Can’t get husband to help with Easter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

This seems like a recipe to stop having sex post menopause.

Or even earlier! Like with every transaction, if you want the pro quo, you’ve got to provide the quid.

I guess. If you lose your libido earlier and the deal in your marriage is that both people just do the things they want to do and no one does anything just to make the other person happy, then the sex ends whenever one person loses their libido.

There's help for your low libido. Stop blaming your spouse.

Why would I get help to do something I don’t want to do? And what does this have to do with my spouse? He does the things he wants to do. I do the things I want to do.

Then you don't have low libido. You're just asexual.

Sure. There are weeks that I am asexual, and I suspect that I will be mostly asexual after menopause. I know that I was after childbirth.
So what? Why would my spouse care? He can take care of things alone. It’s easy enough. Why would he expect me to participate?

Look lady, nobody cares if you want to eff your husband or not. You had kids with him so he was good enough at some point and you decided to make kids with him. Nobody cares about how dried up you are now.

And no one cares about whether or not you feel pastel Easter candy properly symbolizes the holiday. Sometimes you just do things your spouse cares about because it’s part of being a good partner.

Don’t be surprised and don’t blame your wife when your inability to care about purchasing the candy she wants for the kids leads to her inability to care about having sex with you. This is the relationship and the marriage you built.

You tried so hard to make a point, and failed miserably. I'm a wife, btw. We're not all as dumb and useless as you are.

+1

The thing is, OPs husband went to the store and bought candy. Mission accomplished. Some people - OP, PP - will find a reason to be miserable and make everyone around them miserable.

Exactly. Maybe he’s just a bare minimum, thoughtless, check-the-box guy.

Or worse, passive aggressive. Ask him to get some candy and he’ll get only the kinds you or everyone hates. Tee hee hee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

This seems like a recipe to stop having sex post menopause.

Or even earlier! Like with every transaction, if you want the pro quo, you’ve got to provide the quid.

I guess. If you lose your libido earlier and the deal in your marriage is that both people just do the things they want to do and no one does anything just to make the other person happy, then the sex ends whenever one person loses their libido.

There's help for your low libido. Stop blaming your spouse.

Why would I get help to do something I don’t want to do? And what does this have to do with my spouse? He does the things he wants to do. I do the things I want to do.

Then you don't have low libido. You're just asexual.

Sure. There are weeks that I am asexual, and I suspect that I will be mostly asexual after menopause. I know that I was after childbirth.
So what? Why would my spouse care? He can take care of things alone. It’s easy enough. Why would he expect me to participate?

Look lady, nobody cares if you want to eff your husband or not. You had kids with him so he was good enough at some point and you decided to make kids with him. Nobody cares about how dried up you are now.

And no one cares about whether or not you feel pastel Easter candy properly symbolizes the holiday. Sometimes you just do things your spouse cares about because it’s part of being a good partner.

Don’t be surprised and don’t blame your wife when your inability to care about purchasing the candy she wants for the kids leads to her inability to care about having sex with you. This is the relationship and the marriage you built.

DP

Like buying Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds like OPs husband did at the request of OP. Like that.

Not being a good partner is expecting someone to mind-read and do something a certain unspecified way, when the person doing the task is in charge of deciding.

Yes. Like that. He technically did what was asked, but didn’t put any actual effort in or pretend to care. He just went into the regular candy aisle instead of the “seasonal” aisle a few steps further into the store.

If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into.

I mean, do what you want, but you are taking a woman who wants to be with you and turning her into someone who is fine with you both doing your own thing alone.

Correct

Curious if these dudes are this careless with their work and work decisions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

This seems like a recipe to stop having sex post menopause.

Or even earlier! Like with every transaction, if you want the pro quo, you’ve got to provide the quid.

I guess. If you lose your libido earlier and the deal in your marriage is that both people just do the things they want to do and no one does anything just to make the other person happy, then the sex ends whenever one person loses their libido.

There's help for your low libido. Stop blaming your spouse.

Why would I get help to do something I don’t want to do? And what does this have to do with my spouse? He does the things he wants to do. I do the things I want to do.

Then you don't have low libido. You're just asexual.

