I dropped the hosting rope and now ILs think I’m ‘mad’ at them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you should have given his parents a heads up. Their Easter was ruined. If they knew their son was going to host. I'm sure they would have made other plans. If they knew you were tired I'm sure they would have made other plans. They know what their son is and is not capable of. Perhaps you could have given him a few suggestions such as, order a Honeybaked Ham beforehand, buy a few sweet potatoes to put in the oven, and buy some green beans to cook, pick up some dinner rolls. You also could have made a pot of coffee the next morning.

Their Easter was “ruined” because they got to see their son and their grandkids? OK. If you told my parents we weren’t going to super-host and dinner would be rotisserie chicken but they’d get to see their grandkids do an egg hunt and have a fun day, they’d absolutely still come to our house. I guess your kind values Honeybaked ham or a restaurant meal more than seeing family? It does take all kinds, apparently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Didn’t feel like hosting”

This can be interpreted as rude. I could see taking it as you didn’t want to see them.

“Just been so busy with work so DH said he’d plan Easter dinner and for your visit. Great to see you!”

Exactly. DH said he wanted to do more (don't call it "helping"), so I backed off. I can see how his way of doing things differs from mine, but we were both very glad too see everyone"

It’s honesty. Don’t want honesty? Don’t ask questions. OP did not volunteer that information during the visit. She provided an honest answer when pressed for one. End of story.

Why is it ok to be honest and basically say I didn’t want you to come? It seems unnecessary and likely to cause problems in your relationship with ILs going forward.

There are many things I could be brutally honest about, but what would be the point? Like in a work setting, “what did you think of the presentation?” You provide feedback in a nice way.

DP. I agree, but I think it's very weird to interpret "I didn't feel like hosting" as rude. It isn't the most gracious thing to say but I know that hosting is a ton of work and I wouldn't blame anybody who didn't feel like doing it. I think that not wanting to host is very different from not wanting to see somebody, and when they confirmed that with OP, they should just believe her and move on.

No it’s completely normal.

Only if you expect to be hosted every holiday thanks to the efforts of your child's spouse. Future DILs should be told upfront of these expectations before accepting a proposal.

Yeah no. Telling a guest that you didn’t really feel like hosting is rude. How you delegate hosting duties is between you and your spouse - you don’t say that sort of thing to a guest.

+1

Agree. OP should have simply said that DH wanted to take on the hosting duties and so she let him.

So you are advocating for a lie instead of the truth?

OP wouldn’t have said anything at all if MIL hadn’t gone sniffing around.

It’s not a lie. DH agreed to host.

No, dear. The truth I’m referring to is that OP was not mad at them, but she didn’t feel like hosting. That’s just fine to say, despite what some old biddies on this board think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Didn’t feel like hosting”

This can be interpreted as rude. I could see taking it as you didn’t want to see them.

“Just been so busy with work so DH said he’d plan Easter dinner and for your visit. Great to see you!”

Exactly. DH said he wanted to do more (don't call it "helping"), so I backed off. I can see how his way of doing things differs from mine, but we were both very glad too see everyone"

It’s honesty. Don’t want honesty? Don’t ask questions. OP did not volunteer that information during the visit. She provided an honest answer when pressed for one. End of story.

Why is it ok to be honest and basically say I didn’t want you to come? It seems unnecessary and likely to cause problems in your relationship with ILs going forward.

There are many things I could be brutally honest about, but what would be the point? Like in a work setting, “what did you think of the presentation?” You provide feedback in a nice way.

DP. I agree, but I think it's very weird to interpret "I didn't feel like hosting" as rude. It isn't the most gracious thing to say but I know that hosting is a ton of work and I wouldn't blame anybody who didn't feel like doing it. I think that not wanting to host is very different from not wanting to see somebody, and when they confirmed that with OP, they should just believe her and move on.

No it’s completely normal.

Only if you expect to be hosted every holiday thanks to the efforts of your child's spouse. Future DILs should be told upfront of these expectations before accepting a proposal.

Yeah no. Telling a guest that you didn’t really feel like hosting is rude. How you delegate hosting duties is between you and your spouse - you don’t say that sort of thing to a guest.

