Can’t get husband to help with Easter.

[Anonymous]

You should have planned better for your little Easter jollies, OP. Your husband thinks this is all frivolous, and he's right. I'm sure he'd help if it was actually important.

My kids are adults and teens and we don't do Easter egg hunts anymore, but when we did, it was either my husband or myself who would organize it. It was never both of us - because it's not that hard!

You're really complaining about nothing, here.

[Anonymous]

He just wants the illusion of having kids, not actually having them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds depressed.

What gave you that clue? There’s nothing in the OP that indicates this. You’re projecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PS—If you have nice bills for cash, you can give your teen cash.

My teens are fine with any kind of bill. Also a note in an egg that says “check your Apple Pay ❤️🐰

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Paydays and Hersheys with Almonds?? Does he hate his children? He obviously did that out of annoyance with you. From now on you just have to do it all yourself. Is that irritating? Yes. But if you want the kids to have a certain kind of experience, your DH isn’t on the same page and it will be up to you and you alone. I’ve been there.

Genuine question: did he have Easter candy and baskets growing up?

This. This is the kind of husband you have, and that sucks, but you might as well realize it and act accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PS—If you have nice bills for cash, you can give your teen cash.

Have you ever met a teen? They'll take bills that look like they've had a rough life, they don't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is the answer here. Marry someone who cares about the stuff you care about.

You're never going to find someone who is perfectly aligned with you in all things, that's a ridiculous standard to set (and yes, I had very high standards when I was dating). There are things I expect my husband to care about as much as I do, and those relate to our children's health, safety, education, religion, and emotional wellbeing. For things like holidays and vacations, we can't make each other feel a certain way about it, so as long as we both participate, that's fine. I don't need him getting as excited about the things I got them for Easter as he is, and he doesn't need me getting as excited about their camping trip as he is.

If OP's husband is the kind that won't care about her or their children's feelings above his own such that he'll do things he doesn't necessarily want to do or think are important, then she could divorce, or she could acknowledge that that's how he is and take it upon herself to make those things happen. If it were me, I'd pick a bigger issue than Easter baskets to get upset about, but I have the feeling that this problem is more indicative of a much larger problem within their marriage. You always find the people who complain about Mother's Day or Valentine's Day or Easter baskets when the real problem is a lot deeper than that but they're refusing, consciously or unconsciously, to acknowledge that and are instead focused on the small picture because that seems like something that can be solved (and they probably know the bigger issue can't).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. YOU want to do a totally optional egg hunt. Why does he have to do the shopping for it? This is your project, right?

Maybe OP wants to do it for her kids. Maybe her kids really want to do it. I don't think it's fair for OP to expect her husband to care about this, but I do think it's fair to expect him to participate.

However, I did the entirety of our kids' Easter baskets this year from start to finish. I like doing, my husband doesn't care, and we have all girls, so I'm better able to come up with ideas. I could, of course, have said to him that I want him to participate, in which case he would have, but I didn't mind doing it alone. I can't tell if OP is asking for participation because she's busy and truly can't do it all (which I get, I work full-time and have time-consuming hobbies), or if she's just made on principle that he wouldn't do it. Those are two different problems.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been married 19 years and let me tell you something, men don’t care about Easter baskets and they don’t care if things are pastel colored and they don’t care about spoiling the kids with a full and plentiful holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. YOU want to do a totally optional egg hunt. Why does he have to do the shopping for it? This is your project, right?

Maybe OP wants to do it for her kids. Maybe her kids really want to do it. I don't think it's fair for OP to expect her husband to care about this, but I do think it's fair to expect him to participate.

However, I did the entirety of our kids' Easter baskets this year from start to finish. I like doing, my husband doesn't care, and we have all girls, so I'm better able to come up with ideas. I could, of course, have said to him that I want him to participate, in which case he would have, but I didn't mind doing it alone. I can't tell if OP is asking for participation because she's busy and truly can't do it all (which I get, I work full-time and have time-consuming hobbies), or if she's just made on principle that he wouldn't do it. Those are two different problems.

How over the top are these Easter baskets? My husband helps but the problem then becomes trying to balance the baskets because now one kid has more than the others. So his help sometimes creates more work. Easter baskets shouldn't be that involved that they require 2 adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

Everybody doesn't have to care about everything equally. Specialization can work too. Everyone has different strengths. Maybe OP can tell us what her husband cares about that she doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Hugs, OP. My xH did something similar; he is supposed to have the kids for Easter today as per our custody agreement, but texted me yesterday to let me know he didn't feel like doing Easter this year so I could just keep the kids.

We were able to get some eggs and dye last night and colored eggs together. I wasn't able to get candy or baskets, but that's okay. The important part was us celebrating together, even if it was low-key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don't expect him to CARE ABOUT IT, but I may still expect him to do something to help with it. I don't mind being the driver behind things that I want to do that aren't needed (end-of-school/beginning-of-summer baskets for our kids, for example - those are not important and I do that because I want to and I don't expect him to do anything about it). But certain things like Christmas presents are technically optional/extraneous and I still expect my husband to participate in that. I don't expect him to care - you can't tell someone to change their feelings on something - but I do expect him to do something about it. Where you draw the line is up to you, but if you recall the threads about a kid needing a red sweater for a school holiday performance, some people think that's a need (because they were told their kid had to have it) and others think it's ridiculous and therefore optional. Stuff like that you may both not want to do but parenting is an awful lot of things you don't want to do. On those things, I don't think it's fair for a spouse to say it's not important to them so they're out. Easter baskets/egg hunts are pretty basic things for kids in UMC America (I can't speak for others because that's how I grew up and how I'm raising my kids). Whether or not people are religious, they still do these for their kids, so I think allowing one spouse to just say I think it's dumb so I won't participate is pretty crappy.

LOL, nope. Not if it’s celebrating a religious holiday when you are not a part of that religion.

All of a sudden, if my husband told me we were going to make a big, effort-filled expensive Dwali celebration, I’d tell him to go for it and have fun but I’m not doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Easter is a weird to get upset about if you haven’t darkened the door of a church in 17 years.

I’m religious too, but I get why this stuff is a big deal to OP. If you aren’t going to church, then the baskets and the egg hunt is the whole holiday.