6th grade DD is being excluded from social events with longtime friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of this drama because parents don't want their kids to be jerks and want them to actually be kids

That has literally nothing to do with what the discussion was about. It was about people acknowledging that the various maturity levels of middle school can affect who the girls want to be friends with, and recognizing that it’s ok if some girls mature more quickly than others. Starting to act older, be more interested in boys, moving away from pretend play - all of this is completely normal. And this discussion is also about understanding that there is only so much the parents can do in a situation like this beyond reminding their daughters to be kind.

You can’t force a friendship that has evolved as the girls grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of this drama because parents don't want their kids to be jerks and want them to actually be kids

That has literally nothing to do with what the discussion was about. It was about people acknowledging that the various maturity levels of middle school can affect who the girls want to be friends with, and recognizing that it’s ok if some girls mature more quickly than others. Starting to act older, be more interested in boys, moving away from pretend play - all of this is completely normal. And this discussion is also about understanding that there is only so much the parents can do in a situation like this beyond reminding their daughters to be kind.

You can’t force a friendship that has evolved as the girls grow up.

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of this drama because parents don't want their kids to be jerks and want them to actually be kids

That has literally nothing to do with what the discussion was about. It was about people acknowledging that the various maturity levels of middle school can affect who the girls want to be friends with, and recognizing that it’s ok if some girls mature more quickly than others. Starting to act older, be more interested in boys, moving away from pretend play - all of this is completely normal. And this discussion is also about understanding that there is only so much the parents can do in a situation like this beyond reminding their daughters to be kind.

You can’t force a friendship that has evolved as the girls grow up.

+1 And “maturing more quickly” is not all about TikTok and crop tops. Many girls get their first periods at 11/12 and it changes their moods and energy levels, which can affect their relationships and what kind of people they want to spend time with. There are hormonal (and perhaps pheremonal) things going on that we can only do so much about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. I don’t think you have to force your kids to play with dolls, but you can prevent her from doing TikTok challenges and letting her a$$ hang out from her microskirt.

Oh wow. The Friday drunk mom moved from the elementary school board to here. Because ANY middle and high school parent know that zero teens are wearing “micro skirts” The style is baggy mom jeans, sweat pants, and crop or sport tops. Go too off your glass sweetie. Keep making a complete a$$ out of yourself.

And i don’t know one 6th grader playing with dolls. I sure didn’t either when I was in 6th grade. Stop babying teens.

6th graders aren't teens, they're kids. In fact, teens are kids as well.

My 6th grader is 12 so I guess they must stay like a child and miraculously turn teen at 13? There is a reason there are tween ages for 4-6th grade

Your kid is really old for the grade.

How? My child was also 12 in 6th grade. Graduated at 18. Isn’t that when most kids graduate? Many red shirts graduate at 19 so there can be 13yr olds in 6th grade too.

My son turned 13 in May of 6th grade.

That's because you held him back a year.

My daughter has a May birthday and started school on time, she will turn 12 in 6th grade.

Did you accidently wander here from the Elementary forum?
This is the Teen forum. No one cares.

Clearly people care or else the thread you were replying to wouldn't exist. Maybe read the entire thread of what you're replying to before posting a stupid response.

No one cares that she sent her kid to school "on time." That didn't sound like the OP. Not sure what it has to do with a thread about friendships.

[Anonymous]

The problem with this thread is that too many people are focused on why this kind of exclusion happens and justifying why their kids may have participated. That’s a topic for another thread.

The point is: what does OP do? How can she help her DD handle what is unquestionably a difficult and upsetting situation. We need to direct our empathy towards OP and her DD, not the girls who are excluding her (even if they deserve empathy and understanding too— it’s just not the point here).

I am u sure how to talk about this with your DD, but my suggestions for easing this are:

- if there are cousins or family friends she gets along with, make an effort to spend more time with them so she gets positive peer experiences to ease what is happening at school
- be very open to enrolling her in any new activity she has any interest in, to see if there might be opportunities for friendships there. This is a good age for trying new things because she’s old enough to try lots of stuff. Get creative. Try sewing classes. Karate. Flying trapeze. Skateboarding. Filmmaking. Throw some money at it. At a minimum it will provide a distraction.

