Wedding offenses: rank according to badness
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Anonymous
Worst - Best 1.) No open bar/cash bar - you are hosting, you need to pay for your guests drinks, even if it's just beer and wine, or a dry wedding. 2.) No +1, especially if it's the wedding where I might know very few people. I would likely decline rather than go alone. 3.) Dry weddings unless it's part of your culture, otherwise it seems cheap. 4.) No-kids weddings, especially if said kids are your family members. Like a pp, I think weddings should be family affairs. 5.) Asking for cash - while I think it's tacky to straight up ask for cash, I have no problem giving it. 6.) Destination weddings - these don't bother me because if it's a place I'd like to travel to, it would be a good excuse to go. If I can't or don't want to, I decline, NBD. |
Anonymous
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No-kids weddings No +1 weddings Destination weddings Dry weddings No open bar weddings Weddings of couples who ask for cash *The only one of these I am ok with is a destination wedding. But, if I have flown 8000 miles, please make an effort to talk to me. |
Anonymous
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For me ordered most annoying to least (although I don’t actually think any of these choices are offensive):
No-kids weddings (single parent so I would likely have to pass unless it was close enough I would only need childcare for a couple of hours) Destination weddings (crazy expensive in terms of both money and PTO) No +1 weddings (single don’t care) Dry weddings (don’t drink don’t care) No open bar weddings (don’t drink don’t care) Weddings of couples who ask for cash (less hassle to plan for don’t care) |
Anonymous
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I don’t understand the hate for no kids weddings on this site. All etiquette experts say no kid weddings are absolutely fine, while many of the other items are faux pas.
I’m 45 and have been to a lot of weddings, and I think only two ever invited kids. Every other wedding I’ve attended is no kids. I understand that sometimes people can’t attend a wedding if it’s no kids, because they don’t have childcare in a different city. No judgment if you can’t attend. DH and I have done some trade off weddings where only one of us attended because getting childcare was too much drama. It’s fine. We’ve also flown in family to watch the kids while we’ve gone out of town for weddings. And we’ve also used the hotel arranged babysitter for some weddings. All of these are fine options. But for people who are like unilaterally writing off no kids weddings…. I feel sorry for them. They often refuse to separate from their kids, have never had a babysitter, or are highly anxious. It’s one thing to decline a no kid wedding because you’re unable to make it work (or you’re not close enough to the couple to put a ton of effort into making it work). But it’s another thing to refuse to make it work. |
Anonymous
Not sure what is meant by this. Cash bars are THE WORST. But beer & wine only without a full bar is fine. |
Anonymous
This weekend I am attending a wedding that meets three of the criterion. I am not looking forward to it. |
Anonymous
+1. The weddings without kids are generally better anyways (food/alcohol/entertainment). If you can't leave your kid for a few hours do everyone else a favor and stay home |
Anonymous
From least bad to most bad: No-kids weddings--Don't have kids so this doesn't matter to me No +1 weddings--Don't take dates to weddings Destination weddings--Just won't go Weddings of couples for ask for cash--Obnoxious but saves me time I guess Dry weddings--Less bad than no open bar No open bar weddings--Cheap and tacky and you don't know until you're already there |
Anonymous
| All are fine except dry! |
Anonymous
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A bit of a tangent here: we had a no-kid wedding at a winery. We had friends show up with their 1-year-old child and it was a pain, as the venue had to scramble to find a high chair, etc. So annoying. But the worst part was, when we got our photos back, the kid was featured heavily in dozens of photos. The photographer assumed that because she was the only kid at the wedding, she must be someone special and took lots of pictures. We never said anything to the couple, but dropped them as friends soon after. It certainly wasn't an affordability issue, as they are loaded and the wife's mom lived in their english basement and was their FT caretaker.
Every time I read "no-kid wedding", I still wince a bit from that memory... |
Anonymous
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I have no issues with no kids (and I have kids) nor with people who want cash. I always give cash anyway so who cares.
I also have no issue with dry weddings, especially for religious reasons. I would rather dry than a cash bar. I also think beer/wine bars are fine. I do think if you are going to have a dry wedding, better to be during the day or brunch or something. I went to an evening wedding that only served punch and water. And then they ran out of punch. At least have soda or a mocktail of some sort. Destination weddings are ok if you are only inviting a small group of people who don't mind making it a mini vacation. Or if there is no central place for any of the guests so almost everyone will be traveling anyway. Otherwise, it's obnoxious and I have no idea why anyone would do this. Just have a wedding and go on a honeymoon. Without 100 other people. No +1 is bad unless you know that a lot of people will be single (like you are getting married straight out of college or something). Or if you want to have a "work" table where none are bringing dates and the colleagues will be together--I would be fine with that and DH would be fine staying home. In the end, I think a lot of couples forget that even though a wedding is "their day", these people are still your guests. So you have to place some priority on their comfort. They are coming for you and you can at least treat them with a little respect. But I also know how expensive weddings are and sometimes, you have to cut corners. Better that than go into debt for a wedding you didn't really want. |
Anonymous
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My rank from worst to best:
1. Dry 2. No +1 3. No open bar 4. Destination 5. Cash 6. No kids Honestly, if we can't make the destination we can't. If we can't make a no kids wedding, we don't go or one of us goes. But to be honest, other than a dry wedding, none of those things really bother me. And I may be biased about the dry wedding because the only one I've been to was absolutely awful for reasons other than the no alcohol. |
Anonymous
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OMG the worst wedding I ever attended required a flight and was a dry religious wedding during the day with no dancing and horrible food. My DH was a groomsman and so the bridal party sat together and I sat alone with people I didn't know. And they divorced within 2 years.
Absolutely awful. |
Anonymous
+1 that was our plan |
Anonymous
| Everything on that list is fine except for no +1s which is just cheap and doesn’t honor the friends of the couple. It can be awkward to go alone. Also not every single person *will* bring a +1 (if they have a group of friends coming, then they may feel fine going on their own). |