Eye-opening new study on the harms of divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many of the posters are defensive, not sure why. I would think that parents who divorce are, inherently, not mature and normal people. As in something was wrong with them anyway. These people will destroy whatever they can, including their kids' lives.

You suck as a person which isn’t good for your kids to see either.

As I said, defensive and defective.

Nope, it’s the unhappy married people such as yourself that are defensive.

Tell me more about you being so happy?

I just believe that trying to explain it more to you with your lack of emotional intelligence would be a waste of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many of the posters are defensive, not sure why. I would think that parents who divorce are, inherently, not mature and normal people. As in something was wrong with them anyway. These people will destroy whatever they can, including their kids' lives.

You actually said why are people being so defensive while literally attacking people for not being sensitive to their kid’s needs. You have major issues. I guess you walk around judging half the population in your narrow view of the world, because half the adults you come in contact with are divorced.

Point proven. Why are you a narcissist?

Did you even read what you wrote or have any idea what narcissism is? You literally attacked people for destroying their kid’s lives because of divorce and now want to play victim by gaslighting which is narcissism at its finest. I’m sure you have a mirror in the house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that marrying a quality person and being a thoughtful spouse has a 100% success rate. There are no people on either side of the family that are divorced.

Having a divorce definitely increases the risk of the children getting divorced.

It also increases the risk of an adult child being estranged from one or both parents. I heard on a podcast that now 10% of adults are estranged from at least one parent and the most common denominator (obv there are many other factors at play too) was divorce

This is questionable as well. Does the divorce itself lead to the estrangement? Or is the behavior that led to the divorce also what led to the estrangement? My oldest DC would fall under this, but the reason DC is estranged from their father is because he was abusive, and that is also what caused the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was interesting and insightful: a study on the economic and social impacts of divorce. For children whose parents divorce when they are young, more likely to experience teen pregnancy, jail and early death, less earning potential:

https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/baltimore/news/children-divorce-finance-economy-university-of-maryland/

How is this surprising? I have a friend whose parents divorced when he was 30 and he was devastated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that marrying a quality person and being a thoughtful spouse has a 100% success rate. There are no people on either side of the family that are divorced.

Having a divorce definitely increases the risk of the children getting divorced.

It also increases the risk of an adult child being estranged from one or both parents. I heard on a podcast that now 10% of adults are estranged from at least one parent and the most common denominator (obv there are many other factors at play too) was divorce

This is questionable as well. Does the divorce itself lead to the estrangement? Or is the behavior that led to the divorce also what led to the estrangement? My oldest DC would fall under this, but the reason DC is estranged from their father is because he was abusive, and that is also what caused the divorce.

Good point. One of my parents was an alcoholic and I was glad to be away from them after the divorce. I wanted nothing to do with them but the divorce wasn’t the reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know but for my kid Dad and I both remarried which makes my kid rich because the 4 of us earn millions a year.

And rich kids never have problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was interesting and insightful: a study on the economic and social impacts of divorce. For children whose parents divorce when they are young, more likely to experience teen pregnancy, jail and early death, less earning potential:

https://www.cbsnews.com/amp/baltimore/news/children-divorce-finance-economy-university-of-maryland/

How is this surprising? I have a friend whose parents divorced when he was 30 and he was devastated.

Well, now he's going to divorce, have a teen pregnancy, go to jail, and die early. That's how it works, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that marrying a quality person and being a thoughtful spouse has a 100% success rate. There are no people on either side of the family that are divorced.

Having a divorce definitely increases the risk of the children getting divorced.

It also increases the risk of an adult child being estranged from one or both parents. I heard on a podcast that now 10% of adults are estranged from at least one parent and the most common denominator (obv there are many other factors at play too) was divorce

This is questionable as well. Does the divorce itself lead to the estrangement? Or is the behavior that led to the divorce also what led to the estrangement? My oldest DC would fall under this, but the reason DC is estranged from their father is because he was abusive, and that is also what caused the divorce.

This is the question that lies at the heart of all of the statistics. Unless someone can tell me how to adequately compare *only* those who teetered on divorce and didn't divorce with those who teetered and did, any and all stats are inherently suspect to me.

