Wedding offenses: rank according to badness

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you splurged on everything except the one thing guests actually look forward to at weddings? What in the world were you thinking?

+1

SMH

In what world is "free alcohol" the one thing guests look forward to at weddings? You do realize you can get drunk for a pretty low price quite literally any time you want, correct?

alcoholics central around here

+1

I know one family hosting a wedding who had a complete blowout (the bad kind) because one of the parents is an alcoholic. The bride was in tears saying she did not want that parent drunk at her wedding. The alcoholic parent was insisting (you guessed it) on an open bar, hard liquor included, and the rest of the family was against it, because of the alcoholism. It was not pretty. Those of you saying it is "cheap" to not have open bar do not know the whole story, and are being terrible guests, which is the worst offense of all.

Yes, it is cheap. The alcoholic will grudgingly pay for the alcohol. The only way around it is a dry wedding. But don't pretend that you're doing anything to prevent the blowout just by making people pay for it when it's still available.

In this case, the issue was that the alcoholic wanted open bar, and the rest of the family did not (mostly because of the alcoholic and the alcoholic's side's antics).

Ridiculous. Open bar/cash bar is the same just depends on who is paying. I would believe this argument if it was about open bar and no bar. Why didn't the rest of the family insist on a dry wedding if they were so concerned? A cash bar doesn't cut the alcoholic off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A girlI worked with in NY had a dry wedding and a buffet and booked a year ahead.

She ended up booking Super Bowl Sunday and nearly every man and 1/2 the women went to bar next door to watch the game.

She ordered her new husband to get men back and he was gone 45 minutes.

Dry, Sunday, and a buffet? They cut all the corners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up (& got married) in the south, where dry weddings are very common. Receptions are often held in church basements/fellowship halls, and many churches don’t allow alcohol in the building. I attended plenty of dry weddings, and no one batted an eye. Weddings should be about celebrating with people close to you. Not about specific food or drink.

I personally think dry weddings are fine, especially if that is more in line with the couple’s or the venue’s values. But wanting the boozy wedding with your guests footing the bill is so tacky.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Worst: No +1, destination wedding. Couples will often say they don’t want random people at their wedding but offer plus ones for spouses and significant others they’ve never met. Just give all adults a plus one.

Also bad: No open bar — don’t host a party you can’t afford. Along those lines I would add an expectation that gifts cover the per person cost for the wedding.

Neutral: No kids, dry wedding, asking for cash gifts

Isn't a dry wedding worse than no open bar? At least there's alcohol!

No way! I don’t care if I drink or not. I’d prefer it, but if the couple doesnt drink or can’t afford to pay for the alcohol, then a dry wedding is fine. What’s NOT fine is asking your guests to pay for things at YOUR PARTY

I agree. All this shade on dry weddings is awful. Many people don’t drink - for religious or addiction or health reasons. I am delighted to share their big day with them while also being respectful of their culture or individual preferences. Can people *really* not go one night without booze??? (And I drink a lot - so I’m not a teetotaler)

I agree that cash bar is way worse than dry wedding. You don't host a party and then have your guests pay for food/drinks!! The only thing worse is doing a potluck where guests BRING FOOD as well!

What if the people getting married are poor, but they want to share their joy and exchange of vows with friends and loved ones?
The level of snobbery and entitlement on this forum is thru the roof.

Then you do a cake and punch or whatever the modern equivalent is for a dessert reception. Whatever you do, you work with your budget and not charge your guests for the privilege.

[Anonymous]

What about if certain hours are open bar and it changes to only offering non-alcoholic drinks free about 4-5 hours in? Our venue charged per hour per guest based on overall number of invitees so it was really prohibitively expensive to keep bar flowing when 70% had gone home. The venue then offered free drinks to bridal party only, free non alcoholic for all, and cash bar for liquor/beer.

[Anonymous]

My main problem is people having the big fancy evening wedding but then cheaping out on things like food, drink, and even seating so the guest experience is lacking. Like, if it’s clear you spent thousands on your venue and dress and decor but then made your guests pay for drinks and only provided light apps at dinner time…it’s just tacky. If you can’t afford everything, it’s fine, but you need to scale it down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about if certain hours are open bar and it changes to only offering non-alcoholic drinks free about 4-5 hours in? Our venue charged per hour per guest based on overall number of invitees so it was really prohibitively expensive to keep bar flowing when 70% had gone home. The venue then offered free drinks to bridal party only, free non alcoholic for all, and cash bar for liquor/beer.

I think this is fine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guilty of destination wedding (hours away) but gave +1, +2, accommodated friends of family with champagne toast but cash bar.
we had to budget but splurged with everything else big time.

