I dropped the hosting rope and now ILs think I’m ‘mad’ at them

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid. I would still want my kids to have a nice Easter dinner so I would have figured that part out. Maybe left your husband to put the sheets on the bed and whatever but I wouldn't put my kids in the middle of this marital dysfunction. What would you have done if the in-laws weren't coming for the day would you really have done nothing anyway?

Hello, she bought the Easter candy and Easter outfits. Candy for dinner one night of the year is fine, particularly when dressed in pastel finery.

Hi there! It isn't really that hard to make a reservation for Easter brunch somewhere. Nobody needs to cook, clean or host. It really isn't that hard. But to slap some dinner together is pretty lame when it was avoidable to prove some larger point to the husband. Kids notice these things especially if it deviates from the norm. Keep the kids out of it.

Right. So then all the work falls back on OP. And it’s now her fault if the kids are brought into it. No thanks.

What work? Booking a reservation? That's a lot of work to do. It takes less effort that writing the multi paragraph post. It's not making beds, coffee, or small talk.

Why didn’t DH do it if it wasn’t hard? Hmm?

Not my problem. But I'm not going to eat a greasy store bought chicken just to prove a point. You can cut off your nose to spite your face, I would make a different decision on that one very small thing.

You just don't get it. I, like op, don't care if anyone is eating a rotisserie chicken. Love the way you twist it to be something gross.

Then why is OP insistent that the ball was dropped? A meal was served. What’s the problem exactly?

MIL’s expectations, apparently.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid. I would still want my kids to have a nice Easter dinner so I would have figured that part out. Maybe left your husband to put the sheets on the bed and whatever but I wouldn't put my kids in the middle of this marital dysfunction. What would you have done if the in-laws weren't coming for the day would you really have done nothing anyway?

Hello, she bought the Easter candy and Easter outfits. Candy for dinner one night of the year is fine, particularly when dressed in pastel finery.

Hi there! It isn't really that hard to make a reservation for Easter brunch somewhere. Nobody needs to cook, clean or host. It really isn't that hard. But to slap some dinner together is pretty lame when it was avoidable to prove some larger point to the husband. Kids notice these things especially if it deviates from the norm. Keep the kids out of it.

Right. So then all the work falls back on OP. And it’s now her fault if the kids are brought into it. No thanks.

What work? Booking a reservation? That's a lot of work to do. It takes less effort that writing the multi paragraph post. It's not making beds, coffee, or small talk.

Why didn’t DH do it if it wasn’t hard? Hmm?

Not my problem. But I'm not going to eat a greasy store bought chicken just to prove a point. You can cut off your nose to spite your face, I would make a different decision on that one very small thing.

You just don't get it. I, like op, don't care if anyone is eating a rotisserie chicken. Love the way you twist it to be something gross.

Then why is OP insistent that the ball was dropped? A meal was served. What’s the problem exactly?

MIL’s expectations, apparently.

No. OP is the one saying “and it showed”. She looked down on what her husband did. The inlaws aren’t the problem here. The husband is.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid. I would still want my kids to have a nice Easter dinner so I would have figured that part out. Maybe left your husband to put the sheets on the bed and whatever but I wouldn't put my kids in the middle of this marital dysfunction. What would you have done if the in-laws weren't coming for the day would you really have done nothing anyway?

Hello, she bought the Easter candy and Easter outfits. Candy for dinner one night of the year is fine, particularly when dressed in pastel finery.

Hi there! It isn't really that hard to make a reservation for Easter brunch somewhere. Nobody needs to cook, clean or host. It really isn't that hard. But to slap some dinner together is pretty lame when it was avoidable to prove some larger point to the husband. Kids notice these things especially if it deviates from the norm. Keep the kids out of it.

Right. So then all the work falls back on OP. And it’s now her fault if the kids are brought into it. No thanks.

OP is showing her children that it isn’t entirely up to the woman in the house to do all of the cooking and cleaning and hosting when people come to visit. I think that’s an important lesson.

I personally don’t think the kids learned a good lesson here although I think OP and her husband can use this going forward.

