Strange comment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its not a strange comment if you often act like this. MIL probably had her limit!

Limit with what?

Since when is it ok to butt in and stick your nose into someone else's marriage

OP, you are really an idiot or a troll. Your MIL did not stick her nose into "someone else's" marriage. She gave a birthday gift to her own son.
Now I really hope he divorces you.

Not the OP but if everyone divorced because of every marital issue no one would be married

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To add - if you keep on hanging onto this and bringing this up with your DH etc… the cost of that will be that it will really put a damper on this $1000 gift. Instead of it being a source of joy and gratitude, it will be a source of anger and dispute. Your DH deserves to enjoy his birthday gift, both the sentiment of it, and what he or the both of you, decide to put it towards. Instead it will be overshadowed by what you feel was a personal insult. Be the bigger person here and get out of the weeds. Refusing to let it go and persisting with it is what another poster mentioned is slightly narcissistic behavior. Honestly it is a headache to deal with people like this. I know that is hard to hear but just hear it because you don’t have to be this way. You can make a different choice.

What do you mean by he deserves to enjoy both the sentiment and what he decides to do with it? Isn't that the same thing? I don't know if something hurt my spouse I don't think I could enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Op is a b

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP might be in for a surprise when she sees how inheritance works.

HAHA, right? Hopefully it is in a trust. MIL might have learned this is the way to go from this incident.

[Anonymous]

I commented telling OP that her comment was untimely and she could have handled it better, but this thread has taken a turn and gotten disproportionally mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I commented telling OP that her comment was untimely and she could have handled it better, but this thread has taken a turn and gotten disproportionally mean.

People are being mean because OP has been abrasive and argumentative in each and every response instead of taking onboard the virtually unanimous feedback and having the self awareness to realize that she could have handled the situation better. You reap what you sow.

[Anonymous]

As a MIL myself these responses shock me. Maybe it's my family or culture but it would be seen as rude not to acknowledge your son or DIL at all while always acknowledging your child. Yes of course you will always love your child more and they will always get a little more than the in law all completely understandable but to come into town to visit and not get even a little something for your son or DIL or to not acknowledge their birthday at all would be so rude in my eyes.

Maybe it's me and the inlaw dynamics I'm used to but also in my circle of friends this is pretty much the standard for now it's done. It's pretty much seen as your family is growing and expanding once your child marries and your child in law is becoming a member of that family.

To me that's what marriage signifies is the joining of 2 families.

So I see both sides a little. Yes if the DIL expected exact equal treatment to her spouse the son that's a bit much but to expect at least some acknowledgement isn't unfair or crazy in my book. There has to be a middle ground between treating your DIL the exact same as your son each and every time and completely ignoring your DIL each and every time.

As an aside from the hurtful and bad form portion of it why would you want to alienate the person who holds all the cards? Which is your DIL. She is the one married to your son of course he is going to take the side of his wife as he should because he is married to her and she is the one who will be the mother to said possible grandchildren. She will give you access to your grandkids.

If the mother don't like you or feels you are treating her poorly she isn't exactly going to "hand you over" or be chomping at the bit to give you grandparent time. Is it really worth saving that what I would assume to be small bit of money and swallow that pride to acknowledge your DIL or would it be worth it to alienate your son and grandkids? Pick your choice. Personally I know how I treat my DIL and it's certainly better than some of the trash I'm seeing on here about how she is essentially nothing to you in your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL gave my husband a $1000 for his birthday. Just to be clear we have been married for 10 years not just long term dating or engaged. I have always considered MIL and I to have a good relationship. We aren't best friends but it's not awkward if we ever end up in a situation where we are alone together. My point in saying this is to say that as far as I know we have no issues between us.

We have been getting home renovations done so when my husband opened his card and it was $1000 in there I said, "oh great we can use it towards our home renovations." My MIL gave me a nasty look and said back to me in a rude tone, "that's money is meant for my son for his birthday it's up to him to decide how it's spent." I said back a little snarky back I will admit, "we are a married couple and we always considered money we get to be family money as I thought it was normal for married couples to share money."

It got very quiet which honestly I'm more annoyed with my husband that he didn't jump in and let me get hammered by his mother but whatever that's besides the point.

Since the whole mood and tone changed I left the house to go for a walk and let them have time together.

I don't know I feel like this is so out of character given that his mom and I have always gotten along well and in the 10+ years I've been with her son I have never seen her act like this.

