Can’t get husband to help with Easter.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Yes. Like that. He technically did what was asked, but didn’t put any actual effort in or pretend to care. He just went into the regular candy aisle instead of the “seasonal” aisle a few steps further into the store.

I checked with Hershey. They affirm their payday and hershy almonds candy is Easter-approprate candy.

And how do you know what aisle OPs husband bought the candy? Are you stalking him?

Anonymous wrote:If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into. I mean, do what you want, but you are taking a woman who wants to be with you and turning her into someone who is fine with you both doing your own thing alone.

How do you keep accurate and fair scores in the transactional sex relationship you describe?

I keep score by knowing that my husband and I both love each other and want the other person to be happy. It’s really easy.

"If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into"

Explain this. Your husband brings home seasonally inappropriate candy, according to your definition of seasonally appropriate.

How are you keeping score based on the comment you made (and probably now regret making)?

I’m the person you are responding to. I don’t regret my comment.

If my husband brought home seasonally inappropriate candy, according to my definition, then I would ask him to go and get seasonally appropriate candy, and he would. Or we would go together.

If I were married to a man who refused to get the kind of candy I wanted because he only does the things that he cares about or that he wants to do, then eventually I would start to follow his lead and just do the things that I care about or that I want to do. I think this is just human nature.

I mean, how long could you go on doing things to make someone else happy and engaging in things they care about when they tell you and show you repeatedly that they won’t do the same for you? At some point that would just get painful, right?

This isn’t scorekeeping. This is just how relationships work.

Pp If you define what you mean by Easter candy prior to delegating, that’s another thing. Mind reading is presumed to be the case here.

Also husbands response was after a disagreement ensued. Perhaps he does care; perhaps not.

Also we don’t know how often this occurs. Your comments assume a lot about the details of this relationship

Pp here. My comments weren’t specifically about the OP’s relationship. They were a response to this comment:

You want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about.

As far was the husband’s response of getting mad, shutting down, and sulking whenever the OP said that he didn’t do something right, I can’t imagine that bodes well for their sex life either. Can you imagine having sex with someone who gets offended if you don’t like something? Or who needs you to give tons of specifics upfront because they “can’t mind read?” It would be awful.

It's the thought that counts, no? If you want to be a sticker for the details and specifics that's on you.

lol…are you talking about candy or sex or both

I'm not the one who trades sex for candy. I have more dignity than that.

But are you a “stickler for details” in either department? Or is it the thought that counts?

You keep mis-using the phrase “it’s the thought that counts.” First off, he didn’t have any thoughts, that’s why he did such a krappy job. Second off, if you’re going to spend time doing something, do it right and yes, be thoughtful.

Something else is going on here. Troll or a-hole husband.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.

So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?

The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.

Dp

Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.

The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .

This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.

And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.

Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.

Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?

If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.

Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.

From the OP:

Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.

I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.

He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.

Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.

He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.

Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.

Dude, I literally posted in your defense? By the way, I'm not on your team, but I do think your husband acted like a jerk, which is why I pointed that out.

Is he like this all the time? Why did he want Easter dinner? Or did he just want dinner?

Ignore the Easter dinner part. If that were true she would have said it in the OP or pages ago. Standard troll protocol- she’s embellishing to make her case more sympathetic. Don’t fall for it.

It sounds in line with everything else she said. And the OP was written before Easter, so she wouldn’t have known about the dinner expectations yet.

Her husband does all the grocery shopping except for Easter dinner? Doesn’t make much sense.

I’m guessing that you aren’t married to a man.

What now? Is there no food in the house and everyone will starve on Easter? He goes shopping every day. Sounds like some bizarre tit for tat. She wants candy and he wants dinner and now everyone is pissed. Good times.

Yeah. You aren’t married to a man.

You're saying if you marry a man, expect him to do grocery shopping 364 days a year. That's what to expect.