+1

Agree. OP should have simply said that DH wanted to take on the hosting duties and so she let him.

So you are advocating for a lie instead of the truth?

OP wouldn’t have said anything at all if MIL hadn’t gone sniffing around.

It’s not a lie. DH agreed to host.

Agreeing to host because your wife said she wouldn’t and wanting to host are two completely different things. OP’s husband absolutely did not want to host, guaranteed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Didn’t feel like hosting”

This can be interpreted as rude. I could see taking it as you didn’t want to see them.

“Just been so busy with work so DH said he’d plan Easter dinner and for your visit. Great to see you!”

Exactly. DH said he wanted to do more (don't call it "helping"), so I backed off. I can see how his way of doing things differs from mine, but we were both very glad too see everyone"

It’s honesty. Don’t want honesty? Don’t ask questions. OP did not volunteer that information during the visit. She provided an honest answer when pressed for one. End of story.

Why is it ok to be honest and basically say I didn’t want you to come? It seems unnecessary and likely to cause problems in your relationship with ILs going forward.

There are many things I could be brutally honest about, but what would be the point? Like in a work setting, “what did you think of the presentation?” You provide feedback in a nice way.

DP. I agree, but I think it's very weird to interpret "I didn't feel like hosting" as rude. It isn't the most gracious thing to say but I know that hosting is a ton of work and I wouldn't blame anybody who didn't feel like doing it. I think that not wanting to host is very different from not wanting to see somebody, and when they confirmed that with OP, they should just believe her and move on.

No it’s completely normal.

Only if you expect to be hosted every holiday thanks to the efforts of your child's spouse. Future DILs should be told upfront of these expectations before accepting a proposal.

Yeah no. Telling a guest that you didn’t really feel like hosting is rude. How you delegate hosting duties is between you and your spouse - you don’t say that sort of thing to a guest.

+1

+2

Agreed. You should have just said DH said he would handle everything. Sorry he didn’t. Maybe next time he will do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Didn’t feel like hosting”

This can be interpreted as rude. I could see taking it as you didn’t want to see them.

“Just been so busy with work so DH said he’d plan Easter dinner and for your visit. Great to see you!”

Exactly. DH said he wanted to do more (don't call it "helping"), so I backed off. I can see how his way of doing things differs from mine, but we were both very glad too see everyone"

It’s honesty. Don’t want honesty? Don’t ask questions. OP did not volunteer that information during the visit. She provided an honest answer when pressed for one. End of story.

Why is it ok to be honest and basically say I didn’t want you to come? It seems unnecessary and likely to cause problems in your relationship with ILs going forward.

There are many things I could be brutally honest about, but what would be the point? Like in a work setting, “what did you think of the presentation?” You provide feedback in a nice way.

DP. I agree, but I think it's very weird to interpret "I didn't feel like hosting" as rude. It isn't the most gracious thing to say but I know that hosting is a ton of work and I wouldn't blame anybody who didn't feel like doing it. I think that not wanting to host is very different from not wanting to see somebody, and when they confirmed that with OP, they should just believe her and move on.

No it’s completely normal.

Only if you expect to be hosted every holiday thanks to the efforts of your child's spouse. Future DILs should be told upfront of these expectations before accepting a proposal.

Yeah no. Telling a guest that you didn’t really feel like hosting is rude. How you delegate hosting duties is between you and your spouse - you don’t say that sort of thing to a guest.

Yes. Her husband is a lazy ass, but OP was pretty rude. Neither look great in this story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Didn’t feel like hosting”

This can be interpreted as rude. I could see taking it as you didn’t want to see them.

“Just been so busy with work so DH said he’d plan Easter dinner and for your visit. Great to see you!”

Exactly. DH said he wanted to do more (don't call it "helping"), so I backed off. I can see how his way of doing things differs from mine, but we were both very glad too see everyone"

It’s honesty. Don’t want honesty? Don’t ask questions. OP did not volunteer that information during the visit. She provided an honest answer when pressed for one. End of story.

Why is it ok to be honest and basically say I didn’t want you to come? It seems unnecessary and likely to cause problems in your relationship with ILs going forward.