Sure. There are weeks that I am asexual, and I suspect that I will be mostly asexual after menopause. I know that I was after childbirth.
So what? Why would my spouse care? He can take care of things alone. It’s easy enough. Why would he expect me to participate?

Look lady, nobody cares if you want to eff your husband or not. You had kids with him so he was good enough at some point and you decided to make kids with him. Nobody cares about how dried up you are now.

And no one cares about whether or not you feel pastel Easter candy properly symbolizes the holiday. Sometimes you just do things your spouse cares about because it’s part of being a good partner.

Don’t be surprised and don’t blame your wife when your inability to care about purchasing the candy she wants for the kids leads to her inability to care about having sex with you. This is the relationship and the marriage you built.

DP

Like buying Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds like OPs husband did at the request of OP. Like that.

Not being a good partner is expecting someone to mind-read and do something a certain unspecified way, when the person doing the task is in charge of deciding.

Yes. Like that. He technically did what was asked, but didn’t put any actual effort in or pretend to care. He just went into the regular candy aisle instead of the “seasonal” aisle a few steps further into the store.

If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into.

I mean, do what you want, but you are taking a woman who wants to be with you and turning her into someone who is fine with you both doing your own thing alone.

Correct

Curious if these dudes are this careless with their work and work decisions?

Not sweating the small stuff? If they’re any good, that’s exactly how they operate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Correct

Curious if these dudes are this careless with their work and work decisions?

Given that 'Easter egg candy' is loosely defined, the husband fulfilled the requirement. OP failed to specify if she wanted something more specific, and then OP duplicated an already completed effort.

I would write up OP in this case and consider the husband for promotion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

This seems like a recipe to stop having sex post menopause.

Or even earlier! Like with every transaction, if you want the pro quo, you’ve got to provide the quid.

I guess. If you lose your libido earlier and the deal in your marriage is that both people just do the things they want to do and no one does anything just to make the other person happy, then the sex ends whenever one person loses their libido.

There's help for your low libido. Stop blaming your spouse.

Why would I get help to do something I don’t want to do? And what does this have to do with my spouse? He does the things he wants to do. I do the things I want to do.

Then you don't have low libido. You're just asexual.

Sure. There are weeks that I am asexual, and I suspect that I will be mostly asexual after menopause. I know that I was after childbirth.
So what? Why would my spouse care? He can take care of things alone. It’s easy enough. Why would he expect me to participate?

Look lady, nobody cares if you want to eff your husband or not. You had kids with him so he was good enough at some point and you decided to make kids with him. Nobody cares about how dried up you are now.

And no one cares about whether or not you feel pastel Easter candy properly symbolizes the holiday. Sometimes you just do things your spouse cares about because it’s part of being a good partner.

Don’t be surprised and don’t blame your wife when your inability to care about purchasing the candy she wants for the kids leads to her inability to care about having sex with you. This is the relationship and the marriage you built.

DP

Like buying Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds like OPs husband did at the request of OP. Like that.

Not being a good partner is expecting someone to mind-read and do something a certain unspecified way, when the person doing the task is in charge of deciding.

Yes. Like that. He technically did what was asked, but didn’t put any actual effort in or pretend to care. He just went into the regular candy aisle instead of the “seasonal” aisle a few steps further into the store.

If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into.

I mean, do what you want, but you are taking a woman who wants to be with you and turning her into someone who is fine with you both doing your own thing alone.

Correct

Curious if these dudes are this careless with their work and work decisions?

Not sweating the small stuff? If they’re any good, that’s exactly how they operate.

Exactly! Details don’t matter. Neither does planning.

Especially when you dump that part on other people.

Heck, ideas don’t matter either. Just leave me alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Correct

Curious if these dudes are this careless with their work and work decisions?

Given that 'Easter egg candy' is loosely defined, the husband fulfilled the requirement. OP failed to specify if she wanted something more specific, and then OP duplicated an already completed effort.

I would write up OP in this case and consider the husband for promotion.

Cool. I got you black licorice. It was even on sale, tons of it there in a pile on promotion. Right there in front. Took me 2 seconds. Easy peasy. Not sure what you all are arguing about. Easy peasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Correct

Curious if these dudes are this careless with their work and work decisions?