I know lots of bored men who have nothing meaningful to do so “go to the grocery store” daily to buy total nonsense. Like discounted candy and grocery store pies daily. Thats not meal planning or thoughtful. It’s stupid.

And no, they don’t live in continental europe or Japan with a tiny fridge and nice fresh bread deliveries. They live in America.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.

So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?

The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.

Dp

Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.

The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .

This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.

And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.

Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.

Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?

If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.

Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.

From the OP:

Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.

I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.

He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.

Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.

He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.

Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.

Dude, I literally posted in your defense? By the way, I'm not on your team, but I do think your husband acted like a jerk, which is why I pointed that out.

Is he like this all the time? Why did he want Easter dinner? Or did he just want dinner?

Ignore the Easter dinner part. If that were true she would have said it in the OP or pages ago. Standard troll protocol- she’s embellishing to make her case more sympathetic. Don’t fall for it.

It sounds in line with everything else she said. And the OP was written before Easter, so she wouldn’t have known about the dinner expectations yet.

Her husband does all the grocery shopping except for Easter dinner? Doesn’t make much sense.

I’m guessing that you aren’t married to a man.

What now? Is there no food in the house and everyone will starve on Easter? He goes shopping every day. Sounds like some bizarre tit for tat. She wants candy and he wants dinner and now everyone is pissed. Good times.

Yep. Some men just never lose their sense of wonder and their childlike belief in magic. Such a man can do all of the grocery shopping for the household, know that he never bought a ham and potatoes and asparagus, and still be surprised that these things weren’t prepared for him on Easter Sunday.

It goes right along with being annoyed at being asked to buy candy to fill the Easter eggs when you know your kids are looking forward to an Easter egg hunt.

OPs husband did buy candy. He got rightfully annoyed when OP decided Hershey was not the right candy.

Why do you suppose your husband doesn't buy groceries on Easter? Why not Christmas or Independence Day? What did he say when you asked him?

You seem to struggle with the concept of American holiday celebrations.

“Easter candy” isn’t whatever candy you have around on Easter.
“Easter dinner” isn’t whatever you eat for dinner on Easter Sunday.

You can even have “Easter candy” and “Easter dinner” on other days.

[Anonymous]

Next time: black licorice, candy corn, and tootsie rolls!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.

So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?

The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.

Dp

Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.

The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .

This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.

And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.

Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.

Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?

If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.

Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.

From the OP:

Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.

I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.

He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.

Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.

He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.

Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.

Dude, I literally posted in your defense? By the way, I'm not on your team, but I do think your husband acted like a jerk, which is why I pointed that out.

Is he like this all the time? Why did he want Easter dinner? Or did he just want dinner?

Ignore the Easter dinner part. If that were true she would have said it in the OP or pages ago. Standard troll protocol- she’s embellishing to make her case more sympathetic. Don’t fall for it.

It sounds in line with everything else she said. And the OP was written before Easter, so she wouldn’t have known about the dinner expectations yet.

Her husband does all the grocery shopping except for Easter dinner? Doesn’t make much sense.

I’m guessing that you aren’t married to a man.

What now? Is there no food in the house and everyone will starve on Easter? He goes shopping every day. Sounds like some bizarre tit for tat. She wants candy and he wants dinner and now everyone is pissed. Good times.

Yep. Some men just never lose their sense of wonder and their childlike belief in magic. Such a man can do all of the grocery shopping for the household, know that he never bought a ham and potatoes and asparagus, and still be surprised that these things weren’t prepared for him on Easter Sunday.

It goes right along with being annoyed at being asked to buy candy to fill the Easter eggs when you know your kids are looking forward to an Easter egg hunt.

OPs husband did buy candy. He got rightfully annoyed when OP decided Hershey was not the right candy.

Why do you suppose your husband doesn't buy groceries on Easter? Why not Christmas or Independence Day? What did he say when you asked him?

You seem to struggle with the concept of American holiday celebrations.

