I was seen multi dating by the guy I like more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear the men complaining about the waiting, but it is true that having sex with a guy too soon causes respect issues. If I don't care what a guy thinks of me, the reasons to delay sex are diminished.

As long as men associate a woman's value with her sexual availability, this will continue. Blame women all you want, but slut-shaming is forcing the behavior it is intended to discourage.

It's the man's fault women want to have their cake and eat it too. gotcha

It's the sexists' fault that women can't choose to have sex without being judged. Both men and women judge and slut-shame. If you engage in either, don't whine when it means you have to wait to get laid.

Sounds like you are projecting your insecurities about your sexuality onto your prospective LTR partner (or assuming he is a sexist pig) if you behave toward him this way. Feel free to do so, just don't expect him to understand if he finds out about your fuck buddy. "I really like you so I want to wait" just rings hollow in that scenario

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear the men complaining about the waiting, but it is true that having sex with a guy too soon causes respect issues. If I don't care what a guy thinks of me, the reasons to delay sex are diminished.

As long as men associate a woman's value with her sexual availability, this will continue. Blame women all you want, but slut-shaming is forcing the behavior it is intended to discourage.

It's the man's fault women want to have their cake and eat it too. gotcha

It's the sexists' fault that women can't choose to have sex without being judged. Both men and women judge and slut-shame. If you engage in either, don't whine when it means you have to wait to get laid.

It's one thing to be free to have sex. It paints a different message while, simultaneously telling one guy he's important and "let's wait," you're out banging another guy. It's deceptive.

I agree that's deceptive, but I don't believe it actually happened to OP. It may happen everyday, but this story is a creation of OP's imagination. I'm just telling you why a woman would decide to wait with one guy and go ahead with another.

And the men here are just telling you that if the one you are making wait finds out, the relationship is toast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear the men complaining about the waiting, but it is true that having sex with a guy too soon causes respect issues. If I don't care what a guy thinks of me, the reasons to delay sex are diminished.

As long as men associate a woman's value with her sexual availability, this will continue. Blame women all you want, but slut-shaming is forcing the behavior it is intended to discourage.

It's the man's fault women want to have their cake and eat it too. gotcha

It's the sexists' fault that women can't choose to have sex without being judged. Both men and women judge and slut-shame. If you engage in either, don't whine when it means you have to wait to get laid.

Sounds like you are projecting your insecurities about your sexuality onto your prospective LTR partner (or assuming he is a sexist pig) if you behave toward him this way. Feel free to do so, just don't expect him to understand if he finds out about your fuck buddy. "I really like you so I want to wait" just rings hollow in that scenario

You can't take sex back. If I like a guy and don't know if he will judge, I am not going forward. If I know him well enough, then I make a decision based on available information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear the men complaining about the waiting, but it is true that having sex with a guy too soon causes respect issues. If I don't care what a guy thinks of me, the reasons to delay sex are diminished.

As long as men associate a woman's value with her sexual availability, this will continue. Blame women all you want, but slut-shaming is forcing the behavior it is intended to discourage.

It's the man's fault women want to have their cake and eat it too. gotcha

It's the sexists' fault that women can't choose to have sex without being judged. Both men and women judge and slut-shame. If you engage in either, don't whine when it means you have to wait to get laid.

Sounds like you are projecting your insecurities about your sexuality onto your prospective LTR partner (or assuming he is a sexist pig) if you behave toward him this way. Feel free to do so, just don't expect him to understand if he finds out about your fuck buddy. "I really like you so I want to wait" just rings hollow in that scenario

You can't take sex back. If I like a guy and don't know if he will judge, I am not going forward. If I know him well enough, then I make a decision based on available information.

That statement by itself makes a LOT of sense. Where it derails and where you lose the argument is, while you're deciding whether or not to have sex with said guy based on available information, you're fucking the shit out of guy 2, where the ONLY information you've bothered to gather is how hot he is and what his abs and pecks look like.

Jesus. Nobody is telling women they aren't free to do the same things men do, but you seem to not grasp that men will react just as negatively as women when they find out they're being played.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear the men complaining about the waiting, but it is true that having sex with a guy too soon causes respect issues. If I don't care what a guy thinks of me, the reasons to delay sex are diminished.

As long as men associate a woman's value with her sexual availability, this will continue. Blame women all you want, but slut-shaming is forcing the behavior it is intended to discourage.

It's the man's fault women want to have their cake and eat it too. gotcha

It's the sexists' fault that women can't choose to have sex without being judged. Both men and women judge and slut-shame. If you engage in either, don't whine when it means you have to wait to get laid.

Sounds like you are projecting your insecurities about your sexuality onto your prospective LTR partner (or assuming he is a sexist pig) if you behave toward him this way. Feel free to do so, just don't expect him to understand if he finds out about your fuck buddy. "I really like you so I want to wait" just rings hollow in that scenario

You can't take sex back. If I like a guy and don't know if he will judge, I am not going forward. If I know him well enough, then I make a decision based on available information.

