In laws lifestyle 'hobby' vis a vis our children

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, so it sounds like your feelings are hurt and now you want to cut off your kids from your in-laws. So that is a very different kind of question. In general I find that lashing out at in-laws is a terrible, terrible idea that causes infinitely more problems than it resolves. By all means, don't say yes to every outing, but cutting them off completely sounds like a petty and spiteful move on your part.

+1. Does your husband participate? I am still not understanding how you have been excluded all these years. I think people could give you better advice if we knew what this activity is.

No, he hates it. Not enough people do this sport for them to give adequate advice. If only it were as simple as horseback riding or sailing. The croquet poster was closer.

I have a feeling your ILs think you are kind of spacey and difficult to communicate with. And kind of tiring.

[Anonymous]

Croquet is clsoer? Hmm. Fencing?

I was a PP - I forgot about the letter. In NO WAY write a letter. NO WAY.

Just do your thing, let your Inlaws do their thing sometimes, and move on.

AND TELL US.

[Anonymous]

I don't need to know the name of the sport but it's hard to tell what the real issue is because you haven't adequately identified what the issues are. If your ILs have otherwise been including you and your DH in activities and are a welcomed member of the family, I have no problem with them wanting to do something 'special' with the grandkids - and just them. However, if your ILs have a practice of excluding you or condescending, you have an IL problem and I would never encourage a relationship with someone who is disrespectful to me. And, in the case of the latter, you just don't have an IL problem, you have a DH problem.

I would also do as a PP suggested and ask:

"I'm curious, Bert/Bertha, why you never invited me all this years, yet now you want to invite the children? You know I grew up around polo, don't you?".

[Anonymous]

Jai alai. Am I right, OP?

[Anonymous]

Gotta be polo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't need to know the name of the sport but it's hard to tell what the real issue is because you haven't adequately identified what the issues are. If your ILs have otherwise been including you and your DH in activities and are a welcomed member of the family, I have no problem with them wanting to do something 'special' with the grandkids - and just them. However, if your ILs have a practice of excluding you or condescending, you have an IL problem and I would never encourage a relationship with someone who is disrespectful to me. And, in the case of the latter, you just don't have an IL problem, you have a DH problem.

I would also do as a PP suggested and ask:

"I'm curious, Bert/Bertha, why you never invited me all this years, yet now you want to invite the children? You know I grew up around polo, don't you?".

OP here, this is really it for me. It has nothing to do with the sport, although for whatever reasons they mind their manners in most scenarios, with this particular activity they are strangled with conceit. It does not have to do with class differences, many members of their extended family struggle financially and are quite coarse.

For the record, I have asked that question. They have never been able to respond. It's just weird.

[Anonymous]

What a tiresome post.

[Anonymous]

What does your husband want to do about this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a tiresome post.

Haha, you are tiresome. Go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't need to know the name of the sport but it's hard to tell what the real issue is because you haven't adequately identified what the issues are. If your ILs have otherwise been including you and your DH in activities and are a welcomed member of the family, I have no problem with them wanting to do something 'special' with the grandkids - and just them. However, if your ILs have a practice of excluding you or condescending, you have an IL problem and I would never encourage a relationship with someone who is disrespectful to me. And, in the case of the latter, you just don't have an IL problem, you have a DH problem.

I would also do as a PP suggested and ask:

"I'm curious, Bert/Bertha, why you never invited me all this years, yet now you want to invite the children? You know I grew up around polo, don't you?".

OP here, this is really it for me. It has nothing to do with the sport, although for whatever reasons they mind their manners in most scenarios, with this particular activity they are strangled with conceit. It does not have to do with class differences, many members of their extended family struggle financially and are quite coarse.

For the record, I have asked that question. They have never been able to respond. It's just weird.

So if they're just illogically weird, then there's not much you can do. You do sound a little insecure about it, so you should work on feeling more confident with your own upbringing and values.

[Anonymous]

Polo, fox hunting, clay or pigeon shooting?

Guessing the sport is more fun.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they think you suck at the sport and don't want to deal with that

[Anonymous]

It's got to be some weird form of martial arts, not your standard karate, one where I don't want to have to type all the ' and - like Tai chi or t' justisu

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't need to know the name of the sport but it's hard to tell what the real issue is because you haven't adequately identified what the issues are. If your ILs have otherwise been including you and your DH in activities and are a welcomed member of the family, I have no problem with them wanting to do something 'special' with the grandkids - and just them. However, if your ILs have a practice of excluding you or condescending, you have an IL problem and I would never encourage a relationship with someone who is disrespectful to me. And, in the case of the latter, you just don't have an IL problem, you have a DH problem.

I would also do as a PP suggested and ask:

"I'm curious, Bert/Bertha, why you never invited me all this years, yet now you want to invite the children? You know I grew up around polo, don't you?".

OP here, this is really it for me. It has nothing to do with the sport, although for whatever reasons they mind their manners in most scenarios, with this particular activity they are strangled with conceit. It does not have to do with class differences, many members of their extended family struggle financially and are quite coarse.

For the record, I have asked that question. They have never been able to respond. It's just weird.

So if they're just illogically weird, then there's not much you can do. You do sound a little insecure about it, so you should work on feeling more confident with your own upbringing and values.

Work on your reading comprehension. That wasn't part of the question.

No, I totally respect my relatives for how I was raised. (For sure it was way better than my in laws)

[Anonymous]

A whole lotta something about a whole lotta nothing.

Sometimes the women here like to pretend they married royalty. So full of s ....