“Easter candy” isn’t whatever candy you have around on Easter.
“Easter dinner” isn’t whatever you eat for dinner on Easter Sunday.

You can even have “Easter candy” and “Easter dinner” on other days.

Easter dinner is for people celebrating Easter. For OPs husband it was any other day.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.

So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?

The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.

Dp

Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.

The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .

This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.

And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.

Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.

Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?

If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.

Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.

From the OP:

Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.

I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.

He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.

Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.

He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.

Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.

Dude, I literally posted in your defense? By the way, I'm not on your team, but I do think your husband acted like a jerk, which is why I pointed that out.

Is he like this all the time? Why did he want Easter dinner? Or did he just want dinner?

Ignore the Easter dinner part. If that were true she would have said it in the OP or pages ago. Standard troll protocol- she’s embellishing to make her case more sympathetic. Don’t fall for it.

It sounds in line with everything else she said. And the OP was written before Easter, so she wouldn’t have known about the dinner expectations yet.

Her husband does all the grocery shopping except for Easter dinner? Doesn’t make much sense.

I’m guessing that you aren’t married to a man.

What now? Is there no food in the house and everyone will starve on Easter? He goes shopping every day. Sounds like some bizarre tit for tat. She wants candy and he wants dinner and now everyone is pissed. Good times.

Yeah. You aren’t married to a man.

You're saying if you marry a man, expect him to do grocery shopping 364 days a year. That's what to expect.

I know lots of bored men who have nothing meaningful to do so “go to the grocery store” daily to buy total nonsense. Like discounted candy and grocery store pies daily. Thats not meal planning or thoughtful. It’s stupid.

And no, they don’t live in continental europe or Japan with a tiny fridge and nice fresh bread deliveries. They live in America.

Apparently his shopping is good enough the rest of the year. Why doesn’t OP help him?

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Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.

So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?

The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.

Dp

Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.

The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .

This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.

And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.

Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.

Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?

If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.

Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.

From the OP:

Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.

I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.

He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.

Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.

He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.

Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.

Yes you are the bad guy. Your husband said he didn’t want to celebrate Easter with bunny things. Not only did you overrule him, you told him to do the thing he told you doesn’t want to do.

She wanted him to do it because their kids wanted it. She wanted him to do something for their kids.

Turns out that was too much to ask.

My husband is like this, and it hasn't done much for his relationship with them or me.

And? Easter isn't their family's holiday. It was on OP to say that to the kids not to encourage candy monsters. Kids get excited for candy. Big freaking deal. That's not a reason to override your husband on this.

You realize that there are children in non-Christian homes who receive the message that Christmas and Easter are not our family holidays, right?

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Anonymous wrote:Yes. Like that. He technically did what was asked, but didn’t put any actual effort in or pretend to care. He just went into the regular candy aisle instead of the “seasonal” aisle a few steps further into the store.

I checked with Hershey. They affirm their payday and hershy almonds candy is Easter-approprate candy.

And how do you know what aisle OPs husband bought the candy? Are you stalking him?

Anonymous wrote:If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into. I mean, do what you want, but you are taking a woman who wants to be with you and turning her into someone who is fine with you both doing your own thing alone.

How do you keep accurate and fair scores in the transactional sex relationship you describe?

I keep score by knowing that my husband and I both love each other and want the other person to be happy. It’s really easy.

"If this is the effort you are willing to put into things your spouse cares about, then don’t be surprised when it goes both ways, and your wife treats your sex life as a task that she puts the bare minimum effort into"

Explain this. Your husband brings home seasonally inappropriate candy, according to your definition of seasonally appropriate.

How are you keeping score based on the comment you made (and probably now regret making)?

I’m the person you are responding to. I don’t regret my comment.

If my husband brought home seasonally inappropriate candy, according to my definition, then I would ask him to go and get seasonally appropriate candy, and he would. Or we would go together.

