebrating holidays that mean nothing to me and I don't raise my kids with expectations that they will receive gifts for holidays we don't celebrate.
Then this post isn’t for you. You don’t celebrate Easter.
Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.
If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.
Your expectations are 100% off, OP.
If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.
Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.
That's literally what I said.
No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.
It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.
And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.
Some of you people are unbelievable.
So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?
The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.
Dp
Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.
The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .
This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.
And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.
Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.
Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?
If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.
Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.
From the OP:
Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.
I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.
He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.
Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.
He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.
Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.
Dude, I literally posted in your defense? By the way, I'm not on your team, but I do think your husband acted like a jerk, which is why I pointed that out.
Is he like this all the time? Why did he want Easter dinner? Or did he just want dinner?
Ignore the Easter dinner part. If that were true she would have said it in the OP or pages ago. Standard troll protocol- she’s embellishing to make her case more sympathetic. Don’t fall for it.
It sounds in line with everything else she said. And the OP was written before Easter, so she wouldn’t have known about the dinner expectations yet.
Her husband does all the grocery shopping except for Easter dinner? Doesn’t make much sense.
I’m guessing that you aren’t married to a man.
What now? Is there no food in the house and everyone will starve on Easter? He goes shopping every day. Sounds like some bizarre tit for tat. She wants candy and he wants dinner and now everyone is pissed. Good times.
Yeah. You aren’t married to a man.
You're saying if you marry a man, expect him to do grocery shopping 364 days a year. That's what to expect.
Expect? We were told THIS man does ALL the shopping. Who does the shopping 364 days of the year in your house?
We were told this, and you identified with a 364 day shopper:
"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."
It's quite a coincidence that both OP and your husband choose not to shop on the same day every year.
WTF are you even talking about? I think you're having trouble telling posters apart.
Possible. I'm responding to the person who identifies with OP, her husband that won't shop on Easter except to buy Easter candy:
"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."
The person who posted that understands what it's like to be the wife of an Easter-exempt husband grocery shopper.
lol…no. I’m the wife of a man who has some magical thinking. This specific thing hasn’t happened, but I can imagine it!
If I asked my husband how he thought I would be making a ham when he knew that I didn’t buy a ham, he would get embarrassed. OP’s husband got angry, which seems to be his MO.
I don’t know. This all tracks to me
But he does the shopping. He knows what food is ij the house.
No he doesn’t.
All we know is that he hangs out at the grocery store every day. My husband takes three visits to do something right - groceries, Home Depot, Amazon returns. So I’d never brag about how he’s at the store, since it has zero to do with meal planning or helping anything.
This isn’t about your deadbeat husband and dysfunctional marriage. OP has said he goes to the store and never said she does. Your husband is an idiot yet you married him.
A deadbeat husband is hardly one who doesn’t plan and organize Easter.
I’ve lived in a few different cities/towns and every single place the women are close to 100% responsible for holidays, birthday parties, vacations, social plans etc.
When I sign up for a sports practice in the app, it’s all moms signing up. The room parents are all moms. Never received a birthday invite from a dad. Never heard of a dad voluntarily buying Easter baskets and filling them. These are all considered female responsibilities. Men are above these things and will simply shirk the responsibility. You can assign them tasks like go buy Easter candy but never heard of a many who in advance of Easter voluntarily goes out to buy candy for his kids and make Easter baskets.
Solution is - no kids unless you have no issue doing all of these things with a FT job - OR have no issue doing these things and earning $0 due to no job.
The moms sign up on the app? Who is actually running all the sports which takes much more time? I see only men coaching, refereeing, running practices, games, etc. But sure the hero moms did all the "signing up" and organizing useless after game treats other moms resent.
Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
You're joking, right? I'm a woman, I work full-time, and I couldn't care less what societal expectations are. I'd find new friends if mine made comments about what I did or didn't do around the house. I'd also find a new husband if he did the same.
Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.
If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.
Your expectations are 100% off, OP.
If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.
Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.
That's literally what I said.
No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.
It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.
And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.
Some of you people are unbelievable.
So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?
The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.
Dp
Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.
The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .
This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.
And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.
Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.
Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?
If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.
Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.
From the OP:
Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.
I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.
He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.
Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.
He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.
Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.
Dude, I literally posted in your defense? By the way, I'm not on your team, but I do think your husband acted like a jerk, which is why I pointed that out.