The kids should be seeing their parents work as a team.

Now that OP’s husband flopped, *hopefully* he will recognize the amount of work that goes into it and do his share next time. He can handle the meals (apparently rotisserie chicken), OP will prep the bedding/sheets, in laws can handle their own coffee. That’s the healthy dynamic for the kids to see - husband and wife coming together and sharing responsibilities fairly while making guests feel welcomed into their home.

Kids, especially DDs, should see their mother set and maintain healthy boundaries. They should see there be consequences to actions and that not being a partner or respected breeds resentment.

Neither the kids nor the in laws needed to see this squabbling in action.

Just because someone doesn't respond the way you want them to doesn't mean they were squabbling. OP was civil in her actions.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid. I would still want my kids to have a nice Easter dinner so I would have figured that part out. Maybe left your husband to put the sheets on the bed and whatever but I wouldn't put my kids in the middle of this marital dysfunction. What would you have done if the in-laws weren't coming for the day would you really have done nothing anyway?

Hello, she bought the Easter candy and Easter outfits. Candy for dinner one night of the year is fine, particularly when dressed in pastel finery.

Hi there! It isn't really that hard to make a reservation for Easter brunch somewhere. Nobody needs to cook, clean or host. It really isn't that hard. But to slap some dinner together is pretty lame when it was avoidable to prove some larger point to the husband. Kids notice these things especially if it deviates from the norm. Keep the kids out of it.

Right. So then all the work falls back on OP. And it’s now her fault if the kids are brought into it. No thanks.

OP is showing her children that it isn’t entirely up to the woman in the house to do all of the cooking and cleaning and hosting when people come to visit. I think that’s an important lesson.

I personally don’t think the kids learned a good lesson here although I think OP and her husband can use this going forward.

The kids should be seeing their parents work as a team.

Now that OP’s husband flopped, *hopefully* he will recognize the amount of work that goes into it and do his share next time. He can handle the meals (apparently rotisserie chicken), OP will prep the bedding/sheets, in laws can handle their own coffee. That’s the healthy dynamic for the kids to see - husband and wife coming together and sharing responsibilities fairly while making guests feel welcomed into their home.

Kids, especially DDs, should see their mother set and maintain healthy boundaries. They should see there be consequences to actions and that not being a partner or respected breeds resentment.

Neither the kids nor the in laws needed to see this squabbling in action.

Just because someone doesn't respond the way you want them to doesn't mean they were squabbling. OP was civil in her actions.

Do you think the inlaws are especially stupid? They obviously picked up on something so they asked about it. Their reaction to check in is incredibly normal.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid. I would still want my kids to have a nice Easter dinner so I would have figured that part out. Maybe left your husband to put the sheets on the bed and whatever but I wouldn't put my kids in the middle of this marital dysfunction. What would you have done if the in-laws weren't coming for the day would you really have done nothing anyway?

Hello, she bought the Easter candy and Easter outfits. Candy for dinner one night of the year is fine, particularly when dressed in pastel finery.

Hi there! It isn't really that hard to make a reservation for Easter brunch somewhere. Nobody needs to cook, clean or host. It really isn't that hard. But to slap some dinner together is pretty lame when it was avoidable to prove some larger point to the husband. Kids notice these things especially if it deviates from the norm. Keep the kids out of it.

Right. So then all the work falls back on OP. And it’s now her fault if the kids are brought into it. No thanks.

OP is showing her children that it isn’t entirely up to the woman in the house to do all of the cooking and cleaning and hosting when people come to visit. I think that’s an important lesson.

I personally don’t think the kids learned a good lesson here although I think OP and her husband can use this going forward.

The kids should be seeing their parents work as a team.

Now that OP’s husband flopped, *hopefully* he will recognize the amount of work that goes into it and do his share next time. He can handle the meals (apparently rotisserie chicken), OP will prep the bedding/sheets, in laws can handle their own coffee. That’s the healthy dynamic for the kids to see - husband and wife coming together and sharing responsibilities fairly while making guests feel welcomed into their home.