If I were married to a man who refused to get the kind of candy I wanted because he only does the things that he cares about or that he wants to do, then eventually I would start to follow his lead and just do the things that I care about or that I want to do. I think this is just human nature.

I mean, how long could you go on doing things to make someone else happy and engaging in things they care about when they tell you and show you repeatedly that they won’t do the same for you? At some point that would just get painful, right?

This isn’t scorekeeping. This is just how relationships work.

Pp If you define what you mean by Easter candy prior to delegating, that’s another thing. Mind reading is presumed to be the case here.

Also husbands response was after a disagreement ensued. Perhaps he does care; perhaps not.

Also we don’t know how often this occurs. Your comments assume a lot about the details of this relationship

Pp here. My comments weren’t specifically about the OP’s relationship. They were a response to this comment:

You want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about.

As far was the husband’s response of getting mad, shutting down, and sulking whenever the OP said that he didn’t do something right, I can’t imagine that bodes well for their sex life either. Can you imagine having sex with someone who gets offended if you don’t like something? Or who needs you to give tons of specifics upfront because they “can’t mind read?” It would be awful.

It's the thought that counts, no? If you want to be a sticker for the details and specifics that's on you.

lol…are you talking about candy or sex or both

I'm not the one who trades sex for candy. I have more dignity than that.

But are you a “stickler for details” in either department? Or is it the thought that counts?

You keep mis-using the phrase “it’s the thought that counts.” First off, he didn’t have any thoughts, that’s why he did such a krappy job. Second off, if you’re going to spend time doing something, do it right and yes, be thoughtful.

Something else is going on here. Troll or a-hole husband.

Ha! I’m the person you are quoting. I agree with you! I was responding to someone who said that I was too much of a “stickler for details” when it came to being pleased in bed, and that I should never correct my husband or show him what to do. Otherwise, apparently, he will be “rightfully upset.”

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.

So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?

The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.

Dp

Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.

The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .

This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.

And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.

Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.

Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?

If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.

Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.

From the OP:

Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.

I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.

He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.

Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.

He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.

Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.

Dude, I literally posted in your defense? By the way, I'm not on your team, but I do think your husband acted like a jerk, which is why I pointed that out.

Is he like this all the time? Why did he want Easter dinner? Or did he just want dinner?

Ignore the Easter dinner part. If that were true she would have said it in the OP or pages ago. Standard troll protocol- she’s embellishing to make her case more sympathetic. Don’t fall for it.

It sounds in line with everything else she said. And the OP was written before Easter, so she wouldn’t have known about the dinner expectations yet.

Her husband does all the grocery shopping except for Easter dinner? Doesn’t make much sense.

I’m guessing that you aren’t married to a man.

What now? Is there no food in the house and everyone will starve on Easter? He goes shopping every day. Sounds like some bizarre tit for tat. She wants candy and he wants dinner and now everyone is pissed. Good times.

Yep. Some men just never lose their sense of wonder and their childlike belief in magic. Such a man can do all of the grocery shopping for the household, know that he never bought a ham and potatoes and asparagus, and still be surprised that these things weren’t prepared for him on Easter Sunday.

It goes right along with being annoyed at being asked to buy candy to fill the Easter eggs when you know your kids are looking forward to an Easter egg hunt.

OPs husband did buy candy. He got rightfully annoyed when OP decided Hershey was not the right candy.

Why do you suppose your husband doesn't buy groceries on Easter? Why not Christmas or Independence Day? What did he say when you asked him?

You seem to struggle with the concept of American holiday celebrations.

“Easter candy” isn’t whatever candy you have around on Easter.
“Easter dinner” isn’t whatever you eat for dinner on Easter Sunday.

You can even have “Easter candy” and “Easter dinner” on other days.

Easter dinner is for people celebrating Easter. For OPs husband it was any other day.

I don’t know. Apparently it wasn’t just any other day for him.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.

So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?

The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.

Dp

Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.

The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .

This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.

And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.

Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.

Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?

If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.

Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.