So you splurged on everything except the one thing guests actually look forward to at weddings? What in the world were you thinking?

+1

SMH

In what world is "free alcohol" the one thing guests look forward to at weddings? You do realize you can get drunk for a pretty low price quite literally any time you want, correct?

alcoholics central around here

+1

I know one family hosting a wedding who had a complete blowout (the bad kind) because one of the parents is an alcoholic. The bride was in tears saying she did not want that parent drunk at her wedding. The alcoholic parent was insisting (you guessed it) on an open bar, hard liquor included, and the rest of the family was against it, because of the alcoholism. It was not pretty. Those of you saying it is "cheap" to not have open bar do not know the whole story, and are being terrible guests, which is the worst offense of all.

Yes, it is cheap. The alcoholic will grudgingly pay for the alcohol. The only way around it is a dry wedding. But don't pretend that you're doing anything to prevent the blowout just by making people pay for it when it's still available.

In this case, the issue was that the alcoholic wanted open bar, and the rest of the family did not (mostly because of the alcoholic and the alcoholic's side's antics).

Ridiculous. Open bar/cash bar is the same just depends on who is paying. I would believe this argument if it was about open bar and no bar. Why didn't the rest of the family insist on a dry wedding if they were so concerned? A cash bar doesn't cut the alcoholic off.

I agree - not my family, a friend's family - so I was not the decision maker here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up (& got married) in the south, where dry weddings are very common. Receptions are often held in church basements/fellowship halls, and many churches don’t allow alcohol in the building. I attended plenty of dry weddings, and no one batted an eye. Weddings should be about celebrating with people close to you. Not about specific food or drink.

+1

Everyone thinks they are a wedding critic, or Martha Stewart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up (& got married) in the south, where dry weddings are very common. Receptions are often held in church basements/fellowship halls, and many churches don’t allow alcohol in the building. I attended plenty of dry weddings, and no one batted an eye. Weddings should be about celebrating with people close to you. Not about specific food or drink.

Most people here have no problem with a dry wedding, because like a pp said, there’s usually a reason besides cost. What people have a problem with is making your guests pay for any part of your reception (i.e. cash bar)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about if certain hours are open bar and it changes to only offering non-alcoholic drinks free about 4-5 hours in? Our venue charged per hour per guest based on overall number of invitees so it was really prohibitively expensive to keep bar flowing when 70% had gone home. The venue then offered free drinks to bridal party only, free non alcoholic for all, and cash bar for liquor/beer.

We did something similar for our wedding held at a historic hotel. We bought out the on-site restaurant for our reception, which included open bar for cocktail hour, then wine service with dinner (or beer) and a champagne toast. Bar reopened after dinner/during dancing. The wedding coordinator from the hotel suggested this plan so we went with it.

We cut corners in other ways, but food, drinks and the live band were areas where we splurged.

[Anonymous]

I was invited to come to my cousin's no kids wedding and rehersal dinner as I was family and it was 6 hours out of town.

When we got there, she disinvited us to the rehersal dinner and told folks with kids that we would watch them for the night.

True story. Haven't spoken with her since and it's been 17 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up (& got married) in the south, where dry weddings are very common. Receptions are often held in church basements/fellowship halls, and many churches don’t allow alcohol in the building. I attended plenty of dry weddings, and no one batted an eye. Weddings should be about celebrating with people close to you. Not about specific food or drink.

Since the bride and groom is related already no one to impress

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My main problem is people having the big fancy evening wedding but then cheaping out on things like food, drink, and even seating so the guest experience is lacking. Like, if it’s clear you spent thousands on your venue and dress and decor but then made your guests pay for drinks and only provided light apps at dinner time…it’s just tacky. If you can’t afford everything, it’s fine, but you need to scale it down.

We went to a wedding like this. The bride and groom both wore very obviously expensive clothing. The bride’s gown was featured on the designer’s website, so we knew how much it cost. Everything else was cut rate, including light appetizers for dinner and cookies for dessert.

They wanted the look of a big wedding with look attendants and guests, but the hospitality provided to the guests was lacking. We ended up going out to a place for pizza and beer after the reception and found lots of other guests at the same place, where we all proceeded to have or own personal after party, haha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up (& got married) in the south, where dry weddings are very common. Receptions are often held in church basements/fellowship halls, and many churches don’t allow alcohol in the building. I attended plenty of dry weddings, and no one batted an eye. Weddings should be about celebrating with people close to you. Not about specific food or drink.

+1

Everyone thinks they are a wedding critic, or Martha Stewart.

+2 there’s a cultural element to it for sure but to each their own. I don’t judge people for how they serve alcohol or don’t