17 Year Old Custody Schedule

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

"Dad's time" says it all. DS isn't a human, just an object which is the subject of a contract. If your rented mule won't work on "your time" better beat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

Why not call up the kid and ask?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

Why not call up the kid and ask?

agree. Mom is asking son what the issue is and how it can be resolved. She is acting like a parent to a 17yr old. I don’t know how you enforce 17 yr old to do something they don’t want to. Please provide specific techniques that will get a 17yr old to comply. Hint—it’s not taking away their electronics or picking them up and buckling them in the car. You can tell them they have to go, you can bribe them to go, you can make home life miserable is they don’t go but there really isn’t anything that I know of that can force a 17yr old to do something they don’t want to. Happy to have you provide specific ways to guarantee compliance and prove me wrong.

Why isn’t dad asking his son what the issue is and how it can be resolved? Why isn’t dad acting like a parent of a 17yr old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

Why not call up the kid and ask?

agree. Mom is asking son what the issue is and how it can be resolved. She is acting like a parent to a 17yr old. I don’t know how you enforce 17 yr old to do something they don’t want to. Please provide specific techniques that will get a 17yr old to comply. Hint—it’s not taking away their electronics or picking them up and buckling them in the car. You can tell them they have to go, you can bribe them to go, you can make home life miserable is they don’t go but there really isn’t anything that I know of that can force a 17yr old to do something they don’t want to. Happy to have you provide specific ways to guarantee compliance and prove me wrong.

Why isn’t dad asking his son what the issue is and how it can be resolved? Why isn’t dad acting like a parent of a 17yr old.

+1 The biggest problem that I see in this post is that dad refuses to talk to son directly about this issue and wants mom to enforce a custody schedule made years ago when the kid's preferences have changed. Doesn't bode well for their relationship 6 months from now, when the kid is an adult and can ignore dad if he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

How do you propose she do this. Her son is not a 3 year old she can pick up and buckle into a car seat. He's a 17 year old football player! He's probably a foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier than she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

How do you propose she do this. Her son is not a 3 year old she can pick up and buckle into a car seat. He's a 17 year old football player! He's probably a foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier than she is.

Exactly. PP wants to put this all on mom when the issue here is between DA and xDH. PP must be a deadbeat parent who uses their ex as an excuse for their own faults. Doesn’t matter if PP is the mom or dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

How do you propose she do this. Her son is not a 3 year old she can pick up and buckle into a car seat. He's a 17 year old football player! He's probably a foot taller and a hundred pounds heavier than she is.

Exactly. PP wants to put this all on mom when the issue here is between DA and xDH. PP must be a deadbeat parent who uses their ex as an excuse for their own faults. Doesn’t matter if PP is the mom or dad.

DS not DA

[Anonymous]

Is this mainly a football issue? If so, look at the calendar, determine the conflicts and propose alternative dates for dad to see son. (Really, your son should be doing this.) If dad refuses to adjust the schedule at all, remind him that in a few months son may decide not to see dad at all--Dad should really consider his overall relationship with son as football is important to son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

Why not call up the kid and ask?

agree. Mom is asking son what the issue is and how it can be resolved. She is acting like a parent to a 17yr old. I don’t know how you enforce 17 yr old to do something they don’t want to. Please provide specific techniques that will get a 17yr old to comply. Hint—it’s not taking away their electronics or picking them up and buckling them in the car. You can tell them they have to go, you can bribe them to go, you can make home life miserable is they don’t go but there really isn’t anything that I know of that can force a 17yr old to do something they don’t want to. Happy to have you provide specific ways to guarantee compliance and prove me wrong.

Why isn’t dad asking his son what the issue is and how it can be resolved? Why isn’t dad acting like a parent of a 17yr old.

Because "Dad," and I use the term loosely, is a piece of sh$@ control freak who clearly doesn't want to do any actual parenting and is hanging on to this last tiny bit of tormenting control with his ex. Seen this movie too many times. Hell, I've been in this movie. I'm sorry OP. It's awful. Do what you're doing to hold your breath until your son turns 18, and keep working on them to work it out themselves. And really, you can be honest with your kid about the dynamic without poisoning the well. I know you already know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

Why not call up the kid and ask?

agree. Mom is asking son what the issue is and how it can be resolved. She is acting like a parent to a 17yr old. I don’t know how you enforce 17 yr old to do something they don’t want to. Please provide specific techniques that will get a 17yr old to comply. Hint—it’s not taking away their electronics or picking them up and buckling them in the car. You can tell them they have to go, you can bribe them to go, you can make home life miserable is they don’t go but there really isn’t anything that I know of that can force a 17yr old to do something they don’t want to. Happy to have you provide specific ways to guarantee compliance and prove me wrong.

Why isn’t dad asking his son what the issue is and how it can be resolved? Why isn’t dad acting like a parent of a 17yr old.