That statement by itself makes a LOT of sense. Where it derails and where you lose the argument is, while you're deciding whether or not to have sex with said guy based on available information, you're fucking the shit out of guy 2, where the ONLY information you've bothered to gather is how hot he is and what his abs and pecks look like.

Jesus. Nobody is telling women they aren't free to do the same things men do, but you seem to not grasp that men will react just as negatively as women when they find out they're being played.

No, I said on the last page I thought that was deceptive. If you're going to date and have casual sex with others, it's best to be upfront. That goes for men and women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear the men complaining about the waiting, but it is true that having sex with a guy too soon causes respect issues. If I don't care what a guy thinks of me, the reasons to delay sex are diminished.

As long as men associate a woman's value with her sexual availability, this will continue. Blame women all you want, but slut-shaming is forcing the behavior it is intended to discourage.

It's the man's fault women want to have their cake and eat it too. gotcha

It's the sexists' fault that women can't choose to have sex without being judged. Both men and women judge and slut-shame. If you engage in either, don't whine when it means you have to wait to get laid.

Sounds like you are projecting your insecurities about your sexuality onto your prospective LTR partner (or assuming he is a sexist pig) if you behave toward him this way. Feel free to do so, just don't expect him to understand if he finds out about your fuck buddy. "I really like you so I want to wait" just rings hollow in that scenario

You can't take sex back. If I like a guy and don't know if he will judge, I am not going forward. If I know him well enough, then I make a decision based on available information.

That statement by itself makes a LOT of sense. Where it derails and where you lose the argument is, while you're deciding whether or not to have sex with said guy based on available information, you're fucking the shit out of guy 2, where the ONLY information you've bothered to gather is how hot he is and what his abs and pecks look like.

Jesus. Nobody is telling women they aren't free to do the same things men do, but you seem to not grasp that men will react just as negatively as women when they find out they're being played.

No, I said on the last page I thought that was deceptive. If you're going to date and have casual sex with others, it's best to be upfront. That goes for men and women.

Now wait just one minute. This is way too reasonable a response for this thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear the men complaining about the waiting, but it is true that having sex with a guy too soon causes respect issues. If I don't care what a guy thinks of me, the reasons to delay sex are diminished.

As long as men associate a woman's value with her sexual availability, this will continue. Blame women all you want, but slut-shaming is forcing the behavior it is intended to discourage.

It's the man's fault women want to have their cake and eat it too. gotcha

It's the sexists' fault that women can't choose to have sex without being judged. Both men and women judge and slut-shame. If you engage in either, don't whine when it means you have to wait to get laid.

I don't think anyone condemned women for having casual sex. That's your prerogative. The issue is continuing to date and have sex with men, several weeks into dating the guy that you prefer. Obviously, he is going to conclude that she is not that interested in him if she is still dating and sleeping with other men. How is this not obvious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear the men complaining about the waiting, but it is true that having sex with a guy too soon causes respect issues. If I don't care what a guy thinks of me, the reasons to delay sex are diminished.

As long as men associate a woman's value with her sexual availability, this will continue. Blame women all you want, but slut-shaming is forcing the behavior it is intended to discourage.

It's the man's fault women want to have their cake and eat it too. gotcha

It's the sexists' fault that women can't choose to have sex without being judged. Both men and women judge and slut-shame. If you engage in either, don't whine when it means you have to wait to get laid.

I don't think anyone condemned women for having casual sex. That's your prerogative. The issue is continuing to date and have sex with men, several weeks into dating the guy that you prefer. Obviously, he is going to conclude that she is not that interested in him if she is still dating and sleeping with other men. How is this not obvious?

He's not capable of asking if it's a concern of his?

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one who thinks Guy 1 was probably fucking someone else too in the meantime until they solidified things? And that it still hurt to see the woman he really wanted with someone else?

I think he was surprised to see that she wasn't super innocent and seeing her with an Alpha made him jealous and hurt. It's like seeing the guy you're really into with the classic hot chick with not much of a brain. You want the guy/woman you date to not be impressed/attracted to that.

OP, I almost had this happen too years ago. I was dating a guy but we hadnt discussed a title yet. My dad always told me that you're not in a relationship until the man has had that conversation with you. I went to a restaurant with a guy I was dating off/on who basically kept me from obsessing over the guy I really wanted. We left as the guy I wanted was arriving with his best friend. I had luck on my side, because it was raining so we missed each other, but I realized about 10 minutes later that we'd almost crossed paths. We had "the talk" a couple weeks later and all was well. I know now that he was also still messing with other women casually up until that point. It would have made me jealous to see him with someone else, but I wouldn't have felt like I had any right to question him about it.

