How upset would you be? Close friend missing my DD's wedding.

[Anonymous]

Take your meds, Karen. Not a big deal, you can download photos for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s F’ed up on her part. She knew well in advance about your daughter’s wedding.

This. She had already committed to you and DD, like a year ago, whether she had rsvp'd at ithe invite time or not.

I would have told "work friend" sorry, already booked that day. One piece that is missing. Did her DH also play a role in the introduction of the couple and that is why HE feels so strongly about going to OTHER COUPLE's wedding? If not, I do not undertand why he would be so staunch in going to that other wedding, vs, your DD. Does friend's DH not care for you or your DH? Seems weird that he would pick other wedding to attend and make his DW go too.

What am I missing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG - OP here - I left this thread last night at 4 pages and now it's 14! Before I go back and read the last 10 pages (I will read everything), here's an update:

I texted my friend & we met at her house this afternoon. I apologized for my behavior. She was gracious. I acknowledged I'd been far too pushy, and I'd been far too emotional. I'm typically a proponent of "an invitation, not a summons," and I know that now more than ever. We hugged it out, and she's going to be helping me with some wedding favors.

Now I'm off to read what DCUM had to say in the past 12 or so hours. My ears are burning...

You let her off easy, OP. She owed you an apology for not letting co-worker friend know that she was already booked with a wedding of a dear friend's daughter, who she had known for decades. You are a better person; I would definitely cool my friendship with that one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s F’ed up on her part. She knew well in advance about your daughter’s wedding.

This. She had already committed to you and DD, like a year ago, whether she had rsvp'd at ithe invite time or not.

I would have told "work friend" sorry, already booked that day. One piece that is missing. Did her DH also play a role in the introduction of the couple and that is why HE feels so strongly about going to OTHER COUPLE's wedding? If not, I do not undertand why he would be so staunch in going to that other wedding, vs, your DD. Does friend's DH not care for you or your DH? Seems weird that he would pick other wedding to attend and make his DW go too.

What am I missing?

Bold where it indicates that the friend committed a year prior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG - OP here - I left this thread last night at 4 pages and now it's 14! Before I go back and read the last 10 pages (I will read everything), here's an update:

I texted my friend & we met at her house this afternoon. I apologized for my behavior. She was gracious. I acknowledged I'd been far too pushy, and I'd been far too emotional. I'm typically a proponent of "an invitation, not a summons," and I know that now more than ever. We hugged it out, and she's going to be helping me with some wedding favors.

Now I'm off to read what DCUM had to say in the past 12 or so hours. My ears are burning...

You let her off easy, OP. She owed you an apology for not letting co-worker friend know that she was already booked with a wedding of a dear friend's daughter, who she had known for decades. You are a better person; I would definitely cool my friendship with that one.

Except she wasn’t already booked.

[Anonymous]

She introduced a couple that is getting married and she is supposed to just skip that wedding because your daughter is getting married? What now?

[Anonymous]

You’re 50 and have been friends with this woman half your life. I’d be understanding she is going to a friends wedding and not your daughters. I wouldn’t throw away a friendship over that. What a waste on your part if you do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You badgered into agreeing to go (“making sure this was something she wanted to do” when it was glaringly obvious she preferred not to) and then when she had a breather/talk with her husband she realized she wanted to stand firm. Obviously she handled it badly but so did you. She’s friends with you, not your daughter. The other couple is someone she actually knows and feels connected to. I predict your friendship won’t recover but honestly you both behaved poorly.

No. Someone not RSVPing and you checking up on that is not "badgering." If Sue was going to decline, after 20 years of friendship and offering to help with the wedding, she owed an explanation to her friend.

DP. Sue did explain, and then OP, by her own admission, badgered and berated her over and over again.

OMG. I know this thread is over (thank you, OP) but where the h&^l is the written text that shows OP "badgered and berated" her friend? I think I read this whole thread and did not see evidence of this. What am I missing?

I also didn’t see any badgering by OP. A one word text? After 20 years of friendship? That’s badgering? I’m on team OP here. After all she expressed most of her (to me justified hurt feelings) on an anonymous website. So much projection in this thread!

Don't forget to include yourself in the projection front

[Anonymous]

OP needs to back off and respect boundaries. Op needs to apologize and I would be weary of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am siding with OP on this one. Friend new well in advance of her friends daughter's wedding. Not just a casual friend or someone she's known for a couple of years. Her best friend of 20 years. Friend said all the way up to the RSVP date she was coming and then couldn't even be bothered to RSVP; she had to be called and asked. Lazy. Instead she got a later offer to go to a coworkers wedding and is doing that instead. So be it, but yes she jilted her friend and it's going to cause hurt feelings and friend needs to own that. It's comically selective here when you are allowed to have hurt feelings about. How little you should expect family and friends to be present in your life. I wouldn't end the friendship over this, but I definitely see who you are now and what my expectations should be of your friendship.

Totally agree and agree with the PP saying maybe this is a regional/cultural background thing. I have a similar friend group (our kids are still teens) and I’d be really hurt. I probably wouldn’t have pushed back like the OP but it would affect my friendship. I guess in my case my friends have also known my kids since they were little and they are almost like family. On an etiquette note, it seems she knew about Sue’s DD’s wedding first and had essentially committed to it. I think at that point you have to politely decline anything else unless it’s like your sibling having a wedding on short notice.

[Anonymous]

If she introduced the other couple they will likely be mentioned in a toast, and it would be weird to not be there. Also, maybe she needs to be there because of work politics

I feel like your friend is in an awkward position, and you made it worse by telling her how upset you were. She tried to twist herself into pretzels trying to accommodate both and her husband was probably sick of hearing her stress out about it.

It would be nice for her to be there, but it is not your wedding, and your daughter should be the focus. She will barely notice your friend's absence.

It seems silly to throw away 20+ years of friendship over this.

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with you. My only thought would be if I wanted to fake forgiveness for the sake of the group dynamic, but I would never trust that person again.

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who thinks it’s a little weird at how invested OP is in who attends her daughter’s wedding? I mean, if her daughter was distraught that’s one thing, but if one of my moms friends didn’t come to my wedding, I doubt I would have noticed.

It’s not your wedding, OP.

[Anonymous]

What a drama queen you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks it’s a little weird at how invested OP is in who attends her daughter’s wedding? I mean, if her daughter was distraught that’s one thing, but if one of my moms friends didn’t come to my wedding, I doubt I would have noticed.

It’s not your wedding, OP.

It's her best friend of 20s years whom they've shared major milestones with. One such being their children's wedding. Stop acting like your surprised she expects her best friend there. It makes you look foolish.