I dropped the hosting rope and now ILs think I’m ‘mad’ at them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Didn’t feel like hosting”

This can be interpreted as rude. I could see taking it as you didn’t want to see them.

“Just been so busy with work so DH said he’d plan Easter dinner and for your visit. Great to see you!”

Exactly. DH said he wanted to do more (don't call it "helping"), so I backed off. I can see how his way of doing things differs from mine, but we were both very glad too see everyone"

It’s honesty. Don’t want honesty? Don’t ask questions. OP did not volunteer that information during the visit. She provided an honest answer when pressed for one. End of story.

Why is it ok to be honest and basically say I didn’t want you to come? It seems unnecessary and likely to cause problems in your relationship with ILs going forward.

There are many things I could be brutally honest about, but what would be the point? Like in a work setting, “what did you think of the presentation?” You provide feedback in a nice way.

DP. I agree, but I think it's very weird to interpret "I didn't feel like hosting" as rude. It isn't the most gracious thing to say but I know that hosting is a ton of work and I wouldn't blame anybody who didn't feel like doing it. I think that not wanting to host is very different from not wanting to see somebody, and when they confirmed that with OP, they should just believe her and move on.

No it’s completely normal.

Only if you expect to be hosted every holiday thanks to the efforts of your child's spouse. Future DILs should be told upfront of these expectations before accepting a proposal.

Yeah no. Telling a guest that you didn’t really feel like hosting is rude. How you delegate hosting duties is between you and your spouse - you don’t say that sort of thing to a guest.

+1

If the MIL wasn’t pushy, OP wouldn’t have said anything. MIL is a nag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Didn’t feel like hosting”

This can be interpreted as rude. I could see taking it as you didn’t want to see them.

“Just been so busy with work so DH said he’d plan Easter dinner and for your visit. Great to see you!”

Exactly. DH said he wanted to do more (don't call it "helping"), so I backed off. I can see how his way of doing things differs from mine, but we were both very glad too see everyone"

It’s honesty. Don’t want honesty? Don’t ask questions. OP did not volunteer that information during the visit. She provided an honest answer when pressed for one. End of story.

Why is it ok to be honest and basically say I didn’t want you to come? It seems unnecessary and likely to cause problems in your relationship with ILs going forward.

There are many things I could be brutally honest about, but what would be the point? Like in a work setting, “what did you think of the presentation?” You provide feedback in a nice way.

DP. I agree, but I think it's very weird to interpret "I didn't feel like hosting" as rude. It isn't the most gracious thing to say but I know that hosting is a ton of work and I wouldn't blame anybody who didn't feel like doing it. I think that not wanting to host is very different from not wanting to see somebody, and when they confirmed that with OP, they should just believe her and move on.

No it’s completely normal.

Only if you expect to be hosted every holiday thanks to the efforts of your child's spouse. Future DILs should be told upfront of these expectations before accepting a proposal.

Yeah no. Telling a guest that you didn’t really feel like hosting is rude. How you delegate hosting duties is between you and your spouse - you don’t say that sort of thing to a guest.

+1

Agree. OP should have simply said that DH wanted to take on the hosting duties and so she let him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Didn’t feel like hosting”

This can be interpreted as rude. I could see taking it as you didn’t want to see them.

“Just been so busy with work so DH said he’d plan Easter dinner and for your visit. Great to see you!”

Exactly. DH said he wanted to do more (don't call it "helping"), so I backed off. I can see how his way of doing things differs from mine, but we were both very glad too see everyone"

It’s honesty. Don’t want honesty? Don’t ask questions. OP did not volunteer that information during the visit. She provided an honest answer when pressed for one. End of story.

Why is it ok to be honest and basically say I didn’t want you to come? It seems unnecessary and likely to cause problems in your relationship with ILs going forward.

There are many things I could be brutally honest about, but what would be the point? Like in a work setting, “what did you think of the presentation?” You provide feedback in a nice way.