From the OP:

Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.

I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.

He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.

Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.

He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.

Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.

Dude, I literally posted in your defense? By the way, I'm not on your team, but I do think your husband acted like a jerk, which is why I pointed that out.

Is he like this all the time? Why did he want Easter dinner? Or did he just want dinner?

Ignore the Easter dinner part. If that were true she would have said it in the OP or pages ago. Standard troll protocol- she’s embellishing to make her case more sympathetic. Don’t fall for it.

It sounds in line with everything else she said. And the OP was written before Easter, so she wouldn’t have known about the dinner expectations yet.

Her husband does all the grocery shopping except for Easter dinner? Doesn’t make much sense.

I’m guessing that you aren’t married to a man.

What now? Is there no food in the house and everyone will starve on Easter? He goes shopping every day. Sounds like some bizarre tit for tat. She wants candy and he wants dinner and now everyone is pissed. Good times.

Yep. Some men just never lose their sense of wonder and their childlike belief in magic. Such a man can do all of the grocery shopping for the household, know that he never bought a ham and potatoes and asparagus, and still be surprised that these things weren’t prepared for him on Easter Sunday.

It goes right along with being annoyed at being asked to buy candy to fill the Easter eggs when you know your kids are looking forward to an Easter egg hunt.

OPs husband did buy candy. He got rightfully annoyed when OP decided Hershey was not the right candy.

Why do you suppose your husband doesn't buy groceries on Easter? Why not Christmas or Independence Day? What did he say when you asked him?

You seem to struggle with the concept of American holiday celebrations.

“Easter candy” isn’t whatever candy you have around on Easter.
“Easter dinner” isn’t whatever you eat for dinner on Easter Sunday.

You can even have “Easter candy” and “Easter dinner” on other days.

Easter dinner is for people celebrating Easter. For OPs husband it was any other day.

I don’t know. Apparently it wasn’t just any other day for him.

You believe that a husband who does all the grocery shopping somehow dropped this ball on one day?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.

So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?

The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.

Dp

Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.

The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .

This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.

And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.

Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.

Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?

If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.

Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.

From the OP:

Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.

I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.

He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.

Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.

He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.

Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.

Dude, I literally posted in your defense? By the way, I'm not on your team, but I do think your husband acted like a jerk, which is why I pointed that out.

Is he like this all the time? Why did he want Easter dinner? Or did he just want dinner?

Ignore the Easter dinner part. If that were true she would have said it in the OP or pages ago. Standard troll protocol- she’s embellishing to make her case more sympathetic. Don’t fall for it.

It sounds in line with everything else she said. And the OP was written before Easter, so she wouldn’t have known about the dinner expectations yet.

Her husband does all the grocery shopping except for Easter dinner? Doesn’t make much sense.

I’m guessing that you aren’t married to a man.

What now? Is there no food in the house and everyone will starve on Easter? He goes shopping every day. Sounds like some bizarre tit for tat. She wants candy and he wants dinner and now everyone is pissed. Good times.

Yeah. You aren’t married to a man.

You're saying if you marry a man, expect him to do grocery shopping 364 days a year. That's what to expect.

Expect? We were told THIS man does ALL the shopping. Who does the shopping 364 days of the year in your house?

We were told this, and you identified with a 364 day shopper:

"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."

It's quite a coincidence that both OP and your husband choose not to shop on the same day every year.

WTF are you even talking about? I think you're having trouble telling posters apart.

Possible. I'm responding to the person who identifies with OP, her husband that won't shop on Easter except to buy Easter candy:

"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."

The person who posted that understands what it's like to be the wife of an Easter-exempt husband grocery shopper.

lol…no. I’m the wife of a man who has some magical thinking. This specific thing hasn’t happened, but I can imagine it!
If I asked my husband how he thought I would be making a ham when he knew that I didn’t buy a ham, he would get embarrassed. OP’s husband got angry, which seems to be his MO.