There are many things I could be brutally honest about, but what would be the point? Like in a work setting, “what did you think of the presentation?” You provide feedback in a nice way.

DP. I agree, but I think it's very weird to interpret "I didn't feel like hosting" as rude. It isn't the most gracious thing to say but I know that hosting is a ton of work and I wouldn't blame anybody who didn't feel like doing it. I think that not wanting to host is very different from not wanting to see somebody, and when they confirmed that with OP, they should just believe her and move on.

No it’s completely normal.

Only if you expect to be hosted every holiday thanks to the efforts of your child's spouse. Future DILs should be told upfront of these expectations before accepting a proposal.

Yeah no. Telling a guest that you didn’t really feel like hosting is rude. How you delegate hosting duties is between you and your spouse - you don’t say that sort of thing to a guest.

+1

Agree. OP should have simply said that DH wanted to take on the hosting duties and so she let him.

So you are advocating for a lie instead of the truth?

OP wouldn’t have said anything at all if MIL hadn’t gone sniffing around.

It’s not a lie. DH agreed to host.

No, dear. The truth I’m referring to is that OP was not mad at them, but she didn’t feel like hosting. That’s just fine to say, despite what some old biddies on this board think.

Omg you sound like an awful person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you should have given his parents a heads up. Their Easter was ruined. If they knew their son was going to host. I'm sure they would have made other plans. If they knew you were tired I'm sure they would have made other plans. They know what their son is and is not capable of. Perhaps you could have given him a few suggestions such as, order a Honeybaked Ham beforehand, buy a few sweet potatoes to put in the oven, and buy some green beans to cook, pick up some dinner rolls. You also could have made a pot of coffee the next morning.

This is naive. He knew he could get a ham and sweet potatoes. He didn’t want to. Either because he’s lazy or (more likely in my opinion) he was trying to prove to OP that she makes too big a deal about the burden of hosting and he could do a stress-free version, to prove to her it was all makework anyway.

THIS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid. I would still want my kids to have a nice Easter dinner so I would have figured that part out. Maybe left your husband to put the sheets on the bed and whatever but I wouldn't put my kids in the middle of this marital dysfunction. What would you have done if the in-laws weren't coming for the day would you really have done nothing anyway?

Hello, she bought the Easter candy and Easter outfits. Candy for dinner one night of the year is fine, particularly when dressed in pastel finery.

Hi there! It isn't really that hard to make a reservation for Easter brunch somewhere. Nobody needs to cook, clean or host. It really isn't that hard. But to slap some dinner together is pretty lame when it was avoidable to prove some larger point to the husband. Kids notice these things especially if it deviates from the norm. Keep the kids out of it.

Right. So then all the work falls back on OP. And it’s now her fault if the kids are brought into it. No thanks.

OP is showing her children that it isn’t entirely up to the woman in the house to do all of the cooking and cleaning and hosting when people come to visit. I think that’s an important lesson.

I personally don’t think the kids learned a good lesson here although I think OP and her husband can use this going forward.

The kids should be seeing their parents work as a team.

Now that OP’s husband flopped, *hopefully* he will recognize the amount of work that goes into it and do his share next time. He can handle the meals (apparently rotisserie chicken), OP will prep the bedding/sheets, in laws can handle their own coffee. That’s the healthy dynamic for the kids to see - husband and wife coming together and sharing responsibilities fairly while making guests feel welcomed into their home.

Kids, especially DDs, should see their mother set and maintain healthy boundaries. They should see there be consequences to actions and that not being a partner or respected breeds resentment.

Neither the kids nor the in laws needed to see this squabbling in action.

It’s not squabbling to ask your husband to do something around the house. And there are more important things than keeping up appearances. Working towards a genuinely happy, healthy, and equitable relationship is more important than asking nothing of DH for fear people with discover you’re unhappy.

That’s not what we are referring to. These kids didn’t see their parents discuss how to host and witness a healthy follow through. OP and her husband didn’t create an equitable partnership in hosting, and their guests got the idea that they had done something wrong. This isn’t OP’s fault, but what the kids witnessed here wasn’t the best case scenario.