I’m sorry this is happening and whatever the reason, it sounds so hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with this thread is that too many people are focused on why this kind of exclusion happens and justifying why their kids may have participated. That’s a topic for another thread.

The point is: what does OP do? How can she help her DD handle what is unquestionably a difficult and upsetting situation. We need to direct our empathy towards OP and her DD, not the girls who are excluding her (even if they deserve empathy and understanding too— it’s just not the point here).

I am u sure how to talk about this with your DD, but my suggestions for easing this are:

- if there are cousins or family friends she gets along with, make an effort to spend more time with them so she gets positive peer experiences to ease what is happening at school
- be very open to enrolling her in any new activity she has any interest in, to see if there might be opportunities for friendships there. This is a good age for trying new things because she’s old enough to try lots of stuff. Get creative. Try sewing classes. Karate. Flying trapeze. Skateboarding. Filmmaking. Throw some money at it. At a minimum it will provide a distraction.

I’m sorry this is happening and whatever the reason, it sounds so hard.

Really? 19 pages and you think you’re the first to offer that advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with this thread is that too many people are focused on why this kind of exclusion happens and justifying why their kids may have participated. That’s a topic for another thread.

The point is: what does OP do? How can she help her DD handle what is unquestionably a difficult and upsetting situation. We need to direct our empathy towards OP and her DD, not the girls who are excluding her (even if they deserve empathy and understanding too— it’s just not the point here).

I am u sure how to talk about this with your DD, but my suggestions for easing this are:

- if there are cousins or family friends she gets along with, make an effort to spend more time with them so she gets positive peer experiences to ease what is happening at school
- be very open to enrolling her in any new activity she has any interest in, to see if there might be opportunities for friendships there. This is a good age for trying new things because she’s old enough to try lots of stuff. Get creative. Try sewing classes. Karate. Flying trapeze. Skateboarding. Filmmaking. Throw some money at it. At a minimum it will provide a distraction.

I’m sorry this is happening and whatever the reason, it sounds so hard.

While I agree we need another thread about parents who allow their kids to suddenly exclude long-time previous friends because "hormones", this PP is right.

We are still in the thick of it but we did what the pp is saying. Focused our attention on softball friends and girl scout friends, many who don't go to our MS or aren't in the same grade. We also have a neighbor in private school who has been a great friend and my DD has amazing cousins of all ages who have been a great support to her. If not for all of those things I think my DD would be in a true depression. Instead all these great people have helped her to see how TOXIC her previous "friends" were and are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with this thread is that too many people are focused on why this kind of exclusion happens and justifying why their kids may have participated. That’s a topic for another thread.

The point is: what does OP do? How can she help her DD handle what is unquestionably a difficult and upsetting situation. We need to direct our empathy towards OP and her DD, not the girls who are excluding her (even if they deserve empathy and understanding too— it’s just not the point here).

I am u sure how to talk about this with your DD, but my suggestions for easing this are:

- if there are cousins or family friends she gets along with, make an effort to spend more time with them so she gets positive peer experiences to ease what is happening at school
- be very open to enrolling her in any new activity she has any interest in, to see if there might be opportunities for friendships there. This is a good age for trying new things because she’s old enough to try lots of stuff. Get creative. Try sewing classes. Karate. Flying trapeze. Skateboarding. Filmmaking. Throw some money at it. At a minimum it will provide a distraction.

I’m sorry this is happening and whatever the reason, it sounds so hard.

Really? 19 pages and you think you’re the first to offer that advice?

The advice to try new activities or encourage the daughter to make new friends was literally made by the first pages of the thread and by people on all sides of this issue. That isn’t why it became a 19 page thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with this thread is that too many people are focused on why this kind of exclusion happens and justifying why their kids may have participated. That’s a topic for another thread.

