Reply to 17 Year Old Custody Schedule

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does Dad show up for anything?[/quote]

OP here: yes, he goes to a few football games each season, but not all.

He sporadically goes to band concerts, but usually can’t or won’t make it during the work week.

We haven’t really had parent teacher conferences since elementary school, so it’s been a long time since he’s been to those.

I can’t think of anything else. He complains a lot about the driving (which is annoying because he’s the one who moved…). He would never, ever drive DS to a friend’s house or anything like that on “his” weekend.

My ex does seem to want to spend time with DS, but only at his house and on his terms. He would never drive down here just for a midweek dinner with DS or something like that.[/quote]

You ex doesn’t want a relationship with DS where he has to put in the work.  But you already know that.[/quote]

OP here: sure, those thoughts have crossed my mind.

But it doesn’t matter if I think my ex is not always a stellar father, or that I think he could do things better/differently. He’s still my DS’s dad, and there’s still a court order that has to be followed until spring.

If my ex seeks an emergency hearing over this, I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’ll have to represent myself pro se, I guess. The thought of it makes me sick.[/quote]

As others have said, this is between dad and his son.  Let dad deal with this.  He can’t make him get in the car anymore than you can.  I’d take my chances and let ex file the emergency hearing.  I’d deal with it once the court date was set.  [/quote]

No, its between the two parents.  Dad already compromised and reduced the schedule.  If child doesn't follow the rules there needs to be consequences.  If kid doesn't want to go to school, you just say ok?  Doesn't want to shower or do homework, that's ok?[/quote]

He did not compromise. He refused to take his son to practice on Saturday. On his day he is responsible for taking DS to school and other social activities if the kid doesn’t have a car.[/quote]

Dad get less than 48 hours with the child at a time twice a month.  The kid should not be going to a party on dads time.  Sports practice, yes.  Party or friends no.  [/quote]

Who is dictating that dad gets less than 48 hours with the child twice a month?  OP has not said that that is the only time dad is allowed to spend with the child.  It seems that dad is welcome to spend more time with the child if he wants.  He could pick him up after practice and go to dinner; pick him up after work and talk about his day; offer to host son and his friends;  or do any of the other activities that mom does.

How do you think mom is currently engaging with her son?  She is working around his schedule and his activities.  Why should dad be any different?[/quote]

If the kid is refusing to fit dad into his social schedule, you think he'd agree to different?  Mom needs to be a parent and enforce the visit just like she does school and other things.  Its two nights a month.  [/quote]

Why not call up the kid and ask?[/quote]

agree.  Mom is asking son what the issue is and how it can be resolved.  She is acting like a parent to a 17yr old.  I don’t know how you enforce  17 yr old to do something they don’t want to.  Please provide specific techniques that will get a 17yr old to comply.  Hint—it’s not taking away their electronics or picking them up and buckling them in the car.  You can tell them they have to go, you can bribe them to go, you can make home life miserable is they don’t go but there really isn’t anything that I know of that can force a 17yr old to do something they don’t want to.  Happy to have you provide specific ways to guarantee compliance and prove me wrong.

Why isn’t dad asking his son what the issue is and how it can be resolved?  Why isn’t dad acting like a parent of a 17yr old.[/quote]

+1  The biggest problem that I see in this post is that dad refuses to talk to son directly about this issue and wants mom to enforce a custody schedule made years ago when the kid's preferences have changed.  Doesn't bode well for their relationship 6 months from now, when the kid is an adult and can ignore dad if he wants.[/quote]

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