You're right. OP and her husband created-- or fell into-- a severely inequitable partnership until OP was burnt out, and it was more than fair (and agreed to by the husband!) that he take over entirely this time.

If you're suggesting they should have "split duties equally" this last time? That might work for some, but it's also 100000% fair that the husband take it all on.

It was, what? One time vs the OP's 27 times? 49 times? And it wasn't even "all"-- the OP still did do some of the hosting duties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Didn’t feel like hosting”

This can be interpreted as rude. I could see taking it as you didn’t want to see them.

“Just been so busy with work so DH said he’d plan Easter dinner and for your visit. Great to see you!”

Exactly. DH said he wanted to do more (don't call it "helping"), so I backed off. I can see how his way of doing things differs from mine, but we were both very glad too see everyone"

It’s honesty. Don’t want honesty? Don’t ask questions. OP did not volunteer that information during the visit. She provided an honest answer when pressed for one. End of story.

Why is it ok to be honest and basically say I didn’t want you to come? It seems unnecessary and likely to cause problems in your relationship with ILs going forward.

There are many things I could be brutally honest about, but what would be the point? Like in a work setting, “what did you think of the presentation?” You provide feedback in a nice way.

DP. I agree, but I think it's very weird to interpret "I didn't feel like hosting" as rude. It isn't the most gracious thing to say but I know that hosting is a ton of work and I wouldn't blame anybody who didn't feel like doing it. I think that not wanting to host is very different from not wanting to see somebody, and when they confirmed that with OP, they should just believe her and move on.

No it’s completely normal.

Only if you expect to be hosted every holiday thanks to the efforts of your child's spouse. Future DILs should be told upfront of these expectations before accepting a proposal.

Yeah no. Telling a guest that you didn’t really feel like hosting is rude. How you delegate hosting duties is between you and your spouse - you don’t say that sort of thing to a guest.

+1

Agree. OP should have simply said that DH wanted to take on the hosting duties and so she let him.

So you are advocating for a lie instead of the truth?

OP wouldn’t have said anything at all if MIL hadn’t gone sniffing around.

It’s not a lie. DH agreed to host.

Agreeing to host because your wife said she wouldn’t and wanting to host are two completely different things. OP’s husband absolutely did not want to host, guaranteed.

So then DH should’ve said, fine, neither of us want to host, let’s scrap it this year. why couldn’t DH do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Didn’t feel like hosting”

This can be interpreted as rude. I could see taking it as you didn’t want to see them.

“Just been so busy with work so DH said he’d plan Easter dinner and for your visit. Great to see you!”

Exactly. DH said he wanted to do more (don't call it "helping"), so I backed off. I can see how his way of doing things differs from mine, but we were both very glad too see everyone"

It’s honesty. Don’t want honesty? Don’t ask questions. OP did not volunteer that information during the visit. She provided an honest answer when pressed for one. End of story.

Why is it ok to be honest and basically say I didn’t want you to come? It seems unnecessary and likely to cause problems in your relationship with ILs going forward.

There are many things I could be brutally honest about, but what would be the point? Like in a work setting, “what did you think of the presentation?” You provide feedback in a nice way.

DP. I agree, but I think it's very weird to interpret "I didn't feel like hosting" as rude. It isn't the most gracious thing to say but I know that hosting is a ton of work and I wouldn't blame anybody who didn't feel like doing it. I think that not wanting to host is very different from not wanting to see somebody, and when they confirmed that with OP, they should just believe her and move on.

No it’s completely normal.

Only if you expect to be hosted every holiday thanks to the efforts of your child's spouse. Future DILs should be told upfront of these expectations before accepting a proposal.

Yeah no. Telling a guest that you didn’t really feel like hosting is rude. How you delegate hosting duties is between you and your spouse - you don’t say that sort of thing to a guest.

+1

Agree. OP should have simply said that DH wanted to take on the hosting duties and so she let him.

So you are advocating for a lie instead of the truth?

OP wouldn’t have said anything at all if MIL hadn’t gone sniffing around.

It’s not a lie. DH agreed to host.