Kids, especially DDs, should see their mother set and maintain healthy boundaries. They should see there be consequences to actions and that not being a partner or respected breeds resentment.

Neither the kids nor the in laws needed to see this squabbling in action.

Just because someone doesn't respond the way you want them to doesn't mean they were squabbling. OP was civil in her actions.

Do you think the inlaws are especially stupid? They obviously picked up on something so they asked about it. Their reaction to check in is incredibly normal.

..and if their DS and his DW were 'squabbling' or if there were 'tension' why in the world would they think it appropriate to ask their DIL about it? So inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid. I would still want my kids to have a nice Easter dinner so I would have figured that part out. Maybe left your husband to put the sheets on the bed and whatever but I wouldn't put my kids in the middle of this marital dysfunction. What would you have done if the in-laws weren't coming for the day would you really have done nothing anyway?

Hello, she bought the Easter candy and Easter outfits. Candy for dinner one night of the year is fine, particularly when dressed in pastel finery.

Hi there! It isn't really that hard to make a reservation for Easter brunch somewhere. Nobody needs to cook, clean or host. It really isn't that hard. But to slap some dinner together is pretty lame when it was avoidable to prove some larger point to the husband. Kids notice these things especially if it deviates from the norm. Keep the kids out of it.

Right. So then all the work falls back on OP. And it’s now her fault if the kids are brought into it. No thanks.

OP is showing her children that it isn’t entirely up to the woman in the house to do all of the cooking and cleaning and hosting when people come to visit. I think that’s an important lesson.

I personally don’t think the kids learned a good lesson here although I think OP and her husband can use this going forward.

The kids should be seeing their parents work as a team.

Now that OP’s husband flopped, *hopefully* he will recognize the amount of work that goes into it and do his share next time. He can handle the meals (apparently rotisserie chicken), OP will prep the bedding/sheets, in laws can handle their own coffee. That’s the healthy dynamic for the kids to see - husband and wife coming together and sharing responsibilities fairly while making guests feel welcomed into their home.

Kids, especially DDs, should see their mother set and maintain healthy boundaries. They should see there be consequences to actions and that not being a partner or respected breeds resentment.

Neither the kids nor the in laws needed to see this squabbling in action.

Just because someone doesn't respond the way you want them to doesn't mean they were squabbling. OP was civil in her actions.

Do you think the inlaws are especially stupid? They obviously picked up on something so they asked about it. Their reaction to check in is incredibly normal.

Any advice columnist ever would direct parents of adult children to go through their own child if they sensed tension and wanted to “check in.” MIL wasn’t concerned about the marriage, or about her own son’s incompetence. She was used to (as another poster put it) DIL Marriott and wanted to make it clear she wanted that in the future, not Son Motel 6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid. I would still want my kids to have a nice Easter dinner so I would have figured that part out. Maybe left your husband to put the sheets on the bed and whatever but I wouldn't put my kids in the middle of this marital dysfunction. What would you have done if the in-laws weren't coming for the day would you really have done nothing anyway?

Hello, she bought the Easter candy and Easter outfits. Candy for dinner one night of the year is fine, particularly when dressed in pastel finery.

Hi there! It isn't really that hard to make a reservation for Easter brunch somewhere. Nobody needs to cook, clean or host. It really isn't that hard. But to slap some dinner together is pretty lame when it was avoidable to prove some larger point to the husband. Kids notice these things especially if it deviates from the norm. Keep the kids out of it.

Right. So then all the work falls back on OP. And it’s now her fault if the kids are brought into it. No thanks.

OP is showing her children that it isn’t entirely up to the woman in the house to do all of the cooking and cleaning and hosting when people come to visit. I think that’s an important lesson.

I personally don’t think the kids learned a good lesson here although I think OP and her husband can use this going forward.

The kids should be seeing their parents work as a team.

