Millennials who are mean.

[Anonymous]

OP, your post makes you sound very passive aggressive. That might be why your grown children are setting boundaries.

You’re not the victim you make yourself out to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately it’s real millennials are a cancel culture. The only way is to come to acceptance. One out of four millennials kick thier parents to the curb. Entitled, spoiled and mean is a good article because they were given too much. So parents allowed this. There have been many articles written about this subject. They are not going to change thier ways no matter what you give. We were helicopter parents trying too hard to please…you adore and give too much and you create narcissism. It’s that simple. Big hugs and love sent.

Is this the OP dredging up this old thread?

Attention seeker?

[Anonymous]

Sorry for your pain
Maybe cut them off
They are hurtful and completely wrong
There are children out there that would love to
Have parents like you
One day they will get it

[Anonymous]

You are all adults. You have an adult relationship with each other. You are peers. Make sure you are respecting them as peers, always. Re: the rudeness, you would not tolerate rudeness from a friend, from a peer. Family does not get a pass. Mention it when it happens. You are all in this relationship for the long-haul. Any tweaks in behavior in a positive direction will help for the future.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t read the comments but I don’t think boomer parents realize that is millennial parents are like borderline suicidally overwhelmed. We can’t afford what they could and need to work bananas hours with forced corporate personas to hold down jobs where we make more than they ever did but can afford much less and where everyone is at a full sprint competition wise at all times. On top of that we are expected to raise kids, some of whom have sn, with unwavering patience, full attention and empathy. This is correct but hard. On top of that, we can’t afford much help or really to even go out to eat much (my parents went out whenever they wanted) or to have our own time bc the cost of everything is nuts. We live in houses that are way smaller than we dreamed or further away. We aren’t even supposed to have a glass of wine any more in the 1 hour we have free before we pass out in the evening. We are at capacity. I once asked my mil if they could come later in the day on xmas eve as it was my first day off in ages and I needed a ‘mental health reset’ and she teased me and was offended about the mental health part. It’s not a joke though - we are all on ssris and half of us fall asleep fantasizing about running away forever. I have my ILs this weekend after a week of insane work and I absolutely hate it. It’s like a straw that broke the camels back and yesterday I escaped for 30 mins and cried in the car. They are totally oblivious to my life - it’s like if someone from the west wing was hosting the mom from everyone loves Raymond.
So op - it’s prob not about you, although the criticism if it’s not poking fun sounds like resentment. Is it possible that you are oblivious to their stressors? Call and say are you ok. Really listen to the answer. And then say - it feels like we’re a burden: I don’t want to feel like that and I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed. I want you to be able to talk to me and I want to help and not be yet another obligation. Let’s figure this out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like their parents did something wrong.

maybe they did. if they did, they were too nice and accommodating and didn't teach them to respect their parents. in any case, it's not really helpful at this point.

sometimes kids have great parents and just grow up to be dicks.

I often see this point made on here but my personal observation is that it's not true. People who have good relationships with their kids when they are kids and teens tend to have good relationships with them as adults. I don't know anyone who just randomly turned out to be a jerk to their parents after their parents were very good to them. I have one friend who I thought was kind of entitled towards her parents but I found out last year they used to literally whip her with a belt. So now I get it.

Most of us got spanked. I deserved far more of them than I got. That's not a justification.

No child deserves to be hit. Ever.

If you hit your kids, don't be surprised later if you have a bad or dysfunctional relationship, if they seem insufficiently grateful, or if they don't trust you around their own children.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read the comments but I don’t think boomer parents realize that is millennial parents are like borderline suicidally overwhelmed. We can’t afford what they could and need to work bananas hours with forced corporate personas to hold down jobs where we make more than they ever did but can afford much less and where everyone is at a full sprint competition wise at all times. On top of that we are expected to raise kids, some of whom have sn, with unwavering patience, full attention and empathy. This is correct but hard. On top of that, we can’t afford much help or really to even go out to eat much (my parents went out whenever they wanted) or to have our own time bc the cost of everything is nuts. We live in houses that are way smaller than we dreamed or further away. We aren’t even supposed to have a glass of wine any more in the 1 hour we have free before we pass out in the evening. We are at capacity. I once asked my mil if they could come later in the day on xmas eve as it was my first day off in ages and I needed a ‘mental health reset’ and she teased me and was offended about the mental health part. It’s not a joke though - we are all on ssris and half of us fall asleep fantasizing about running away forever. I have my ILs this weekend after a week of insane work and I absolutely hate it. It’s like a straw that broke the camels back and yesterday I escaped for 30 mins and cried in the car. They are totally oblivious to my life - it’s like if someone from the west wing was hosting the mom from everyone loves Raymond.
So op - it’s prob not about you, although the criticism if it’s not poking fun sounds like resentment. Is it possible that you are oblivious to their stressors? Call and say are you ok. Really listen to the answer. And then say - it feels like we’re a burden: I don’t want to feel like that and I don’t want you to feel overwhelmed. I want you to be able to talk to me and I want to help and not be yet another obligation. Let’s figure this out