DP. I agree, but I think it's very weird to interpret "I didn't feel like hosting" as rude. It isn't the most gracious thing to say but I know that hosting is a ton of work and I wouldn't blame anybody who didn't feel like doing it. I think that not wanting to host is very different from not wanting to see somebody, and when they confirmed that with OP, they should just believe her and move on.

No it’s completely normal.

Only if you expect to be hosted every holiday thanks to the efforts of your child's spouse. Future DILs should be told upfront of these expectations before accepting a proposal.

Yeah no. Telling a guest that you didn’t really feel like hosting is rude. How you delegate hosting duties is between you and your spouse - you don’t say that sort of thing to a guest.

+1

Depends on the guest. Some entitled guests need to hear it in order to reset future expectations..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Didn’t feel like hosting”

This can be interpreted as rude. I could see taking it as you didn’t want to see them.

“Just been so busy with work so DH said he’d plan Easter dinner and for your visit. Great to see you!”

Exactly. DH said he wanted to do more (don't call it "helping"), so I backed off. I can see how his way of doing things differs from mine, but we were both very glad too see everyone"

It’s honesty. Don’t want honesty? Don’t ask questions. OP did not volunteer that information during the visit. She provided an honest answer when pressed for one. End of story.

Why is it ok to be honest and basically say I didn’t want you to come? It seems unnecessary and likely to cause problems in your relationship with ILs going forward.

There are many things I could be brutally honest about, but what would be the point? Like in a work setting, “what did you think of the presentation?” You provide feedback in a nice way.

DP. I agree, but I think it's very weird to interpret "I didn't feel like hosting" as rude. It isn't the most gracious thing to say but I know that hosting is a ton of work and I wouldn't blame anybody who didn't feel like doing it. I think that not wanting to host is very different from not wanting to see somebody, and when they confirmed that with OP, they should just believe her and move on.

No it’s completely normal.

Only if you expect to be hosted every holiday thanks to the efforts of your child's spouse. Future DILs should be told upfront of these expectations before accepting a proposal.

Yeah no. Telling a guest that you didn’t really feel like hosting is rude. How you delegate hosting duties is between you and your spouse - you don’t say that sort of thing to a guest.

+1

Agree. OP should have simply said that DH wanted to take on the hosting duties and so she let him.

So you are advocating for a lie instead of the truth?

OP wouldn’t have said anything at all if MIL hadn’t gone sniffing around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Didn’t feel like hosting”

This can be interpreted as rude. I could see taking it as you didn’t want to see them.

“Just been so busy with work so DH said he’d plan Easter dinner and for your visit. Great to see you!”

Exactly. DH said he wanted to do more (don't call it "helping"), so I backed off. I can see how his way of doing things differs from mine, but we were both very glad too see everyone"

It’s honesty. Don’t want honesty? Don’t ask questions. OP did not volunteer that information during the visit. She provided an honest answer when pressed for one. End of story.

Why is it ok to be honest and basically say I didn’t want you to come? It seems unnecessary and likely to cause problems in your relationship with ILs going forward.

There are many things I could be brutally honest about, but what would be the point? Like in a work setting, “what did you think of the presentation?” You provide feedback in a nice way.

DP. I agree, but I think it's very weird to interpret "I didn't feel like hosting" as rude. It isn't the most gracious thing to say but I know that hosting is a ton of work and I wouldn't blame anybody who didn't feel like doing it. I think that not wanting to host is very different from not wanting to see somebody, and when they confirmed that with OP, they should just believe her and move on.

No it’s completely normal.

Only if you expect to be hosted every holiday thanks to the efforts of your child's spouse. Future DILs should be told upfront of these expectations before accepting a proposal.

Yeah no. Telling a guest that you didn’t really feel like hosting is rude. How you delegate hosting duties is between you and your spouse - you don’t say that sort of thing to a guest.

+1

Agree. OP should have simply said that DH wanted to take on the hosting duties and so she let him.

So you are advocating for a lie instead of the truth?

OP wouldn’t have said anything at all if MIL hadn’t gone sniffing around.

It’s not a lie. DH agreed to host.