Now that OP’s husband flopped, *hopefully* he will recognize the amount of work that goes into it and do his share next time. He can handle the meals (apparently rotisserie chicken), OP will prep the bedding/sheets, in laws can handle their own coffee. That’s the healthy dynamic for the kids to see - husband and wife coming together and sharing responsibilities fairly while making guests feel welcomed into their home.

Kids, especially DDs, should see their mother set and maintain healthy boundaries. They should see there be consequences to actions and that not being a partner or respected breeds resentment.

Neither the kids nor the in laws needed to see this squabbling in action.

Just because someone doesn't respond the way you want them to doesn't mean they were squabbling. OP was civil in her actions.

Do you think the inlaws are especially stupid? They obviously picked up on something so they asked about it. Their reaction to check in is incredibly normal.

..and if their DS and his DW were 'squabbling' or if there were 'tension' why in the world would they think it appropriate to ask their DIL about it? So inappropriate.

Maybe to you. But maybe they thought they had offended her somehow. Much better to be direct and go to the source than gossip about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid. I would still want my kids to have a nice Easter dinner so I would have figured that part out. Maybe left your husband to put the sheets on the bed and whatever but I wouldn't put my kids in the middle of this marital dysfunction. What would you have done if the in-laws weren't coming for the day would you really have done nothing anyway?

Hello, she bought the Easter candy and Easter outfits. Candy for dinner one night of the year is fine, particularly when dressed in pastel finery.

Hi there! It isn't really that hard to make a reservation for Easter brunch somewhere. Nobody needs to cook, clean or host. It really isn't that hard. But to slap some dinner together is pretty lame when it was avoidable to prove some larger point to the husband. Kids notice these things especially if it deviates from the norm. Keep the kids out of it.

Right. So then all the work falls back on OP. And it’s now her fault if the kids are brought into it. No thanks.

OP is showing her children that it isn’t entirely up to the woman in the house to do all of the cooking and cleaning and hosting when people come to visit. I think that’s an important lesson.

I personally don’t think the kids learned a good lesson here although I think OP and her husband can use this going forward.

The kids should be seeing their parents work as a team.

Now that OP’s husband flopped, *hopefully* he will recognize the amount of work that goes into it and do his share next time. He can handle the meals (apparently rotisserie chicken), OP will prep the bedding/sheets, in laws can handle their own coffee. That’s the healthy dynamic for the kids to see - husband and wife coming together and sharing responsibilities fairly while making guests feel welcomed into their home.

Kids, especially DDs, should see their mother set and maintain healthy boundaries. They should see there be consequences to actions and that not being a partner or respected breeds resentment.

Neither the kids nor the in laws needed to see this squabbling in action.

Just because someone doesn't respond the way you want them to doesn't mean they were squabbling. OP was civil in her actions.

Do you think the inlaws are especially stupid? They obviously picked up on something so they asked about it. Their reaction to check in is incredibly normal.

Any advice columnist ever would direct parents of adult children to go through their own child if they sensed tension and wanted to “check in.” MIL wasn’t concerned about the marriage, or about her own son’s incompetence. She was used to (as another poster put it) DIL Marriott and wanted to make it clear she wanted that in the future, not Son Motel 6.

I don’t agree that would be the advice at all. You are inventing this to try to make your point that inlaws should never directly address a DIL which is a little WTF. This is a DIL they seemingly have had a good relationship with in the past.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure somebody has already said this but I think it makes sense that they think you're mad at them. if somebody treated me one way for years and then suddenly did nothing to make me feel comfortable as a guest and went and watched TV when I was at their house, I'd think they were mad at me.

It's really not a big deal. Oh well, somebody thinks you were rude even though you weren't. They will adjust, and so will you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid. I would still want my kids to have a nice Easter dinner so I would have figured that part out. Maybe left your husband to put the sheets on the bed and whatever but I wouldn't put my kids in the middle of this marital dysfunction. What would you have done if the in-laws weren't coming for the day would you really have done nothing anyway?

Hello, she bought the Easter candy and Easter outfits. Candy for dinner one night of the year is fine, particularly when dressed in pastel finery.

