Can’t get husband to help with Easter.

[Anonymous]

I think the real problem here is that he is getting in the way.

My husband doesn't help much with Easter (or any holiday) but he doesn't get in the way and he doesn't criticize. He will do anything food-related that I ask him to do (like cooking or going to pick up food) but doesn't participate in decorating or kid traditions at all. I don't know why, maybe he thinks these are feminine activities or he just doesn't care. He's not really expressive about why this stuff doesn't seem to matter to him.

The one nice thing about this is that it means I just do what I want. I enjoy putting together easter baskets so I always do that. I hate dyeing eggs so after a few years of it when kids were young, we stopped and the kids don't seem to care. I do a small easter egg hunt. I don't really decorate (I like Christmas decor but not really other holidays). I usually plan an event in the afternoon with at least one other family but we keep it low key. I will discuss with DH in advance what our food situation will be, and generally he will do most of the cooking. This year I didn't feel we had time for a big meal before our meat up with friends, so I ordered a bagel spread in advance and DH went and picked it up. Easy.

Now the kids are reading books and playing with toys from their baskets, DH is preparing the potluck item we agreed to for our friend gathering, and I'm relaxing. I did a workout this morning and was the first one in the shower.

At some point you have to accept your spouse for what he is (or divorce). You can get rid of resentment by not doing stuff YOU don't want to do, just like he doesn't do things he doesn't want to do. There are ways to make holidays special for kids without doing all the things.

I do recommend getting off social media because that's where the families that do all the things hang out and they photograph and talk about all the things and that's the sort of stuff that will make you feel like you aren't doing enough. Ignore that noise and focus on just your family. What do you guys need? What really matters to you? Just do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the real problem here is that he is getting in the way.

My husband doesn't help much with Easter (or any holiday) but he doesn't get in the way and he doesn't criticize. He will do anything food-related that I ask him to do (like cooking or going to pick up food) but doesn't participate in decorating or kid traditions at all. I don't know why, maybe he thinks these are feminine activities or he just doesn't care. He's not really expressive about why this stuff doesn't seem to matter to him.

The one nice thing about this is that it means I just do what I want. I enjoy putting together easter baskets so I always do that. I hate dyeing eggs so after a few years of it when kids were young, we stopped and the kids don't seem to care. I do a small easter egg hunt. I don't really decorate (I like Christmas decor but not really other holidays). I usually plan an event in the afternoon with at least one other family but we keep it low key. I will discuss with DH in advance what our food situation will be, and generally he will do most of the cooking. This year I didn't feel we had time for a big meal before our meat up with friends, so I ordered a bagel spread in advance and DH went and picked it up. Easy.

Now the kids are reading books and playing with toys from their baskets, DH is preparing the potluck item we agreed to for our friend gathering, and I'm relaxing. I did a workout this morning and was the first one in the shower.

At some point you have to accept your spouse for what he is (or divorce). You can get rid of resentment by not doing stuff YOU don't want to do, just like he doesn't do things he doesn't want to do. There are ways to make holidays special for kids without doing all the things.

I do recommend getting off social media because that's where the families that do all the things hang out and they photograph and talk about all the things and that's the sort of stuff that will make you feel like you aren't doing enough. Ignore that noise and focus on just your family. What do you guys need? What really matters to you? Just do that.

What are you talking about? Your husband doesn’t get in the way because he won’t even pretend to do the same activities OP is asking about - you know the feminine ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why didn't you specify what you wanted?

If you didn't have time in two weeks to go get or order stuff, maybe this isn't a project you should have taken on? It's not required!

Also this is what Amazon or Target or pick-up orders are for, OP.

Do you even have children in a home that celebrates Easter?

I do secular baskets because I want to, but why is this relevant? OP doesn't celebrate Easter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re not religious, you have nothing to grouse about. Your husband rightly sees it as just another Sunday. If you want to do stuff, do stuff.

If something optional/extraneous is not important to my husband, of course I don’t expect him to do something about it, and vice versa. Of course that doesn’t go for doing taxes, household chores, taking care of children, but if he’s not into play-acting a religious holiday he doesn’t celebrate, of course I wouldn’t expect him to do anything.

Your expectations are 100% off, OP.

+1
He was 100 percent clear that he didn't want to do this completely optional activity. You had plenty of warning that he didn't want to do this. In your place, I would have just bought the candy myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are not religious. We have never been to church in 17 years of marriage.

Been asking husband for two weeks to get candy to fill the eggs for egg hunt for kids. (I got the basket stuff weeks ago.) Waited until 7pm and brought home Pay Days and Hersheys with almonds. As if kids want those. Nothing Easter themed.

