Wife had Affair with Coworker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You do realize that affairs can go undetected? And that many people stay together after affairs? Kids have nothing to do with it.

I beg to differ with your "kids have nothing to do with it" comment. You can't say you aren't RISKING your kids finding out. Nothing is assured in an affair. You can't say for certain that your AP won't develop feelings and spill the beans, just as you can't say for certain that no one else will find out and spill the beans or a myriad of other ways the beans can be spilled and the kids end up being hurt. If you want to have an affair I can't stop you. But if you are going to say you aren't risking pain for your kids I'm going to call bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You do realize that affairs can go undetected? And that many people stay together after affairs? Kids have nothing to do with it.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/quote/255/15500105.page
I beg to differ with your "kids have nothing to do with it" comment. You can't say you aren't RISKING your kids finding out. Nothing is assured in an affair. You can't say for certain that your AP won't develop feelings and spill the beans, just as you can't say for certain that no one else will find out and spill the beans or a myriad of other ways the beans can be spilled and the kids end up being hurt. If you want to have an affair I can't stop you. But if you are going to say you aren't risking pain for your kids I'm going to call bullshit.

Right?! It amazes me that people don't realize this. ESPECIALLY affairs with co-workers. Cheaters: You often aren't as clever or sly as you think you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You do realize that affairs can go undetected? And that many people stay together after affairs? Kids have nothing to do with it.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/quote/255/15500105.page
I beg to differ with your "kids have nothing to do with it" comment. You can't say you aren't RISKING your kids finding out. Nothing is assured in an affair. You can't say for certain that your AP won't develop feelings and spill the beans, just as you can't say for certain that no one else will find out and spill the beans or a myriad of other ways the beans can be spilled and the kids end up being hurt. If you want to have an affair I can't stop you. But if you are going to say you aren't risking pain for your kids I'm going to call bullshit.

Right?! It amazes me that people don't realize this. ESPECIALLY affairs with co-workers. Cheaters: You often aren't as clever or sly as you think you are.

I've always been exactly as clever as I think I am. Never got caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You do realize that affairs can go undetected? And that many people stay together after affairs? Kids have nothing to do with it.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/quote/255/15500105.page
I beg to differ with your "kids have nothing to do with it" comment. You can't say you aren't RISKING your kids finding out. Nothing is assured in an affair. You can't say for certain that your AP won't develop feelings and spill the beans, just as you can't say for certain that no one else will find out and spill the beans or a myriad of other ways the beans can be spilled and the kids end up being hurt. If you want to have an affair I can't stop you. But if you are going to say you aren't risking pain for your kids I'm going to call bullshit.

Right?! It amazes me that people don't realize this. ESPECIALLY affairs with co-workers. Cheaters: You often aren't as clever or sly as you think you are.

I've always been exactly as clever as I think I am. Never got caught.

You've never had an affair partner spill the beans. Or have someone else spills the beans anonymously. Or had anyone hire a private investigator or put a GPS tracker on your car or a key logger on your device. Just saying...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You do realize that affairs can go undetected? And that many people stay together after affairs? Kids have nothing to do with it.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/quote/255/15500105.page
I beg to differ with your "kids have nothing to do with it" comment. You can't say you aren't RISKING your kids finding out. Nothing is assured in an affair. You can't say for certain that your AP won't develop feelings and spill the beans, just as you can't say for certain that no one else will find out and spill the beans or a myriad of other ways the beans can be spilled and the kids end up being hurt. If you want to have an affair I can't stop you. But if you are going to say you aren't risking pain for your kids I'm going to call bullshit.

Right?! It amazes me that people don't realize this. ESPECIALLY affairs with co-workers. Cheaters: You often aren't as clever or sly as you think you are.

I've always been exactly as clever as I think I am. Never got caught.

Will you answer in all seriousness--are you actually PROUD of the fact that you "never got caught"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You do realize that affairs can go undetected? And that many people stay together after affairs? Kids have nothing to do with it.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/quote/255/15500105.page
I beg to differ with your "kids have nothing to do with it" comment. You can't say you aren't RISKING your kids finding out. Nothing is assured in an affair. You can't say for certain that your AP won't develop feelings and spill the beans, just as you can't say for certain that no one else will find out and spill the beans or a myriad of other ways the beans can be spilled and the kids end up being hurt. If you want to have an affair I can't stop you. But if you are going to say you aren't risking pain for your kids I'm going to call bullshit.

Right?! It amazes me that people don't realize this. ESPECIALLY affairs with co-workers. Cheaters: You often aren't as clever or sly as you think you are.

I've always been exactly as clever as I think I am. Never got caught.