My parents divorced. Sure, I cried when it happened, but the truth is I cried about a lot of stuff when I was a kid. Change is always hard and a little scary. But the truth is, it wasn't long before I was like, "oh, thank goodness, that sh*t was toxic." In the end, divorce > marriage for my family -- yes, even with the hard stuff that goes along with it. Would I have been better off if my parents had had a happy, loving, and generally functional marriage? Well, yeah. Of course. But they didn't. So then it was better -- much -- to not have them living under one roof.

I've got a foot in both doors, though. I've been married for a long time, and to paraphrase a band no one ever remembers the name of, we're still having fun, and he's still the one. Turns out I really like marriage when it doesn't suck! (But man, it can really suck for some people.)

I hope you all choose whatever maximizes your and your children's happiness. I really do. Situations are different, so that choice will be different for different people. Good luck out there, I'm rooting for you.

[Anonymous]

Who cares about the kids? Parents happiness and fulfillment comes first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who cares about the kids? Parents happiness and fulfillment comes first.

Yep, if the parents aren’t happy the kids won’t be so if you’re in an unhappy marriage, Wake up and Get out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares about the kids? Parents happiness and fulfillment comes first.

Yep, if the parents aren’t happy the kids won’t be so if you’re in an unhappy marriage, Wake up and Get out.

Sure, make it your kid’s fault that you made a bad choice for a spouse. Or your spouse made a bad choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think many of the posters are defensive, not sure why. I would think that parents who divorce are, inherently, not mature and normal people. As in something was wrong with them anyway. These people will destroy whatever they can, including their kids' lives.

You actually said why are people being so defensive while literally attacking people for not being sensitive to their kid’s needs. You have major issues. I guess you walk around judging half the population in your narrow view of the world, because half the adults you come in contact with are divorced.

I think some of the folks attacking divorced people are protesting too much, you know? People who are happily married don’t usually feel the need to be so judgy about divorced people.

I am not a PP who has attacked divorced parents, but I have seen some of my kids' friends who have divorced parents and they tend to tell me and my kids that they hate it while their parents tell me the kids are totally ok with it. I just nod because it's not my place to get involved. I also don't think a divorce is always the worst thing for a kid, and I don't think any sweeping generalizations are useful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find that marrying a quality person and being a thoughtful spouse has a 100% success rate. There are no people on either side of the family that are divorced.

Having a divorce definitely increases the risk of the children getting divorced.

It also increases the risk of an adult child being estranged from one or both parents. I heard on a podcast that now 10% of adults are estranged from at least one parent and the most common denominator (obv there are many other factors at play too) was divorce

This is questionable as well. Does the divorce itself lead to the estrangement? Or is the behavior that led to the divorce also what led to the estrangement? My oldest DC would fall under this, but the reason DC is estranged from their father is because he was abusive, and that is also what caused the divorce.

This is the question that lies at the heart of all of the statistics. Unless someone can tell me how to adequately compare *only* those who teetered on divorce and didn't divorce with those who teetered and did, any and all stats are inherently suspect to me.

My parents divorced. Sure, I cried when it happened, but the truth is I cried about a lot of stuff when I was a kid. Change is always hard and a little scary. But the truth is, it wasn't long before I was like, "oh, thank goodness, that sh*t was toxic." In the end, divorce > marriage for my family -- yes, even with the hard stuff that goes along with it. Would I have been better off if my parents had had a happy, loving, and generally functional marriage? Well, yeah. Of course. But they didn't. So then it was better -- much -- to not have them living under one roof.

I've got a foot in both doors, though. I've been married for a long time, and to paraphrase a band no one ever remembers the name of, we're still having fun, and he's still the one. Turns out I really like marriage when it doesn't suck! (But man, it can really suck for some people.)

I hope you all choose whatever maximizes your and your children's happiness. I really do. Situations are different, so that choice will be different for different people. Good luck out there, I'm rooting for you.

The kids I know who were the most negatively affected by divorce were those where one parent cheated (in one case it was the mom, in the other it was the dad) and then left their spouse. It sounds like the kids at least thought their lives were pretty great until that parent cheated and their parents divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who cares about the kids? Parents happiness and fulfillment comes first.

okay troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares about the kids? Parents happiness and fulfillment comes first.

Yep, if the parents aren’t happy the kids won’t be so if you’re in an unhappy marriage, Wake up and Get out.

Sure, make it your kid’s fault that you made a bad choice for a spouse. Or your spouse made a bad choice.

Oh, my friend. I am sorry for whatever made you so bitter. Be well.