Hi there! It isn't really that hard to make a reservation for Easter brunch somewhere. Nobody needs to cook, clean or host. It really isn't that hard. But to slap some dinner together is pretty lame when it was avoidable to prove some larger point to the husband. Kids notice these things especially if it deviates from the norm. Keep the kids out of it.

Right. So then all the work falls back on OP. And it’s now her fault if the kids are brought into it. No thanks.

OP is showing her children that it isn’t entirely up to the woman in the house to do all of the cooking and cleaning and hosting when people come to visit. I think that’s an important lesson.

I personally don’t think the kids learned a good lesson here although I think OP and her husband can use this going forward.

The kids should be seeing their parents work as a team.

Now that OP’s husband flopped, *hopefully* he will recognize the amount of work that goes into it and do his share next time. He can handle the meals (apparently rotisserie chicken), OP will prep the bedding/sheets, in laws can handle their own coffee. That’s the healthy dynamic for the kids to see - husband and wife coming together and sharing responsibilities fairly while making guests feel welcomed into their home.

Kids, especially DDs, should see their mother set and maintain healthy boundaries. They should see there be consequences to actions and that not being a partner or respected breeds resentment.

Neither the kids nor the in laws needed to see this squabbling in action.

Just because someone doesn't respond the way you want them to doesn't mean they were squabbling. OP was civil in her actions.

Do you think the inlaws are especially stupid? They obviously picked up on something so they asked about it. Their reaction to check in is incredibly normal.

Any advice columnist ever would direct parents of adult children to go through their own child if they sensed tension and wanted to “check in.” MIL wasn’t concerned about the marriage, or about her own son’s incompetence. She was used to (as another poster put it) DIL Marriott and wanted to make it clear she wanted that in the future, not Son Motel 6.

I don’t agree that would be the advice at all. You are inventing this to try to make your point that inlaws should never directly address a DIL which is a little WTF. This is a DIL they seemingly have had a good relationship with in the past.

Anything negative or concerning from a parent to an adult child or their partner goes from the parent to the adult child. This is common advice and you would do well to remember it if you have children at any stage of life. Anything that is a concern, a criticism, a question, logistics, anything “major.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid. I would still want my kids to have a nice Easter dinner so I would have figured that part out. Maybe left your husband to put the sheets on the bed and whatever but I wouldn't put my kids in the middle of this marital dysfunction. What would you have done if the in-laws weren't coming for the day would you really have done nothing anyway?

Hello, she bought the Easter candy and Easter outfits. Candy for dinner one night of the year is fine, particularly when dressed in pastel finery.

Hi there! It isn't really that hard to make a reservation for Easter brunch somewhere. Nobody needs to cook, clean or host. It really isn't that hard. But to slap some dinner together is pretty lame when it was avoidable to prove some larger point to the husband. Kids notice these things especially if it deviates from the norm. Keep the kids out of it.

Right. So then all the work falls back on OP. And it’s now her fault if the kids are brought into it. No thanks.

OP is showing her children that it isn’t entirely up to the woman in the house to do all of the cooking and cleaning and hosting when people come to visit. I think that’s an important lesson.

I personally don’t think the kids learned a good lesson here although I think OP and her husband can use this going forward.

The kids should be seeing their parents work as a team.

Now that OP’s husband flopped, *hopefully* he will recognize the amount of work that goes into it and do his share next time. He can handle the meals (apparently rotisserie chicken), OP will prep the bedding/sheets, in laws can handle their own coffee. That’s the healthy dynamic for the kids to see - husband and wife coming together and sharing responsibilities fairly while making guests feel welcomed into their home.

Kids, especially DDs, should see their mother set and maintain healthy boundaries. They should see there be consequences to actions and that not being a partner or respected breeds resentment.

Neither the kids nor the in laws needed to see this squabbling in action.

Just because someone doesn't respond the way you want them to doesn't mean they were squabbling. OP was civil in her actions.

Do you think the inlaws are especially stupid? They obviously picked up on something so they asked about it. Their reaction to check in is incredibly normal.