You would have thought I said oh great we can use the money for me to go on a girl's weekend or for me to get my nails done. But this is OUR house as a married couple this benefits him just as much as me. Besides we are a married couple do married couples not share money typically especially large amounts??

Not to mention it shouldn't be up to the gift giver to determine how the money is spent. For us we are married so it's more of a we are a unit and make these decisions together we are one in the married sense.

I want my husband to talk to his mother about making comments that are out of line and quite frankly none of her business what I say to my husband a married couple and I think she owes me an apology.

He said he is going to talk to her because it's out of character for her. And ask her to talk to me and to apologize.

I guess I'm just really hurt and taken a back because this type of comment doesn't just come out of no where if you are typically pretty close with someone.

I have a DIL that is probably like you. Whenever I ask my son a question addressing him directly she always answers for him. Whenever my son goes to another room to talk to me she follows him. Whenever I visit my son and DIL if I go to the store to buy something for him I hear it later from my son that my DIL was hurt that I didn't treat her equal and get something for her too. It's almost like now that my son is married I have to treat them like conjoined twins and that my son isn't still a separate individual.

Yes my son is married and I like his wife but he was my son for 20 plus years before his wife came into the picture and while I expect him to put his wife first I should be able to do things occasionally just for my son and maintain my own individual relationship with him without including his wife in every damn thing I do for my son. I can't even visit my son and buy him a Tshirt without expecting my DIL to nope and cry she didn't get one too. Like Jesus Christ can't I buy a freaking $20 shirt for my son without having to get one for her too.

I hear you and agree....but stop buying him stuff, it causes him grief at home. Address checks or whatever to the both of them if you want to give him something.

Why? Not PP.

Umm because clearly it's hurting the DIL's feelings and causing the son grief at home. Is a $20 Tshirt really worth more than the feelings of a family member? It's weird the hills y'all choose to die on.

So is the DIL blameless In creating drama and strife where there doesn’t need to be any. I mean it’s a random T-shirt. Is it that important to creating a riff with DH and his mom. Like that’s the cross you want to die on instead of giving grace and just see it as a mom buying her son a flippin tshirt?

Oh please you know damn well it's more than about just a Tshirt this is a mom who doesn't feel relevant in her son's life anymore so she goes out of her way to continuously buy him things and giving him money solely to him and not acknowledging his wife. That's weird and rude to do to family.

She knows what she's doing and it's a power play. I hardly believe at this point it's more than just a mom wanting to give her son an innocent gift. She is the one who is older set the example. She knows it hurts her DIL and more importantly her son because that's his wife so of course if it hurts his wife it's gonna hurt him too. So what's the point of her continuing to shun and ignore her DIL? To make some moral statement that she should be able to just buy her son something and not include his wife? Is this a matter of principle for her?

I just find it really hard to believe that MIL would rather make her life more difficult by continuing to ignore DIL when it's a rather simple fix of just including her. Especially when it takes essentially zero effort to pick up a shirt at a store you're already at or to take the extra 2 seconds to add DIL's name to the check.

Please let me be rewarded with a DIL who doesn't think like this. Please dear lord.

The neediness is off the charts.

Or or or you could just not leave her out and include her like the family she becomes when she marries your son and you don't have to worry about it. 🤷

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your comment sounds weird and inappropriate, actually. You either say nothing or you say thank you. Guessing m-i-l doesn’t like you as much as you think she does. It’s not your gift.

So then all those many years she was just faking it. We always gotten along fine. In fact we hung out just the 2 of us before. So I highly doubt if she didn't like me she wouldn't have done that. Yes it was initiated by her.

Families argue and have disagreements it doesn't mean they don't like each other. If everytime family members disagreed it meant they don't like each other we would all be screwed.

Not quite, OP. All these years, you are the one who has been faking it. What you just did in that post is projection. Now your MIL is clear about who you really are, if she was in doubt about that.

If you wish to try to continue the charade, you need to apologize to your MIL and make it a good one. Also to your husband. Thats probably not possible for you based on the attitude in all your posts.

It is unbelievable that one could see ones spouse be the recipient of such a generous gift and yet work so hard to create an ongoing family conflict between mother and son out of sheer jealousy or avarice.

It doesnt matter WHAT MIL said or didnt say, her ACTIONS speak for themselves-- SHE GAVE YOUR HUSBAND $1,000!!!!

You are an ungrateful, rude twerp.

Plus any benefit of the doubt in this sich goes to MIL because YOUR HUSBAND CAME OUT OF HER BODY. She carried him for 9 months. Without her, you dont have a husband from whom to cadge his birthday gift in the first place.

