Millennials who are mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Boomer dad was fine, but I had a terrible relationship with my Boomer mom growing up. She had a lot of anger issues and blamed me for things that were not my fault. She also criticized my weight frequently.

However, she became very different after I grew up. I strongly suspect it coincides with starting SSRIs. She is incredibly sweet now, and incredibly helpful and hands-on with my children. We are very close (geographically and emotionally) and see each other several times a week. Ironically I am closer to her now than my dad, which I would have thought impossible 20 years ago.

There are some comments on this thread about boomer parents - both male and female - who, according to the person writing the comments, had anger issues, had explosive personalities, were authoritarian, etc.

Why??? Why were these people so angry? Were they always angry and difficult people, or did they change at some point in their lives?

I'm one of the PPs whose parents had anger issues. I'm sure if you ask them, it's because their upbringing was terrible. And it was, I don't discount that. They parented how they were parented. Yelling, threatening, hitting, etc. was what they knew and they made no effort to look inward and realize how much it harmed them and then did the exact same thing to us. Boomers don't like Millennials (and I'm borderline Gen X, so maybe Gen X too), because they are stopping the cycle of crappy parenting. It's making them realize maybe they weren't such great parents after all.

Both of my parents majorly criticize my parenting and it's infuriating because they weren't model parents. It was very authoritarian and any version of parenting that isn't like that is viewed as permissive, lazy parenting. I'm not a lazy or permissive parent at all... I just treat my child as a human who is imperfect, has bad days, has emotions, etc. I'm making the effort to fully understand my DD. I had massive anxiety as a child, told my parents this for years and all I heard was "it's mind over matter" and to suck it up. Now I'm an adult still with tons of anxiety, but now I have to learn how to navigate through this as an adult because I never learned those coping skills as a child. My DD is very similar to how I was as a kid, anxiety and all. I'm trying to do better for her. Hopefully my kid doesn't hate me in 20-30 years, but I'm working now for that adult relationship with her. Fingers crossed.

They aren’t therapists so they couldn’t give you coping skills. You can now go and get therapy and meds for yourself.
Parents aren’t responsible fixing mental health issues of their children unless it’s really bad. I think yours wasn’t because you are a fine person now.

[Anonymous]

Obviously I have no idea what’s really going on but I have observed in kids of all generations (13-47) this idea of being nice to a parent only when they need something. Most of them aren’t rude when they don’t, they are just politely bored and don’t really care to spend time with parents.
You mentioned how your kids are interested in going on a cruise but not much else. This is exactly it. Many people I know tolerate their parents but are really only interested when parents act a certain way and they stand to benefit.
I am sorry about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Boomer dad was fine, but I had a terrible relationship with my Boomer mom growing up. She had a lot of anger issues and blamed me for things that were not my fault. She also criticized my weight frequently.

However, she became very different after I grew up. I strongly suspect it coincides with starting SSRIs. She is incredibly sweet now, and incredibly helpful and hands-on with my children. We are very close (geographically and emotionally) and see each other several times a week. Ironically I am closer to her now than my dad, which I would have thought impossible 20 years ago.

There are some comments on this thread about boomer parents - both male and female - who, according to the person writing the comments, had anger issues, had explosive personalities, were authoritarian, etc.

Why??? Why were these people so angry? Were they always angry and difficult people, or did they change at some point in their lives?

I'm one of the PPs whose parents had anger issues. I'm sure if you ask them, it's because their upbringing was terrible. And it was, I don't discount that. They parented how they were parented. Yelling, threatening, hitting, etc. was what they knew and they made no effort to look inward and realize how much it harmed them and then did the exact same thing to us. Boomers don't like Millennials (and I'm borderline Gen X, so maybe Gen X too), because they are stopping the cycle of crappy parenting. It's making them realize maybe they weren't such great parents after all.

Both of my parents majorly criticize my parenting and it's infuriating because they weren't model parents. It was very authoritarian and any version of parenting that isn't like that is viewed as permissive, lazy parenting. I'm not a lazy or permissive parent at all... I just treat my child as a human who is imperfect, has bad days, has emotions, etc. I'm making the effort to fully understand my DD. I had massive anxiety as a child, told my parents this for years and all I heard was "it's mind over matter" and to suck it up. Now I'm an adult still with tons of anxiety, but now I have to learn how to navigate through this as an adult because I never learned those coping skills as a child. My DD is very similar to how I was as a kid, anxiety and all. I'm trying to do better for her. Hopefully my kid doesn't hate me in 20-30 years, but I'm working now for that adult relationship with her. Fingers crossed.