OP, I would tell Guy 1 that I really want to be with him, but I would like for us to be in a committed relationship. Had I gotten "caught", I would've been honest: "You have not stated that you are ready to be with me in a committed relationship yet. I would love to be with you and only you, but it wasn't fair to myself to turn down dates from other guys until we defined who we are to each other."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear the men complaining about the waiting, but it is true that having sex with a guy too soon causes respect issues. If I don't care what a guy thinks of me, the reasons to delay sex are diminished.

As long as men associate a woman's value with her sexual availability, this will continue. Blame women all you want, but slut-shaming is forcing the behavior it is intended to discourage.

It's the man's fault women want to have their cake and eat it too. gotcha

It's the sexists' fault that women can't choose to have sex without being judged. Both men and women judge and slut-shame. If you engage in either, don't whine when it means you have to wait to get laid.

I don't think anyone condemned women for having casual sex. That's your prerogative. The issue is continuing to date and have sex with men, several weeks into dating the guy that you prefer. Obviously, he is going to conclude that she is not that interested in him if she is still dating and sleeping with other men. How is this not obvious?

You missed this gem?

Anonymous wrote:
Men =/= women. We have our own rules to live up to, actually many more than women do. Women don't have to do much other than stay in shape, be friendly, and not fuck everyone in town.

[Anonymous]

Guy 1 having sex with another woman. PURE ASSUMPTION.

OP having sex with guy 2 and guy 3 while not having sex with the guy (1) she supposedly really likes. FIRST POST.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear the men complaining about the waiting, but it is true that having sex with a guy too soon causes respect issues. If I don't care what a guy thinks of me, the reasons to delay sex are diminished.

As long as men associate a woman's value with her sexual availability, this will continue. Blame women all you want, but slut-shaming is forcing the behavior it is intended to discourage.

It's the man's fault women want to have their cake and eat it too. gotcha

It's the sexists' fault that women can't choose to have sex without being judged. Both men and women judge and slut-shame. If you engage in either, don't whine when it means you have to wait to get laid.

I don't think anyone condemned women for having casual sex. That's your prerogative. The issue is continuing to date and have sex with men, several weeks into dating the guy that you prefer. Obviously, he is going to conclude that she is not that interested in him if she is still dating and sleeping with other men. How is this not obvious?

He's not capable of asking if it's a concern of his?

LOL how does that go when you aren't quite ready to take it to the exclusive level? Out at dinner, "Hey, everything seems great between us! We are kinda going slow on the physical aspect, which is cool with me. You aren't by chance fucking someone on the side are you?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks Guy 1 was probably fucking someone else too in the meantime until they solidified things? And that it still hurt to see the woman he really wanted with someone else?

I think he was surprised to see that she wasn't super innocent and seeing her with an Alpha made him jealous and hurt. It's like seeing the guy you're really into with the classic hot chick with not much of a brain. You want the guy/woman you date to not be impressed/attracted to that.

OP, I almost had this happen too years ago. I was dating a guy but we hadnt discussed a title yet. My dad always told me that you're not in a relationship until the man has had that conversation with you. I went to a restaurant with a guy I was dating off/on who basically kept me from obsessing over the guy I really wanted. We left as the guy I wanted was arriving with his best friend. I had luck on my side, because it was raining so we missed each other, but I realized about 10 minutes later that we'd almost crossed paths. We had "the talk" a couple weeks later and all was well. I know now that he was also still messing with other women casually up until that point. It would have made me jealous to see him with someone else, but I wouldn't have felt like I had any right to question him about it.

OP, I would tell Guy 1 that I really want to be with him, but I would like for us to be in a committed relationship. Had I gotten "caught", I would've been honest: "You have not stated that you are ready to be with me in a committed relationship yet. I would love to be with you and only you, but it wasn't fair to myself to turn down dates from other guys until we defined who we are to each other."

It's wasn't as simples as turning down dates. It was that she was fucking two other guys - and one of them regularly. Her getting caught on a date is one thing but apparently the vibe, when she was caught, was way more than being on a date - apparently obvious to,guy #1 she had been fucking her date.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't matter if she is fucking someone else. If I'm regularly going out with a guy I'm not having sex with, I'm going to assume he is having sex with other women until we are in a committed relationship. It is asinine that one would expect monogamy/celibacy from someone they're not in a committed relationship with. People have sex.

OP saw Guy 1 walk in. I doubt she was hanging over this other guy as a result. She doesn't need to admit anything, its none of his business until they are in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't matter if she is fucking someone else. If I'm regularly going out with a guy I'm not having sex with, I'm going to assume he is having sex with other women until we are in a committed relationship. It is asinine that one would expect monogamy/celibacy from someone they're not in a committed relationship with. People have sex.

OP saw Guy 1 walk in. I doubt she was hanging over this other guy as a result. She doesn't need to admit anything, its none of his business until they are in a relationship.

+1