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing what happened is OP’s DH thought she would cave during the visit and it didn’t happen. He’ll never admit he dropped the ball.

There was really no good response for OP to give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing what happened is OP’s DH thought she would cave during the visit and it didn’t happen. He’ll never admit he dropped the ball.

There was really no good response for OP to give.

If it were my DH, he would not have thought that, and would have done everything OP’s husband did, and would have deemed the whole thing a success. I’m sure many men would agree.

[Anonymous]

I feel you should have given his parents a heads up. Their Easter was ruined. If they knew their son was going to host. I'm sure they would have made other plans. If they knew you were tired I'm sure they would have made other plans. They know what their son is and is not capable of. Perhaps you could have given him a few suggestions such as, order a Honeybaked Ham beforehand, buy a few sweet potatoes to put in the oven, and buy some green beans to cook, pick up some dinner rolls. You also could have made a pot of coffee the next morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Didn’t feel like hosting”

This can be interpreted as rude. I could see taking it as you didn’t want to see them.

“Just been so busy with work so DH said he’d plan Easter dinner and for your visit. Great to see you!”

Exactly. DH said he wanted to do more (don't call it "helping"), so I backed off. I can see how his way of doing things differs from mine, but we were both very glad too see everyone"

It’s honesty. Don’t want honesty? Don’t ask questions. OP did not volunteer that information during the visit. She provided an honest answer when pressed for one. End of story.

Why is it ok to be honest and basically say I didn’t want you to come? It seems unnecessary and likely to cause problems in your relationship with ILs going forward.

There are many things I could be brutally honest about, but what would be the point? Like in a work setting, “what did you think of the presentation?” You provide feedback in a nice way.

DP. I agree, but I think it's very weird to interpret "I didn't feel like hosting" as rude. It isn't the most gracious thing to say but I know that hosting is a ton of work and I wouldn't blame anybody who didn't feel like doing it. I think that not wanting to host is very different from not wanting to see somebody, and when they confirmed that with OP, they should just believe her and move on.

No it’s completely normal.

Only if you expect to be hosted every holiday thanks to the efforts of your child's spouse. Future DILs should be told upfront of these expectations before accepting a proposal.

Yeah no. Telling a guest that you didn’t really feel like hosting is rude. How you delegate hosting duties is between you and your spouse - you don’t say that sort of thing to a guest.

+1

If the MIL wasn’t pushy, OP wouldn’t have said anything. MIL is a nag.

PP. Agree she's a nag. You still don't need to say something rude and crappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you should have given his parents a heads up. Their Easter was ruined. If they knew their son was going to host. I'm sure they would have made other plans. If they knew you were tired I'm sure they would have made other plans. They know what their son is and is not capable of. Perhaps you could have given him a few suggestions such as, order a Honeybaked Ham beforehand, buy a few sweet potatoes to put in the oven, and buy some green beans to cook, pick up some dinner rolls. You also could have made a pot of coffee the next morning.

This is naive. He knew he could get a ham and sweet potatoes. He didn’t want to. Either because he’s lazy or (more likely in my opinion) he was trying to prove to OP that she makes too big a deal about the burden of hosting and he could do a stress-free version, to prove to her it was all makework anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Didn’t feel like hosting”

This can be interpreted as rude. I could see taking it as you didn’t want to see them.

“Just been so busy with work so DH said he’d plan Easter dinner and for your visit. Great to see you!”

Exactly. DH said he wanted to do more (don't call it "helping"), so I backed off. I can see how his way of doing things differs from mine, but we were both very glad too see everyone"

It’s honesty. Don’t want honesty? Don’t ask questions. OP did not volunteer that information during the visit. She provided an honest answer when pressed for one. End of story.

Why is it ok to be honest and basically say I didn’t want you to come? It seems unnecessary and likely to cause problems in your relationship with ILs going forward.

There are many things I could be brutally honest about, but what would be the point? Like in a work setting, “what did you think of the presentation?” You provide feedback in a nice way.