I don’t know. This all tracks to me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.

So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?

The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.

Dp

Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.

The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .

This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.

And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.

Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.

Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?

If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.

Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.

From the OP:

Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.

I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.

He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.

Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.

He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.

Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.

Dude, I literally posted in your defense? By the way, I'm not on your team, but I do think your husband acted like a jerk, which is why I pointed that out.

Is he like this all the time? Why did he want Easter dinner? Or did he just want dinner?

Ignore the Easter dinner part. If that were true she would have said it in the OP or pages ago. Standard troll protocol- she’s embellishing to make her case more sympathetic. Don’t fall for it.

It sounds in line with everything else she said. And the OP was written before Easter, so she wouldn’t have known about the dinner expectations yet.

Her husband does all the grocery shopping except for Easter dinner? Doesn’t make much sense.

I’m guessing that you aren’t married to a man.

What now? Is there no food in the house and everyone will starve on Easter? He goes shopping every day. Sounds like some bizarre tit for tat. She wants candy and he wants dinner and now everyone is pissed. Good times.

Yep. Some men just never lose their sense of wonder and their childlike belief in magic. Such a man can do all of the grocery shopping for the household, know that he never bought a ham and potatoes and asparagus, and still be surprised that these things weren’t prepared for him on Easter Sunday.

It goes right along with being annoyed at being asked to buy candy to fill the Easter eggs when you know your kids are looking forward to an Easter egg hunt.

OPs husband did buy candy. He got rightfully annoyed when OP decided Hershey was not the right candy.

Why do you suppose your husband doesn't buy groceries on Easter? Why not Christmas or Independence Day? What did he say when you asked him?

You seem to struggle with the concept of American holiday celebrations.

“Easter candy” isn’t whatever candy you have around on Easter.
“Easter dinner” isn’t whatever you eat for dinner on Easter Sunday.

You can even have “Easter candy” and “Easter dinner” on other days.

American traditional holiday food - including wholesome 'traditional' thanksgiving turkey - is largely defined by a marketing department and disseminated though advertising campaigns in an effort to separate consumers from their money.

If the Easter candy advertised as Easter candy is essential for your Easter, great buy it. If you delegate someone else, make sure they understand that packaging is essential for your Easter.

black licorice

Everybody keeps mentioning black licorice as some kind of pariah



OPs husband buying this ticks all your boxes: Easter appropriate packaging, marketed as Easter, and purchased in the designated Easter candy aisle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.

So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?

The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.

Dp

Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.

The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .

This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.

And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.

Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.

Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?

If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.

Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.

From the OP:

Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.

I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.

He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.

Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.

He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.

Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.

Dude, I literally posted in your defense? By the way, I'm not on your team, but I do think your husband acted like a jerk, which is why I pointed that out.

Is he like this all the time? Why did he want Easter dinner? Or did he just want dinner?

Ignore the Easter dinner part. If that were true she would have said it in the OP or pages ago. Standard troll protocol- she’s embellishing to make her case more sympathetic. Don’t fall for it.

It sounds in line with everything else she said. And the OP was written before Easter, so she wouldn’t have known about the dinner expectations yet.

Her husband does all the grocery shopping except for Easter dinner? Doesn’t make much sense.

I’m guessing that you aren’t married to a man.

What now? Is there no food in the house and everyone will starve on Easter? He goes shopping every day. Sounds like some bizarre tit for tat. She wants candy and he wants dinner and now everyone is pissed. Good times.

Yeah. You aren’t married to a man.

You're saying if you marry a man, expect him to do grocery shopping 364 days a year. That's what to expect.

Expect? We were told THIS man does ALL the shopping. Who does the shopping 364 days of the year in your house?

We were told this, and you identified with a 364 day shopper:

"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."

It's quite a coincidence that both OP and your husband choose not to shop on the same day every year.

WTF are you even talking about? I think you're having trouble telling posters apart.