The point is: what does OP do? How can she help her DD handle what is unquestionably a difficult and upsetting situation. We need to direct our empathy towards OP and her DD, not the girls who are excluding her (even if they deserve empathy and understanding too— it’s just not the point here).

I am u sure how to talk about this with your DD, but my suggestions for easing this are:

- if there are cousins or family friends she gets along with, make an effort to spend more time with them so she gets positive peer experiences to ease what is happening at school
- be very open to enrolling her in any new activity she has any interest in, to see if there might be opportunities for friendships there. This is a good age for trying new things because she’s old enough to try lots of stuff. Get creative. Try sewing classes. Karate. Flying trapeze. Skateboarding. Filmmaking. Throw some money at it. At a minimum it will provide a distraction.

I’m sorry this is happening and whatever the reason, it sounds so hard.

While I agree we need another thread about parents who allow their kids to suddenly exclude long-time previous friends because "hormones", this PP is right.

We are still in the thick of it but we did what the pp is saying. Focused our attention on softball friends and girl scout friends, many who don't go to our MS or aren't in the same grade. We also have a neighbor in private school who has been a great friend and my DD has amazing cousins of all ages who have been a great support to her. If not for all of those things I think my DD would be in a true depression. Instead all these great people have helped her to see how TOXIC her previous "friends" were and are.

DP. I believe you.

I’m glad that things are better now!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem with this thread is that too many people are focused on why this kind of exclusion happens and justifying why their kids may have participated. That’s a topic for another thread.

The point is: what does OP do? How can she help her DD handle what is unquestionably a difficult and upsetting situation. We need to direct our empathy towards OP and her DD, not the girls who are excluding her (even if they deserve empathy and understanding too— it’s just not the point here).

I am u sure how to talk about this with your DD, but my suggestions for easing this are:

- if there are cousins or family friends she gets along with, make an effort to spend more time with them so she gets positive peer experiences to ease what is happening at school
- be very open to enrolling her in any new activity she has any interest in, to see if there might be opportunities for friendships there. This is a good age for trying new things because she’s old enough to try lots of stuff. Get creative. Try sewing classes. Karate. Flying trapeze. Skateboarding. Filmmaking. Throw some money at it. At a minimum it will provide a distraction.

I’m sorry this is happening and whatever the reason, it sounds so hard.

Really? 19 pages and you think you’re the first to offer that advice?

I know I’m not, I was trying to refocus the thread on OP.

Maybe take a break from the internet for a minute if your immediate response to a well intentioned post is sarcasm and rudeness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of this drama because parents don't want their kids to be jerks and want them to actually be kids

That has literally nothing to do with what the discussion was about. It was about people acknowledging that the various maturity levels of middle school can affect who the girls want to be friends with, and recognizing that it’s ok if some girls mature more quickly than others. Starting to act older, be more interested in boys, moving away from pretend play - all of this is completely normal. And this discussion is also about understanding that there is only so much the parents can do in a situation like this beyond reminding their daughters to be kind.

You can’t force a friendship that has evolved as the girls grow up.

+1 And “maturing more quickly” is not all about TikTok and crop tops. Many girls get their first periods at 11/12 and it changes their moods and energy levels, which can affect their relationships and what kind of people they want to spend time with. There are hormonal (and perhaps pheremonal) things going on that we can only do so much about.

I was one of them(11). Stop using that excuse for your little bully(or your younger self).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of this drama because parents don't want their kids to be jerks and want them to actually be kids

That has literally nothing to do with what the discussion was about. It was about people acknowledging that the various maturity levels of middle school can affect who the girls want to be friends with, and recognizing that it’s ok if some girls mature more quickly than others. Starting to act older, be more interested in boys, moving away from pretend play - all of this is completely normal. And this discussion is also about understanding that there is only so much the parents can do in a situation like this beyond reminding their daughters to be kind.

You can’t force a friendship that has evolved as the girls grow up.

+1 And “maturing more quickly” is not all about TikTok and crop tops. Many girls get their first periods at 11/12 and it changes their moods and energy levels, which can affect their relationships and what kind of people they want to spend time with. There are hormonal (and perhaps pheremonal) things going on that we can only do so much about.