Agreeing to host because your wife said she wouldn’t and wanting to host are two completely different things. OP’s husband absolutely did not want to host, guaranteed.

Which is why I said he thought she would cave if his parents came. He didn’t want to host, but didn’t want to tell his parents not to come. I can almost guarantee he thought OP would pick up the slack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you should have given his parents a heads up. Their Easter was ruined. If they knew their son was going to host. I'm sure they would have made other plans. If they knew you were tired I'm sure they would have made other plans. They know what their son is and is not capable of. Perhaps you could have given him a few suggestions such as, order a Honeybaked Ham beforehand, buy a few sweet potatoes to put in the oven, and buy some green beans to cook, pick up some dinner rolls. You also could have made a pot of coffee the next morning.

Drama queen. Their Easter was not ruined. That you say her dh is not capable of managing these tasks you are describing as simple is just insane.

Once again, why is their son not capable of managing this? You know he can. You and your sisters of Satan are telling op how easy all of this is. He has been raised, like your children have, that all of this type of work belongs to women. He looks down on the work and also thinks women are less than and that's why women should do this work. Do you think that way pp? You don't believe that men can get up in the am and make coffee. Op did the adult thing and talked with him before she agreed to the visit. He was comfortable being dishonest. He assured his wife that he would handle it and he didn't try. That is quite manipulative.

It's 2023 and your response is not reasonable. Feel free to get your stepford wife freak on, but don't you dare try to force this on the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid. I would still want my kids to have a nice Easter dinner so I would have figured that part out. Maybe left your husband to put the sheets on the bed and whatever but I wouldn't put my kids in the middle of this marital dysfunction. What would you have done if the in-laws weren't coming for the day would you really have done nothing anyway?

Hello, she bought the Easter candy and Easter outfits. Candy for dinner one night of the year is fine, particularly when dressed in pastel finery.

Hi there! It isn't really that hard to make a reservation for Easter brunch somewhere. Nobody needs to cook, clean or host. It really isn't that hard. But to slap some dinner together is pretty lame when it was avoidable to prove some larger point to the husband. Kids notice these things especially if it deviates from the norm. Keep the kids out of it.

Right. So then all the work falls back on OP. And it’s now her fault if the kids are brought into it. No thanks.

OP is showing her children that it isn’t entirely up to the woman in the house to do all of the cooking and cleaning and hosting when people come to visit. I think that’s an important lesson.

I personally don’t think the kids learned a good lesson here although I think OP and her husband can use this going forward.

The kids should be seeing their parents work as a team.

Now that OP’s husband flopped, *hopefully* he will recognize the amount of work that goes into it and do his share next time. He can handle the meals (apparently rotisserie chicken), OP will prep the bedding/sheets, in laws can handle their own coffee. That’s the healthy dynamic for the kids to see - husband and wife coming together and sharing responsibilities fairly while making guests feel welcomed into their home.

Kids, especially DDs, should see their mother set and maintain healthy boundaries. They should see there be consequences to actions and that not being a partner or respected breeds resentment.

Neither the kids nor the in laws needed to see this squabbling in action.

It’s not squabbling to ask your husband to do something around the house. And there are more important things than keeping up appearances. Working towards a genuinely happy, healthy, and equitable relationship is more important than asking nothing of DH for fear people with discover you’re unhappy.

That’s not what we are referring to. These kids didn’t see their parents discuss how to host and witness a healthy follow through. OP and her husband didn’t create an equitable partnership in hosting, and their guests got the idea that they had done something wrong. This isn’t OP’s fault, but what the kids witnessed here wasn’t the best case scenario.

You're right. OP and her husband created-- or fell into-- a severely inequitable partnership until OP was burnt out, and it was more than fair (and agreed to by the husband!) that he take over entirely this time.

If you're suggesting they should have "split duties equally" this last time? That might work for some, but it's also 100000% fair that the husband take it all on.

It was, what? One time vs the OP's 27 times? 49 times? And it wasn't even "all"-- the OP still did do some of the hosting duties.

