Reply to Eye-opening new study on the harms of divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I find that marrying a quality person and being a thoughtful spouse has a 100% success rate. There are no people on either side of the family that are divorced. [/quote]
Having a divorce definitely increases the risk of the children getting divorced.[/quote]

[b]It also increases the risk of an adult child being estranged from one or both parents[/b].  I heard on a podcast that now 10% of adults are estranged from at least one parent and the most common denominator (obv there are many other factors at play too) was divorce [/quote]

This is questionable as well. [b]Does the divorce itself lead to the estrangement? Or is the behavior that led to the divorce also what led to the estrangement? [/b]My oldest DC would fall under this, but the reason DC is estranged from their father is because he was abusive, and that is also what caused the divorce.[/quote]

This is the question that lies at the heart of all of the statistics. Unless someone can tell me how to adequately compare *only* those who teetered on divorce and didn't divorce with those who teetered and did, any and all stats are inherently suspect to me.

My parents divorced. Sure, I cried when it happened, but the truth is I cried about a lot of stuff when I was a kid. Change is always hard and a little scary. But the truth is, it wasn't long before I was like, "oh, thank goodness, that sh*t was toxic." In the end, divorce > marriage for my family -- yes, even with the hard stuff that goes along with it. Would I have been better off if my parents had had a happy, loving, and generally functional marriage? Well, yeah. Of course. But they didn't. So then it was better -- much -- to not have them living under one roof.

I've got a foot in both doors, though. I've been married for a long time, and to paraphrase a band no one ever remembers the name of, we're still having fun, and he's still the one. Turns out I really like marriage when it doesn't suck! (But man, it can really suck for some people.)

I hope you all choose whatever maximizes your and your children's happiness. I really do. Situations are different, so that choice will be different for different people. Good luck out there, I'm rooting for you. [/quote]

The kids I know who were the most negatively affected by divorce were those where one parent cheated (in one case it was the mom, in the other it was the dad) and then left their spouse. It sounds like the kids at least thought their lives were pretty great until that parent cheated and their parents divorced. [/quote]

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