In laws lifestyle 'hobby' vis a vis our children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did the OP ever say that her kids were actually participating in full-on fox hunting? Maybe I missed it, but I think some of you are putting words into her mouth.

And I don't care how much "the horse always comes first" -- that is fine and understandable. There are less rude ways to go about it than leaving someone stranded in a barn for hours.

They did not leave her alone at the barn. Even if these people are not nice they seem to be horsemen. Nobody with horses would leave someone they don't like back home at the barn unsupervised.

Liability, for one.

When so many elements of a story are laughably and demonstrably false don't buy the rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did the OP ever say that her kids were actually participating in full-on fox hunting? Maybe I missed it, but I think some of you are putting words into her mouth.

And I don't care how much "the horse always comes first" -- that is fine and understandable. There are less rude ways to go about it than leaving someone stranded in a barn for hours.

They did not leave her alone at the barn. Even if these people are not nice they seem to be horsemen. Nobody with horses would leave someone they don't like back home at the barn unsupervised.

Liability, for one.

When so many elements of a story are laughably and demonstrably false don't buy the rest.

Sure they would. She is horsey enough not to hurt the horses in the barn, but they did not want to ride with her. perfect teenage revenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did the OP ever say that her kids were actually participating in full-on fox hunting? Maybe I missed it, but I think some of you are putting words into her mouth.

And I don't care how much "the horse always comes first" -- that is fine and understandable. There are less rude ways to go about it than leaving someone stranded in a barn for hours.

They did not leave her alone at the barn. Even if these people are not nice they seem to be horsemen. Nobody with horses would leave someone they don't like back home at the barn unsupervised.

Liability, for one.

When so many elements of a story are laughably and demonstrably false don't buy the rest.

You guys are actually making me more, not less, sympathetic to OP. My sister grew up doing the shoestring-equestrian thing, dressage in an urban setting, barn work to pay for it, etc. I can see OP coming from a similar background and marrying into a family that identified strongly with Fox Hunting. Sets the stage for her thinking she has something in common with them, but they don't think she does and treat her shittily/ignore her, as described. As she said, at first with them she didn't even really get what she doesn't get.

And now we have 5 or so PPs from the fox hunting world who think she's bullshitting because she doesn't understand the nuances, which is just what she said her ILs thought of her. Hmm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did the OP ever say that her kids were actually participating in full-on fox hunting? Maybe I missed it, but I think some of you are putting words into her mouth.

And I don't care how much "the horse always comes first" -- that is fine and understandable. There are less rude ways to go about it than leaving someone stranded in a barn for hours.

They did not leave her alone at the barn. Even if these people are not nice they seem to be horsemen. Nobody with horses would leave someone they don't like back home at the barn unsupervised.

Liability, for one.

When so many elements of a story are laughably and demonstrably false don't buy the rest.

You guys are actually making me more, not less, sympathetic to OP. My sister grew up doing the shoestring-equestrian thing, dressage in an urban setting, barn work to pay for it, etc. I can see OP coming from a similar background and marrying into a family that identified strongly with Fox Hunting. Sets the stage for her thinking she has something in common with them, but they don't think she does and treat her shittily/ignore her, as described. As she said, at first with them she didn't even really get what she doesn't get.

And now we have 5 or so PPs from the fox hunting world who think she's bullshitting because she doesn't understand the nuances, which is just what she said her ILs thought of her. Hmm.

I am one of the PP's and you are missing the point. Almost everyone who is "horsey" is on a shoestring. Typically the horses have better accommodations, "clothes", food than the humans. That is just the nature of the sport.
The OP seems to be perpetuating a silly stereotype because it makes a better story and gets her attention but it doesn't ring true. Safety and proper training of children in any equestrian sport is NOT a nuance.
My DC sounds a lot like your sister, mucking stalls in any weather to support this hobby. That is the norm. And none of us said that we were actual fox hunters; just shared our knowledge about the sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did the OP ever say that her kids were actually participating in full-on fox hunting? Maybe I missed it, but I think some of you are putting words into her mouth.

And I don't care how much "the horse always comes first" -- that is fine and understandable. There are less rude ways to go about it than leaving someone stranded in a barn for hours.

They did not leave her alone at the barn. Even if these people are not nice they seem to be horsemen. Nobody with horses would leave someone they don't like back home at the barn unsupervised.

Liability, for one.

When so many elements of a story are laughably and demonstrably false don't buy the rest.

You guys are actually making me more, not less, sympathetic to OP. My sister grew up doing the shoestring-equestrian thing, dressage in an urban setting, barn work to pay for it, etc. I can see OP coming from a similar background and marrying into a family that identified strongly with Fox Hunting. Sets the stage for her thinking she has something in common with them, but they don't think she does and treat her shittily/ignore her, as described. As she said, at first with them she didn't even really get what she doesn't get.