Any advice columnist ever would direct parents of adult children to go through their own child if they sensed tension and wanted to “check in.” MIL wasn’t concerned about the marriage, or about her own son’s incompetence. She was used to (as another poster put it) DIL Marriott and wanted to make it clear she wanted that in the future, not Son Motel 6.

I don’t agree that would be the advice at all. You are inventing this to try to make your point that inlaws should never directly address a DIL which is a little WTF. This is a DIL they seemingly have had a good relationship with in the past.

Anything negative or concerning from a parent to an adult child or their partner goes from the parent to the adult child. This is common advice and you would do well to remember it if you have children at any stage of life. Anything that is a concern, a criticism, a question, logistics, anything “major.”

Sorry, I reject your advice. ILs can have independent relationships with sons and daughter in-laws. You don't make the rules here. My parents talk to my husband independent of me all the time. I talk to my in-laws less often but they certainly ask how I'm doing, or what's going on in my life, they don't just talk to my husband about me. I prefer my way to yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your MIL should have texted her DH, not you. But I also think that your response to her was unnecessarily rude.

How is simple honestly rude? OP is a working mom. Her husband is a working dad. OP has done the majority of hosting and holidays for years, and if MIL can’t recognize all that work and understand that OP didn’t feel like hosting for once, that’s on MIL. If my DIL told me she was tired of hosting, I’d get that. And I wouldn’t have texted her or asked her to make me coffee in the first place! The OP said she talked with her ILs after the kids went to bed every night. If she then went to go take a break, ILs were free to go find their son. Or you know, read a book or a magazine, do a crossword, watch TV or entertain themselves like they must do every other day of their lives when DIL isn’t around.

OP wrote each night so it wasn't just Saturday night. I'm a MIL and make coffee. If more than myself want it do drip. Plus if I want some I know where the nespresso is located and know how to use it.

So Easter dinner was not the only meal but the finale to the expected bed and breakfast with entertainment. Some rolls, pre sliced ham, pre made mashed and mac n cheese, roast veggies. Takes about 10 minutes to plop in an oven. Dye some hard boiled eggs. Setting 2 more places at the table is no big deal but it sounds like the inlaws expect a more elaborate and time consuming dinner. That was the DH task.

Some relatives do all kinds of stuff- thought the house was too cold and changed the thermostats. Heat at 77 caused the central air to kick on. Contol the tv remote in common areas, Overload toilet and you have to plunge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure somebody has already said this but I think it makes sense that they think you're mad at them. if somebody treated me one way for years and then suddenly did nothing to make me feel comfortable as a guest and went and watched TV when I was at their house, I'd think they were mad at me.

It's really not a big deal. Oh well, somebody thinks you were rude even though you weren't. They will adjust, and so will you.

Same. At the same time though, they should have asked DH and not OP.

I have a fantastic relationship with my inlaws and talk to them about many, many things. They call me just to chat and I do the same. But I am pretty sure that if they thought my husband and I were having issues, they would approach him about it and not me - or at least approach him first.

On the other hand, since OP has been doing all the hosting for many years, they're used to talking to her. I don't know why OP couldn't have just said "you know, we love having you guys, but to be honest I am tired of doing all the hosting work so DH has stepped up and that's why it was different. I enjoyed seeing you as I always do, but DH and I are working on splitting hosting and household tasks more equally, and he has taken over Easter celebrations. So you should really talk to him if anything wasn't good about the visit."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid. I would still want my kids to have a nice Easter dinner so I would have figured that part out. Maybe left your husband to put the sheets on the bed and whatever but I wouldn't put my kids in the middle of this marital dysfunction. What would you have done if the in-laws weren't coming for the day would you really have done nothing anyway?

Hello, she bought the Easter candy and Easter outfits. Candy for dinner one night of the year is fine, particularly when dressed in pastel finery.

Hi there! It isn't really that hard to make a reservation for Easter brunch somewhere. Nobody needs to cook, clean or host. It really isn't that hard. But to slap some dinner together is pretty lame when it was avoidable to prove some larger point to the husband. Kids notice these things especially if it deviates from the norm. Keep the kids out of it.