Also it’s impossible to split duties equally with someone who is willfully ignorant about the scope of the duties. They protect their ego against truly internalizing and accepting how far short of half the work they have consistently fallen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you should have given his parents a heads up. Their Easter was ruined. If they knew their son was going to host. I'm sure they would have made other plans. If they knew you were tired I'm sure they would have made other plans. They know what their son is and is not capable of. Perhaps you could have given him a few suggestions such as, order a Honeybaked Ham beforehand, buy a few sweet potatoes to put in the oven, and buy some green beans to cook, pick up some dinner rolls. You also could have made a pot of coffee the next morning.

Drama queen. Their Easter was not ruined. That you say her dh is not capable of managing these tasks you are describing as simple is just insane.

Once again, why is their son not capable of managing this? You know he can. You and your sisters of Satan are telling op how easy all of this is. He has been raised, like your children have, that all of this type of work belongs to women. He looks down on the work and also thinks women are less than and that's why women should do this work. Do you think that way pp? You don't believe that men can get up in the am and make coffee. Op did the adult thing and talked with him before she agreed to the visit. He was comfortable being dishonest. He assured his wife that he would handle it and he didn't try. That is quite manipulative.

It's 2023 and your response is not reasonable. Feel free to get your stepford wife freak on, but don't you dare try to force this on the rest of us.

DP but lol. She’s a drama queen but you are calling other posters sisters of Satan?! Such OOP responses here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you should have given his parents a heads up. Their Easter was ruined. If they knew their son was going to host. I'm sure they would have made other plans. If they knew you were tired I'm sure they would have made other plans. They know what their son is and is not capable of. Perhaps you could have given him a few suggestions such as, order a Honeybaked Ham beforehand, buy a few sweet potatoes to put in the oven, and buy some green beans to cook, pick up some dinner rolls. You also could have made a pot of coffee the next morning.

Drama queen. Their Easter was not ruined. That you say her dh is not capable of managing these tasks you are describing as simple is just insane.

Once again, why is their son not capable of managing this? You know he can. You and your sisters of Satan are telling op how easy all of this is. He has been raised, like your children have, that all of this type of work belongs to women. He looks down on the work and also thinks women are less than and that's why women should do this work. Do you think that way pp? You don't believe that men can get up in the am and make coffee. Op did the adult thing and talked with him before she agreed to the visit. He was comfortable being dishonest. He assured his wife that he would handle it and he didn't try. That is quite manipulative.

It's 2023 and your response is not reasonable. Feel free to get your stepford wife freak on, but don't you dare try to force this on the rest of us.

DP but lol. She’s a drama queen but you are calling other posters sisters of Satan?! Such OOP responses here.

The titles fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Didn’t feel like hosting”

This can be interpreted as rude. I could see taking it as you didn’t want to see them.

“Just been so busy with work so DH said he’d plan Easter dinner and for your visit. Great to see you!”

Exactly. DH said he wanted to do more (don't call it "helping"), so I backed off. I can see how his way of doing things differs from mine, but we were both very glad too see everyone"

It’s honesty. Don’t want honesty? Don’t ask questions. OP did not volunteer that information during the visit. She provided an honest answer when pressed for one. End of story.

Why is it ok to be honest and basically say I didn’t want you to come? It seems unnecessary and likely to cause problems in your relationship with ILs going forward.

There are many things I could be brutally honest about, but what would be the point? Like in a work setting, “what did you think of the presentation?” You provide feedback in a nice way.

DP. I agree, but I think it's very weird to interpret "I didn't feel like hosting" as rude. It isn't the most gracious thing to say but I know that hosting is a ton of work and I wouldn't blame anybody who didn't feel like doing it. I think that not wanting to host is very different from not wanting to see somebody, and when they confirmed that with OP, they should just believe her and move on.

No it’s completely normal.

Only if you expect to be hosted every holiday thanks to the efforts of your child's spouse. Future DILs should be told upfront of these expectations before accepting a proposal.

Yeah no. Telling a guest that you didn’t really feel like hosting is rude. How you delegate hosting duties is between you and your spouse - you don’t say that sort of thing to a guest.

+1

+2

Agreed. You should have just said DH said he would handle everything. Sorry he didn’t. Maybe next time he will do better.

This.