And now we have 5 or so PPs from the fox hunting world who think she's bullshitting because she doesn't understand the nuances, which is just what she said her ILs thought of her. Hmm.

I am one of the PP's and you are missing the point. Almost everyone who is "horsey" is on a shoestring. Typically the horses have better accommodations, "clothes", food than the humans. That is just the nature of the sport.
The OP seems to be perpetuating a silly stereotype because it makes a better story and gets her attention but it doesn't ring true. Safety and proper training of children in any equestrian sport is NOT a nuance.
My DC sounds a lot like your sister, mucking stalls in any weather to support this hobby. That is the norm. And none of us said that we were actual fox hunters; just shared our knowledge about the sport.

This times 1000. I too was a shoestring rider. I've never owned a made horse and I mucked stalls and groomed my way through decades of education. What she's saying isn't just a neophyte failure of nuance. It's out and out bullshit that every horse person can detect from a thousand miles away.

[Anonymous]

Adding - I am an actual fox hunter who managed to catch rides as a kid because I worked so hard and impressed my friends who had money and good field hunters. As an adult I've made my own hunters and eventers and sold them to finance the next project. Along the way I've given a lot of kids a chance to ride better horses than they could afford - as other people gave me that chance.

There's a difference between experience / expertise and snobbery.

experience showed some of us that she's making shit up. That doesn't make us snobs. It's just reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adding - I am an actual fox hunter who managed to catch rides as a kid because I worked so hard and impressed my friends who had money and good field hunters. As an adult I've made my own hunters and eventers and sold them to finance the next project. Along the way I've given a lot of kids a chance to ride better horses than they could afford - as other people gave me that chance.

There's a difference between experience / expertise and snobbery.

experience showed some of us that she's making shit up. That doesn't make us snobs. It's just reality.

Thank you for this post PP. Your experience sounds just like my DD. And you sound like so many of our generous fox hunting friends who gave her a chance.

[Anonymous]

PP thanks for supporting your DD in this crazy, fun, irreplaceable journey. It's cool to see parents who understand and support the hard work a barn rat will undertake in pursuit of hours in the saddle. It really is all worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is definitely hurt. Even though she claimed in another post she doesn't care that much.

I would let my kids do the activity with their grandparents- unless it is truly dangerous and then let them know a parent needs to come along. I agree with others that they may be uncomfortable inviting you without DH,since he isn't interested, no invite for you.

Sure, fine. That is true. To me, they've taken something I've loved, told me I didn't really "do" it, and are now using it to exclude me, when it would be one of the **very few things***, other than sitting down to a meal, that all of us could do together. Do you see? But I've realized that I am completely naive, they would never want to do it out of a shared love, but more to teach a social status and techniques from back in the day, that are no longer relevant. Secret handshakes if you will.

Could I get over it, yes. But their whole approach is soooo off-putting. Its like walking into a business meeting and the other person says, "Who the hell are you?!" and proceeds only to talk about themselves and never even get to the goals of the meeting.

At one time, I thought there would be some connection over a shared love of the activity EVEN IF the way I participated wasn't fancy enough for them...Its not like its soccer! I am struck by the fact they've taken something we could have had in common, and something that could have been a meaningful bridge and shared activity with children, and made it into this.

So it turns me off so much that we simply will not be part of this. It would be a stretch for us financially, and our feeling is the money is best spent elsewhere. I don't see my children as deriving ANY benefit from this activity, other than a chance to spend time with their grandparents. There are plenty of other activities they can do together, and I can't think of one other one that I wouldn't be fully supportive of.

Well is it one of the only things you can do together, or are there a ton of other things you can do?

The more you write, the more I am perceiving this is a personal issue for YOU and YOU are the one who can't rationalize your anger at your ILs inviting your kids to participate with them. There was no mention of budget in your OP, and most of your later posts are contradictory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did the OP ever say that her kids were actually participating in full-on fox hunting? Maybe I missed it, but I think some of you are putting words into her mouth.

And I don't care how much "the horse always comes first" -- that is fine and understandable. There are less rude ways to go about it than leaving someone stranded in a barn for hours.

They did not leave her alone at the barn. Even if these people are not nice they seem to be horsemen. Nobody with horses would leave someone they don't like back home at the barn unsupervised.

Liability, for one.

When so many elements of a story are laughably and demonstrably false don't buy the rest.