Right. So then all the work falls back on OP. And it’s now her fault if the kids are brought into it. No thanks.

OP is showing her children that it isn’t entirely up to the woman in the house to do all of the cooking and cleaning and hosting when people come to visit. I think that’s an important lesson.

I personally don’t think the kids learned a good lesson here although I think OP and her husband can use this going forward.

The kids should be seeing their parents work as a team.

Now that OP’s husband flopped, *hopefully* he will recognize the amount of work that goes into it and do his share next time. He can handle the meals (apparently rotisserie chicken), OP will prep the bedding/sheets, in laws can handle their own coffee. That’s the healthy dynamic for the kids to see - husband and wife coming together and sharing responsibilities fairly while making guests feel welcomed into their home.

Kids, especially DDs, should see their mother set and maintain healthy boundaries. They should see there be consequences to actions and that not being a partner or respected breeds resentment.

Neither the kids nor the in laws needed to see this squabbling in action.

Just because someone doesn't respond the way you want them to doesn't mean they were squabbling. OP was civil in her actions.

Do you think the inlaws are especially stupid? They obviously picked up on something so they asked about it. Their reaction to check in is incredibly normal.

..and if their DS and his DW were 'squabbling' or if there were 'tension' why in the world would they think it appropriate to ask their DIL about it? So inappropriate.

I think it’s bizarre posters are suggesting the in laws, who are the guests that were invited into the home, have done anything wrong here. They didn’t. It’s a good thing for them to be speaking up to ask if OP is upset with them if they have concerns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid. I would still want my kids to have a nice Easter dinner so I would have figured that part out. Maybe left your husband to put the sheets on the bed and whatever but I wouldn't put my kids in the middle of this marital dysfunction. What would you have done if the in-laws weren't coming for the day would you really have done nothing anyway?

Hello, she bought the Easter candy and Easter outfits. Candy for dinner one night of the year is fine, particularly when dressed in pastel finery.

Hi there! It isn't really that hard to make a reservation for Easter brunch somewhere. Nobody needs to cook, clean or host. It really isn't that hard. But to slap some dinner together is pretty lame when it was avoidable to prove some larger point to the husband. Kids notice these things especially if it deviates from the norm. Keep the kids out of it.

Right. So then all the work falls back on OP. And it’s now her fault if the kids are brought into it. No thanks.

OP is showing her children that it isn’t entirely up to the woman in the house to do all of the cooking and cleaning and hosting when people come to visit. I think that’s an important lesson.

I personally don’t think the kids learned a good lesson here although I think OP and her husband can use this going forward.

The kids should be seeing their parents work as a team.

Now that OP’s husband flopped, *hopefully* he will recognize the amount of work that goes into it and do his share next time. He can handle the meals (apparently rotisserie chicken), OP will prep the bedding/sheets, in laws can handle their own coffee. That’s the healthy dynamic for the kids to see - husband and wife coming together and sharing responsibilities fairly while making guests feel welcomed into their home.

Kids, especially DDs, should see their mother set and maintain healthy boundaries. They should see there be consequences to actions and that not being a partner or respected breeds resentment.

Neither the kids nor the in laws needed to see this squabbling in action.

Just because someone doesn't respond the way you want them to doesn't mean they were squabbling. OP was civil in her actions.

Do you think the inlaws are especially stupid? They obviously picked up on something so they asked about it. Their reaction to check in is incredibly normal.

Any advice columnist ever would direct parents of adult children to go through their own child if they sensed tension and wanted to “check in.” MIL wasn’t concerned about the marriage, or about her own son’s incompetence. She was used to (as another poster put it) DIL Marriott and wanted to make it clear she wanted that in the future, not Son Motel 6.

There’s zero evidence of your last sentence. And no, if MIL thinks her DIL is upset with her she has every right to ask DIL about it. The point is that the tension OP might have been experiencing with her husband might have been MISREAD by the in laws who didn’t know what was going on behind the scenes.