They aren’t therapists so they couldn’t give you coping skills. You can now go and get therapy and meds for yourself.
Parents aren’t responsible fixing mental health issues of their children unless it’s really bad. I think yours wasn’t because you are a fine person now.

PP you're quoting. I strongly disagree. Sure, they can't "fix" mental health issues, but they sure as hell can exhibit coping skills or provide resources to help their child. I do that with my child all of the time and I'm not a therapist, nor have I been seeing a therapist her entire childhood. I can guarantee you that them telling me to buck up when I had massive anxiety, did nothing to help. Even if they just would have acknowledged it, that would've gone a long way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not surprised to see boomers crow about how amazing and special they are lol!

No kidding. Reminds me so much of my mom who thinks she’s soooooo amazing and special and never has a kind word to say about anyone else.

We are not your Mom. Grow up.

Also, Boomer Moms are amazing. Sorry- but we are.

From the comments on this thread, it seems like many disagree with that statement.

Lol, just jealous. We did career, motherhood, friendships without Zoloft.

PP you are quoting… not jealous at all. Zoloft saved my life postpartum. I’m beyond thankful to have the option to have it. Actually got me back in the workforce you keep harping on. I WISH my mom was on some sort of anti anxiety/depression medication. I think a whole other world would open up to her, maybe even a good relationship with her daughter.

This isn’t the flex you think it is. Continues to show the narrow mindedness of your generation.

Then treat your post partum depression! No issues there, but adulting, generally, isn't pathology. At some point, you will have to start doing it without blaming your mother and relying on being bitter. Generations before you all did that. You can, too.

Who uses the word “adulting” in 2023?

Millennials actually coined that word. So, ...

Yes, dear. Trends happen, then you move on.

You mean as of these past 3 or 4 months? Did you decide this " trend" is over in, what, May of this year? Looks like you are still struggling with reality, comprehension, and adulting all at the same time. But -these articles will explain why, dear.
https://www.kxan.com/top-stories/over-50-of-gen-z-millenials-say-theyre-not-adulting-right-report/

https://www.modernsalon.com/1085529/adulting-iq-2023-gen-z-millennials-survey-data

https://www.wionews.com/opinions-blogs/why-millennials-will-still-be-adulting-at-60-580979/amp

https://www.vogue.com/article/the-age-of-adulting-is-over

https://studyfinds.org/gen-z-millennials-burnout-adulting/

Clueless Boomers on DCUM. So what?

These aren't about boomers, and they are not written by boomers. So...(?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a Gen-Xer raised by Boomers. I can see both sides although identify more with Millennials bc of my age. I think it’s too simplistic to just stereotype based on generations. There’s more at play. Also, as an immigrant, I do notice that Americans seem less forgiving of their parents’ mistakes. I’m not taking about abuse btw. Just in general-many Americans seem to resent older people in the family and public spheres.

+1000

[Anonymous]

I have observed that many Boomer parents are narcissists, primarily due to their parents being abusive due to mental health issues as dealing with the Second World War trauma. That reflected on their kids, and they coped as they could, but many became narcissists of different varieties and never got out of that "victim" mentality. Sadly, that cycle is vicious.
OP sounds just like one of those narcs.

Sadly, it is so prevalent among Boomers that it is like an epidemic of NPD so when her millennial kids coped the best they could with her behavior, they became either narcs or fed up with all the BS and are limiting contact.

She is needy even now; we are the best and do everything right, but they are mean. I mean, even in the most abusive families, one kid might become a raging abusive POS when growing up with such parents, and the other might grow up a perfectly balanced person.
I disagree that in the U.S., people resent older relatives. I think many love them, and many don't care, just like in any country.

If we were to generalize and say Boomers and Millenials are spoiled rotten truly, these things are connected, as Boomers are parents of Millennials. If they grew up watching their parents act like entitled douchebags and always narc victims, their kids never got the emotional support they needed. Hence, those kids grew up to be very similar to their parents or were fed up being the narc supply for their NPD parents.
According to OP, her kids are mean and do not appreciate her and her DH. All I am hearing is we are nice, we are great, we do everything for them, but nobody is that perfect; only a narcissist thinks they are so perfect and DESERVE everyone to wait on them.
Like op does.
Having said that, for every child that coped with abuse and became a narc, another became a regular human that is able to function and not be an abusive narc. So, that is no excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have observed that many Boomer parents are narcissists, primarily due to their parents being abusive due to mental health issues as dealing with the Second World War trauma. That reflected on their kids, and they coped as they could, but many became narcissists of different varieties and never got out of that "victim" mentality. Sadly, that cycle is vicious.
OP sounds just like one of those narcs.