Given that 'Easter egg candy' is loosely defined, the husband fulfilled the requirement. OP failed to specify if she wanted something more specific, and then OP duplicated an already completed effort.

I would write up OP in this case and consider the husband for promotion.

Cool. I got you black licorice. It was even on sale, tons of it there in a pile on promotion. Right there in front. Took me 2 seconds. Easy peasy. Not sure what you all are arguing about. Easy peasy.

Can you say easy peasy one more time? He got the Hershey's. Which was what OP had in mind. Weird that OP has long abandoned this thread but the people who hate her husband keep going and going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Correct

Curious if these dudes are this careless with their work and work decisions?

Given that 'Easter egg candy' is loosely defined, the husband fulfilled the requirement. OP failed to specify if she wanted something more specific, and then OP duplicated an already completed effort.

I would write up OP in this case and consider the husband for promotion.

Cool. I got you black licorice. It was even on sale, tons of it there in a pile on promotion. Right there in front. Took me 2 seconds. Easy peasy. Not sure what you all are arguing about. Easy peasy.

Now you're suspended without pay for reacting with a petulant attitude rather than take responsibility for wasting company time.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Correct

Curious if these dudes are this careless with their work and work decisions?

Given that 'Easter egg candy' is loosely defined, the husband fulfilled the requirement. OP failed to specify if she wanted something more specific, and then OP duplicated an already completed effort.

I would write up OP in this case and consider the husband for promotion.

Right. OP failed to specify that she wanted candy that their children would enjoy. Presumably the children’s father would have some idea of what they enjoy.

My children hate candy with peanuts. If my husband wanted to be passive aggressive, he could buy Reeces, snickers and peanut m&ms to complain about how ungrateful his wife is.

He didn’t want to do it and he made sure she knew just how much he dislikes her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is the answer here. Marry someone who cares about the stuff you care about.

The men will be lining up to marry a middle aged single mother with 3 kids.

She wouldn't be a single mother. She's be a divorced mother.

By definition, divorced women are not single mothers. The only single mothers are widows and those who used a sperm donor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And this is why AI is worthless. Stupid people will use it to justify stupid decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Correct

Curious if these dudes are this careless with their work and work decisions?

Given that 'Easter egg candy' is loosely defined, the husband fulfilled the requirement. OP failed to specify if she wanted something more specific, and then OP duplicated an already completed effort.

I would write up OP in this case and consider the husband for promotion.

Right. OP failed to specify that she wanted candy that their children would enjoy. Presumably the children’s father would have some idea of what they enjoy.

My children hate candy with peanuts. If my husband wanted to be passive aggressive, he could buy Reeces, snickers and peanut m&ms to complain about how ungrateful his wife is.

He didn’t want to do it and he made sure she knew just how much he dislikes her.

He's not buying candy for your kids. My kids like peanuts. They love Reeses, Peanut M&Ms, Snickers, Butterfinger, etc. Thie is normal candy. Your picky kids are not everyone's problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is the answer here. Marry someone who cares about the stuff you care about.

The men will be lining up to marry a middle aged single mother with 3 kids.

She wouldn't be a single mother. She's be a divorced mother.

By definition, divorced women are not single mothers. The only single mothers are widows and those who used a sperm donor.

No. She is single but co-parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Correct

Curious if these dudes are this careless with their work and work decisions?

Given that 'Easter egg candy' is loosely defined, the husband fulfilled the requirement. OP failed to specify if she wanted something more specific, and then OP duplicated an already completed effort.

I would write up OP in this case and consider the husband for promotion.

Right. OP failed to specify that she wanted candy that their children would enjoy. Presumably the children’s father would have some idea of what they enjoy.

My children hate candy with peanuts. If my husband wanted to be passive aggressive, he could buy Reeces, snickers and peanut m&ms to complain about how ungrateful his wife is.

He didn’t want to do it and he made sure she knew just how much he dislikes her.

OP only snarky remarked "As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.", prior to contradicting herself.

We don't know her kids would prefer Hersheys to Cadbury Creme Eggs.