I ran back to store. He was mad I ran back. Said it is stupid to egg hunt because Easter isn’t about bunny’s.

I said if you want it to have more meaning then you can talk to the kids about that or take them to church anytime. I don’t care either way. - I’m happy to celebrate spring with an egg hunt for tradition sake.

He refuses to do anything. Even to do it his way.

It just sucks. Our kids are so excited. Been talking all week about it. He is just pouting. At a minimum it is a fun game for the kids. He can’t even enjoy that.

I also asked him to get a gift card for our older child who is a teen. Didn’t even do that. So I’ve got nothing for the teen.

Does he lead anything with the family or household?

Does he help when you have to lead something? Guess not.

Send him back to his mother. He’s a dud.

[Anonymous]

My husband doesn’t do anything for Dwali, Ramadan, Rosh Hashanah, Eid, Hanukkah, OR Kwanzaa!

Oh…wait…

[Anonymous]

Your kids don't need gift cards or gifts for Easter. That's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids don't need gift cards or gifts for Easter. That's ridiculous.

That’s true, but that’s not even the point; the point is, if you want to do it, do it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kids don't need gift cards or gifts for Easter. That's ridiculous.

That’s true, but that’s not even the point; the point is, if you want to do it, do it!

PP you replied to. I do agree that OP should have done it herself.

[Anonymous]

I agree with posters who say this was your project, and it was odd you asked him to help you complete it. Doesn’t mean he’s not a loser—sounds like he is—but it seems you almost wanted the situation to end this way so you could feel bitter and superior.

[Anonymous]

Just buy them a gift next time you're out to "celebrate Spring" which can happen all season long.

[Anonymous]

This is a self created problem. Your husband clearly told you he wasn’t interested with plenty of time to spare. Neither of you are religious. It’s mystifying why this is a hill you chose to die on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the real problem here is that he is getting in the way.

My husband doesn't help much with Easter (or any holiday) but he doesn't get in the way and he doesn't criticize. He will do anything food-related that I ask him to do (like cooking or going to pick up food) but doesn't participate in decorating or kid traditions at all. I don't know why, maybe he thinks these are feminine activities or he just doesn't care. He's not really expressive about why this stuff doesn't seem to matter to him.

The one nice thing about this is that it means I just do what I want. I enjoy putting together easter baskets so I always do that. I hate dyeing eggs so after a few years of it when kids were young, we stopped and the kids don't seem to care. I do a small easter egg hunt. I don't really decorate (I like Christmas decor but not really other holidays). I usually plan an event in the afternoon with at least one other family but we keep it low key. I will discuss with DH in advance what our food situation will be, and generally he will do most of the cooking. This year I didn't feel we had time for a big meal before our meat up with friends, so I ordered a bagel spread in advance and DH went and picked it up. Easy.

Now the kids are reading books and playing with toys from their baskets, DH is preparing the potluck item we agreed to for our friend gathering, and I'm relaxing. I did a workout this morning and was the first one in the shower.

At some point you have to accept your spouse for what he is (or divorce). You can get rid of resentment by not doing stuff YOU don't want to do, just like he doesn't do things he doesn't want to do. There are ways to make holidays special for kids without doing all the things.

I do recommend getting off social media because that's where the families that do all the things hang out and they photograph and talk about all the things and that's the sort of stuff that will make you feel like you aren't doing enough. Ignore that noise and focus on just your family. What do you guys need? What really matters to you? Just do that.

What are you talking about? Your husband doesn’t get in the way because he won’t even pretend to do the same activities OP is asking about - you know the feminine ones.

OP's husband is only barely pretending to participate and that's the problem. He doesn't want to help with easter baskets or candy. So she shouldn't even bother trying to get him to and should only do the stuff she wants to do.

Give him tasks to do that won't trigger this hostility about over whether or not the easter activities OP chooses to do are worthwhile. Like have him pick up bagels, make pancakes, help clean the house, etc. Some men, for whatever reason, get very annoyed at being asked to help with stuff like easter baskets. Who knows why. But don't force it, and then they won't complain and get in the way.

Asking him to help make breakfast or clean the house is safe because what is he going to do, complain that there's no point in eating breakfast? Straightening the living room for a family holiday is insufficiently meaningful? It's easy to crap all over easter baskets as dumb, but everyone has to eat and do regular home maintenance. So make him do that.

[Anonymous]

Why are you still trying to half ass some traditions when your kids are teens? Either do it yourself or give it up since it seems to be a weird after thought nobody can really be bothered to do. Neither your husband nor you is into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is the answer here. Marry someone who cares about the stuff you care about.

The men will be lining up to marry a middle aged single mother with 3 kids.