Sadly, it is so prevalent among Boomers that it is like an epidemic of NPD so when her millennial kids coped the best they could with her behavior, they became either narcs or fed up with all the BS and are limiting contact.

She is needy even now; we are the best and do everything right, but they are mean. I mean, even in the most abusive families, one kid might become a raging abusive POS when growing up with such parents, and the other might grow up a perfectly balanced person.
I disagree that in the U.S., people resent older relatives. I think many love them, and many don't care, just like in any country.

If we were to generalize and say Boomers and Millenials are spoiled rotten truly, these things are connected, as Boomers are parents of Millennials. If they grew up watching their parents act like entitled douchebags and always narc victims, their kids never got the emotional support they needed. Hence, those kids grew up to be very similar to their parents or were fed up being the narc supply for their NPD parents.
According to OP, her kids are mean and do not appreciate her and her DH. All I am hearing is we are nice, we are great, we do everything for them, but nobody is that perfect; only a narcissist thinks they are so perfect and DESERVE everyone to wait on them.
Like op does.
Having said that, for every child that coped with abuse and became a narc, another became a regular human that is able to function and not be an abusive narc. So, that is no excuse.

What position are you in to qualify and characterize Boomers as so many narcissists? And what generation? I work with Boomers and Gen X- not seeing it. Boomers have a strong work ethic, they pioneered quite a bit that people take for granted today. Not seeing all this anger everyone talks about. It might be best to qualify social status, education, and changing social mores, first.

Millennials were the first to really be in daycare full time, the first to experience the idea of individualism ( free to be you and me....etc.,) There's got to be a commentary on that before we start calling boomers narcissists. That's a crazy armchair psychological assessment and a really overused one at that. Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have observed that many Boomer parents are narcissists, primarily due to their parents being abusive due to mental health issues as dealing with the Second World War trauma. That reflected on their kids, and they coped as they could, but many became narcissists of different varieties and never got out of that "victim" mentality. Sadly, that cycle is vicious.
OP sounds just like one of those narcs.

Sadly, it is so prevalent among Boomers that it is like an epidemic of NPD so when her millennial kids coped the best they could with her behavior, they became either narcs or fed up with all the BS and are limiting contact.

She is needy even now; we are the best and do everything right, but they are mean. I mean, even in the most abusive families, one kid might become a raging abusive POS when growing up with such parents, and the other might grow up a perfectly balanced person.
I disagree that in the U.S., people resent older relatives. I think many love them, and many don't care, just like in any country.

If we were to generalize and say Boomers and Millenials are spoiled rotten truly, these things are connected, as Boomers are parents of Millennials. If they grew up watching their parents act like entitled douchebags and always narc victims, their kids never got the emotional support they needed. Hence, those kids grew up to be very similar to their parents or were fed up being the narc supply for their NPD parents.
According to OP, her kids are mean and do not appreciate her and her DH. All I am hearing is we are nice, we are great, we do everything for them, but nobody is that perfect; only a narcissist thinks they are so perfect and DESERVE everyone to wait on them.
Like op does.
Having said that, for every child that coped with abuse and became a narc, another became a regular human that is able to function and not be an abusive narc. So, that is no excuse.

What position are you in to qualify and characterize Boomers as so many narcissists? And what generation? I work with Boomers and Gen X- not seeing it. Boomers have a strong work ethic, they pioneered quite a bit that people take for granted today. Not seeing all this anger everyone talks about. It might be best to qualify social status, education, and changing social mores, first.

Millennials were the first to really be in daycare full time, the first to experience the idea of individualism ( free to be you and me....etc.,) There's got to be a commentary on that before we start calling boomers narcissists. That's a crazy armchair psychological assessment and a really overused one at that. Come on.

I am in the same position as everyone here is on dcum. Just as you have no "position" to qualify Boomers as not narcs. I wrote it as I see it. You must be a Boomer who is a narc and can't take any criticism. Your post makes me right. Thank you for validating my opinion and observation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have observed that many Boomer parents are narcissists, primarily due to their parents being abusive due to mental health issues as dealing with the Second World War trauma. That reflected on their kids, and they coped as they could, but many became narcissists of different varieties and never got out of that "victim" mentality. Sadly, that cycle is vicious.
OP sounds just like one of those narcs.

Sadly, it is so prevalent among Boomers that it is like an epidemic of NPD so when her millennial kids coped the best they could with her behavior, they became either narcs or fed up with all the BS and are limiting contact.

