Reply to Eye-opening new study on the harms of divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find that marrying a quality person and being a thoughtful spouse has a 100% success rate. There are no people on either side of the family that are divorced. [/quote]
Having a divorce definitely increases the risk of the children getting divorced.[/quote]

[b]It also increases the risk of an adult child being estranged from one or both parents[/b].  I heard on a podcast that now 10% of adults are estranged from at least one parent and the most common denominator (obv there are many other factors at play too) was divorce [/quote]

This is questionable as well. [b]Does the divorce itself lead to the estrangement? Or is the behavior that led to the divorce also what led to the estrangement? [/b]My oldest DC would fall under this, but the reason DC is estranged from their father is because he was abusive, and that is also what caused the divorce.[/quote]

This is the question that lies at the heart of all of the statistics. Unless someone can tell me how to adequately compare *only* those who teetered on divorce and didn't divorce with those who teetered and did, any and all stats are inherently suspect to me.

My parents divorced. Sure, I cried when it happened, but the truth is I cried about a lot of stuff when I was a kid. Change is always hard and a little scary. But the truth is, it wasn't long before I was like, "oh, thank goodness, that sh*t was toxic." In the end, divorce > marriage for my family -- yes, even with the hard stuff that goes along with it. Would I have been better off if my parents had had a happy, loving, and generally functional marriage? Well, yeah. Of course. But they didn't. So then it was better -- much -- to not have them living under one roof.

I've got a foot in both doors, though. I've been married for a long time, and to paraphrase a band no one ever remembers the name of, we're still having fun, and he's still the one. Turns out I really like marriage when it doesn't suck! (But man, it can really suck for some people.)

I hope you all choose whatever maximizes your and your children's happiness. I really do. Situations are different, so that choice will be different for different people. Good luck out there, I'm rooting for you. [/quote]

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