Millennials who are mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Millennial with boomer parents here. I think my parents would describe themselves the way you describe yourself… but here’s what it’s actually like:

- They announce that they are coming to visit, even when we have plans to see then less than a month later. They don’t ask, the announce, and lay on the guilt if I say no.
So what? They are adults and can be left to handle their dissapointment.
- When we do visit, they just go about their daily lives—lunches with friends that we aren’t invited to, work, etc., meaning that I have given up my weekend as a full-time non-WFH working parent with a demanding job just so they can tell their friends I visited without actually maximizing the time together.
OK? It’s a known factor. Either make the choice not to visit (valid), or tell them you will only visit on the condition that they actually spend time with you (valid). Make a choice, live that choice, and stop complaining. If you continue visiting with no conditions, then own it: that is a choice you have made, so no complaining.
- My dad is a yeller who lectures as a grown-ass adult me in front of my own child.
Stop accepting this treatment. Tell him beforehand: if you yell at me, we leave. If you are in my home and you yell at me, you leave. Stop accepting this bad behavior. If you continue to choose to accept it, no complaining: own your choice.
- I’m financially independent, but my parents like to throw around that they’ll pay for whatever it is I say I’m planning to spend money on (swim lessons, other activities). I never take them up on their offer, but it makes them feel like they’re paying for it so they can give themselves a pat on the back.
You never take them up on the offer, so what’s the problem, exactly? They are offering to pay for things, and you decline? OK.
- My mother complains that I don’t talk to her, but whenever I have tried to tell her about my life, she interrupts and starts talking about her. I have given up trying to have a meaningful relationship.
OK, so either stop calling or interrupt right back. Do you get it? INTERRUPT RIGHT BACK. “Actually, Mom, I’m still talking. And it’s really boring to talk to you because you always interrupt and make the conversation about you. If you interrupt me again, I’m hanging up. Grow a spine.
I know I probably don’t always say or do the right thing, but I’m exhausted from balancing everything, and I just don’t have time for the exhaustion they create in my life.
Stand up for yourself and stop whining so much.
I could go on, but really examine your own behavior. I’m sure it’s you and them.

Bizarre response to PP. She wasn’t asking for advice on how to deal with inappropriate behavior, she was just pointing out what her parents do that is inappropriate. But I guess you ultimately agree with her because you think she should stand up for herself to stop the behavior, so at least you’re on the same page.

Thanks. This is the original PP. Exactly. I’m offering my experience of why I don’t want to interact with my parents. The end result is that I mostly send them to voicemail when they call, and I’m the terrible one. I’m so over their guilt trips that I don’t care anymore.

yeah super confusing response to PP! the thread is started by a boomer complaining about their three millennial children not inviting them, calling them, making time for them. In essence, whining that their children have boundaries that they have to respect.

A millennial provides examples for why they have boundaries with their boomer parents (like the parents in the OP) that result in consequences like not calling, making time for them etc as a direct result of the boomers actions/behaviors .... then a (very confused and triggered boomer? ) responds with unsolicited advice to the millennial about how to have boundaries with a parents like this ... and then berates the millennial for whining ... hmmmm the irony in this thread makes me head spin.

[Anonymous]

for those that haven't read it already (its a great read)

A Generation of Sociopaths: How the Baby Boomers Betrayed America
by Bruce Cannon Gibney

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:for those that haven't read it already (its a great read)

A Generation of Sociopaths: How the Baby Boomers Betrayed America
by Bruce Cannon Gibney

If you actually read it, you would realize that his commentary has to do with policy making of the time not your mother's personality. Lots can be written about generational industry, marriage, social mores, but that isn't why you can't grow up.
Secondly, there's little or no nuance for a very broad section of people, most of whom are young boomers, and have zero to do with policies and behavior patterns that are described. There are actually two separate generations within the arbitrary Boomer years, the boomers and the Jonesers. Meanwhile, the author himself has grabbed capitalism with both hands, and was educated due to his Boomer parent privilege, so there's been quite a bit of criticism about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for those that haven't read it already (its a great read)

A Generation of Sociopaths: How the Baby Boomers Betrayed America
by Bruce Cannon Gibney

If you actually read it, you would realize that his commentary has to do with policy making of the time not your mother's personality. Lots can be written about generational industry, marriage, social mores, but that isn't why you can't grow up.
Secondly, there's little or no nuance for a very broad section of people, most of whom are young boomers, and have zero to do with policies and behavior patterns that are described. There are actually two separate generations within the arbitrary Boomer years, the boomers and the Jonesers. Meanwhile, the author himself has grabbed capitalism with both hands, and was educated due to his Boomer parent privilege, so there's been quite a bit of criticism about that.