She is needy even now; we are the best and do everything right, but they are mean. I mean, even in the most abusive families, one kid might become a raging abusive POS when growing up with such parents, and the other might grow up a perfectly balanced person.
I disagree that in the U.S., people resent older relatives. I think many love them, and many don't care, just like in any country.

If we were to generalize and say Boomers and Millenials are spoiled rotten truly, these things are connected, as Boomers are parents of Millennials. If they grew up watching their parents act like entitled douchebags and always narc victims, their kids never got the emotional support they needed. Hence, those kids grew up to be very similar to their parents or were fed up being the narc supply for their NPD parents.
According to OP, her kids are mean and do not appreciate her and her DH. All I am hearing is we are nice, we are great, we do everything for them, but nobody is that perfect; only a narcissist thinks they are so perfect and DESERVE everyone to wait on them.
Like op does.
Having said that, for every child that coped with abuse and became a narc, another became a regular human that is able to function and not be an abusive narc. So, that is no excuse.

What position are you in to qualify and characterize Boomers as so many narcissists? And what generation? I work with Boomers and Gen X- not seeing it. Boomers have a strong work ethic, they pioneered quite a bit that people take for granted today. Not seeing all this anger everyone talks about. It might be best to qualify social status, education, and changing social mores, first.

Millennials were the first to really be in daycare full time, the first to experience the idea of individualism ( free to be you and me....etc.,) There's got to be a commentary on that before we start calling boomers narcissists. That's a crazy armchair psychological assessment and a really overused one at that. Come on.

I am in the same position as everyone here is on dcum. Just as you have no "position" to qualify Boomers as not narcs. I wrote it as I see it. You must be a Boomer who is a narc and can't take any criticism. Your post makes me right. Thank you for validating my opinion and observation.

Lol, nah, you just proved mine. This was perfect.

[Anonymous]

DP if you are working with Boomers then they must be very young boomers. In my experience most boomers were not great leaders or managers in the office. Outdated styles such as being paternalistic or materialistic with younger staff, retiring in place/losing drive, difficulty adapting to changing world and utterly confused about technology. Gen X has been far better perhaps because they have to deal with boomers and millennials.

The other issue at play with boomers may simply be from cognitive decline. People tend t get worse not better as they age. Boomers who have lost their filter and focus solely on themselves are becoming narcissists. It will be interesting to see whether this happens to Gen X. F it does then you can chalk up the boomers bad behavior as cognitive decline. If it doesn’t then the boomers should be renamed worst generation ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have observed that many Boomer parents are narcissists, primarily due to their parents being abusive due to mental health issues as dealing with the Second World War trauma. That reflected on their kids, and they coped as they could, but many became narcissists of different varieties and never got out of that "victim" mentality. Sadly, that cycle is vicious.
OP sounds just like one of those narcs.

Sadly, it is so prevalent among Boomers that it is like an epidemic of NPD so when her millennial kids coped the best they could with her behavior, they became either narcs or fed up with all the BS and are limiting contact.

She is needy even now; we are the best and do everything right, but they are mean. I mean, even in the most abusive families, one kid might become a raging abusive POS when growing up with such parents, and the other might grow up a perfectly balanced person.
I disagree that in the U.S., people resent older relatives. I think many love them, and many don't care, just like in any country.

If we were to generalize and say Boomers and Millenials are spoiled rotten truly, these things are connected, as Boomers are parents of Millennials. If they grew up watching their parents act like entitled douchebags and always narc victims, their kids never got the emotional support they needed. Hence, those kids grew up to be very similar to their parents or were fed up being the narc supply for their NPD parents.
According to OP, her kids are mean and do not appreciate her and her DH. All I am hearing is we are nice, we are great, we do everything for them, but nobody is that perfect; only a narcissist thinks they are so perfect and DESERVE everyone to wait on them.
Like op does.
Having said that, for every child that coped with abuse and became a narc, another became a regular human that is able to function and not be an abusive narc. So, that is no excuse.

What position are you in to qualify and characterize Boomers as so many narcissists? And what generation? I work with Boomers and Gen X- not seeing it. Boomers have a strong work ethic, they pioneered quite a bit that people take for granted today. Not seeing all this anger everyone talks about. It might be best to qualify social status, education, and changing social mores, first.

Millennials were the first to really be in daycare full time, the first to experience the idea of individualism ( free to be you and me....etc.,) There's got to be a commentary on that before we start calling boomers narcissists. That's a crazy armchair psychological assessment and a really overused one at that. Come on.