I was one of them(11). Stop using that excuse for your little bully(or your younger self).

Neither my kid, nor I, is or was a bully. My daughter was very much cut out from a group in 6th grade. She weathered it ok and is a good place now where she will not go chasing after friendships that make her feel less than. To ignore the role that hormones play in these dynamics is just foolish, though. Not that it excuses or even explains all of the behavior, but c’mon, to pretend that it’s not a factor is not helping anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of this drama because parents don't want their kids to be jerks and want them to actually be kids

That has literally nothing to do with what the discussion was about. It was about people acknowledging that the various maturity levels of middle school can affect who the girls want to be friends with, and recognizing that it’s ok if some girls mature more quickly than others. Starting to act older, be more interested in boys, moving away from pretend play - all of this is completely normal. And this discussion is also about understanding that there is only so much the parents can do in a situation like this beyond reminding their daughters to be kind.

You can’t force a friendship that has evolved as the girls grow up.

+1 And “maturing more quickly” is not all about TikTok and crop tops. Many girls get their first periods at 11/12 and it changes their moods and energy levels, which can affect their relationships and what kind of people they want to spend time with. There are hormonal (and perhaps pheremonal) things going on that we can only do so much about.

I was one of them(11). Stop using that excuse for your little bully(or your younger self).

I was one of the posters several pages back that posted about periods. You know it changes things. And stop using bullying for everything. My daughter is no longer interested in playing Roblox, jewelry making kits or pretend play with American Girl dolls. She doesn’t get invited to do these things with her friends that are still into it. Do you think she’s being bullied? Does it work both ways? Interests change. Friends drift apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice so far. She is involved in one after school activity that does not include kids from school, and we are encouraging more involvement with that to expand her horizons. She also has some friends in the neighborhood who she sees pretty regularly.

For those that suggest she change schools, she loves the school and is doing very well academically. I'm somewhat resistant to the idea that DD has to uproot her life just because of the mean behavior of others. It's like the harassed employee being the one who is forced to change jobs instead of addressing the harassment. And aren't there mean people everywhere?

DD is a super sensitive kid, who wears her heart on her sleeve. She gets upset easily, which perhaps make her an easy target for the meanness. She can also be very dramatic. But she is kind, funny and a very loyal friend. This is so hard.

OP - I went back and read what you posted on page 1. It’s reminding me of a girl my daughter is friends with. She had stopped hanging out with her as much this school year and I have asked why many times. They are also in 6th grade. She said they are still friends but she’s always causing drama, is always upset over something when they are in a group, and always has some big issue. My daughter is mellow and sometimes wants a drama free time. Could it be something like this? She still sees her friend but doesn’t invite her to big group activities because she ruins it for everyone with her moodiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of this drama because parents don't want their kids to be jerks and want them to actually be kids

That has literally nothing to do with what the discussion was about. It was about people acknowledging that the various maturity levels of middle school can affect who the girls want to be friends with, and recognizing that it’s ok if some girls mature more quickly than others. Starting to act older, be more interested in boys, moving away from pretend play - all of this is completely normal. And this discussion is also about understanding that there is only so much the parents can do in a situation like this beyond reminding their daughters to be kind.

You can’t force a friendship that has evolved as the girls grow up.

+1 And “maturing more quickly” is not all about TikTok and crop tops. Many girls get their first periods at 11/12 and it changes their moods and energy levels, which can affect their relationships and what kind of people they want to spend time with. There are hormonal (and perhaps pheremonal) things going on that we can only do so much about.

I was one of them(11). Stop using that excuse for your little bully(or your younger self).

Neither my kid, nor I, is or was a bully. My daughter was very much cut out from a group in 6th grade. She weathered it ok and is a good place now where she will not go chasing after friendships that make her feel less than. To ignore the role that hormones play in these dynamics is just foolish, though. Not that it excuses or even explains all of the behavior, but c’mon, to pretend that it’s not a factor is not helping anyone.

Did someone say that it isn't a factor? Confused...