I did read it but I appreciate your skepticism to try and undermine my point

it's a lot about the horrible policies that the boomers (as a generation) put in place for our country, yes! but it also discusses how most of the beneficial gains to our society (that boomers love to take credit for) are actually accredited to the Silent Generation who were the adults at the time.

It also discusses how there was a unique sociological experiment happening, in that, boomers were the first generation raised with TV shows, white picked fences, suburbia, better education, expansive safety-nets, never before seen economic growth etc (again, all thanks to the Silent Generation)

this resulted in a generation that is more self-centered and entitled than any generation past. They had the world served to them, they claim responsibility for the benefits they didn't put in place, sucked it dry, and dismantled it for future generations. That's pretty "sociopathic" behavior!

But yes, back to the point of behaviors. It also outlines how it was the first "dr spock" generation in which parents shifted from viewing this children as economic commodities as things that need to be nurtured, resulting in very spoiled entitled children.

yes, the author chose the word "sociopath" to be proactive and use the capitalist's system for his own benefit, just as he was taught by his boomer parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for those that haven't read it already (its a great read)

A Generation of Sociopaths: How the Baby Boomers Betrayed America
by Bruce Cannon Gibney

If you actually read it, you would realize that his commentary has to do with policy making of the time not your mother's personality. Lots can be written about generational industry, marriage, social mores, but that isn't why you can't grow up.
Secondly, there's little or no nuance for a very broad section of people, most of whom are young boomers, and have zero to do with policies and behavior patterns that are described. There are actually two separate generations within the arbitrary Boomer years, the boomers and the Jonesers. Meanwhile, the author himself has grabbed capitalism with both hands, and was educated due to his Boomer parent privilege, so there's been quite a bit of criticism about that.

I did read it but I appreciate your skepticism to try and undermine my point

it's a lot about the horrible policies that the boomers (as a generation) put in place for our country, yes! but it also discusses how most of the beneficial gains to our society (that boomers love to take credit for) are actually accredited to the Silent Generation who were the adults at the time.

It also discusses how there was a unique sociological experiment happening, in that, boomers were the first generation raised with TV shows, white picked fences, suburbia, better education, expansive safety-nets, never before seen economic growth etc (again, all thanks to the Silent Generation)

this resulted in a generation that is more self-centered and entitled than any generation past. They had the world served to them, they claim responsibility for the benefits they didn't put in place, sucked it dry, and dismantled it for future generations. That's pretty "sociopathic" behavior!

But yes, back to the point of behaviors. It also outlines how it was the first "dr spock" generation in which parents shifted from viewing this children as economic commodities as things that need to be nurtured, resulting in very spoiled entitled children.

yes, the author chose the word "sociopath" to be proactive and use the capitalist's system for his own benefit, just as he was taught by his boomer parents

It's called debate, discussion, rebuttal. Lol. But you take it as undermining your point. Why?

Again, I will maintain that the generational divides are conflated as one, which has produced a lot of blame in the wrong place. Boomers are not a monolith at all.

What isn't dicussed? The fact that women entered the workforce in the late 70s, giving rise to household income rise and choices to support the new family lifestyle. Daycare isn't discussed as much as it should be. Camps, after-school programs, etc.

I am a Joneser. Yeah, I saw some cocaine, ladder climbimg, and wealth in the parts of the corporate world, but mostly I didn't see sociopaths. I saw women, with jobs they wouldn't have had in previous generations,tasked with having to do everything, with no maternity leave, good day care, or decent health care, and inflation rising due to increased income. There was lots more divorce, because they could, but their mothers could not. There was so much more going on than what this guy decided happened.
And look at him. Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for those that haven't read it already (its a great read)

A Generation of Sociopaths: How the Baby Boomers Betrayed America
by Bruce Cannon Gibney

If you actually read it, you would realize that his commentary has to do with policy making of the time not your mother's personality. Lots can be written about generational industry, marriage, social mores, but that isn't why you can't grow up.
Secondly, there's little or no nuance for a very broad section of people, most of whom are young boomers, and have zero to do with policies and behavior patterns that are described. There are actually two separate generations within the arbitrary Boomer years, the boomers and the Jonesers. Meanwhile, the author himself has grabbed capitalism with both hands, and was educated due to his Boomer parent privilege, so there's been quite a bit of criticism about that.