Possible. I'm responding to the person who identifies with OP, her husband that won't shop on Easter except to buy Easter candy:

"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."

The person who posted that understands what it's like to be the wife of an Easter-exempt husband grocery shopper.

lol…no. I’m the wife of a man who has some magical thinking. This specific thing hasn’t happened, but I can imagine it!
If I asked my husband how he thought I would be making a ham when he knew that I didn’t buy a ham, he would get embarrassed. OP’s husband got angry, which seems to be his MO.

I don’t know. This all tracks to me

But he does the shopping. He knows what food is ij the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.

So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?

The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.

Dp

Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.

The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .

This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.

And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.

Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.

Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?

If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.

Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.

From the OP:

Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.

I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.

He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.

Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.

He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.

Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.

Dude, I literally posted in your defense? By the way, I'm not on your team, but I do think your husband acted like a jerk, which is why I pointed that out.

Is he like this all the time? Why did he want Easter dinner? Or did he just want dinner?

Ignore the Easter dinner part. If that were true she would have said it in the OP or pages ago. Standard troll protocol- she’s embellishing to make her case more sympathetic. Don’t fall for it.

It sounds in line with everything else she said. And the OP was written before Easter, so she wouldn’t have known about the dinner expectations yet.

Her husband does all the grocery shopping except for Easter dinner? Doesn’t make much sense.

I’m guessing that you aren’t married to a man.

What now? Is there no food in the house and everyone will starve on Easter? He goes shopping every day. Sounds like some bizarre tit for tat. She wants candy and he wants dinner and now everyone is pissed. Good times.

Yeah. You aren’t married to a man.

You're saying if you marry a man, expect him to do grocery shopping 364 days a year. That's what to expect.

Expect? We were told THIS man does ALL the shopping. Who does the shopping 364 days of the year in your house?

We were told this, and you identified with a 364 day shopper:

"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."

It's quite a coincidence that both OP and your husband choose not to shop on the same day every year.

WTF are you even talking about? I think you're having trouble telling posters apart.

Possible. I'm responding to the person who identifies with OP, her husband that won't shop on Easter except to buy Easter candy:

"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."

The person who posted that understands what it's like to be the wife of an Easter-exempt husband grocery shopper.

lol…no. I’m the wife of a man who has some magical thinking. This specific thing hasn’t happened, but I can imagine it!
If I asked my husband how he thought I would be making a ham when he knew that I didn’t buy a ham, he would get embarrassed. OP’s husband got angry, which seems to be his MO.

I don’t know. This all tracks to me

You are projecting; I understand now.

We could just as easily project that OP is miscommunicating the situation she is describing, like when she miscommunicates that her husband does "nothing".

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Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

That's literally what I said.

No, you want him to do the work anyway. This is not a good use of anyone's time. You do the things you care about and let him focus on the things he cares about. If your marriage is so lopsided because you have a husband who cares about nothing then that's not a problem anyone can fix for you.

It's "work" to buy Easter candy that kids like? Are you for real? Literally, it takes a swing by the grocery store after work. There are aisles of easter goods and candy. Done. She's not asking him to homestead a western territory here.

And yes, sometimes I expect my DH to do things that he "doesn't care about" just like I do. It's called compromise and marriage.

Some of you people are unbelievable.

So do it yourself if it's so easy. He said he didn't believe in bunnies and crap. The compromise is you do this yourself because it goes against his beliefs. Is it only compromise when you get your way?

The OP DID go to do it herself when he brought home the PayDays and said that he didn’t believe in bunnies and crap.
The DH is the one who got mad and started sulking.

Dp

Easter candy is whatever you want it to be. If OP didn’t communicate her idea, the spouse doing the candy shopping gets to decide.

The teens might prefer money. If you give the money, that’s an Easter tradition. Of course you are free to overrule this and deny people what they want so you get the Easter you want for yourself .

