Millennials who are mean.

[Anonymous]

We raised 3 humans who are now millennials. They are the parents of our beautiful grandkids. They are fabulous parents.

But the treat us like crap! We are VERY respectful of their busy lives. We cherish the time they let us interact with the kids. We get to FaceTime but they NEVER invite us. The few times we have said that we want to see the kids we stay in a hotel, rent a car and leave after the kids are in bed. That’s when they have their personal time where they eat dinner.

We are made to feel like a burden. They criticize everything from our lifestyle to how we dress. They are rude, nasty and hurtful. They never ask how we are doing. We definitely bring value with our relationship with their children.

As far as saying, anything to them, we fear that they could cut us off from the grandkids. So…. We put up with this garbage.

It seems like if we disappeared tomorrow they would not be phased
They were not this way growing up.

What the heck happened!

[Anonymous]

I don't know what happened or why they're like this, but maybe you could invite the kids to come stay with you at the hotel? More kid-time with them, without having to deal with the parents.

[Anonymous]

Do you offer to babysit?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you offer to babysit?

Yes. We offer to babysit.

The only thing they are willing to do with us is go to a fabulous resort with something for everyone. We take them to Disney.

It’s a pay to play situation and we are not wealthy.

[Anonymous]

How old are the grandkids? I know when our kids were tiny (and very close together in age, plus two full time jobs) we were incredibly worn out and not as attentive to extended family as usual (in terms of asking about their lives etc). We were just trying to keep our heads above water. However, we certainly weren’t critical etc.

Will they let you babysit? That could be a win-win.

I don’t know what to say about the rudeness/criticism- is this new or have they always been this way?! Can you provide a specific example of the things said?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what happened or why they're like this, but maybe you could invite the kids to come stay with you at the hotel? More kid-time with them, without having to deal with the parents.

We have offered this and they reject our offer. The kids need their routine.
BTW: We are not old and irresponsible.

[Anonymous]

Idk man you raised them. If they’re ungrateful you should have raised them to have more gratitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We raised 3 humans who are now millennials. They are the parents of our beautiful grandkids. They are fabulous parents.

But the treat us like crap! We are VERY respectful of their busy lives. We cherish the time they let us interact with the kids. We get to FaceTime but they NEVER invite us. The few times we have said that we want to see the kids we stay in a hotel, rent a car and leave after the kids are in bed. That’s when they have their personal time where they eat dinner.

We are made to feel like a burden. They criticize everything from our lifestyle to how we dress. They are rude, nasty and hurtful. They never ask how we are doing. We definitely bring value with our relationship with their children.

As far as saying, anything to them, we fear that they could cut us off from the grandkids. So…. We put up with this garbage.

It seems like if we disappeared tomorrow they would not be phased
They were not this way growing up.

What the heck happened!

And ALL three are this way? That is a bit of a red flag to me- wondering if you are misinterpreting some of their comments or your expectations are too high in terms of contact. What are the spouses like?

[Anonymous]

This isn’t a millennial thing.

[Anonymous]

What was your relationship with them before they had kids? Did you visit each other? How did you spend holidays? Did you find them to be respectful and kind before?

Also, are you talking about multiple kids? Do they all live far away from you? What are their spouses like? You say you raised kids but then the rest of your post makes it sound like you are talking one specific adult child, their spouse, and then their kids. It would be somewhat weird if it's the exact same situation with multiple adult kids (like are they all asking you to leave and go back to your hotel after the kids go to bed so they can eat dinner with their spouses without you? or is this referencing one of your kids).

If you are talking about multiple adult kids, I would encourage you not to think of them as a group who all act the same. They likely are different and if you get angry with them all collectively because of the actions of one, then that's probably part of your problem. My dad does this sometimes where he doesn't differentiate between his kids and he'll get mad at me for stuff my brothers did and it's very frustrating because I don't control my brothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We raised 3 humans who are now millennials. They are the parents of our beautiful grandkids. They are fabulous parents.

But the treat us like crap! We are VERY respectful of their busy lives. We cherish the time they let us interact with the kids. We get to FaceTime but they NEVER invite us. The few times we have said that we want to see the kids we stay in a hotel, rent a car and leave after the kids are in bed. That’s when they have their personal time where they eat dinner.

We are made to feel like a burden. They criticize everything from our lifestyle to how we dress. They are rude, nasty and hurtful. They never ask how we are doing. We definitely bring value with our relationship with their children.

As far as saying, anything to them, we fear that they could cut us off from the grandkids. So…. We put up with this garbage.

It seems like if we disappeared tomorrow they would not be phased
They were not this way growing up.

What the heck happened!

I'm not sure what happened, speaking as a Millennial and a parent. What do they specifically criticize about your lifestyle and the way you dress? What are some of the underlying issues that you can think of that cause tension, if any? Is it politics? Religious differences? Parenting philosophies?

If you were to say "Jason, Amanda, and Chris - Your dad and I would love to have a closer relationship with you and your families, but we feel that you haven't been comfortable with that. Is this accurate, and, if so, are there specific reasons for this?" what are some of the things you'd expect that they might tell you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are the grandkids? I know when our kids were tiny (and very close together in age, plus two full time jobs) we were incredibly worn out and not as attentive to extended family as usual (in terms of asking about their lives etc). We were just trying to keep our heads above water. However, we certainly weren’t critical etc.

Will they let you babysit? That could be a win-win.

I don’t know what to say about the rudeness/criticism- is this new or have they always been this way?! Can you provide a specific example of the things said?

A specific example would be we are noisy when we stir our coffee, my husband still works (high functioning) and our son calls him a moron. I don’t know how to hold a baby. The grandkids are still young. They are ages one, two, four and seven. The last time we visited one of them for their child’s first birthday, they gave us chores to do at their house. Pressure wash the outside, put together things. When they came home, they complained about the work.

One of our kids went to school on a full scholarship. He is hyper independent, and we are extremely proud of him and tell him all the time. Now he throws it back in our face. Really didn’t see this coming.

Honestly, we just want to see our grandkids

I think they were definitely spoiled, but I refuse to blame myself for their behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the grandkids? I know when our kids were tiny (and very close together in age, plus two full time jobs) we were incredibly worn out and not as attentive to extended family as usual (in terms of asking about their lives etc). We were just trying to keep our heads above water. However, we certainly weren’t critical etc.

Will they let you babysit? That could be a win-win.

I don’t know what to say about the rudeness/criticism- is this new or have they always been this way?! Can you provide a specific example of the things said?

A specific example would be we are noisy when we stir our coffee, my husband still works (high functioning) and our son calls him a moron. I don’t know how to hold a baby. The grandkids are still young. They are ages one, two, four and seven. The last time we visited one of them for their child’s first birthday, they gave us chores to do at their house. Pressure wash the outside, put together things. When they came home, they complained about the work.

One of our kids went to school on a full scholarship. He is hyper independent, and we are extremely proud of him and tell him all the time. Now he throws it back in our face. Really didn’t see this coming.

Honestly, we just want to see our grandkids

I think they were definitely spoiled, but I refuse to blame myself for their behavior.

What do you mean when you say DH is "high functioning"?

The criticism about stirring your coffee is crazy. So is requesting you to power wash the house.

What is your ethnicity, if you don't mind me asking?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like their parents did something wrong.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP but you know the saying, "if you ran into an a-hole this morning, then you ran into an a-hole. If you ran into a-holes all day, then you are the a-hole"? That's what you sound like.