You are toxic AF. You dont mention any other marital issues but surely this is merely the tip of a huge iceberg.

I hereby christen your marriage as "The Titanic."

So why should the husband give the benefit of the doubt to his mom over his own wife? I could understand the MIL obviously viewing her own son as more important than the DIL but her own husband should certainly view his wife as more important than his mother and put her first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your comment sounds weird and inappropriate, actually. You either say nothing or you say thank you. Guessing m-i-l doesn’t like you as much as you think she does. It’s not your gift.

So then all those many years she was just faking it. We always gotten along fine. In fact we hung out just the 2 of us before. So I highly doubt if she didn't like me she wouldn't have done that. Yes it was initiated by her.

Families argue and have disagreements it doesn't mean they don't like each other. If everytime family members disagreed it meant they don't like each other we would all be screwed.

Not quite, OP. All these years, you are the one who has been faking it. What you just did in that post is projection. Now your MIL is clear about who you really are, if she was in doubt about that.

If you wish to try to continue the charade, you need to apologize to your MIL and make it a good one. Also to your husband. Thats probably not possible for you based on the attitude in all your posts.

It is unbelievable that one could see ones spouse be the recipient of such a generous gift and yet work so hard to create an ongoing family conflict between mother and son out of sheer jealousy or avarice.

It doesnt matter WHAT MIL said or didnt say, her ACTIONS speak for themselves-- SHE GAVE YOUR HUSBAND $1,000!!!!

You are an ungrateful, rude twerp.

Plus any benefit of the doubt in this sich goes to MIL because YOUR HUSBAND CAME OUT OF HER BODY. She carried him for 9 months. Without her, you dont have a husband from whom to cadge his birthday gift in the first place.

You are toxic AF. You dont mention any other marital issues but surely this is merely the tip of a huge iceberg.

I hereby christen your marriage as "The Titanic."

So why should the husband give the benefit of the doubt to his mom over his own wife? I could understand the MIL obviously viewing her own son as more important than the DIL but her own husband should certainly view his wife as more important than his mother and put her first.

But he didn’t even back her up. He, too, was probably embarrassed by her rudeness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your comment sounds weird and inappropriate, actually. You either say nothing or you say thank you. Guessing m-i-l doesn’t like you as much as you think she does. It’s not your gift.

So then all those many years she was just faking it. We always gotten along fine. In fact we hung out just the 2 of us before. So I highly doubt if she didn't like me she wouldn't have done that. Yes it was initiated by her.

Families argue and have disagreements it doesn't mean they don't like each other. If everytime family members disagreed it meant they don't like each other we would all be screwed.

Not quite, OP. All these years, you are the one who has been faking it. What you just did in that post is projection. Now your MIL is clear about who you really are, if she was in doubt about that.

If you wish to try to continue the charade, you need to apologize to your MIL and make it a good one. Also to your husband. Thats probably not possible for you based on the attitude in all your posts.

It is unbelievable that one could see ones spouse be the recipient of such a generous gift and yet work so hard to create an ongoing family conflict between mother and son out of sheer jealousy or avarice.

It doesnt matter WHAT MIL said or didnt say, her ACTIONS speak for themselves-- SHE GAVE YOUR HUSBAND $1,000!!!!

You are an ungrateful, rude twerp.

Plus any benefit of the doubt in this sich goes to MIL because YOUR HUSBAND CAME OUT OF HER BODY. She carried him for 9 months. Without her, you dont have a husband from whom to cadge his birthday gift in the first place.

You are toxic AF. You dont mention any other marital issues but surely this is merely the tip of a huge iceberg.

I hereby christen your marriage as "The Titanic."

So why should the husband give the benefit of the doubt to his mom over his own wife? I could understand the MIL obviously viewing her own son as more important than the DIL but her own husband should certainly view his wife as more important than his mother and put her first.

But he didn’t even back her up. He, too, was probably embarrassed by her rudeness.

My point in saying that was the other poster implied by saying she pushed him out of her body therefore his mom should be more important and given the benefit of the doubt more than his own wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your comment sounds weird and inappropriate, actually. You either say nothing or you say thank you. Guessing m-i-l doesn’t like you as much as you think she does. It’s not your gift.

So then all those many years she was just faking it. We always gotten along fine. In fact we hung out just the 2 of us before. So I highly doubt if she didn't like me she wouldn't have done that. Yes it was initiated by her.