I am in the same position as everyone here is on dcum. Just as you have no "position" to qualify Boomers as not narcs. I wrote it as I see it. You must be a Boomer who is a narc and can't take any criticism. Your post makes me right. Thank you for validating my opinion and observation.

Lol, nah, you just proved mine. This was perfect.

Yep, classic narc behavior, not a single original answer or thought, just parroting and accusing and using the same words you think are aimed at you. Classic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have observed that many Boomer parents are narcissists, primarily due to their parents being abusive due to mental health issues as dealing with the Second World War trauma. That reflected on their kids, and they coped as they could, but many became narcissists of different varieties and never got out of that "victim" mentality. Sadly, that cycle is vicious.
OP sounds just like one of those narcs.

Sadly, it is so prevalent among Boomers that it is like an epidemic of NPD so when her millennial kids coped the best they could with her behavior, they became either narcs or fed up with all the BS and are limiting contact.

She is needy even now; we are the best and do everything right, but they are mean. I mean, even in the most abusive families, one kid might become a raging abusive POS when growing up with such parents, and the other might grow up a perfectly balanced person.
I disagree that in the U.S., people resent older relatives. I think many love them, and many don't care, just like in any country.

If we were to generalize and say Boomers and Millenials are spoiled rotten truly, these things are connected, as Boomers are parents of Millennials. If they grew up watching their parents act like entitled douchebags and always narc victims, their kids never got the emotional support they needed. Hence, those kids grew up to be very similar to their parents or were fed up being the narc supply for their NPD parents.
According to OP, her kids are mean and do not appreciate her and her DH. All I am hearing is we are nice, we are great, we do everything for them, but nobody is that perfect; only a narcissist thinks they are so perfect and DESERVE everyone to wait on them.
Like op does.
Having said that, for every child that coped with abuse and became a narc, another became a regular human that is able to function and not be an abusive narc. So, that is no excuse.

What position are you in to qualify and characterize Boomers as so many narcissists? And what generation? I work with Boomers and Gen X- not seeing it. Boomers have a strong work ethic, they pioneered quite a bit that people take for granted today. Not seeing all this anger everyone talks about. It might be best to qualify social status, education, and changing social mores, first.

Millennials were the first to really be in daycare full time, the first to experience the idea of individualism ( free to be you and me....etc.,) There's got to be a commentary on that before we start calling boomers narcissists. That's a crazy armchair psychological assessment and a really overused one at that. Come on.

I am in the same position as everyone here is on dcum. Just as you have no "position" to qualify Boomers as not narcs. I wrote it as I see it. You must be a Boomer who is a narc and can't take any criticism. Your post makes me right. Thank you for validating my opinion and observation.

Lol, nah, you just proved mine. This was perfect.

Yep, classic narc behavior, not a single original answer or thought, just parroting and accusing and using the same words you think are aimed at you. Classic.

You are the gift that keeps on giving! Accusing everyone with exactly what you are accusing them of- over and over. Keep it up, this is literally the best thing here.
**Probably should look up what a narcissist is, though. Like that will happen.

[Anonymous]

https://mashable.com/article/study-narcissism-millennials-baby-boomers-sensitive
The study suggests that baby boomers, or "individuals who were born earlier in the [20th] century," had higher levels of hypersensitivity, or being full of themselves, and higher levels of willfulness, or the tendency to impose their opinion on others.
People with a narcissistic style or diagnosable narcissistic personality disorder stubbornly cling to their psychological defenses and rarely cease promoting their own image. Over time, you may become inured to how extreme and costly their actions are.

[Anonymous]

Just wait until you’re in your 60’s. And your miserable adult kids blame everything on Mommy and Daddy. You’re knocking on the door of elder abuse. You know nothing about life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wait until you’re in your 60’s. And your miserable adult kids blame everything on Mommy and Daddy. You’re knocking on the door of elder abuse. You know nothing about life.

My kids will have experienced two parents who:
1) Aren’t alcoholics in total denial, to the point of driving drunk and putting their children in danger
2) Actually apologize when they are wrong
3) Don’t offer unsolicited advice and obnoxious comments
4) Are critical thinkers who don’t guzzle Fox News and spit out hate

So I’m fairly confident that we’ll all get along as adults. I won’t guilt them about calling or visiting and act like adult children must always be the one to initiate calls. I won’t expect them to spend every hard-earned vacation day and dollar on me. Generally speaking, I won’t be a massive pain in the arse who expects everyone to kowtow and kiss the ring. So I’m fine with my future. Sounds like you were an awful parent if your kids want nothing to do with you. Look at yourself. Be honest for once, if you can.