Husband too close to female friend?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| I recently discovered my husband was developing an alarmingly close friendship with a female co-worker. Unbeknownst to me, he has been not only seeing her during work, but texting her at all hours of the day. They average 60-80 texts per day between them, and at times have texted back and forth up to 250 times per day. They text when we're on vacation together, when we're doing family activities, etc. He always texts her first thing in the morning and all during their morning commute, all the way home after work, throughout the evening and right before he goes to bed at night. When I approached him about it, he said they were only friends and that there is nothing sexual going on. I believe him, but I still protest to the amount of contact they have. I believe husbands and wives need to give their best time and attention to each other, and that there should be strict parameters between friends of the opposite sex when marriage is involved. I do not disapprove of him having female friends, but I do disapprove with him having a female friend whom he feels the need to contact every single day. That seems to indicate a closer attachment than just friendship, even if they aren't sleeping together. He refuses to cease the out-of-work contact and argues that he has a right to define the boundaries of their friendship. I feel he's in denial about how close he feels to her. He may not be sexually attracted to her (yet), but it certainly presents an opportunity for attraction, and with or without sexual contact I feel the emotional involvement with her is inappropriate. I believe most people feel the same way I do, but he doesn't. The fact is, I don't know a single woman who would be okay with it. I tried to just let it go, but I'm an emotional wreck because of it and now suffering from depression. I've expressed this to him, but he feels he has the right to continue the friendship. We're now headed for counseling and possibly divorce. Did I make more out of this than necessary? Am I wrong.......are there really women out there who would be okay with this? |
Anonymous
|
Of course you are right. The amount of contact is very inappropriate. Sex at this point doesn't even matter. They obviously have a very strong connection.
Texting during family time, vacation indicates emotional affair in my opinion. |
Anonymous
| That's exactly how I was with the guy with whom I am now having an affair. |
Anonymous
Ditto. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like they are crazy about each other. |
Anonymous
| OP you really need to stop cutting your husband any slack. This is 100% inappropriate. Whatever the outcome of this is, don't let him gaslight you. |
Anonymous
| Don't second guess yourself- what he is doing is WRONG |
Anonymous
|
OP, I don't think you are making more of it than necessary. I'm in a similar boat. Though I'm not aware that my dh has the sheer numbers of texts to his *friend*, he has been having similar night time chats with his *friend*.
My DH has also told me that he has a right to have friends. I agreed, but not this way and certainly NOT this one, given the content of their chats. I have also started taking anti-depressants. At least your DH is willing to go to counseling. |
Anonymous
Was he married? |
Anonymous
|
I'd be annoyed if I was expected to send 250 texts a day to my husband. The fact he is doing it with another woman, yeah, inappropriate.
This is infatuation. They are gaga over each other. Who else would you text 250 times a day to? They can't get enough. I've been there, and we are separated now. Working on things, but it did a tremendous amount of damage. I lost so much respect for my husband. Our marriage was bad, and we both needed to deal with things, but I didn't have the energy or strength to become infatuated with another man. And the woman he did this with...low hanging fruit. Who is now getting divorced and on the road to becoming a single mom. We've known her for years, they also worked together and she was having problems in her marriage. Why people find it attractive when a man or woman is so totally throwing their spouse under the bus, I don't know. I would be completely sketched out by a married dad giving me attention and talking about his bad marriage. My husband was low hanging fruit too, and it sucks. I don't get it. He has cut off contact with her, or at least contact to that extreme (they no longer work together but you in the same industry so do see other some). We are in counseling, but I don't know what is going to happen. I'm trying to find compassion, but there is a hardness there now that is not softening yet. It is going to take time. |
Anonymous
|
OP -
If he is putting his relationship with another woman ahead of your worries and anxiety that relationship has caused then that is a super red flag. Another woman should not have that place in his life. Period. Maybe hearing it from a third party like a counselor will help him have a reality check and see what he is doing. Maybe he can come clean why he has such a need to interact with her. At some point he either chooses your marriage or chooses the other woman. Clear and simple. He can't have it both ways and have you be ok with it. |
Anonymous
| That is so wrong. You have every right to be alarmed and request that he cease contact with this woman. I can't imagine that he would be OK with you constantly texting some other man all day/every day. |
Anonymous
he's gaslighting you. this is an affair. |
Anonymous
| My ex was doing the same thing with his co-worker and they are now living together. If they aren't already having an affair, it is just a matter of time. If you want your marriage to survive, your dh has to stop this NOW. Demand nothing less from him. Seriously. |
Anonymous
No, but it's irrelevant. I am. |