This doesn't perfectly resonate with me but a lot of it is spot on. Specifically this sense that my parents and ILs have absolutely no idea about my life and don't really understand the pressures I'm under or why I can't always just relax and hang out. They are often confused by the fact that we have limited vacation time and can't visit or host them whenever we want, that our lives are very circumscribed by work and school schedules, and that like 95% of our money is going straight to mortgage, retirement, and college savings and we actually haver really limited disposable income because we live in fear of the costs of aging and college. And also worry constantly about our kids launching and what the world will look like for them and how much we will need to help them if this is what it's like for us.

But if you even reference any of this they kind of roll their eyes and are like "we know, we raised kids too, it's the same as it ever was" and, uh, no it is not. It's really different. There is a lot more pressure on this generation of parents and I think we have a lot more fear about where things are going and if we will have the resources to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Boomer parents also are not self aware in the way that millennial parents are. They’ve had less therapy and generally speaking don’t tend to be aware of or accountable for their own very human shortcomings and are extremely defensive about them - where millennials are very aware and always ‘working on them’. That engenders an extreme internecine cultural tension

[Anonymous]

Millenials are a mess. I’m working with many and they are the most rude, entitled generation to work with. Hands down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Millenials are a mess. I’m working with many and they are the most rude, entitled generation to work with. Hands down.

you also sound pretty rude.

[Anonymous]

I am generation Z, but this thread reminds me of my mother, who also feels entitled and paints a portrait of herself handing it all with grace and respect growing up. She leaves out the part about her uncontrollable rage, her tantrums at her MIL, her threats, manipulation and guilt trips and how we had to fend for ourselves a lot.

When she sees the grandkids, it's like having another demanding child and if I dared to want help beyond her babysitting with me in the house or closeby so i dealt with diapers or any issues, then I would be in debt to her for life.

She goes on and on about how adoring her neighbors adult kids and grandchildren are. The neighbor would take her grandkids for weeks at a time, come visit and clean and cook and cater to her kids and grandkids. I would never expect that, but my goodness would I be grateful.

I have a good relationship with my teenage kids, but I am constantly reflecting and when there is conflict, I own my part and apologize. I get therapy when I think I am repeating patterns. I cannot ever imagine thinking I am completely innocent if 3 adult children are resentful of me. I also wouldn't come to DCUM if they were, I would get professional help.

[Anonymous]

How many bedrooms/bathrooms is their house relative to how many children they have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am generation Z, but this thread reminds me of my mother, who also feels entitled and paints a portrait of herself handing it all with grace and respect growing up. She leaves out the part about her uncontrollable rage, her tantrums at her MIL, her threats, manipulation and guilt trips and how we had to fend for ourselves a lot.

When she sees the grandkids, it's like having another demanding child and if I dared to want help beyond her babysitting with me in the house or closeby so i dealt with diapers or any issues, then I would be in debt to her for life.

She goes on and on about how adoring her neighbors adult kids and grandchildren are. The neighbor would take her grandkids for weeks at a time, come visit and clean and cook and cater to her kids and grandkids. I would never expect that, but my goodness would I be grateful.

I have a good relationship with my teenage kids, but I am constantly reflecting and when there is conflict, I own my part and apologize. I get therapy when I think I am repeating patterns. I cannot ever imagine thinking I am completely innocent if 3 adult children are resentful of me. I also wouldn't come to DCUM if they were, I would get professional help.

Gen Z was born between 1997 and 2012. So if you have teenage kids you were no more than 14 years old when they were born.

[Anonymous]

The Missing Missing Reasons

https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html

[Anonymous]

I know a lot of Boomers, some cool and some annoying.

I don't know any cool Boomers who call their children "Millennials" as some sort of personality type.