Could it be that your spouse didn't care enough to try to "catch you"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

The cheater dw here. I never compromised my time or affection to my kids. My dh was still getting his sex twice a week. Not a single thing went wrong. So, here it is: I cheated, had fun and it is over and will never be found out.

To repeat: if you think your affair will not be discovered, you are deluding yourself so you can pursue your selfish desires.

There's a ticking time bomb under your marriage, and it's only a matter of time before it goes boom.

Maybe it was a crappy marriage. Who cares?

Her kids. Oh well!

[Anonymous]

When you're in the affair fog, you think you're so clever and nobody knows. But everyone knows. Eventually the spouse finds out. Nobody's as clever as they think they are.

[Anonymous]

I am going through this now and it sucks. I know my spouse never thought I would figure it out but I did. If really think your kids will not be affected, then I question if you really loved them any way.

[Anonymous]

My husband thinks I don't know that the emotional component of his relationship with his co-worker, at least, is still ongoing. I don't know if he sees himself as getting away with something or has totally justified it to himself. But I just can't deal with the fights from bringing it up. I know I can't make him stop. It's more useful to me to have a co-parent who isn't angry at me all the time for telling him to stop. You think, you confront your spouse about this, they stop, you either forgive or don't. But why would they stop? If they cared about respecting you, they wouldn't do it in the first place.

[Anonymous]

If someone wants to catch you, it's next to impossible NOT to get caught. As PP said, your car can be tracked, your phone can be monitored, your voice can be recorded, etc. If it's an affair with a co-worker, there's a really high chance that someone else at work knows about it. If the "wrong" person finds out (say, someone who's also been cheated on), he/she will see to it that your spouse finds out, whether directly or anonymously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You do realize that affairs can go undetected? And that many people stay together after affairs? Kids have nothing to do with it.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/quote/255/15500105.page
I beg to differ with your "kids have nothing to do with it" comment. You can't say you aren't RISKING your kids finding out. Nothing is assured in an affair. You can't say for certain that your AP won't develop feelings and spill the beans, just as you can't say for certain that no one else will find out and spill the beans or a myriad of other ways the beans can be spilled and the kids end up being hurt. If you want to have an affair I can't stop you. But if you are going to say you aren't risking pain for your kids I'm going to call bullshit.

Right?! It amazes me that people don't realize this. ESPECIALLY affairs with co-workers. Cheaters: You often aren't as clever or sly as you think you are.

I've always been exactly as clever as I think I am. Never got caught.

Nah you just had people who knew but didn’t want to get involved in your drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband thinks I don't know that the emotional component of his relationship with his co-worker, at least, is still ongoing. I don't know if he sees himself as getting away with something or has totally justified it to himself. But I just can't deal with the fights from bringing it up. I know I can't make him stop. It's more useful to me to have a co-parent who isn't angry at me all the time for telling him to stop. You think, you confront your spouse about this, they stop, you either forgive or don't. But why would they stop? If they cared about respecting you, they wouldn't do it in the first place.

You mean that they were once physical but now they're just friends? And they still talk and hang out?

So sorry. That must hurt like hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband thinks I don't know that the emotional component of his relationship with his co-worker, at least, is still ongoing. I don't know if he sees himself as getting away with something or has totally justified it to himself. But I just can't deal with the fights from bringing it up. I know I can't make him stop. It's more useful to me to have a co-parent who isn't angry at me all the time for telling him to stop. You think, you confront your spouse about this, they stop, you either forgive or don't. But why would they stop? If they cared about respecting you, they wouldn't do it in the first place.

My cheating spouse still works with his married harlot co-worker, too, and claims ths afair is over and that they only talk when necessary for work. Annoying and shady AF. Doesn't access work email account remotely or get work emails on his phone (purposely), so none of that can be monitored. Like you, still married bc of kids. While I feel ridiculous for staying married, it doesn't have to be permanent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband thinks I don't know that the emotional component of his relationship with his co-worker, at least, is still ongoing. I don't know if he sees himself as getting away with something or has totally justified it to himself. But I just can't deal with the fights from bringing it up. I know I can't make him stop. It's more useful to me to have a co-parent who isn't angry at me all the time for telling him to stop. You think, you confront your spouse about this, they stop, you either forgive or don't. But why would they stop? If they cared about respecting you, they wouldn't do it in the first place.

You mean that they were once physical but now they're just friends? And they still talk and hang out?

So sorry. That must hurt like hell.

Yeah, they hang out outside of work and he doesn't tell me about it. They're not having sex, but I have no idea if there's whatever physical component you can do in public. It's not great.