In laws lifestyle 'hobby' vis a vis our children

[Anonymous]

I don't consider fox hunting a "sport."

[Anonymous]

Wow. Op here. I was speechless to see what happened on here. I agree that my vague language caused it, I'll try to explain a little more. Initially I didn't want to mention "the sport" bc I thought it would just cause distraction over the perceived socio-economic nature of it. I didn't want to cause a flame war. But I had no idea there were a bunch of equestrians on here, and it seems I caused one anyway. Also, just to note, I'm writing this out of gratitude, bc I was confused and getting it all out helped a lot. Not defensiveness, or to respond to individual postings.

I came to this board with an in-law problem, or really a set of circumstances. It hasn't been a problem for the most part, other than me feeling hurt privately, which for the most part I handle well. Was I being a big cry baby? Yes.

However, the main issue is that our family has a big decision coming up. I needed to resolve some of this stuff that I have ignored internally, and just not dealt with, before we make that decision. I think that is why it also came off as contradictory.

So: We have found two neighborhoods that we like and we have to decide where we are going to focus our efforts. One is about 20 minutes from our relatives, and one is 45 minutes further away than we currently live from them.

Btw these two areas there are a few differences, schools and commutes are better with the second, closer-in location; houses are bigger with the first location further out ?closer to them. We may have another child, so we were really weighing these options bc a bigger house would be better from that regard. In theory, I also like the idea of being closer to family. But if we moved closer to these in laws, a lot of this stuff would suddenly become a bigger deal for me on a daily basis, and either the issue would be forced and it would work out, or it wouldn't. I

It wasn't fox hunting, per se. It is an assortment of equestrian sports, esp competitive ones. They do a lot of these activities at different times of the years, the training for them, and in different combinations of relatives, which is why it sounded like they are doing it constantly. Polo, fox hunting, racing (mulitple types) dressage, etc. Now, as for me, I don't have the training and specialized skills for these things. I am not particularly interested in them or I would have been more aggressive about developing one or two sets of skills and essentially inviting myself. But since there are other issues, namely that I don't like the environment and the accepted behaviors within this group of people (it is just a cultural difference), I haven't pursued it. But yes, the fact that they have had to be so exclusive about it, and couldn't even do something more "my level" offends me privately. I think I do need to address the issue though, that much is clear, so I'm not carrying around resentment.

I grew up riding in a more casual, Western fashion, with bi-weekly lessons on the more proper English style. That is something a lot of people do, hobbyists, enthusiasts, etc. I don't like to think of myself as an ex-hobbyist, more of an enthusiast, since we had horses at home, and love those memories, but I also don't consider myself anything along the lines of their level, an "Equestrian" with a capital E and all its finery.

My DH's relatives live to show, and they have a very well-appointed set up, complete with visiting trainers to work out the horses, and some pretty special grounds, etc. This is not going to last, as the land has already started to be chopped up and sold.
In the mean time, there are plenty of family members nearby, and as someone mentioned, when your family hunts, you hunt, so there are lots of events, and not only would my children be drawn into some of this, as a family we would likely go to a lot of events to be supportive and members of this community. It would change my lifestyle tremendously, on a day to day basis and be a major category in our budget.

So on one level I was trying to think purely of my kids, their inclinations. And then combine that with our other constraints (time, finances, the "opportunity cost" this would represent (they wouldn't be doing travel soccer, etc which my son shows signs of wanting to do) I was also grappling with, do I let my kids miss out on this as a lifestyle thing, to really be in the thick of it, with their extended fam, if they want to? It is special. And yes, I was also being petty, thinking do I really want to do this when I've had a fairly crappy experience regarding this myself, and trying to find a good boundary with all of that.

Or do I stick with what I know, and let them enjoy an occasional ride with their grandparents?. (Sorry to freak people out with notions of untrained children fox hunting occasionally) Our three kids ride well, take lessons, and have for five years but it is more of a life skill than a passion for them.

So we'll be sticking with our close-in location, and keeping things sort of where they are.

Maybe this helps.

Looking back, a lot of my posts were an immature rant about my in laws and my perceived slights. But I'd rather do that here than over a few glasses of wine later at Thanksgiving, if you know what I mean.