You guys are actually making me more, not less, sympathetic to OP. My sister grew up doing the shoestring-equestrian thing, dressage in an urban setting, barn work to pay for it, etc. I can see OP coming from a similar background and marrying into a family that identified strongly with Fox Hunting. Sets the stage for her thinking she has something in common with them, but they don't think she does and treat her shittily/ignore her, as described. As she said, at first with them she didn't even really get what she doesn't get.

And now we have 5 or so PPs from the fox hunting world who think she's bullshitting because she doesn't understand the nuances, which is just what she said her ILs thought of her. Hmm.

I am one of the PP's and you are missing the point. Almost everyone who is "horsey" is on a shoestring. Typically the horses have better accommodations, "clothes", food than the humans. That is just the nature of the sport.
The OP seems to be perpetuating a silly stereotype because it makes a better story and gets her attention but it doesn't ring true. Safety and proper training of children in any equestrian sport is NOT a nuance.
My DC sounds a lot like your sister, mucking stalls in any weather to support this hobby. That is the norm. And none of us said that we were actual fox hunters; just shared our knowledge about the sport.

And yet, anyone CAN go to Rock Creek Park and ride a horse for an hour. That's the level OP was initially toying with wrt her kids. Since she has not actually said "yes, they fox hunted, and I did barrel racing," I think it's still possible that she is totally right about a huge mismatch between the way her familyIL approaches this and the lessons she haphazardly learned growing up. Maybe OP is overselling how good she was back in the day, which was easily spotted by her DH's family, but maybe she's overselling that to herself more than anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good thing you left it all vague so that nobody would recognize your in-laws. So much for that plan.

No one is recognizing them from this particular story. I doubt they brag about it.

It's just another weird thing from OP. First she didn't want to name the hobby, now she's vomiting up all kinds of details in order to make them look bad. Despite the fact that she said that she has a good relationship with her in-laws overall.

OP sounds like a nutjob.

+1

OP is either a troll or a very twisted person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adding - I am an actual fox hunter who managed to catch rides as a kid because I worked so hard and impressed my friends who had money and good field hunters. As an adult I've made my own hunters and eventers and sold them to finance the next project. Along the way I've given a lot of kids a chance to ride better horses than they could afford - as other people gave me that chance.

There's a difference between experience / expertise and snobbery.

experience showed some of us that she's making shit up. That doesn't make us snobs. It's just reality.

PP with the sister equestrian here. I don't doubt this. It's just not clear from the outside of Horse Culture just why you are saying that and what you are saying she is making up, exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adding - I am an actual fox hunter who managed to catch rides as a kid because I worked so hard and impressed my friends who had money and good field hunters. As an adult I've made my own hunters and eventers and sold them to finance the next project. Along the way I've given a lot of kids a chance to ride better horses than they could afford - as other people gave me that chance.

There's a difference between experience / expertise and snobbery.

experience showed some of us that she's making shit up. That doesn't make us snobs. It's just reality.

PP with the sister equestrian here. I don't doubt this. It's just not clear from the outside of Horse Culture just why you are saying that and what you are saying she is making up, exactly.

(me again) and I get that I Just Don't Get It. But don't you see that it's just that exclusion, that feels like a refusal to be straight with someone who doesn't get it, that OP is chafing at from her ILs?

[Anonymous]

This has turned so weird. Chances are OP embellishes things/is imprecise in her posts due to her opaque writing style and possibly a desire to disguise details. I don't believe she actually confirmed the "activity" is fox hunting although did confirm it involves riding horses. Small chance she is making the whole thing up. And now all these dirt poor fox hunters (?) are up in arms that she is misrepresenting and slandering their sport. I agree with the PP who have said that, if fox hunting is the activity, this reaction by the fox hunting community strengthens my sympathy for the OP "vis a vis" (ha!) her in-laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has turned so weird. Chances are OP embellishes things/is imprecise in her posts due to her opaque writing style and possibly a desire to disguise details. I don't believe she actually confirmed the "activity" is fox hunting although did confirm it involves riding horses. Small chance she is making the whole thing up. And now all these dirt poor fox hunters (?) are up in arms that she is misrepresenting and slandering their sport. I agree with the PP who have said that, if fox hunting is the activity, this reaction by the fox hunting community strengthens my sympathy for the OP "vis a vis" (ha!) her in-laws.

"fox hunting community"??? Only one PP here is an actual fox hunter. Everyone else is simply speaking from their knowledge as equestrians of all types. None of the opinions stated are exclusive to the fox hunting community; more about plain old good horsemanship than anything else. And yes, I know plenty of fox hunters of very modest means. The sport is very popular in the DMV region. Why don't you get out and meet a few and broaden your horizons.

PS anyone who still claims there is any doubt the OP is referring to foxhunting is being deliberately obtuse.