I did read it but I appreciate your skepticism to try and undermine my point

it's a lot about the horrible policies that the boomers (as a generation) put in place for our country, yes! but it also discusses how most of the beneficial gains to our society (that boomers love to take credit for) are actually accredited to the Silent Generation who were the adults at the time.

It also discusses how there was a unique sociological experiment happening, in that, boomers were the first generation raised with TV shows, white picked fences, suburbia, better education, expansive safety-nets, never before seen economic growth etc (again, all thanks to the Silent Generation)

this resulted in a generation that is more self-centered and entitled than any generation past. They had the world served to them, they claim responsibility for the benefits they didn't put in place, sucked it dry, and dismantled it for future generations. That's pretty "sociopathic" behavior!

But yes, back to the point of behaviors. It also outlines how it was the first "dr spock" generation in which parents shifted from viewing this children as economic commodities as things that need to be nurtured, resulting in very spoiled entitled children.

yes, the author chose the word "sociopath" to be proactive and use the capitalist's system for his own benefit, just as he was taught by his boomer parents

Economic growth did not happen because of the Silent Generation. It happened due to household wealth because of dual incomes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:for those that haven't read it already (its a great read)

A Generation of Sociopaths: How the Baby Boomers Betrayed America
by Bruce Cannon Gibney

If you actually read it, you would realize that his commentary has to do with policy making of the time not your mother's personality. Lots can be written about generational industry, marriage, social mores, but that isn't why you can't grow up.
Secondly, there's little or no nuance for a very broad section of people, most of whom are young boomers, and have zero to do with policies and behavior patterns that are described. There are actually two separate generations within the arbitrary Boomer years, the boomers and the Jonesers. Meanwhile, the author himself has grabbed capitalism with both hands, and was educated due to his Boomer parent privilege, so there's been quite a bit of criticism about that.

I did read it but I appreciate your skepticism to try and undermine my point

it's a lot about the horrible policies that the boomers (as a generation) put in place for our country, yes! but it also discusses how most of the beneficial gains to our society (that boomers love to take credit for) are actually accredited to the Silent Generation who were the adults at the time.

It also discusses how there was a unique sociological experiment happening, in that, boomers were the first generation raised with TV shows, white picked fences, suburbia, better education, expansive safety-nets, never before seen economic growth etc (again, all thanks to the Silent Generation)

this resulted in a generation that is more self-centered and entitled than any generation past. They had the world served to them, they claim responsibility for the benefits they didn't put in place, sucked it dry, and dismantled it for future generations. That's pretty "sociopathic" behavior!

But yes, back to the point of behaviors. It also outlines how it was the first "dr spock" generation in which parents shifted from viewing this children as economic commodities as things that need to be nurtured, resulting in very spoiled entitled children.

yes, the author chose the word "sociopath" to be proactive and use the capitalist's system for his own benefit, just as he was taught by his boomer parents

It's called debate, discussion, rebuttal. Lol. But you take it as undermining your point. Why?

Because to START the debate, about a book that I brought up, you said "if you read it" to imply I didn't read it, but I was throwing it out there ... for a talking point? no, I read it.

Again, I will maintain that the generational divides are conflated as one, which has produced a lot of blame in the wrong place. Boomers are not a monolith at all.

What isn't dicussed? The fact that women entered the workforce in the late 70s, giving rise to household income rise and choices to support the new family lifestyle. Daycare isn't discussed as much as it should be. Camps, after-school programs, etc.

I am a Joneser. Yeah, I saw some cocaine, ladder climbimg, and wealth in the parts of the corporate world, but mostly I didn't see sociopaths. I saw women, with jobs they wouldn't have had in previous generations,tasked with having to do everything, with no maternity leave, good day care, or decent health care, and inflation rising due to increased income. There was lots more divorce, because they could, but their mothers could not. There was so much more going on than what this guy decided happened.
And look at him. Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We raised 3 humans who are now millennials. They are the parents of our beautiful grandkids. They are fabulous parents.

But the treat us like crap! We are VERY respectful of their busy lives. We cherish the time they let us interact with the kids. We get to FaceTime but they NEVER invite us. The few times we have said that we want to see the kids we stay in a hotel, rent a car and leave after the kids are in bed. That’s when they have their personal time where they eat dinner.

We are made to feel like a burden. They criticize everything from our lifestyle to how we dress. They are rude, nasty and hurtful. They never ask how we are doing. We definitely bring value with our relationship with their children.

As far as saying, anything to them, we fear that they could cut us off from the grandkids. So…. We put up with this garbage.