Bye!

[Anonymous]

Good luck, OP.

But man, you know you're really in DCUM-land when years of horseback riding lessons are considered a life skill.

[Anonymous]

actual foxhunting equestrian here: it seems to take up most of the year since clubbing starts in April and goes through June and then starts again in September and goes through the whole winter. So yes it does extend all through the year except for the summer months. And then there's all of the extra parties and balls and things like that.
As for competitive show hunting or showing that's both expensive and time-consuming in some ways it's not really all that much fun You have to be the person that really likes doing that and wants to spend a lot of money on it.
doing all that with people I didn't like or didn't like their attitude or their approach would be out of the question for me
0P if your kids are not really that interested in it I don't know if I would want to spend a lot of money on it And the time commitment is significant.

[Anonymous]

I really can't believe so many of you are going along with this tall tale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't consider fox hunting a "sport."

I don't ride but have a couple of friends of modest means who do fox hunting w bassets ... I'd bet you're not in good enough shape to participate in a day's activity at the "non-sport" of fox hunting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't consider fox hunting a "sport."

I don't ride but have a couple of friends of modest means who do fox hunting w bassets ... I'd bet you're not in good enough shape to participate in a day's activity at the "non-sport" of fox hunting.

I doubt that PP was referring the effort involved, rather to the cruelty of chasing a fox on horseback and then killing it. I'm sure there's a lot of effort involved. It's not a sport, though.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read all the previous replies but this has to be about sailing. If your on a sailboat, you have to be willing to take orders. You also can't be a ninny. Sounds like OP is a bad crew member. Personality plays a huge role in whether you want a person in your crew. Children are malleable and can be told what to do on a boat and do it without question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't consider fox hunting a "sport."

I don't ride but have a couple of friends of modest means who do fox hunting w bassets ... I'd bet you're not in good enough shape to participate in a day's activity at the "non-sport" of fox hunting.

I doubt that PP was referring the effort involved, rather to the cruelty of chasing a fox on horseback and then killing it. I'm sure there's a lot of effort involved. It's not a sport, though.

+1

Hunting "for sport" is not a sport.

[Anonymous]

You don't kill the fox. You chase it. The hounds kill it if they can catch it. Most times it runs into the ground.

I'm amused at the cruelty comments. You eat eggs? Beef? Chicken? Pork? All animals are tortured through short, miserable lives and then slaughtered by machines (except the egg hens, who live in a horror show).

Each of you kills a factory farmed animal every day. Please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really can't believe so many of you are going along with this tall tale.

This is why con artists manage to make a living and why you see so many relationship threads about crazy, manipulative people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really can't believe so many of you are going along with this tall tale.

This is why con artists manage to make a living and why you see so many relationship threads about crazy, manipulative people.

and why therapists can have lifelong patients for dealing with toxic people

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really can't believe so many of you are going along with this tall tale.

This is why con artists manage to make a living and why you see so many relationship threads about crazy, manipulative people.

and why therapists can have lifelong patients for dealing with toxic people

And inlaws!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't kill the fox. You chase it. The hounds kill it if they can catch it. Most times it runs into the ground.

I'm amused at the cruelty comments. You eat eggs? Beef? Chicken? Pork? All animals are tortured through short, miserable lives and then slaughtered by machines (except the egg hens, who live in a horror show).

Each of you kills a factory farmed animal every day. Please.

The fox is never killed anymore. It is just fox chasing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did the OP ever say that her kids were actually participating in full-on fox hunting? Maybe I missed it, but I think some of you are putting words into her mouth.

And I don't care how much "the horse always comes first" -- that is fine and understandable. There are less rude ways to go about it than leaving someone stranded in a barn for hours.

They did not leave her alone at the barn. Even if these people are not nice they seem to be horsemen. Nobody with horses would leave someone they don't like back home at the barn unsupervised.

Liability, for one.

When so many elements of a story are laughably and demonstrably false don't buy the rest.

She is their daughter in law. If they don't like her enough to treat her this way, and stupid enough to treat her this way, seems to me they are going to have a crazy mess on their hands.