Families argue and have disagreements it doesn't mean they don't like each other. If everytime family members disagreed it meant they don't like each other we would all be screwed.

Not quite, OP. All these years, you are the one who has been faking it. What you just did in that post is projection. Now your MIL is clear about who you really are, if she was in doubt about that.

If you wish to try to continue the charade, you need to apologize to your MIL and make it a good one. Also to your husband. Thats probably not possible for you based on the attitude in all your posts.

It is unbelievable that one could see ones spouse be the recipient of such a generous gift and yet work so hard to create an ongoing family conflict between mother and son out of sheer jealousy or avarice.

It doesnt matter WHAT MIL said or didnt say, her ACTIONS speak for themselves-- SHE GAVE YOUR HUSBAND $1,000!!!!

You are an ungrateful, rude twerp.

Plus any benefit of the doubt in this sich goes to MIL because YOUR HUSBAND CAME OUT OF HER BODY. She carried him for 9 months. Without her, you dont have a husband from whom to cadge his birthday gift in the first place.

You are toxic AF. You dont mention any other marital issues but surely this is merely the tip of a huge iceberg.

I hereby christen your marriage as "The Titanic."

So why should the husband give the benefit of the doubt to his mom over his own wife? I could understand the MIL obviously viewing her own son as more important than the DIL but her own husband should certainly view his wife as more important than his mother and put her first.

No. OP needs to give the MIL the benefit of the doubt. She is the one who posted, not her husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your comment sounds weird and inappropriate, actually. You either say nothing or you say thank you. Guessing m-i-l doesn’t like you as much as you think she does. It’s not your gift.

So then all those many years she was just faking it. We always gotten along fine. In fact we hung out just the 2 of us before. So I highly doubt if she didn't like me she wouldn't have done that. Yes it was initiated by her.

Families argue and have disagreements it doesn't mean they don't like each other. If everytime family members disagreed it meant they don't like each other we would all be screwed.

Not quite, OP. All these years, you are the one who has been faking it. What you just did in that post is projection. Now your MIL is clear about who you really are, if she was in doubt about that.

If you wish to try to continue the charade, you need to apologize to your MIL and make it a good one. Also to your husband. Thats probably not possible for you based on the attitude in all your posts.

It is unbelievable that one could see ones spouse be the recipient of such a generous gift and yet work so hard to create an ongoing family conflict between mother and son out of sheer jealousy or avarice.

It doesnt matter WHAT MIL said or didnt say, her ACTIONS speak for themselves-- SHE GAVE YOUR HUSBAND $1,000!!!!

You are an ungrateful, rude twerp.

Plus any benefit of the doubt in this sich goes to MIL because YOUR HUSBAND CAME OUT OF HER BODY. She carried him for 9 months. Without her, you dont have a husband from whom to cadge his birthday gift in the first place.

You are toxic AF. You dont mention any other marital issues but surely this is merely the tip of a huge iceberg.

I hereby christen your marriage as "The Titanic."

So why should the husband give the benefit of the doubt to his mom over his own wife? I could understand the MIL obviously viewing her own son as more important than the DIL but her own husband should certainly view his wife as more important than his mother and put her first.

But he didn’t even back her up. He, too, was probably embarrassed by her rudeness.

My point in saying that was the other poster implied by saying she pushed him out of her body therefore his mom should be more important and given the benefit of the doubt more than his own wife.

No one said the MIL was "more important" than the daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were rude. Normally I'd be all married couples are one unit, but in this case you didn't even wait to have a little discussion with your H and decided unilaterally that's how you're going to spend the money, money that was a gift from his mother to him. It's breathtakingly rude. Of course your H was quiet--he's probably upset with your pre-emptively calling the shot here.

+1

[Anonymous]

More important by far then OPS original rude behavior, which could be explained away as being overenthusiastic in the heat of the moment, is her insistence that her husband act as her puppet and force his MIL to apologize to OP. And OPs insistence that she was in the right. That is what shows how toxic OP is.

OP will not be satisfied until her husband cuts off her MIL entirely. She wants vengeance as only a person who knows they were wrong, knows they were properly called out for their misbehavior, can be.

Op, if you want to feud with your MIL, have at it, but stop trying to manipulate your husband into doing your dirty work for you.

You picked this fight op not your husband

You want an apology? YOU ask for it from your MIL. I think you will lose this grudge match because MIL sounds tougher than you and smarter than you.

Dont be such a coward. This is your battle. Fiight it yourself if you feel so righteous.