This is dumb. I mean, I guess that Christmas trees and Easter candy and Halloween decorations are whatever you want them to be, but if someone asks you to pick up one of these, they probably want whatever is in the “name your holiday” aisle at the store.

And if you don’t know that, that’s fine. Just admit your mistake and let your spouse get the right thing. Don’t say that you actually secretly think that holiday traditions are stupid, and you wanted to put your Christmas presents under a lemon tree this year. No one outside of DCUM believes you.

Do you not know that the candy is the same all year long but the packaging changes? You can get it holiday themed or not. But M&Ms taste the same year round, no matter the color. My kids Easter baskets have plenty of items in them that have nothing to do with Easter specifically. No Easter packaging on any of the items.

Okay. Let’s say that all of this is right. Who cares?

If you picked out something wrong, and your spouse or your friend or whoever you got it for wanted some specific thing, what does it matter? Let them go and get the thing they want. You don’t have to get mad and say their thing is stupid anyway and sulk about it.

Well, maybe he never got a thank you for doing something OP demanded. He got grief when he got home about it. Is that something a loving supporting wife does? She demanded candy and candy she got.

From the OP:

Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.

I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.

He was mad she went back to the store. That's crappy behavior. I don't know why everyone keeps changing the facts to suit their narrative.

Op here - wow. I didn’t realize I was the bad guy. My kids had been talking about this for weeks. I couldn’t ignore them and their excitement. Like why not is it enjoy a tiny tradition?? My husband thinks eggs hunts are not the right way to celebrate Easter. So he complained.

He ALWAYS goes to the store. It is just his thing, so yes I had been asking and adding candy to the list. He is there everyday.

Anyway, it was annoying he complained but refused to do anything to plan anything else. He also complained we didn’t have Easter dinner. I didn’t plan it. If he wants to go to church - plan it.

Dude, I literally posted in your defense? By the way, I'm not on your team, but I do think your husband acted like a jerk, which is why I pointed that out.

Is he like this all the time? Why did he want Easter dinner? Or did he just want dinner?

Ignore the Easter dinner part. If that were true she would have said it in the OP or pages ago. Standard troll protocol- she’s embellishing to make her case more sympathetic. Don’t fall for it.

It sounds in line with everything else she said. And the OP was written before Easter, so she wouldn’t have known about the dinner expectations yet.

Her husband does all the grocery shopping except for Easter dinner? Doesn’t make much sense.

I’m guessing that you aren’t married to a man.

What now? Is there no food in the house and everyone will starve on Easter? He goes shopping every day. Sounds like some bizarre tit for tat. She wants candy and he wants dinner and now everyone is pissed. Good times.

Yeah. You aren’t married to a man.

You're saying if you marry a man, expect him to do grocery shopping 364 days a year. That's what to expect.

Expect? We were told THIS man does ALL the shopping. Who does the shopping 364 days of the year in your house?

We were told this, and you identified with a 364 day shopper:

"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."

It's quite a coincidence that both OP and your husband choose not to shop on the same day every year.

WTF are you even talking about? I think you're having trouble telling posters apart.

Possible. I'm responding to the person who identifies with OP, her husband that won't shop on Easter except to buy Easter candy:

"Yeah. You aren’t married to a man."

The person who posted that understands what it's like to be the wife of an Easter-exempt husband grocery shopper.

lol…no. I’m the wife of a man who has some magical thinking. This specific thing hasn’t happened, but I can imagine it!
If I asked my husband how he thought I would be making a ham when he knew that I didn’t buy a ham, he would get embarrassed. OP’s husband got angry, which seems to be his MO.

I don’t know. This all tracks to me

But he does the shopping. He knows what food is ij the house.

+1 Why would someone who keeps an inventory of food suddenly (for no reason) ask for ham they know they don't have? This person may have onset mental illness, in which case the spouse is simply cruel to dismiss this as "some magical thinking". Two people who can communicate should be capable to diagnosing exactly why someone would ask that and come to a resolution.