How upset would you be? Close friend missing my DD's wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks it’s a little weird at how invested OP is in who attends her daughter’s wedding? I mean, if her daughter was distraught that’s one thing, but if one of my moms friends didn’t come to my wedding, I doubt I would have noticed.

It’s not your wedding, OP.

It's her best friend of 20s years whom they've shared major milestones with. One such being their children's wedding. Stop acting like your surprised she expects her best friend there. It makes you look foolish.

Makes you look foolish to summons the friend.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with you. My only thought would be if I wanted to fake forgiveness for the sake of the group dynamic, but I would never trust that person again.

This but, for how you acted, I never would have apologized. You were hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP, I agree with you. My only thought would be if I wanted to fake forgiveness for the sake of the group dynamic, but I would never trust that person again.

This but, for how you acted, I never would have apologized. You were hurt.

You can get over it. People have conflicts on dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with you. My only thought would be if I wanted to fake forgiveness for the sake of the group dynamic, but I would never trust that person again.

Dramatic much? Sue probably isn't as close to op daughter as she thinks she is. Honestly, op was the more mature one when she realized that she was in the wrong. I think you should listen to op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with you. My only thought would be if I wanted to fake forgiveness for the sake of the group dynamic, but I would never trust that person again.

Dramatic much? Sue probably isn't as close to op daughter as she thinks she is. Honestly, op was the more mature one when she realized that she was in the wrong. I think you should listen to op.

+1. OP did not respect boundaries.

[Anonymous]

She was not in the wrong

You half here on DCUM who think she was in the wrong, thank goodness the rest of us don't have "friends" like you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was not in the wrong

You half here on DCUM who think she was in the wrong, thank goodness the rest of us don't have "friends" like you!

Likewise.

[Anonymous]

You are expecting too much. You are acting as if it’s YOUR wedding, not your daughter’s wedding. Your friend shouldn’t have capitulated and said she was going to split the day or whatever. But I don’t think it’s reasonable for you to think that your child’s wedding will be THE event that your friend’s schedule their lives around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are expecting too much. You are acting as if it’s YOUR wedding, not your daughter’s wedding. Your friend shouldn’t have capitulated and said she was going to split the day or whatever. But I don’t think it’s reasonable for you to think that your child’s wedding will be THE event that your friend’s schedule their lives around.

+1. OP is nuts. I would distance myself from her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she introduced the other couple they will likely be mentioned in a toast, and it would be weird to not be there. Also, maybe she needs to be there because of work politics

I feel like your friend is in an awkward position, and you made it worse by telling her how upset you were. She tried to twist herself into pretzels trying to accommodate both and her husband was probably sick of hearing her stress out about it.

It would be nice for her to be there, but it is not your wedding, and your daughter should be the focus. She will barely notice your friend's absence.

It seems silly to throw away 20+ years of friendship over this.

You don't need to mention anyone in a toast. Even if they are there and set you up. If they can't make it then you just skip it and nobody will notice or care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want her there because we're close friends. She's part of a tight-knit group of people, and we've been there for each other for close to 25 years. She was planning on coming *before* she learned about the other wedding, so I know she did initially want to come.

But I hear what you all are saying.

I agree I need to take a break from this until well after the wedding. I definitely need time. I'm hurting.

What you are saying would make sense if it was your wedding. It’s your daughter’s though. She feels a personal connection to the bride and groom at the other wedding which trumps feeling a personal connection to the mother of the bride.

^^this is my thought, too. It seems she’s literally a part of the other couple’s relationship in a way that is important to them personally because she introduced them to each other. It makes sense that she feels obliged to make an appearance. I agree she has some obligation to you, but surely you see that it doesn’t extend to your daughter. This isn’t your day. Does your daughter even care? Mine wouldn’t give two hoots if a family friend of mine came or not, regardless of whether she babysat for their kids. My MIL insisted on inviting her friends to our very small wedding, I personally didn’t care but in the back of my mind I wondered whether they even really cared that much themselves about being there. I’m sure they felt honored to be included but I can’t really imagine the actual ceremony and seeing all of me and my husband’s friends, people they didn’t know at all, meant anything to them.

Do you not have any friends?

+1. She's not "literally" a part of their relationship. She set 2 people up, one is just a coworker. I can see how they would get an invite to the wedding "we owe it all to Sue" but that doesn't mean it trumps a 20 year friendship where the friends are like family. Sue felt conflicted enough about it and new RSVPing no was going to be a problem. So it wasn't that easy of a decision for her to make when she felt obligated to go to the other wedding as well.

NP. A wedding day is first and foremost about the two people getting married.

Sue feels closest—as a direct peer—to her coworkers. Those are her actual friends. Sue may well like OP’s daughter and have a pleasant relationship with her, but it’s not a peer relationship.

OP is acting like Sue is missing her own wedding. Get real.

WTF? Who feels closest to their coworkers over a 20 year friendship? Sues's friend will probably change jobs and the coworker will be out of sight, out of mind. Versus maintaining ties with your best friends and their families? Your priorities are messed up.

[Anonymous]

This is why I hope my doctor son and his fiancé elope. Saves them money and this BS in are social circle.

Get a life, lady.

[Anonymous]

Op has been back multiple times and even posted after apologizing and clarifying things with Sue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I want her there because we're close friends. She's part of a tight-knit group of people, and we've been there for each other for close to 25 years. She was planning on coming *before* she learned about the other wedding, so I know she did initially want to come.

But I hear what you all are saying.

I agree I need to take a break from this until well after the wedding. I definitely need time. I'm hurting.

What you are saying would make sense if it was your wedding. It’s your daughter’s though. She feels a personal connection to the bride and groom at the other wedding which trumps feeling a personal connection to the mother of the bride.

^^this is my thought, too. It seems she’s literally a part of the other couple’s relationship in a way that is important to them personally because she introduced them to each other. It makes sense that she feels obliged to make an appearance. I agree she has some obligation to you, but surely you see that it doesn’t extend to your daughter. This isn’t your day. Does your daughter even care? Mine wouldn’t give two hoots if a family friend of mine came or not, regardless of whether she babysat for their kids. My MIL insisted on inviting her friends to our very small wedding, I personally didn’t care but in the back of my mind I wondered whether they even really cared that much themselves about being there. I’m sure they felt honored to be included but I can’t really imagine the actual ceremony and seeing all of me and my husband’s friends, people they didn’t know at all, meant anything to them.

Do you not have any friends?

+1. She's not "literally" a part of their relationship. She set 2 people up, one is just a coworker. I can see how they would get an invite to the wedding "we owe it all to Sue" but that doesn't mean it trumps a 20 year friendship where the friends are like family. Sue felt conflicted enough about it and new RSVPing no was going to be a problem. So it wasn't that easy of a decision for her to make when she felt obligated to go to the other wedding as well.

NP. A wedding day is first and foremost about the two people getting married.

Sue feels closest—as a direct peer—to her coworkers. Those are her actual friends. Sue may well like OP’s daughter and have a pleasant relationship with her, but it’s not a peer relationship.

OP is acting like Sue is missing her own wedding. Get real.

WTF? Who feels closest to their coworkers over a 20 year friendship? Sues's friend will probably change jobs and the coworker will be out of sight, out of mind. Versus maintaining ties with your best friends and their families? Your priorities are messed up.

Again, some more: OP IS NOT THE ONE GETTING MARRIED!

[Anonymous]

Op, you should apologize to your friend. You are a bully. Your friend didn't rsvp to the wedding until you bullied her. This is your child's wedding not yours. She should send a gift and move on. Y

You should not end a friendship over this.