Because "Dad," and I use the term loosely, is a piece of sh$@ control freak who clearly doesn't want to do any actual parenting and is hanging on to this last tiny bit of tormenting control with his ex. Seen this movie too many times. Hell, I've been in this movie. I'm sorry OP. It's awful. Do what you're doing to hold your breath until your son turns 18, and keep working on them to work it out themselves. And really, you can be honest with your kid about the dynamic without poisoning the well. I know you already know that.

Amazing how you don't know anything about dad except he will not cave in to the kid's temper tantrum and you are calling him all kinds of names and every thing else. There are two sides to the story and we don't know how much dad was willing or not willing just what mom is saying and she may not have allowed/wanted his involvement. Its two nights a month. Any mom who would say a child partying is more important than seeing their other parent has some serious issues.

He is acting like a parent. He is setting firm boundaries and Mom is sabotaging them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

Why not call up the kid and ask?

agree. Mom is asking son what the issue is and how it can be resolved. She is acting like a parent to a 17yr old. I don’t know how you enforce 17 yr old to do something they don’t want to. Please provide specific techniques that will get a 17yr old to comply. Hint—it’s not taking away their electronics or picking them up and buckling them in the car. You can tell them they have to go, you can bribe them to go, you can make home life miserable is they don’t go but there really isn’t anything that I know of that can force a 17yr old to do something they don’t want to. Happy to have you provide specific ways to guarantee compliance and prove me wrong.

Why isn’t dad asking his son what the issue is and how it can be resolved? Why isn’t dad acting like a parent of a 17yr old.

Because "Dad," and I use the term loosely, is a piece of sh$@ control freak who clearly doesn't want to do any actual parenting and is hanging on to this last tiny bit of tormenting control with his ex. Seen this movie too many times. Hell, I've been in this movie. I'm sorry OP. It's awful. Do what you're doing to hold your breath until your son turns 18, and keep working on them to work it out themselves. And really, you can be honest with your kid about the dynamic without poisoning the well. I know you already know that.

Amazing how you don't know anything about dad except he will not cave in to the kid's temper tantrum and you are calling him all kinds of names and every thing else. There are two sides to the story and we don't know how much dad was willing or not willing just what mom is saying and she may not have allowed/wanted his involvement. Its two nights a month. Any mom who would say a child partying is more important than seeing their other parent has some serious issues.

He is acting like a parent. He is setting firm boundaries and Mom is sabotaging them.

He is not acting like a parent. A parent talks to his kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Dad show up for anything?

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work. But you already know that.

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.

As others have said, this is between dad and his son. Let dad deal with this. He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can. I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing. I’d deal with it once the court date was set.

No, its between the two parents. Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule. If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences. If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok? Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month. The kid should not be going to a party on dads time. Sports practice, yes. Party or friends no.

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month? OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child. It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants. He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends; or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son? She is working around his schedule and his activities. Why should dad be any different?

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different? Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things. Its two nights a month.

Why not call up the kid and ask?

agree. Mom is asking son what the issue is and how it can be resolved. She is acting like a parent to a 17yr old. I don’t know how you enforce 17 yr old to do something they don’t want to. Please provide specific techniques that will get a 17yr old to comply. Hint—it’s not taking away their electronics or picking them up and buckling them in the car. You can tell them they have to go, you can bribe them to go, you can make home life miserable is they don’t go but there really isn’t anything that I know of that can force a 17yr old to do something they don’t want to. Happy to have you provide specific ways to guarantee compliance and prove me wrong.

Why isn’t dad asking his son what the issue is and how it can be resolved? Why isn’t dad acting like a parent of a 17yr old.

Because "Dad," and I use the term loosely, is a piece of sh$@ control freak who clearly doesn't want to do any actual parenting and is hanging on to this last tiny bit of tormenting control with his ex. Seen this movie too many times. Hell, I've been in this movie. I'm sorry OP. It's awful. Do what you're doing to hold your breath until your son turns 18, and keep working on them to work it out themselves. And really, you can be honest with your kid about the dynamic without poisoning the well. I know you already know that.

Amazing how you don't know anything about dad except he will not cave in to the kid's temper tantrum and you are calling him all kinds of names and every thing else. There are two sides to the story and we don't know how much dad was willing or not willing just what mom is saying and she may not have allowed/wanted his involvement. Its two nights a month. Any mom who would say a child partying is more important than seeing their other parent has some serious issues.

He is acting like a parent. He is setting firm boundaries and Mom is sabotaging them.

No, dad is sabotaging himself by being a selfish parent who is unwilling to modify his schedule and not having a relationship with his 17.5 year old son where they can talk through issues. The son doesn't want to see the dad. That wasn't manufactured by the mom. You seem convinced that everything is Mom's fault, but she's trying to get the son to see the dad, if only so she doesn't have to go back to court.

[Anonymous]

Most of the Dad's I know are showing up at their 17 year old kid's basketball and football games. I don't know of any that are doing the every other weekend thing.