Is he like this all the time? Why did he want Easter dinner? Or did he just want dinner?
Ignore the Easter dinner part. If that were true she would have said it in the OP or pages ago. Standard troll protocol- she’s embellishing to make her case more sympathetic. Don’t fall for it.
It sounds in line with everything else she said. And the OP was written before Easter, so she wouldn’t have known about the dinner expectations yet.
Her husband does all the grocery shopping except for Easter dinner? Doesn’t make much sense.
I’m guessing that you aren’t married to a man.
What now? Is there no food in the house and everyone will starve on Easter? He goes shopping every day. Sounds like some bizarre tit for tat. She wants candy and he wants dinner and now everyone is pissed. Good times.
Yeah. You aren’t married to a man.
You're saying if you marry a man, expect him to do grocery shopping 364 days a year. That's what to expect.
Expect? We were told THIS man does ALL the shopping. Who does the shopping 364 days of the year in your house?
We were told this, and you identified with a 364 day shopper:
"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."
It's quite a coincidence that both OP and your husband choose not to shop on the same day every year.
WTF are you even talking about? I think you're having trouble telling posters apart.
Possible. I'm responding to the person who identifies with OP, her husband that won't shop on Easter except to buy Easter candy:
"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."
The person who posted that understands what it's like to be the wife of an Easter-exempt husband grocery shopper.
lol…no. I’m the wife of a man who has some magical thinking. This specific thing hasn’t happened, but I can imagine it!
If I asked my husband how he thought I would be making a ham when he knew that I didn’t buy a ham, he would get embarrassed. OP’s husband got angry, which seems to be his MO.
I don’t know. This all tracks to me
But he does the shopping. He knows what food is ij the house.
No he doesn’t.
All we know is that he hangs out at the grocery store every day. My husband takes three visits to do something right - groceries, Home Depot, Amazon returns. So I’d never brag about how he’s at the store, since it has zero to do with meal planning or helping anything.
This isn’t about your deadbeat husband and dysfunctional marriage. OP has said he goes to the store and never said she does. Your husband is an idiot yet you married him.
A deadbeat husband is hardly one who doesn’t plan and organize Easter.
I’ve lived in a few different cities/towns and every single place the women are close to 100% responsible for holidays, birthday parties, vacations, social plans etc.
When I sign up for a sports practice in the app, it’s all moms signing up. The room parents are all moms. Never received a birthday invite from a dad. Never heard of a dad voluntarily buying Easter baskets and filling them. These are all considered female responsibilities. Men are above these things and will simply shirk the responsibility. You can assign them tasks like go buy Easter candy but never heard of a many who in advance of Easter voluntarily goes out to buy candy for his kids and make Easter baskets.
Solution is - no kids unless you have no issue doing all of these things with a FT job - OR have no issue doing these things and earning $0 due to no job.
Find better places to live. In our friend group, the men participate in things as much as the women do. I'm a room parent (a mom) and the other room parent is a dad. Maybe encourage your daughters not to marry men who think like this. They're out there, I know tons of them. Hell, my dad was one when I was growing up in the 80's.
Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
If Easter was important to me I would have married a Christian man who wanted to celebrate it. I don't get upset about not celebrating holidays that mean nothing to me and I don't raise my kids with expectations that they will receive gifts for holidays we don't celebrate.
Then this post isn’t for you. You don’t celebrate Easter.
DP This post does raise the topic of whether celebrating Easter a certain way is a requirement for being a good parent.
Specifically:
Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = good parenting
Non-Easter themed candy (as determined by one spouse) = bad parenting
Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
I was traveling over spring break and the planes were packed with American families going overseas. There are tons of us who do not care about egg hunt. I don't care about societal expectations.
Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
I was traveling over spring break and the planes were packed with American families going overseas. There are tons of us who do not care about egg hunt. I don't care about societal expectations.
Anonymous wrote:F the patriarchy and the expectation that I work FT and handle every family obligation and holiday.
To those who say don’t do it, well you’re depriving your kids of normal holiday rituals. You’ll also be sacrificing your marriage since the societal expectation is that as a woman you create a nice home life. If you don’t go along with this, you’ll struggle to have friends and your DH might replace you.
It’s a scam and the only solution is to NOT HAVE CHILDREN, which plenty of young women have realized.
If. You. Aren’t. A. Christian. It. Is. Just. Another. Sunday.
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