It seems like if we disappeared tomorrow they would not be phased
They were not this way growing up.

What the heck happened!

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately it’s real millennials are a cancel culture. The only way is to come to acceptance. One out of four millennials kick thier parents to the curb. Entitled, spoiled and mean is a good article because they were given too much. So parents allowed this. There have been many articles written about this subject. They are not going to change thier ways no matter what you give. We were helicopter parents trying too hard to please…you adore and give too much and you create narcissism. It’s that simple. Big hugs and love sent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Millennials not coming off well in this thread at all.

Gen X’er and I disagree

I am the Anakin pp, Gen X too, and I agree with you, apart from one Millenial pp who needs a reality check. It's like a nightmare fight between Boomers and Millenials who lack any introspection.

I think the boomer side showed a lot more introspection, and came with explanation and receipts. Millennial side came with many, not just one, nightmare one sentence accusatory meme-like barb throws of no substance. I mean, read through it. I did!

Came with receipts? What generation are you?

Do you require this to be explained to you? Then, what generation are you?

NP. Nobody needs an explanation, it’s just a dinosaur phrase. It’s so embarrassing for you.

Are you the same one who polices all the other terms you think aren't trending? You mean on Snapchat, dear?
Anything intellectual to offer here?

NP. As if your dumb comment about receipts is very intellectual. And PP is right, you are a dinosaur, simultaneously whining about younger people yet desperately throwing out terms like trending or Snapchat to show you’re still relevant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Millennial with boomer parents here. I think my parents would describe themselves the way you describe yourself… but here’s what it’s actually like:

- They announce that they are coming to visit, even when we have plans to see then less than a month later. They don’t ask, the announce, and lay on the guilt if I say no.
- When we do visit, they just go about their daily lives—lunches with friends that we aren’t invited to, work, etc., meaning that I have given up my weekend as a full-time non-WFH working parent with a demanding job just so they can tell their friends I visited without actually maximizing the time together.
- My dad is a yeller who lectures as a grown-ass adult me in front of my own child.
- I’m financially independent, but my parents like to throw around that they’ll pay for whatever it is I say I’m planning to spend money on (swim lessons, other activities). I never take them up on their offer, but it makes them feel like they’re paying for it so they can give themselves a pat on the back.
- My mother complains that I don’t talk to her, but whenever I have tried to tell her about my life, she interrupts and starts talking about her. I have given up trying to have a meaningful relationship.

I know I probably don’t always say or do the right thing, but I’m exhausted from balancing everything, and I just don’t have time for the exhaustion they create in my life.

I could go on, but really examine your own behavior. I’m sure it’s you and them.[/quot

I can relate to above and the constant guilt trip!
Frankly, I'm too old, and too tired to care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you offer to babysit?

Yes. We offer to babysit.

The only thing they are willing to do with us is go to a fabulous resort with something for everyone. We take them to Disney.

It’s a pay to play situation and we are not wealthy.

Stop doing this now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you offer to babysit?

This point should be moot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like an entitlement problem. It’s hard to hear but you are not entitled to a relationship with your grandchildren. It’s a privilege not a right.

I’m a millennial parent of three and I don’t think this is correct. My children absolutely have a right to a relationship with both sets of grandparents. It is my job to protect my children, but taking my grievances with my parents out on the relationship between my kids and their grandparents is off if it doesn’t present a safety risk to my kids.

There is definitely a balance to be struck, but a parent should in good faith try to allow the conditions for a relationship to exist between extended family and their children. Parents shouldn’t act as gatekeepers where conflict between parents and grandparents impacts the children and grandparents.

As for OP, I assume there is more to the story but I’ve seen head scratching situations myself, including where an adult child simply cutoff adult parents without explanation. Without knowing everything, it’s hard to say.

I agree with this (millennial parent here). That said, something seems off here and I agree that it feels like we're not hearing the whole story, or we're hearing a heavily interpreted version.

Or troll post.

I'm also thinking troll post. Why else would the emphasis be on the generation. The poster doesn't sound hurt just mean and manipulative. Like a made up troll.

[Anonymous]

My boomer parents are self-absorbed, emotionally/verbally abusive, critical, sarcastic, judgmental jerks. They make fun of others, mock people, tease relentlessly. They are bullies and likely narcissists. I’m not a wonderful daughter to them because I’m not very involved in their lives anymore…I’ve have had to distance myself to protect myself and my kids and spouse from their abuse and criticism. I wish we could have a close relationship where I actually enjoyed their company and wanted my kids to have a relationship w them but sadly they’ll never change so that will never happen.