But that’s not what she said, and you know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you should have given his parents a heads up. Their Easter was ruined. If they knew their son was going to host. I'm sure they would have made other plans. If they knew you were tired I'm sure they would have made other plans. They know what their son is and is not capable of. Perhaps you could have given him a few suggestions such as, order a Honeybaked Ham beforehand, buy a few sweet potatoes to put in the oven, and buy some green beans to cook, pick up some dinner rolls. You also could have made a pot of coffee the next morning.

Hahahahaha. No, but thanks for the laugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Didn’t feel like hosting”

This can be interpreted as rude. I could see taking it as you didn’t want to see them.

“Just been so busy with work so DH said he’d plan Easter dinner and for your visit. Great to see you!”

Exactly. DH said he wanted to do more (don't call it "helping"), so I backed off. I can see how his way of doing things differs from mine, but we were both very glad too see everyone"

It’s honesty. Don’t want honesty? Don’t ask questions. OP did not volunteer that information during the visit. She provided an honest answer when pressed for one. End of story.

Why is it ok to be honest and basically say I didn’t want you to come? It seems unnecessary and likely to cause problems in your relationship with ILs going forward.

There are many things I could be brutally honest about, but what would be the point? Like in a work setting, “what did you think of the presentation?” You provide feedback in a nice way.

DP. I agree, but I think it's very weird to interpret "I didn't feel like hosting" as rude. It isn't the most gracious thing to say but I know that hosting is a ton of work and I wouldn't blame anybody who didn't feel like doing it. I think that not wanting to host is very different from not wanting to see somebody, and when they confirmed that with OP, they should just believe her and move on.

No it’s completely normal.

Only if you expect to be hosted every holiday thanks to the efforts of your child's spouse. Future DILs should be told upfront of these expectations before accepting a proposal.

Yeah no. Telling a guest that you didn’t really feel like hosting is rude. How you delegate hosting duties is between you and your spouse - you don’t say that sort of thing to a guest.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Didn’t feel like hosting”

This can be interpreted as rude. I could see taking it as you didn’t want to see them.

“Just been so busy with work so DH said he’d plan Easter dinner and for your visit. Great to see you!”

Exactly. DH said he wanted to do more (don't call it "helping"), so I backed off. I can see how his way of doing things differs from mine, but we were both very glad too see everyone"

It’s honesty. Don’t want honesty? Don’t ask questions. OP did not volunteer that information during the visit. She provided an honest answer when pressed for one. End of story.

Why is it ok to be honest and basically say I didn’t want you to come? It seems unnecessary and likely to cause problems in your relationship with ILs going forward.

There are many things I could be brutally honest about, but what would be the point? Like in a work setting, “what did you think of the presentation?” You provide feedback in a nice way.

DP. I agree, but I think it's very weird to interpret "I didn't feel like hosting" as rude. It isn't the most gracious thing to say but I know that hosting is a ton of work and I wouldn't blame anybody who didn't feel like doing it. I think that not wanting to host is very different from not wanting to see somebody, and when they confirmed that with OP, they should just believe her and move on.

No it’s completely normal.

Only if you expect to be hosted every holiday thanks to the efforts of your child's spouse. Future DILs should be told upfront of these expectations before accepting a proposal.

Yeah no. Telling a guest that you didn’t really feel like hosting is rude. How you delegate hosting duties is between you and your spouse - you don’t say that sort of thing to a guest.

+1

+2

+3 (I agree - [i]Yeah no. Telling a guest that you didn’t really feel like hosting is rude. How you delegate hosting duties is between you and your spouse - you don’t say that sort of thing to a guest. )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you should have given his parents a heads up. Their Easter was ruined. If they knew their son was going to host. I'm sure they would have made other plans. If they knew you were tired I'm sure they would have made other plans. They know what their son is and is not capable of. Perhaps you could have given him a few suggestions such as, order a Honeybaked Ham beforehand, buy a few sweet potatoes to put in the oven, and buy some green beans to cook, pick up some dinner rolls. You also could have made a pot of coffee the next morning.

Saying their Easter was ruined is a tad dramatic, no?